Playlist
by Shadow Storyteller
Summary: Discontinued
1. Welcome to the Black Parade

**Would the owner of D. Gray-man really be writing fanfiction? _Really?_**

**Personal disclaimer: any and all opinions on music are not meant to offend.**

"_I used to be love drunk,  
>But now I'm hungover,<br>Love you forever,  
>Forever is over!<em>"

"Shut up!" my guardian yells, throwing a hammer that I narrowly miss at my head. "Sing some oldies already, not your crappy pop music!"

"It's not pop!" I scream over the blasting music. "It's alternate rock!" God _forbid_ I listen to pop! Well, Avril Lavigne can be pretty good, but, other than her, there are few pop songs I would be caught dead listening to and fewer I'd be caught alive. Just to piss Cross off more, I resume where the song is.

_"There's just one thing would make me say-__  
><em>

Holy crap! My bedroom door bangs open, making me jump high enough to hit my head off the ceiling. My crazy, red head, tone-deaf guardian by law stands with the barrel of his gun aimed for my head. I doubt it's loaded right now, but it's still scary to have a gun pointed at you. "One more note," he warns, "and I will pump you full of lead." His eye that isn't covered by the creepy mask on his face narrows behind his glasses. I nod quickly, not exhaling until my door closes behind him.

Bored now that I can't sing or play the small electric keyboard in the corner of my room (he said one more note, after all), I flop on the midnight blue comforter on my bed. The springs creak familiarly under me. Ol' Reliable has been through five moves and is still going strong. At least there's one constant thing that's mine.

I groan and roll over so my face is in the cool wall. I lightly bang my head off it as I remember why I was singing in the first place: I have school tomorrow. To be more specific, my eighth school in my fifteen years of life in a dinky town about and hour from Pittsburgh.

Hell, to put it simply.

For some reason Cross will not disclose to me- probably having to do with whores, money, and/or debt/tax collectors- we have moved from Chicago to here: a one story house with two bed rooms, a kitchen, a living room, and a garage. Notice the lack of bathroom in that description? Good. There's an outhouse and some trees out back. We put the toilet paper on a shelf near the back door. Fun, right? Can't wait for winter.

"Teenage Dream" starts playing, making my ears bleed internally and a cat die somewhere. Reluctantly, I roll out of bed so I can remove my charging ipod, named Crown Clown due to the awesome picture of a clown with a crown etched on it, and plug it into the small but working stereo.

I click shuffle and "Fighting" by Yellowcard blares from the old speakers I found in someone's garbage that we passed on the way here. So wasteful.

What to do now? Everything's basically unpacked except for one more box. Might as well finish up.

I sing softy along as I open the last box labeled 'books' sitting on my floor.

"Do you want to die," Cross yells, "because when I said I'd pump you full of lead, I firmly intended to leave you alive long enough for lead poisoning to take affect!" Damn inhuman hearing. There's a new slur is in his voice. There goes the food budget; better go hid the tax money before he gets that too. The books are going to have to wait.

+…+

"You just couldn't wait to finish me off," I choke out to Cross as I try and get the horrible taste of his food off my dying taste buds. "Was poison really necessary?" My chair scraps on he old tiles as I quickly move to the sink. I spit into the sink, grimacing as the horrible taste continues to burn. Water! I need water!

"Shut the hell up." His apathetic voice irks me. "That had to be one of the gayest spits I have ever had the misfortune to hear."

Well, screw you too. I clench my jaw, and instead respond, "I'm half gay, what do you want from me?" I grab the cold handle on the sink and turn it on full blast, gulping down the water as fast as I can. That's much better.

I can hear Cross finish the soup that probably has fish eyes mixed in. "About one hundred bucks would be awesome." He moves over to the sink I'm still bent over and drops the hard bowl close enough to my face to surprise me. Ulp! The water went down the wrong pipe! I come up coughing and shut the water off. "And by 'would be' I meant 'give me the money now.'" He is just so subtle and concerned.

I make sure to keep my expression neutral as I grab the money in back pocket of my jeans- the safest place in the whole house to keep money- and I turn over the amount Cross wanted. "Here, go die in a gutter."

"But then who would take care of your sorry ass?" Cross responds, eyes on his money as he flips though the bills. I have to force myself not to laugh at the irony. I could probably buy France with the amount of money he spends and _I _need _him _to take care of _me_? Stupider words have never been muttered. Well, except for 'Justin Bieber is an awesome singer.'

"Don't blow up the house while I'm gone, idiot." He turns his back on me and walks away without even a 'thanks' or 'goodbye.' The front door slams, the sound of an engine starting up a few minutes later. Silence falls, but I can't relax. With Cross blowing that much money in one night so soon after moving, I definitely need to gamble soon.

Quick as I can, gather all the dirty dishes and load them in the dishwasher. I then run to my room to retrieve my 'kit' for gambling just in case I come across a lively location to gamble. I plan on tonight being more of a recon then a betting night, but you never some extra wouldn't be bad. Depending on how hard homework is I might not be able to gamble as much as I had before.

Talk about a school with one braincell between everyone.

Making sure to lock the beat up front door behind me and my jacket and gloves are securely on, I take a deep breath before walking out onto the unfamiliar road. At least I know the general direction of town and can't get that lost. A scenic route at this time wouldn't be that welcome.

Town isn't that far away, about fifteen minutes tops if I'm jogging and cutting through yards if the road is completely out of the way, but it is _huge_. Well, it's bigger than I expected, which isn't much. Toy, book, clothe, and- more importantly- music and food stores all line up in a straight line on the sides of the road. A few apartments, as well as some clubs, are also scattered in the line. I pass a few shops that sell alcohol as well.

Note to self: set fire to those stores. It should be a pretty impressive firework show with all the alcohol in there. Thank god there's a pharmacy and small hospital here as well. We've only needed serious medical attention twice since I've been with Cross, but it's reassuring it know it's there.

I stop outside a building obviously used for gambling, light smoke drifting from the windows. The weeping grown men with only their underwear on outside is a telltale sign. It's an old and beat-up place, out of the way from the main part of town most people probably stick to. In other words, the perfect place for some quick cash.

An alleyway separating this building and the bar next door serve as my cover to change. My white hair and scar make me too easy to remember, no matter how hammered a person is, so I have my handy kit.

I grab a pony tail holder and some clips to pull back my hair and keep my fringe back before pulling out a brown wig close to my original color before it turned white. Cover up is carefully applied over my scar. I'm especially sure to avoid putting it in my wig. It's kind of a dead give away.

Dusk has fallen, making the task harder than it needs to be, but I manage. My shirt, a black tee with the out line of a white top hat in the center, is tucked into my beginning to get too small jeans and is covered with a plaid, untucked button up to give me a more inexperienced look. I could so be in the CIA with all this undercover stuff I have to do to keep from being killed by collectors.

The bell above me rings as I walk in. Smoke immediately crawls in my nose along with the stench of beer, but doesn't affect me too much. This is one of the few times I'm glad to live with Cross. Multiple tables are set up with a game going at each one. Most look to be poker games, but a few are Texas Hold 'Em. Groans, along with shouts of victory, reach my ears every few minutes. I make a beeline for the table closest to the door that has a poker game going.

Four guys are playing with a thick crowd around them. I don't fight through the crowd, just gradually move forward as each hand passes. When I do get to the front, I don't sit down in an open chair. Instead, I hover around like a puppy eager for someone, anyone, to throw him a bone.

"Kid, do you know how to play?"

Hook.

I make my eyes widen in what should be a shocked expression, then look around as if some other teenager would be in a building that could advertise bad decisions in life. "Me?" I ask, pointing to myself and trying not to laugh. I probably look like an idiot. A man with a teal colored hat nods impatiently. I slowly lower myself to the chair.

Line.

"Do you know how to play?" His voice is raspy, like he swallowed a pail of nails. I make sure to pause before answering.

"A little."

Teal Hat's mouth moves to a smile closer to a smirk than an actual grin. He thinks I'm easy money. "Tell you what," he starts, pulling the half gone cigarette from his chapped lips, "play a round for free to get the hang of it." I nod, trying not to let an evil grin make an appearance on my face. Yet.

A hand later, I lose as expected. My luck is horrible,. The man tries to act sympathetic around his smile, but it just doesn't work. "Bad luck," he supplies, flipping through the cash he just won. "Want to try again?

"Okay…"

And sinker.

+15 minutes later+

"He can't be human!" A man that _used_ to have a teal hat screams as he runs out of the building. Every eye turns to me. I stifle down the feeling of fear at so many eyes, shuffle the cards in a way that only few can do, and adjust my new hat on my head. I let my evil smile free, meeting a few pairs of eyes. "Anyone else?" I ask innocently.

I have never seen a building clear out so fast.

Shrugging, I pocket the money, securing my food budget for the next week or two. With no one willing to verse me, I might as well leave. The chair slides silently on the ground as I get up. People give me the familiar evil eye as I leave. Ah, memories.

The fresh air outside is a nice change from the dense smoke screen I was in, but it's gotten even darker out. Only a few streetlights lend me light, and seeing as I can get lost in a _mall_, this will not be easy. Good thing I always have Crown Clown with me.

+1 hour later+

Ah! I passed that same building two songs ago! Why is the town's lay out so confusing? I already took my wig and button up off, but the make up probably still covers my scar. I did the best I could to get it off, but I can't see _that_ well in the dark. Ugh, my face feels crusty already.

"_Hey!_" I stop walking. "_HEY!" _There it is again. I pop the left ear bud out and turn around.

A boy with red hair held up by a bandana is coming towards me, a pile of papers in his hand. He has a jacket, a tee with a hammer pattern covering his shirt, and shorts on. Walking contradiction much? It's October! "You've been passed here a couple times," he tells me. Genius, I didn't notice. "Need a ride somewhere?"

Get in a car with a stranger? "Shouldn't you offer me candy if you're kidnapping me?"

He laughs. "So my eye candy isn't good enough?" Now that we're closer together, I can see he only has one shining green- not emerald like some love-sick girl would say- eye. An eye patch covers the other. I feel my curiosity peek. I wonder what happened there.

Some of the papers he's holding flutter out of his hand as the wind blows. "Shit," he mumbles. I bend down to help him and notice 'Help Wanted." Curious, I stand up and move to the nearest streetlight to read it.

The poster has a keyboard (the music kind) and crazy flashes of lighting bolts. It's chaotic with all the details on it, but catches your eye.

**HELP WANTED**

**Can you play keyboard? Contact ZoNE if interested.**

**Hot females are preferred, but anyone with a normal attention span will do.**

**(724-***-****)**

The lettering is done in a crazy way as well. The _y _on _keyboard_ has piano keys coming out of it, and the _o_ in _ZoNE _has what seems to be a cross in it. The line above the phone number is scribbled on like it wasn't originally part of the design. I bet the money I just won that this red head put that on there.

"You interested?" I jump and spin around, only to clonk heads with the guy. He holds out his hand for the poster and I give it over. "Do you play?"

Play what? …Oh! "Yes. Guitar and clarinet also." I swear the stranger looks like I just gave him a winning lottery ticket. Or porn. He seems like a porn kind of guy.

"Awesome!" He grabs my hand and shakes it. "Come on new member, I'll give you a ride home while we-"

I rip my hand from his grasp, ants running on my skin. It was the disfigured one. Not that he can see it, but I'm really touché about my arm. No one touches it. _Ever_. Besides, I never said I'd join. It just wouldn't work with my stage fright. Not that I'm going to tell a complete stranger that. "I don't even know your name," I reason.

"Lavi Deak." Wow, not even an ounce of hesitation of telling a stranger his name. "I'm the guitarist and vocalist of ZoNE."

He waits expectantly for my name, looking start into my eyes. It's a little disconcerting, like he'll know if I lie. "I'm Allen Walker." Personal bank for Marian Cross. I hold my hand out for him to shake.

Lavi snaps his fingers, ignoring the gesture. "You're the new kid! Going to Gray High tomorrow, right?" How did- "I was in the office for some prank I was framed for," he answers as if reading my mind, "and saw a file sitting on the principal's desk. I just happened to knock it to the ground and read the pages I picked up." By the smirk in his face, I strongly doubt he was framed or knocked my file down by accident.

"Okay…well…excuse me then." I walk in the opposite direction of this Lavi guy. He seems strange. Not someone I want to mix with.

A hand grasps my shoulder. "But what about the band~!" he whines. "Don't you want to know where practice-"

I hold up my hand to silence him. Guess it's time for bluntness. "I never said I was joining your band. Please let it go." Shrugging him off my shoulder, I start walking again. Sure, I have no idea where the hell I am or going, but its better than building this guy's hopes up.

"See ya later, Allen~!" His voice echoes on the buildings as I turn Crown Clown back on. He sounds so sure of himself.

+20 minutes later+

This town is endless! I passed this building already! Wait, this is where...

Lavi is waiting for me. "Back again, new member?" Damn my horrible sense of direction. It will get me killed someday. "My offer of a ride still stands," he bribes.

I sigh. Stay out here where a hobo can rob me or go with the hyper red head? "Where's your car?" Once again, the child like smile springs to his face. He starts walking of into the night...where it's hard to see what's happening. When Lavi sees I'm not following, he makes a gesture that obviously means 'come on.' I eye him. Hmm...I could take him in a fight. Shivering, I start towards him.

Lavi's car is old and beat up, but has character. A long scratch on my side of the door has been accented with colors instead of covered up. It contracts well with the faded blue paint covering…whatever kind of car this is. I don't know cars and am not going to learn anytime soon. The handle is firm when I open the door (so it's not as bad as it looks) and climb inside. I give him the directions to a street near my house that I'm positive I can find my way home from.

I'm not letting him know where I live. Think about it. Lavi showing up every day to get me for practice. From the sounds of it I'll have to avoid him at school. Why add another location?

To my surprise, his car is really tidy on the inside. There are no magazines or porn, but the scent of books does float in the air The warm air that hits me in the face as the old car turns on isn't unwelcome, but the sound that blasts from the speakers is.

_"Stop asking me questions_  
><em>I'd hate to see you cry<em>  
><em>Mama, we're all gonna die"<em>

My Chemical Romance. Wasn't expecting that. There are worse things that could've come on, like Miley Cyrus. I would've thrown myself out of the car had "Party in the USA" come on

Lavi starts singing along, not bothering to turn down the volume. What the heck? Is he trying to make me deaf? At least it's almost over.

His voice... is deeper than mine, but carries the notes very well. It makes perfect sense that he would sing in his band. It does have a kind of charisma about it that makes you want to listen. Girls won't even have to see his face to want to marry this guy. He's perfect material to get signed.

Too bad I can't perform.

_"So raise your glass high_  
><em>For tomorrow we die<em>  
><em>And return from the ashes you call!"<em>

As the song finishes, I notice Lavi unplug his ipod from the AUV and pop in a CD instead, catching my interest. "What's that? Fall Out Boy? Yellowcard? Paramore?"

Lavi looks at me with approval almost leaking from his eye. "All awesome choices, but no. Glad we got a member with good taste in music for once." I watch him fiddle with the buttons on the built-in CD player for a few seconds. The clock under it reads 9:50.

This silence is awkward. What to talk about.

"So is the position in your band recent or what? Who'd you have in the past?" I'm not interested, just making conversation.

Who am I kidding? That voice! I want to play with that voice so bad!

"Let's see…there was Toma, who was a pretty good drummer but had to move away. Mei-Ling, who was epic with an acoustic, but ran away with the circus to tell fortunes." Lavi is still fiddling with the CD player as we talk, trying to get it on the right track as he talks to me.

"Mimi," he continues, slamming the player when it spits the CD back out, "who flirted with every guy that came with in a mile. Couldn't do much and quit when our drummer chewed her out." He chuckles. "Lastly, Lala. Her voice was just wow." I give him a look. 'Wow' doesn't tell me much. "She could even rival Amy Lee. Her grandpa, Guzol, died, and she was so depressed she stopped singing." He sighs heavy. "I miss her the most.

"Those are the main people important enough to have a place in my giant mess of a mind," Lavi concludes, throwing the CD he had when he finds out it's apparently the wrong one. "Most others where scared away by our sour puss of a drummer before a month." His eye meets mine, and an easy smile comes to his face. "You should be fine. You look like you take crap from no one. Can't wait till you start.

A sigh escapes me. Time for my last resort. Confession time. "Lavi, I can't join your band." Oh, great. Now he looks like a kicked puppy. "It's not that I don't _want _to," I quickly explain, "I just have a horrible case of stage fright." I know I'll let them down when I get on a stage and pass out from shallow breathing.

Music is awesome, and one of the reasons I hadn't given up the clarinet. Marching band is one of the few places you could put other instruments together and make a song. It's magic, learning your part then hearing it with another. Nothing compares. Being in an actual band... that's on top of my Christmas list, just under 'Cross pays own debts' and 'debts go away.' It's above 'get a girl/boyfriend' though.

Some may say my priorities are messed up. After living with Cross for a few years, I'm just glad 'Cross murdered with crowbar in the kitchen' isn't in my top twenty.

"Are we talking 'weak knee' stage fright," Lavi starts, ticking off the kinds of stage fright on his hand as he stops at a stop sign, "'vomit' stage fright, 'everyone can read my mind' stage fright-"

"'Passing out backstage when a fan catches your eye as you peek out from behind the curtain' stage fright," I answer. That's just toning it down. "Wait, 'everyone can read my mind' stage fright?" Never heard of that one before.

"When you stand in front of a crowd and start listening to your thoughts. They seem loud to you, so you wonder if others can hear it," he explains, and then let's put a cry of victory when he finds the right track. He silences me when he starts the CD player. There's some static as first, then talking.

"Ready Yu-chan?" Lavi's voice, high and teasing, comes out of the speakers.

"Shut up!" an angry voice yells in response. Some shuffling and a yelp of pain, probably from the red head himself.

"Come on guys!" A pretty female voice comes out now, too. Now a bang.

"Wha-" I start. Lavi waves his hand to cut me off. "Just wait, it's coming."

More shuffling, then silence. I cast an eye at the driving Lavi, but he's focused on the road. His hands are clenching the wheel in what looks to be anticipation."One, two, three, four!"

A tap off sounds. A drumbeat accompanied by an electric guitar sounds with a bass slowly gaining in the background. "**Boom!**" the drums sound before the guitars come in again. The rhythm comes back, but is suddenly cut off to play another one a few seconds in. It sounds...strange. Incomplete.

_"You keep calling it a crash and burn, _Lavi's voice fills the car.  
><em>"Just wait your turn you might have time to speak<em>  
><em>There barely was a lesson learned<em>  
><em>Cause in return no favors back to me"<em>

I notice my back has become straighter like it does every time I'm interested in something, and my head is leaning forward in an attempt to hear better. Lavi turns it up without looking.

_I'm sure __it tasted oh so sweet_  
><em>But it was never good enough for me<em>  
><em>I bit the tongue behind my teeth<em>  
><em>It was never good enough for me!"<em>

The rythm cuts off for a moment before coming back full steam for the chorus._  
><em>

_"You said you always keep your word_  
><em>Show me what you're after<em>  
><em>I thought you promised me the world<em>  
><em>Tell me what you're after<em>  
><em>Go on and take it way to far<em>  
><em>Cause here we are waiting once again<em>  
><em>You said you always keep your word<em>  
><em>Show me what you're after<em>  
><em>Just a little faster"<em>

"That's the chorus!" Lavi yells over the music. Really? Couldn't tell. I nod my head before tuning back to the song. As the next verse starts, I notice that it seems to be missing something the whole time, not just at the beginning, like a space has been left for someone to fill.

"_Just a little faster," _Lavi's voice slurs beautifully, taking the attention I have on the instruments as they decrease in speed and fixing in on him. Man I love that voice.

_"Hold your breath now the bad blood's wearing thin._  
><em>From the pain that settles in when we learn too much to<em> soon."  
>The drums kick it up from just the steady pulse of the pedal and add more flare as Lavi repeats.<p>

_Hold your breath now the bad blood's wearing thin_  
><em>From the pain that settles in when we learn too much"<em>

"_(Too soon)"_ a deeper voice echoes, sounding a bit off as it conflicts with lead singer's voice. It's not bad- they can get away with it- but should be higher. Not female, but higher.

The chorus repeats, all the energy from the first time present. Lavi's voice shows no sign of tiring or loosing volume. Impressive.

_It was never good enough for me_  
><em>Show me what you're after<em>  
><em>Just a little faster"<em>

The drum finishes off the song well with the abrut stop right after the last words are sung. There's cheering, but that's cut off sharply as the recording is stopped. The driver and I sit in silence, the night passing by swiftly. Wasn't it a short walk to town? I must've been more lost then I thought.

"So…how was it?" Lavi's voice is flat, braced for insult. I frown mentally. Serious really doesn't suit him well. The somber expression on his face is as out of place as it would be on Cross. "That bad, huh?" Damn, I waited to long to say something! "I know we aren't the best-"

I start applauding to get him to shut up. It's all I got as I try to find the words. "What do you mean? That was epic! It sounded like you needed another instrument in there, but _wow_! Your voice and the drums...just wow!" I finish lamely. 'Wow' can't even begin to sum up the music they created. "Who wrote it?"

I can see Lavi flush in the dim lighting from around us as he answers, "Me. I wrote a part for another guitar, specifically rhythm guitar, and I've been looking for someone for a month. You could tell it was missing."

"Yeah," I answer truthfully. "And the echo voice needed to be higher but still a male voice." Lavi nods thoughtfully, like he's actually committing my feedback to memory.

"Anything else?" he asks. When I shake my head, he smiles and asks, "Ready to join?"

Can't he get it through his head I'm not joining? "I told you-"

"Yeah, yeah. You have stage fright." He stops the car and stares me down. "How come you were fine gambling in public?"

I'm not looking in a mirror, but I'm positive a shocked expression is on my face. Is he a stalker? Oh man! I inch towards the door. "How-"

"Your eyes." Lavi supplies as if it answers everything. "Not many people have gray eyes. Plus, I saw you walk out of the building where the guy ran screaming, 'He can't be human!' when I was hanging my posters near by. I followed you and saw you take of the wig." He shrugs, like he stalks people every day. "So, tell me the real reason."

I sigh. "It's different in front of those people. They aren't judging me, I am extremely confident in my gambling ability..." An evil chuckle escapes me, and I think I feel the flames of hell lap at my back for a moment. "And I'm just so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore," I finish, letting the flame of hell sink back to Satan.

"But if you got used to it-"

I shake my head. "It took me over a year. A long year."

Lavi sighs heavily. "Too bad. You're in. And I will cure you of your fear." He unlocks the my door, which I didn't even know was locked, and tells me, "You don't have to hide where you live." With a jolt, I realize he's sitting in the tiny driveway of my new house. Man, is he a stalker or what?

"You'll met everyone tomorrow," he continues, either ignoring or not noticing my discomfort. "Y- er, Kanda, the drummer, is a junior, and Lenalee, Bass, is a sophomore like me." Lenalee…the name seems familiar.

Lavi backs out of the driveway as soon as I slam my door and backs up so he can look at me through the window of his car. "I'm not a stalker, by the way."

I snort. "Could've fooled me." One more smile, this time with a hint of wickedness, and he pulls into the driveway of the house _beside_ me. The car's ignition stops, and my neighbor climbs out and waves. "See you tomorrow, new member!"

"I'm not joining," I say. It's not loud enough for him hear. I'm exhausted and don't have the heart to fight the useless battle. Maybe the rest of ZoNE will understand and convince him.

The house is empty when I walk in. Thank god! It means Cross probably took tonight's slut in some hotel room and I won't have to hear it through the paper thin walls. Seriously, the fact I still have a sex drive, no matter how small, is a miracle.

I can read the time on he clock above the couch. It's already 10:30! I was out longer than I thought. A groan escapes me. I have school tomorrow. Joy.

I do my usual routine of brushing my teeth, washing my face (no one likes pimples), and striping down to my boxers. Since it's getting cold out, I'll have to actually put on PJ pants, which will take up room in the wash. I climb under my comforter and snuggle into my pillow.

Only when I'm on the edge of sleep do I realize there's no way it should've taken Lavi that long to drive me home. I got in his car around 9:50 if his clock was right. He had to of driven around the block a couple of times for me to have sung with him, talked, listened to his band, and then talked again.

Maybe there's more to him than a hyper happy red head…

+The next morning+

"Bloody hell!" I yell as my vision unblurs long enough for me to read the clock. I forgot to set my alarm last night! My mind was too preoccupied with the band idea and Lavi.

I met him yesterday and he's already causing me trouble. Great.

Having only slept in my underwear last night, I'm able to strip down quickly to take a quick shower. The shower itself is small and tucked into a corner, so I take a flashlight with me. Shampoo runs in my eye as I try to wash my hair and body at the same time, and then I slip on the tiles in the kitchen when I try to hurry and grab some clothes.

Today is off to a great start.

I pull on clean boxers- at least I think they're clean- and some jeans that still fit me as I brush my teeth. I set my toothbrush down on the dresser near by and pull my favorite t-shirt over my head: a piano with a human shaped shadow behind it on a white shirt. It's covered up somewhat when I put a black jacket on, but the worn fabric is reassuring. I grab my gloves, book bag, Crown Clown, and my clarinet case and am out the door, making sure to lock it behind me.

And that is how Allen Walker gets ready in less than twenty minutes with minor bruising. Hold your applause.

My house is located a few lawns down from a four way pass, so the bus picks everyone up where the roads meet. I can see the yellow vehicle coming in between the houses and up my pace to a sprint. I don't know if I can make it! The driver must catch sight of me, because the bus waits for me.

"Sorry!" I puff out as I stumble onto the bus. "Forgot-gasp-my alarm-gasp!" I can feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

The driver, a man with fair hair and a soft face, smiles at me. "Don't worry about it. You should thank the young man in the back," he adds, pointing to the back on the bus. "He saw you coming."

"Thanks." I scan the back for my savior, but don't need to look long.

"Allen!" a familiar voice calls out as the owner stands up. Resisting the urge to facepalm, I slowly make my way towards the mostly empty back of the bus where a Lavi way too happy for the morning is waiting for me.I can feel everyone looking at me from their seats.

Don't run, just walk faster. Running will make more people look.

Instead of sitting next to Lavi like he signals to, I sit behind him. He turns around and gives me the wounded puppy look.

"Nothing personal, I'm just tired and your wake," I explain. I am not a morning person. "Plus, I was busy thinking about a certain red head and the band he's making me join, so I forgot to set my alarm."

Lavi grins at me. "I have that effect on people." He flips his hair dramatically with his hand. "So your gay?"

"Half gay." More like three-fourths, but whatever. I tend to lean more towards guys, but girls are good, too.

"A half rounds to a whole," Lavi responds mischievously.

I cock an eyebrow. "What if I say I'm half straight?"

He shrugs. "Math is for losers. I, myself, am so gay I'm straight." He points to my clarinet case. "Is that your clarinet?"

No, it's a bomb. I hold back the smart-ass comment. No use making someone hate me before I even get to school. I settle for a nod coupled with a smile and hope he turns around. No such luck.

"Oh yeah, can I see your schedule? Maybe we have something together!" Have I mentioned I'm not a morning person? He is way too hyper. Maybe he chugged some coffee before he got on.

I pull out the small binder I always keep with me (it has all of Cross' debts, my shopping lists, and to do's) and hand him my prison sentence- I mean, schedule. The last school I went to had double periods, so I'm relieved to find out I only have to suffer science for 45 minutes instead of 90. My strange neighbor starts making noises as he reads my schedule. There are equal amounts of groaning and little _yes_'s under his breath. I don't know which I'm more scared of.

"I play trumpet, and Lenalee plays flute. You'll get to meet her first period. Our drummer has band during a different period, so you won't meet him till…" he scans the paper again, "lunch." A smile. "Try not to tick him off if you get there before Lenalee or me. We lose more friends that way."

The bus suddenly stops making Lavi jerk forward a little. "Sorry!" the bus driver's yell comes from the front. "I forgot we had this stop!"

"Do it again!" Lavi yells, eyes gleaming. Maybe I was wrong about there being more to him. He starts bouncing up and down in his seat chanting, "Do it again!"

No, I was wrong. He has the mental capability of a five year old on sugar with a flamethrower.

When nothing happens, Lavi sighs and turns back around to face me. The look in his eye...what is it? He looks happy and awake, but his eyes look dog-tired. The smile he had as he jumped...it looked forced. What exactly is he? A five-year-old or not?

Lavi consults my schedule again before continuing. "Anyway, you'll be in Pre-Physical Science with me, by yourself in Geometry, and Lenalee and I will see you again in Honors English." I nod when Lavi looks pauses to look up at me. "Lunch is the only class we all have together, then you'll be alone again in Science Strategies."

"The most pointless class in the world," I mumble under my nods his head in agreement before continuing.

"Lenalee will then be with you in Honors Civics and Computers, and I'll see you in last in swimming." He smiles at me, gets higher on his knees so I can see him better, and gestures suggestively at his body. "Don't fall for me when you see my rock hard abs." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Only ladies get to touch, but I'll let you watch for free." Like I'd want to.

The bus stops suddenly again. Another 'sorry' echoes from the front of the bus. This time, Lavi, who is still on his knees, flips over the back of his seat, causing him to do a face plant into my lap. Of course his momentum doesn't stop there. He keeps flipping over so his butt slams into my face, making the back of my head collide on the back of my seat and my cheeks heat up slightly. You would too if some random person's butt was in your face. Lavi slips down a little more, letting me breath fesh air. His legs are spread on either side of my head, and his face is almost under the seat.

Instead of quickly moving like a normal person would after popping someone's personal bubble, he crosses his arms and smiles- no, _beams_ at me from my position between his legs. "So~, how's it goin'?"

Screw being polite to this guy. "Get the hell off!" I yell, grasping his right leg and flinging it to the other side of my head. It causes his whole body to roll off of me and into the isle.

He laughs. "No need to scream." I don't scream. Screaming is for girls and implies my voice rising to high levels. I am a man, so I yell.

Lavi jumps up and dusts off his ass. "So, is my butt soft?"

Must...resist...facepalm..."Do you have any boundaries at all?"

"Not around my band mates!"

This is getting old fast. "I'm not in your band!"

"Yet," Lavi finishes for me. "I already have a plan to get you out of your supposed shell." Why is he smirking with enough evil to rival my own? Oh god what have I gotten into?

"**Love Drunk" by Boys Like Girls, "Mama" by My Chemical Romance, and "A Little Faster" by There for Tomorrow was used. I own neither and am not in either band (surprise!).**

**People who will not read this again: Please review anyway. Tell me why is stunk so I can improve. "It sucked" doesn't help.**

****People who will read this again: Thanks and please review. Tell me to improve. I sound like a broken record, but I don't care.****


	2. This is the Best Day Ever

**Chapter 2~! Thanks for 19 reviews. Wow. **

**brightnight003**** asked if I would respond to reviews. So, if you have a question or give me a super long review that helps me improve and you allow PMs, yeah, I'll respond back.  
><strong>_**  
><strong>_**I don't own D Gray-man, but maybe Santa will get it for me.**

**Thanks to Lai Jun Chen. You rock for beta-ing!  
><strong>

**This is the Best Day Ever  
><strong>

"Let's play 'Titanic,'" Lavi flirts with a blond bimbo in a short skirt. She looks really ticked. If Lavi was smart, he'd run. "When I say ice berg you go down." Too bad he's not smart.

The slap echoes down the hall as the offended girl stomps away from the shocked, red-checked Lavi.

"She was my type, too," he whines as he walks up to where I'm standing a few feet away. I roll my eyes. That was the second girl today, and it isn't even first period! Each time he's yelled, "Strike!" and said some dirty pick up line. I'm not going to survive this guy if he keeps it up.

"Do you have a collection of pick-up lines?" I ask jokingly, scanning the wall for my locker.

"Yes, yes I do." I'm not surprised. Without warning, Lavi sticks his hand down the back pocket of my jeans and pulls out my decrepit phone.

"What the hell!" I yelp…in a masculine way. Did he just grope my butt? First the bus now this? He needs boundaries!

Lavi clicks away at my phone, and then pulls out his. "Grow up, we're both guys." He smirks. "Well, after that yelp I'm not so sure." My protest is cut off as he hands me my phone back. "I put in my number, Lenalee's, and Y- Kanda's. I'll text you my collection later."

"Whatever." Finally! I've found my locker. I let a small smile on my face while I do a mental dance in my head that would have me shot dead by Cross if I ever did it in public. Lavi continues to rattle on about nothing in particular as I unload my notebooks into my new locker, keeping a few for the next classes.

"Strike!" I shut my locker's door and turn in time to see Lavi chasing another skirt. That's it! I'm in no mood to stop every five minutes so he can get slapped, so I go to band without him. It's not too far from my locker, so I know I won't get lost.

Some say it's mean to leave him behind. I say it's stabilizing my sanity.

+…+

Band is pure chaos when I walk in. Just the way it should be.

The room is a large rectangular shape with two small offices attached to the side and not nearly big enough for all the marimbas, the xylophone, a small keyboard, and a drum set. Stands we'll use for sheet music are littered across the room, blocking some of the cubbyholes for instruments, music, and anything you don't want to leave in your locker.

Chairs are scattered in a misshapen semi-circle around a platform for the band director. A large chalkboard between the two offices has the call time for a parade and what music we'll need for today. A small group of people are playing hacky-sack while a few of the other early arrivals put together their instruments.

I make my way to the office closest to me and peek inside. A man with dark hair down to his shoulders and a white beret is sleeping on his desk. Papers are all scattered all around him on his messy looking desk. "Hello?" I ask. When he doesn't stir, I try again. "Excuse me?" He keeps on sleeping. I let out a heavy breath.

"That won't work," someone says from behind me. "Let me try." A guy with spiky blond hair squeezes past me and leans down to whisper something in the sleeping man's ear.

"_Lenalee! How could you marry without askinf your brother? You're okay in highschoool! Don't throw your life away~! Stay with your brother!" _His distressed voice echoes in the small space at a volume high enough to kill a dolphin.

"Shut up!" the younger male yells as he thwacks the apparently heart broken man on the back of the head. "The new student is here. Do your work already!" He turns to me. "I'm sorry for him. I'm Reever, one of the clarinet seniors. Once Komui here," he jabs his finger to the man still crying, "finishes freaking out, he'll explain the room set up and music you'll need." Komui… another familiar name.

I thank Reever as he walks away, glad he seems nice, and then turn to Komui. "Allen Walker, right?" He asks calmly, apparently out of whatever depression he was in. As he talks, he flips through a few papers on his desk with diagrams on them. "The season is already over, so we're in the middle of preparing the Christmas show. Here's the music I've already passed out for the Christmas concert," he hands me six scores, "and the tune for the Christmas Parade is being passed out today, so don't worry about that."

I nod as he continues. "Extra practice is on Thursdays from the final bell to 5:15. There will be an activity bus, so don't worry if you don't have a ride. As for inside the classroom, you are allowed to sit with people not from your section. However, you may want to learn your part first. Any questions?" I shake my head, but he's not looking at me, so I respond out loud. "Welcome to Gray High Band, where everyone is as insane as you."

Laughing, I nod my thanks a final time before stepping back into the now crowded band room. The clarinets are sitting to the right of me, so I grab a stand and take the closest open chair in the section. Reever is there, along with a chubby guy with a hat covering his eyes and a skinny guy with bug eyed glasses and a black skull shirt.

"Hi," says the one with the glasses. "I'm Johnny, and this is Tap." The chubby guy waves. "What's your pant's size?"

"Huh?" is my intelligent answer. What is with the people here?

"Don't worry. Johnny isn't hitting on you," Reever explains. "He makes all the band uniforms. If you don't tell him, he will find out one way or another. He has no boundaries when it comes to clothes."

I tell him my size (which is apparently small for a guy my age) and begin to put my clarinet, named Timcanpy, together. When it's all put together I experimentally play the first couple notes to "Prince Ali."

Too much air. I adjust my reed then try again. Perfect.

"Allen?" a timid female voice asks. It sounds familiar… I glance up and see a girl with long pigtails and purple eyes. "Do you remember me?"

I start to shake my head when it hits me. I've only met one person with natural purple eyes in eight schools. "Lenalee!" I yell as I jump up to hug her, making sure not to chip my reed on her flute. "How long's it been?" Thank god I know someone here!

She laughs and hugs me back. Her flute taps my shoulder lightly. Doesn't the Lenalee Lavi talked about have a flute? "About four years. I haven't seen you since the end of sixth grade!" Lenalee pulls me out of the hug and steps back to look at me. "Still as cute as I remember."

"Hey, I'm not cute," I protest as I feel a small blush creep on my face.

"Then why are you pouting?" She teases.

I make my expression more neutral. "I'm not. Wait…" The band director's name is Komui. I gasp. "_That's _Komui?" I ask, pointing to the main office where the band director is emerging.

Lenalee nods. "Yeah, he cut his hair and got a part time job as a teacher." Her brother waves excitedly as we look over. She waves back in a more reserved way. I grin. He's still as loving and suffocating as ever.

"So, he's still building robots?" Please say no. The last one took a needle to my arm.

She sighs. "Yeah." The Chinese girl tugs at her right pigtail. "One caught on fire about a year ago and burnt my hair. Now he only builds them at school in the old classrooms." As long as none of them attack, I couldn't care less.

"Allen~!" a voice whines, interrupting my conversation. "Why'd you leave like that?"

"Because I knew you'd just get slapped again," I answer without hesitation, earning a laugh from Lenalee. Lavi comes up to us with a frown on his face. It's directed at me. "What?"

He shakes his head, still frowning. What I'd do? "I see you met our bass player."

"Actually, we know each other from sixth grade." At Lavi's questioning look, Lenalee elaborates. "Allen used to live in Idaho and went to the same school. We became friends after he told some guy named Bak off for tugging on my pigtails." She looks at me with amusement in her eyes. "He probably just had a crush on me, but Allen insisted a lady be treated with more respect. So I punched them both for being jerks."

I rub my right arm. "I can still feel the pain," I mutter. Lena holds up her fist in a teasing way, but I still flinch away and end up tripping on my stand. I land hard, keeping my hand holding my clarinet up and trying to cushion myself with the free one. My hand isn't strong enough, so I fall on my back.

"Are you alright?" Lavi, Lenalee, and the other clarinets ask at the same time. I put down my clarinet and push myself to my feet, looking up to answer, but my voice sticks in my throat as I notice the whole class looking right at me. My face has to be as red as a tomato. My eyes go directly from my concerned friend and Lavi to the ground. For once, I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast, because it probably would've made an appearance on the floor.

Please look away everyone. Stop staring!

I hear Lenalee sigh. "You still have your stage fright." It wasn't a question. "You can look up now. No one is looking anymore." Knowing she wouldn't joke around with something like this, I look up to see Lavi frowning down at me again. The nausea, which had started to fade, comes back full force. Now that he's seen how bad my stage fright is, will he kick me out?

No, this is a good thing. I'm not doing the band. Now I can get him out of my hair.

"I'm not giving up," Lavi states flatly. How does he read my mind like that? "If anything," he shoots me a brilliant smile, "I'm now even more determined."

Lenalee gives a very unladylike snort, making Komui flinch from across the room. "I tried all of sixth grade. What makes _you_ think you can do it?" She flips her pigtail over her shoulder.

"Um, my pure epic-ness." Lavi stares at her like she has a screw loose. "Don't worry, I got this, for I am awesome." His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, though, as he shoots me a quick look.

"Alright! Sit down! Lavi, hurry up, get your trumpet, and stay away from my sister!" Komui yells over the noise. Everyone quiets down, the hacky sac gets put away, and eyes turn to the purple haired man sipping coffee out of a mug. "As you may have noticed, we have a new clarinet player." He just had to call attention to me. I only get a few looks and a chorus of welcomes, so I'm good. "If anyone sees him mess with Lenalee, well… the flame thrower is where it always is." He lets the threat sink in before declaring, "Jingle Bell Rock!" The whole band quickly sits up straight and raises their instruments as he counts down the tempo.

+…+

"Put your instruments away."

Finally! My jaw is killing me! I work it up and down as I pack up Timcanpy for the day. Announcements for stuff that has no impact what so ever on my life buzz around me and the other indifferent band kids as we scatter around with our stands and cases while trying not to trip on one another.

Timcanpy is put in the cubbyhole Reever assigned me along with my music. The songs aren't too hard. It's just a matter of memorizing for the parade and getting used to all the high notes.

I begin to walk back to join the other clarinets when someone grabs my arm and yanks me back. I'm able to stifle the yell that would've come out as I land on someone's lap rather than the floor. Whoever it is sticks their nose into my hair and _smells _it, making my skin crawl. "The hell!"

"Calm down," a voice that sounds Portuguese rolls off a male's tongue. There's no way that's Lavi. "I'm just judging your potential, boy." What's with the condescending tone? It's vaguely pissing me off, but I'm more concerned about this guy's hand that is slowly rubbing my thigh. The other is locked around my waist.

"Hey," I say, interrupting his molestation of me. The culprit finally pulls his nose out of my hair, and I can see his face. Golden eyes with a beauty mark under the left are looking at me with amusement. His wavy hair is pushed back, but a few loose strands hang around the outsides of his face. I won't lie; he's handsome. Too bad I have issues about people touching me. "Let go of me or die." I hiss, putting as much venom as possible in my voice.

Most people would drop me and run to the nearest church to be purified, but, if anything, this pervert just tightens his hold on me. "I like when you talk dirty," he whispers in my ear. I shudder in disgust. His hand touches a patch of skin that's exposed as I shift in his grasp.

"Hey Tyki," a perky voice starts, "please let go of ZoNE's new jail bait." Lavi! He couldn't interrupt at a better time. Tyki's hand- I guess that's his name- was slowly sliding down from my waist, but stopped when Lavi showed up.

...'Jail bait?'

"He's already taken then?" Tyki asks, disappointment almost sounding genuine. His grip around me loosens, and I quickly jump away. I hope he never comes near me again. Tyki smirks up at me. "My arms are always open to you, sweetheart, as well as those of my band."

My first instinct is to spit at him. My next is to tie him to a stake and burn him. I skip down to my tenth instinct. I make my mouth move to a polite smile and refrain from cussing him out. "I'll remember that, asshole." All right, I couldn't suppress all of it. I'm only human.

The world must've been feeling merciful, because the bell chose then to ring. I book it out of there so as not to have my ass groped on the way out by the Portuguese Pervert. I can hear Lavi yelling for me, but I forge ahead and don't stop till I reach Pre-AP Physical Science. I collapse into the first open chair I see, uncaring if it already belongs to someone.

Lavi comes in a short time later. "You okay?" he asks, sliding into the desk next to me. His expression looks genuinely concerned.

I nod, waiting him carefully. This is the first emotion that's actually reached his eye now that I think about it. "I don't like people touching me." It more like I won't let people get near me because it's easier for them to find out about my arm if they do. When they find out our friendship is never the same. It's easier to not have it there to break in the first place.

"What? No hugs~!" Lavi whines, face moving to a teasing expression.

"Nope."

"Too bad!" Lavi yells, moving from his seat to hug me. I hold up my hands to ward him off, but he still crushes me to his chest. "If the perv gets to hug you, I do too!"

If Tyki jumped off a bridge…I roll my eyes and finally get him off me. It's not as bad as that Tyki fellow, though; my skin doesn't crawl as much.

"Sit down, I have arrived!" Komui calls down the hall. Everyone who was sitting on a desk or standing makes a mad dash for their seats. Even Lavi quickly plops down in his seat.

"Umm…why is Komui here?" I've got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Now that I look around, Lenalee isn't in this class to control her brother.

"He's a science teacher as well," Lavi hisses under his breath. Dear god. I have to strain my ears to hear his next sentence. "The school is low on teachers, so they upped his pay to teach two classes."

"Am I allowed to sit here?" I whisper under my breath to Lavi. I want to keep myself off Komui's target list. He jerks his head in a nod and presses his finger to his lips in the universal "shut up!" sign then runs a finger across his throat in the universal "or you will die" sign. Great, he's infamous.

"So!" Komui loudly claps his hands together. "We have a new student! Guess what that means?" Everyone groans. "Thaaaat's right!" A sharp metal object that looks especially deadly appears out of nowhere in his hand. Is it too late to run? "Lab time!"

+…+

Apparently 'lab time' means 'catch the science lab on fire.' The saddest part is at least half the class has the fire department on speed dial. At least everyone got out okay and it's not too bad. No homework either.

My next period, Geometry, goes on without a hitch. I was able to zone out the entire time since the teacher was just reviewing things I've already learned, so that should be more of a free period if anything this year. Maybe today is looking up after all.

Lavi and Lenalee are already at the 'tables' four desks make up when I walk into English. The red head waves his arm in the air normally and points to the chair next to Lenalee. I slowly make my way over, expecting the teacher to say something, but once again, no teacher is in the room at the time.

"Are you feeling okay?" I ask Lavi, curious. His frown comes back.

"What do you mean?"

I gesture to his arm. "You waved to me like a normal human being. Who are you and what have you done to the Lavi I've seen up till now? Did you finally come don from your sugar rush?" Lena laughs at his opened mouth expression. Is that awe in his eye? Whatever his response is ends up cut off with a voice.

"Sit down and shut up!" A women comes stomping in the room with… I blink. A monkey? Her long blond hair covers one eye, but a scar is still visible on her face. She has a nice figure further accented by the tank top and long skirt she is wearing. _That's_ our teacher?

Her stern eyes move to me. I gulp. "I'm Ms. Nine. You will address me as such or as 'Madam.'" She slightly moves her shoulder with the monkey. "Lau Jimin should have you're respect as well."

"'Nine?'" Lavi asks. "Oh no, you are defiantly a ten." Lenalee and I simultaneously facepalm.

"Shut up Mr. Deak or my monkey will beat you to death with a sharp object." Ms. Nine doesn't even look his way as she threatens him. I like this teacher already. "We will be continuing on Edgar Allan Poe." She flips her smart board on and begins to write while still talking.

"'The Cask of Amontillado.' One of Poe's most well known stories. What was the motive of the murder?" She spins around and scans the room for an answer.

I know this! Revenge. Montresor states it clearly in the first sentence of the story. I go to raise my hand, but stop. What if I'm wrong? What if she's looking for a different answer? My hand stays beside my head as I think this over.

"Revenge." A voice answers from my right.

"Good." So I would've been right. I notice Lavi looking at me again.

"What?" I mouth as Ms. Nine starts up again. Lenalee's attention turns to us as we talk.

"Why did you chicken out?" Lavi whispers.

I shake my head. "I did not."

"Allen, I am curing you of this whether you want me to or not." Determination is radiating off Lavi as he stares at me, causing him to seem more natural, if that makes sense to anyone other than me. It's as if all his other emotion was dulled compared to this one. Lenalee just rolls her eyes and turns her attention to Ms. Nine. She looks back, however, when Lavi states, "Every time you chicken out of something, I will make such a big spectacle that everyone will be looking at you or in your general direction."

I snort. "Yeah right, and I'm an exorcist." That would be pretty cool. My weapon would be a giant claw!

Lavi snickers, knocking me out of my beginnings of a daydream. "You asked for it."

"-the question remains," Ms. Nine's voice cuts in, "was the narrator sane, or was this just madness?"

"Madness?" Lavi asks, getting up from his seat. He moves slowly to stand on our desks, making sure to have everyone's attention as he and yells at the top of his lungs, "_This_! _Is_! _SPARTA_!" The crazy teen punches the air with each word.

Ms. Nine snaps her fingers, mouth in a slightly sadistic expression that resembles Cross when he takes out his hammer. "Get him." Her monkey detaches from his perch on her shoulder and lunges for Lavi.

+…+

"How was _I _supposed to know it would go after _all_ of us?" Lavi frowns as Lenalee and I walk out of the nurse's office without him. "Guys? I'm sorry. Can I have a hug now?" Even though I'm not looking at him, I can picture his arms spread in a 'hug me' fashion.

"You know I would, but one of my arms was almost ripped off by a monkey." If my voice becomes any dryer, we'll be in a desert. Honestly, we all came out with only a few scratches physically, but mentally is a different story. I will never look at a monkey the same way again. Never again can I visit a zoo. Tear, tear. Sob, sob. Trama.

"At least you weren't assigned a paper on Sparta due tomorrow. Isn't that class supposed to be English?" Lavi asks, catching up to us quickly with his longer legs. Stupid taller people.

Lenalee exhales heavily. "Lavi, aren't you a history buff? I mean, you helped me on _my_ paper on Sparta like a year ago."

"But I need all the time I can get to show Allen around our practice apartment," he whines, patting my head like I'm some lost puppy. I swat his hand away. I'm not some little kid.

"I'm not joining!" I yell, making people look at me as they pass in the hall. The feeling returns to my stomach and my eyes return to the ground. Suddenly, I feel my chin jerk up due to some unknown source.

"Rule one: Keep eye contact," Lavi says. I start twisting my head, but he still won't let go. "You need to get out of your shell Allen," he tells me, keeping my eyes locked on his single green. "You're in the band for now, and we're going to perform. We're going to cure your stage fright."

We remain in that position staring each other down until someone yells, "Get a room!" Lavi turns to look at them before releasing my chin. I rub the agitated skin, glare at him, then walk away to my locker. He doesn't follow.

Lenalee follows me. With a few strides, the Chinese girl is in front of me. She spins on her heel to face me as we walk, people moving to avoid her. "Don't be too hard on him," she pleas. "He really wants this band thing to work."

"Lena, he hasn't even heard me play," I point out, using the nickname from sixth grade. "Why is he so desperate for me to join? Because of my strange scar and hair? Or maybe he was peeking in my window, saw my arm, and thinks everyone will come to see the freak?" I'm getting carried away, I know, but what am I supposed to think?

"Allen," Lena replies firmly, "he is not so shallow as to let you in for looks. That's what Kanda is for." We stop when I reach my locker. She leans on it, ignoring the lecherous stares of other males in the halls. I guess even Komui's threats lose strength over time. He'll probably have to kill someone to reinstill the fear.

"All I'm saying," Lenalee continues, drawing my thoughts back to the conversation at hand, "is not to judge him until you know him better. Lavi's done some stupid things, but they've all worked out in our favor." She smiles. "Who knows? Maybe he'll be able to make you express yourself to everyone and not just Cross and I."

I let a heavy sigh escape me. "If only it was that simple."

+…+

Lucky! The line at one cash register is short. I weave through the wave of students crowding the food area, making sure to keep all my food plied on the tray balanced a lunch lady gave me. With a flash of my 'special circumstances' card, they allow me through without paying. More money for dinner. Yes!

Lenalee had shown me the table to put down my books (I do homework during lunch. After Cross sold my textbooks in third grade, I will never bring another home again), so I carefully make my way to the table. It was empty when I'd put them down, but it now has an occupant.

Their hair is in a ponytail and soba sits in front of them. Leaning on a chair beside them looks to be a sword sheath, but there's no way a dangerous thing like that would be let into a school. The person's eyes look over to me as I sit down. They're ice cold.

"Who the hell are you, Moyashi?" Ah, their voice is too deep to be a girl's, so this must be Kanda- wait…did he just call me bean sprout?

"My name is Allen Walker." Keep calm. "I'm ZoNE's new pianist." I outstretch my hand in a white flag act.

"Che, like I care Moyashi." He turns back to his soba. "Why the hell are you _here_?" What's with the condescending tone? "Shouldn't you be in elementary school?"

I feel my eyebrow twitch. "No, I'm fifteen." Stay polite. No need to lose your head over this dumb ass jerk that won't even look at me as he talks.

Kanda mutters some choice words in Japanese, probably thinking I don't know the language. Oh, I know it, all right. A spent a fricking _year_ there thanks to Cross. Pissed, I grab his soba away from him and waver between eating it or throwing it at his face. It smells delicious.

"Give me back my soba, stupid Moyashi!" He stands up, palms slamming on the table.

"Learn to share your food, BaKanda!" I yell back.

Kanda grabs the sheath, draws his sword- how the hell has he not been arrested? - and points it to my throat. "Give. It. Now."

I know most people would cower and do what he says at the chilling tone, but because of being picked on because of my hair and arm for years, I don't. Yes, I can stand up to a jerk with a sword, but not a neutral audience of strangers. Life just sucks. "Kiss. My. A-"

"Allen!" Lenalee yells from a short distance behind, "I thought you were Christian!"

Hmm...I teasingly wink at Kanda, wondering what his reaction will be. When a look of disgust passes across his face, the long-haired moron recoils and moves his chair as far away from me as he can. Lenalee's full lips turn into a frown as she watches her friend back away.

"He's joking."

"We don't know that!"

A hand smacks me in the back of the head. "Give him the soba back." Lenalee's voice is even scarier than BaKanda's! "Now!" I quickly push the soba over to the samurai-like boy and sit down to my own food. Kanda and I glare across the table at each other as we eat.

"Whoa, sexual tension between you two already?" Lavi asks, plopping his food next to mine. His chair makes a high screeching noise, causing a shiver up my spine.

"Only a stupid-eyed rabbit could be attracted to _that _sorry excuse for a teenage boy," Kanda growls into his soba.

"Mm noff gayi, Yeu!" I lean away as food flies from Lavi's mouth. What did he just say?

Kanda slams his palms down on the table again. I guess he can understand him perfectly fine. "Stop calling me Yu, god dammit!"

Lavi, seemingly unperturbed by Kanda's outburst, swallows his food. "But it is your name," insert evil smirk here. "Yu-chan~!"

A flash of silver and the sword is back out again. From this angle, I can get a better look at it. The sword catches the light and gleams beautifully, causing a spot light to appear on he ceiling. The black hilt has a kind of cross shape on it. You can tell its been well taken care of. The sword is so long; it can even reach across the table! An evil thought pops to mind.

"Compensating for something, Kanda?"

I swear you can hear a pin drop. A tense silence, then, "_What the fuck did you just say?_" If looks could incinerate…you get the picture. I grab whatever food I can, push back my chair, and make a run for the exit door. "Come back here! You're a dead bean, Moyashi!"

The door cracks against the brick wall outside, but I don't check for damage. Instead, I book it passed a couple making out while stuffing garlic bread in my mouth. I have _got _to find a place to hide or somehow out run him! I can smell the blood lust from here!

"Come back here! You're a dead bean, Moyashi!"

* * *

><p>I watch Yu run off after the skinny, talented, pale teen that will be ZoNE's new pianist.<p>

Lenalee slams her head onto the table as his voice echoes around the large cafeteria. I beam at her even though I know she can't see me. "That went well." She looks up and glares at me. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"Lavi!" Lenalee snaps, silencing me. "Kanda just turned homicidal for my old friend!"

"I thought he was straight." Yes, I know what homicidal is. Yes, I know Lenalee will slap me for this. Yes, I know the look on her face is worth it. The sting on my upper arm and her expression don't disappoint. "Don't worry. After that display," I jerk my finger to the open door behind me, "I doubt Allen is even a contestant for Yu's attention."

She flushes. "I don't like Kanda," she mumbles to the table. Her denials have gotten softer and softer as time has gone on. Her crush is obvious to everyone now besides Komui and Yu. "Besides," Lenalee turns her purple eyes on me, "what about Allen?"

"What about him?" I take a bite out of my sandwich while keeping eye contact and get comfortable in my chair. Her interrogation begins…now. I knew this was coming eventually.

"Why did you pick him? You've seen the extent of his social phobia-"

I roll my eyes as I cut her off, "He's not social phobic, just really shy."

"Fine, he has social anxiety." Lenalee waves the term away. "The point is, why can't you just let him be?"

I stare at her a few minutes before asking, "Did you know he leaves his window open?"

"Creeper."

"I'm not a creeper, just a neighbor," I defend. "Anyway, he leaves his window open all the time. As his _neighbor_- not a creepy pervert- I could hear him the whole weekend. Guess what? On Saturday I heard a person who obviously knows his way around a keyboard- he played Mozart flawlessly. On Sunday I heard someone with an amazing singing voice. Unless he's keeping someone chained in his basement for entertainment, it has to be Allen.

"With his guardian, that's a possibility," my friend murmurs.

I ignore her. I've seen the dude, and he looks like an escaped convict. "The point," I hold up my finger, "is that he has an amazing gift for music-don't deny it, you heard him play the clarinet- and he has also caught my interest and held it." As the grandson of the CIA's 'Bookman,' I have been trained from a young age to read people. Keeping my interest is nearly impossible.

"Because of his stage fright?" Lenalee asks, picking at her food with a pout. She looks troubled.

"Because of all he's holding back." At her questioning look, I elaborate, "Several times since I've met him, Allen gets a sly look in his eyes, like he's got a comment at my expense. Instead of voicing it, he hides it and responds more politely." I sigh heavily. "I wonder what he's like under all his politeness." I turn to the Chinese girl, feeling satisfied as I notice all her attention on me. "I've only seen him not hold back around you, so I'll need your help."

The stupid Dora voice pops in my head. 'I'll need _your _help. Can you help me get Allen to open up? …Good!' Sometimes, it sucks to remember nearly everything.

Lenalee shakes her head, green hair almost touching her food with the motion. "It took me most of sixth grade to get him comfortable around me, and even then it was an accident."

"Really?" Interesting. "You're not going to tell me, huh?"

Her smirk answers for me. "Just know that if you hurt him, Komlin the third will be out for some rabbit blood."

A nervous laugh escapes my throat as I get flash backs involving gauze, make up, a destroyed house, and a girly looking Yu. He did become more bloodthirsty afterwards. "It was sent to the rubbish pile… right?"

"You never know. Maybe it was, or maybe I fixed it." I can feel my blood run cold at the evil look in her eye. Oh yeah, her and Komui are defiantly brother and sister.

The rest of lunch is eaten in silence occasionally broken with a stray insult or yell from outside. The rest of Allen's food he didn't grab and Yu's soba lay untouched on the table. Having nothing better to do, I block out the world around me and let my mind wonder.

Is his hair naturally white, or bleached? His eyebrows are white as well. It shows no sign of another color at the scalp, but for a sophomore to have that color hair is unusual. I don't think anyone would purposely do that to their hair. It should be fairly easy to get an answer. The tougher question is how did he get that scar? The star towards the top looks too perfect to be a scar, but the skin shows signs of scaring. That's something I shouldn't ask about until he's more comfortable with me.

I noticed he always covers up his arms too. Could he be cutting or hiding another tattoo? That goes under the category of 'ask later,' too. Hmm… how to get him to open up…

"Lavi!"

I jump and hold back the sigh threatening to escape me. The interruption just caused my mental list to fall apart. "Yes?" I do my best to hold in the annoyance, but the undertone is still there.

"Lunch is over." I blink and let the world back in. The constant chatter that should be supplying the back soundtrack is significantly less than it should be. The food still sits, untouched. They're still at it? Allen must be fast to keep away from Kanda's deadly blade.

That or Yu is disposing of the body right now.

I pick up their food as well as my own and throw it away. No need for the janitors to work even harder because an attempted murderer and his victim left their food behind.

A high-pitched scream comes from behind me. I'm able to side step whoever it is as my mind races to remember which girl that scream belongs to. Wait… there's white hair on the person's disappearing head. "Allen!" I run to catch up with him. He glances over, and I flash a smile. His gray eyes that were wide with something close to fear narrow slightly. There it is again, the faint stir of distrust in his eyes. At least, that's what I think it is. Allen doesn't keep eye contact with most people. The only times I've seen him do so are with Lenalee. I wonder if he has a crush on her- he _is_ half straight. I digress. "What'cha doing?"

"Running…from a… homicidal…maniac…" And Kanda calls _me_ a rabbit. Short stack here looks more like a frightened animal than I ever have. "Where's…my next…class?"

Easy. I do a quick scan through my brain to find his schedule. He has Mr. Dark in room 167. "I think," pause for affect, "room 167." I point over my shoulder. "Just missed it."

"Thanks." The panting teen does a quick u-turn to get to the room we just passed. I spin around in time to see him wreck into the blond girl I was flirting with this morning. He apologizes endlessly while fixing his eyes to the ground like he did earlier when he was nervous.

I turn so I'm walking forward and almost wreck into Lenalee. I keep my hands in the air, away from her body in any way. Komui will know if I so much as touch her arm, and I will _not_ go through his torture again.

"You really want Allen to open up?" she demands. Her jaw is set in determination, and her posture shows she's ready to kick me where it counts if my answer isn't right.

"…yeah." I move back a couple steps to get out of the danger zone, but she follows me.

"Then stop with the fake smile." I groan.

"Lenalee, no one but Yu-chan and you-"

"Allen can," she cuts off. "If you want him to stop being fake, _you _have to stop being fake and let him in. If you don't, you'll just be running in circles. I trust you to help him, but if you do more harm than good..." Lenalee takes a step forward. I back up and prepare for pain, but, instead, she pivots and walks to Home Ec.

My body walks me to Art, but my mind wanders back to what Lenalee said. To say I'm stunned is an understatement. Allen, see through _my_ act? Impossible! No one I don't want to can tell when I'm faking. The only reason Yu and Lenalee are allowed is because they know about Gramps and have known me long enough to tell. How would Allen be able to know? Did I go too far on the bus with the hyperness? I thought the suspicion in his eyes disappeared after that. Why is he different? He did say 'the Lavi I've seen till now.' How can he know that most of what I've shown him is not me?

A hand touches my shoulder. I refrain from jumping and turn to see Yu's father, Mr. Tiedoll. His gray, afro-like hair and glass haven't changed over the years, and he still insists on dressing in old clothes to teach.

He offers a smile instead of a detention slip like most teachers. "I need to see your sketch." Quickly, I pull out the sketch pad I must have grabbed on the way here, flip to the desired page, and let him check me off on his grade sheet. "Lavi, please finish your most recent drawling, and then day dream, okay?"

A natural smile comes out for Tiedoll. "Sure." It's nice, that feeling of actual affection that stems from the smile. If only it was easier to show others. I grab the big table folder that hold's Daisya's art as well and grab my half finished drawing. A large hammer is intertwined with fire designed to look like snakes. I reach into my pocket, pull out my art pencil and eraser, and continue the twists and turns that make up the maze of the snakes bodies, able to push all thought from my mind for a little while.

**Read and review! Harshness welcome openly!**


	3. The Sharperst Lives

**Thanks to all that reviewed and read! Special thanks to Lai Jun Chen!**

**Still don't own -_-'  
><strong>

**The Sharpest Lives  
><strong>

"Silence! Keep your eyes to the screen! You can't work your mouths and fingers at the same time!" Lenalee rolls her eyes as computer class sinks lower on my favorite class list. My work is already done, so I'm goofing off on some game website called 'cool algebra 4 teens' or whatever.

"Do you have a problem with Lavi?" my friend asks after our teacher, Ms. Z, gets out of hearing range.

I sigh for what has to be the fourth time in the last twenty minutes. Now she's just getting annoying. "I told you, he has nothing to do with me not wanting to join."

"That's not what I'm-"

"Quiet!" I turn to see Ms. Z glaring holes in our heads. I nod, smiling, and return back to my game. The point is to park a car, and I'm doing less than fantastic. On the bright side, I've seen level two so much I could draw a detailed picture of it.

After what has to be my thirtieth crash (why is Mario Cart so much easier?), Lenalee taps me on the shoulder and points to her screen. A word document is open with 'that isn't what I mean' typed on top.

Catching on, I follow suit with a response of 'then what is?'

'*sigh* stop lying, I know u see through him.'

'so?' I can see through a lot of people. Lavi isn't the first and won't be the last.' Excuse mine and Cross' 'training' that allows me to know if people are lying or not. It's not all flowers and sunshine knowing when the people you care about are lying through thier teeth.

'NO ONE sees through Lavi, Al.'

I make sure she can see my smirk as I type, 'I do.'

'EXACTLY! He can see through u 2.'

I don't let her finish before my fingers are flying over my keyboard. 'Impossible!'

She still has more. 'u guys should let it down around each other. Get out of ur shells! Allen, live a little.'

'I've lived quite a lot thanks 2 Cross, Lena.' And almost died. My hands itch to type it, but I don't want the school looking through the computer's hard drive and finding evidence on his evilness. Mana and Neah said to trust him, so I stay.

For now.

She reaches over and smacks my shoulder. "That's not what I mean," she hisses.

I feel my eyes go wide with understanding. "I don't like him." I swear to god that if she tries to set me up with Lavi, I will personally walk up to her brother, say I love her, and let him murder me. Besides, the red head said he was so gay he was straight, _and _I saw him flirt with half the female population today alone!

She points to the teacher and resumes our previous means of conversation. 'Ill set u guys up after u open up ;)'

'I will when he does.' I make sure she sees it before closing the word document and resume crashing my car into a wall. She tries to draw me back into the conversation, but I stay strong until the bell rings and then rush into the hall.

"Get out of the way!" I cringe, thinking the voice is intended for me, but am surprised to hear the scream of a girl. I peek around the body in front of me to see the meathead- sorry, _football_ team hive fiving. A girl crouches on the ground, picking up her books. Jerks.

Of course I go to help her! You don't just randomly do that to a person, let alone a girl. I can't see her face, but the dark brown braids look familiar. She has most of her stuff by the time I push through the crowd, but I help as much as I can.

She lets out a sound of surprise when she notices me. "I-I don't need any help! Please, don't worry!" Should a girl's voice be that high-pitched or her face that red? Whatever, just smile and finish helping the lady. Good thing my next class isn't too far...I think.

"It's no problem, really." I smile my usual disarming smile at her, afraid she thinks I'm here to tease her as well. "Here you go." I hand over her last book before excusing myself.

"Thank you, Allen!" she calls out. I turn slightly to get a better look at her as I raise my hand. I can see her red face from down the hall. Maybe I shouldn't use that smile around hormonal teen girls. Yeah, just stick to softhearted debt and tax collectors and the occasional angry slut that finds Cross at our house.

Swimming, my last period, reeks of enough chlorine to kill brain cells. The pool must've recently been cleaned. The glassy surface gleams with light thanks to the skylights in the high ceiling, giving it a peaceful look. The lane dividers separate it into six lanes total and have kick boards at the shallow end. A diving board and platforms sit at the deep end.

People who arrived before me are sitting off to the side on a bench. I can't see Lavi, so I walk to the farthest end and sit down there. I jump up when I feel water start to soak through my pants. No wonder no one is down here. I test another spot before sitting down as a few snickers reach my ears.

"Allen!" Lavi's voice echoes. He walks up to me with less energy then I've come to expect. His face has the same kind of look as it did in English: natural and real. Is he going to embarrass me again? At least the pool is far enough away that someone will have time to help me if he decides drowning will call attention to me.

"What's with the distrustful look?" Am I that easy to read?

I make a show of putting my hand on his forehead. He feels normal, but maybe he caught Mono from some bimbo that finally made out with him instead of slapping him. I mean his cheek isn't red or anything. "Do you feel okay?"

His green eye looks to the ceiling. "Just because I'm not bouncing off the walls like I'm on a sugar high you think I'm sick?" Lavi looks vaguely amused. "If you prefer, I'll go chug a Monster and check back with you later."

"No," I let out hastily. "I like you better when your… energy is normal." Lavi's face doesn't give anything away at the admission, so I go a little farther to test the waters. "Your expression not being forced is an added bonus, too."

An emotion that seems to be shock flitters across his face, but is gone in record time, leaving me to wonder if I imagined it. "So why are you taking swimming instead of a different elective?" Changing the subject. Nice.

"This stupid school requires it, and my last school didn't." I sigh as I sit back down. "Even though I can swim, I still have to take it." I look over at him when he sits next to me. "Why are you here?"

He scratches the back of his head. "I mighta sorta ditched all last year and the year before."

"Wait, you're in tenth grade."

Lavi smirks. "Genius! Figure that out yourself?" He cranes his neck to see if the teacher is here, and then turns back to me. "I was framed for a prank I didn't do and ended up suspended. Towards the end of the year, my Gramps needed help out in our old family home, so I had to take time off from school." A shrug. "Ended up with too my absences and was held back."

So Lavi is really the same age as Kanda? With the immaturity I've seen, it's hard to imagine. "Was 'framed,' huh?"

"They have no proof, therefore, I was framed." What kind of screwed up reasoning is that? Is he going to plead guilty if they find something?

"Go change!" A strong female voice rings out. I look over, fully expecting to see someone like Ms. Nine, but am instead met with a tall, bald, harsh looking woman. "Come see me, Mr. Walker."

Lavi pats my shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry, you're too skinny to be a proper meal. Mahoja won't eat you."

"Gee, thanks."

Lavi disappears into the guys' locker room while I stop in front of Mahoja. Why am I so short? She seems so imposing from down here. Puberty, if you can hear me, give me some more height.

"You're a small little thing." Kill me now. "Anyway, I heard about your…problem." She gestures to my left arm covered by a jacket and glove. "There's a special kind of under armor-"

"I can't afford it," I butt in quickly. Maybe they'll take me out of this class-

"The school will pay for it." Damn. Mahoja glares at me, clearly warning that if I interrupt again I'll be sleeping at the bottom of the pool. "I also have some skin tight gloves you can use. Did you bring your suit today?" I show her the plastic bag containing a towel and trunks. "Good. The supplies are in my office behind me. Grab them and change." She doesn't even give me a chance to argue before turning to some other cowering student with a pass.

I grab the stuff, go in the door Lavi disappeared through a few minutes ago, and don't even offer a glace up as I move into the stalls. I change quickly, but wait till most of the sound in the room is gone. I double my arm is fully covered before even daring to step out of the stall.

The locker room is empty except for a few stragglers. I set my bag down in a corner along with my clothes and walk out to the pool. Most of the girls are talking by the poolside while a few zealous guys have already moved into the pool, including Lavi. I can see his red hair even from under water. He notices me as he comes up for air. I walk over to his lane.

Lavi eyes me skeptically. "You even have sleeves on when you swim?"

"You even have an eye patch on when you swim?" I retort back, crouching at the side of the pool a safe distance from the rabbit.

"Touché," is his reply. Lavi's hair hangs in his face without his bandana, and he looks…kinda hot. Yes, I admit it, but so would any other person on this plant, gay, straight, asexual, or otherwise. "Come on in, the water's freezing!"

He floats lazily on his back, waiting. I smirk as I stand up, take a step forward, and cannonball in right next to him. Silence covers me in a blanket under the water for a moment before I use my legs to push back towards the surface. Chatter takes the place of water induced quiet, along with a laughing Lavi. Goosebumps break out of my skin as soon as the air touches me, regardless of the armor.

"Told you it was cold," he sighs when I start rubbing my hands up and down my arms. I notice his gaze keeps returning to my covered arms. If I hadn't been looking for it, I would've missed it.

"Get on your line and listen!" Mahoja's voice rings, magnified by the vastness of the room. She's met with groans. Lavi and I exchange looks before swimming to the shallow end. I can feel him looking at my arms every chance he gets.

+…+

"That's it! Go change!"

Finally! Everyone rushes out of the still polar water, dripping onto the tile floor as they quick walk to the locker rooms. I'm closer to the side then Lavi, so I'm able to grab my clothes and get into a stall before he can try to catch a peek by 'accident.' I make sure to glare at my disfigured arm the whole time I change, like it'll eventually get scared and turn normal. If only.

I have to hunt into the deep recesses of my book bag to find my other glove, so the bell ends up ringing just as I finally find it. I run out of the locker room and pool area, stopping only to double check my bus number. I dash down the hall, figuring it'll eventually lead me to a door outside.

It takes me two minutes to get lost.

"Allen, where are you going?" Lavi's arm wraps around my shoulders and spins me in a 180.

"Well, now I'm going with a red head creeper who got me attacked by a monkey instead of my bus." Yes, I am milking the monkey attack card for all it's worth. "Does the creeper have a location in mind?"

Lavi give me a look. "Isn't it obvious? Band practice!" He announces it like I won some fabulous prize.

"Komui said it was on Thursday's." Lavi forges against the current of people, pushing me in front of him like some kind of buffer. I feel _so _loved.

"Not that band, _our _band!" The people finally clear out enough that he stops using me as a buffer. I'm able to walk beside him without bumping into too many people. I make sure to keep my left arm next to Lavi so it doesn't get touched as often.

"I told you, I'm not joining _your _band." I detach from his side that I've slowly gotten closer to and beeline towards my locker dump my remaining textbooks in. My homework had been finished during Science Strategies when the teacher had failed to show up, so my bag is relatively light.

"Too bad, you're in." I roll my eyes and ignore him. My bag has a chocolate bar in it, so I take that out as a sack to eat on the way to the bus. Before I can even take a bite, the life saving sugar disappears. I spin around to see Lavi playing with my food. He shoots me a grin before taking off.

All right, now I'm pissed. Lavi can creep on me to my house, embarrass me in front of a class full of people, and get a monkey set out for my blood, but when he takes my food he's crossed the line.

Our footsteps resound in the almost barren hallways. "Come back, stupid rabbit bastard!" I think my black side is starting to come out, because I can feel hell's fire making me run faster. Even then, Lavi is still ahead of me by a good couple feet. I blame Kanda. If they've been friends for a while, it would explain why Lavi can run so fast and long. We've turned so my corners, I'm lost.

Finally, I follow him outside. Even though it's cold out, the sun still blinds me momentarily. "Come on, Moyashi~!" he taunts. "I'll eat this myself~!" I run towards the voice, still somewhat blind. I think he's near a car.

When I get close to him, Lavi moves to the side and throws the chocolate. I keep my eyes on my food and don't see him get behind me and push, but I do feel it. I face plant on a soft seat, and am soon shoved in further at an awkward angle. "Go Yu-chan~!" he yells, car door slamming shut. I make a dive for the door.

"Fuck! It's Kanda!" The car lurches backwards, sending me to the lower ground in between the front and back seats where all the trash usually is. Great, Lavi just helped Kanda kidnap me. A crazy, longhaired, transvestite will now kill me. "Why are we kidnapping the Moyashi anyway?" Maybe not.

Lavi laughs. I move my head to see a smug expression. I am kicking his ass as soon as I figure out how to get out from under here. "I knew Allen wouldn't come any other way." He picks up the chocolate lying up on the seat and throws it on my chest. "Sorry." He doesn't _sound _sorry.

The first few minutes of the ride consists of an apologizing Lenalee in the front, one sided fights- yes, with an _s_- between Lavi and Kanda, and me trying to grab the chocolate then attempting to get out from between the seats. I have had worse car rides. At least I wasn't stuffed in the trunk to make room for Cross' giant wine collection.

Lavi finally succeeds in winning whatever fight the two had been in by changing the radio station and somehow locking it. He takes some pity on me and helps me up from my uncomfortable position. A few crumbs of something are in my hair. I run my hands through it, but can still feel them.

"Hold on." Lavi stares picking through my hair, leaning close to me. His breath ghosts across my face. I look anywhere but at him and end up meeting Lena's eyes. She makes a heart with her hands. I do my best to shake my head.

The instruments pouring from the speakers play the melody from "The Hell Song" by Sum 41.

"_Everybody's got their problems (problems)." _Lavi and Lenalee start on cue, the red head finishing up my hair.

_"Everybody says the same thing to you.  
>It's just a matter of how you solve them (solve them)," <em>To my shock, Kanda starts to sing along as well.

Lavi nudges me. "Come on, sing!" I stay quiet. "Just a few lines and I won't bother you the rest of the trip."

"_It's just a problem now I'm faced with. Am I,  
>Not the only one who hates to stand by?" <em>I sing weakly along. Lavi shakes his head and ups the volume of his own singing. Lenalee and Kanda follow suit, getting into some competition.

"Loser buys dinner!" Lavi declares quickly at a pause in the vocals, cutting me a look of 'this means you, too.' I wouldn't put it passed Kanda and Lavi to steal my wallet in my pocket, seeing as Lavi groped me earlier to get my phone. Wait…I pat my pocket. My wallet! Something taps my head. I look up to see the red head waving my wallet in the air between us._  
><em>

"_Everybody's got their problems (problems)." _I sing louder, staring the red head down in an 'I can play, too' kind of way. _  
><em>

"_Everybody says the some thing to you.  
>It's just a matter of how you solve them (solve them)<br>But what else are we s'posed to do..."_

Lavi smirks and throws my wallet back at me. "Was that so hard?" he asks. I don't even grace him with an answer. He shrugs and goes back to singing along with Lenalee. I jump in a few times here and there when Lavi prods me, but I just ignore them for the most part.

There's silence from them as one of those annoying people in between songs start to talk. Lavi has a victorious look on his face, scaring me. Upfront, I can see Lenalee and Kanda are exchanging looks. Koumi would kill him if he knew.

Lenalee cutely bites her lip as she looks back to me. "Allen, I support Lavi on this one."

I can't believe my ears. "_What!_ I barely sung! How are you with him now? Lenalee, you were my last hope! BaKanda would go along with Lavi just to tick me off!" I play the sympathy card next. "I thought you were my friend."

She frowns. "Allen, understand that no one has ever beaten Lavi in a singing competition. Ever. You where better than him the times you sang." Please! I doubt it. Lavi's voice is amazing!

"So I knocked his self confidence down a few notches." I gesture to his still smug face. "He doesn't seem that sad about it."

Kanda growls-yes, _growls._ Like a dog! Maybe he has rabies…"Shut up and listen to her, Moyashi!" The car makes a hard left throwing Lavi into me. "Fucking asshole."

"What was that!" I yell back, throwing the rabbit back off me and into the car wall.

"Would you shut up and listen!" Lenalee screeches. We fall silent. "Thank you," she huffs. "Allen, you've stood up to Yu, held your ground in a singing competition with Lavi, and I know you can play piano like it's nobody's business. You are joining. End of discussion." I recognize that tone: if I talk again, I could die. She is definitely Komui's sister.

The rest of the ride is filled by the radio, which, thankfully, continues to play good music. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and pull at my sleeve while staring out the window. Kanda snaps at me a few times to sit still, but it's all I can do to keep from throwing myself out of the car.

Finally, we slow down. We passed my house a few minutes ago, so I could easily make a run for it. Almost sensing my thoughts, Lavi moves to get out of the side I'm on instead of his own, even though I'm on the roadside.

"Wouldn't want some kidnapper to grab you." Oh, the irony of that sentence. I think I'm drowning in it.

The building Kanda stopped at is run down. There's no other word for it. It looks…almost abandoned. It's smaller than the house Cross bought, and the outside seems beat up. Still, the door and roof seem to be in one piece, and none of the windows I can see are broken, so it's definitely above my top 20 ugly houses.

Lavi lightly shoves me towards the door. "We've already got a keyboard, so you're set." He smiles an actual smile. "Go in." If the outside is any indicator of the inside, I predict pop cans, magazines, a dirty carpet, and maybe a bathroom.

Please have a bathroom.

I open the door and can't be any more wrong. A nice, dark green carpet covers the floor of the tiny front room. A small TV sits against the wall attached to a Wii, and a ring of various chairs and one couch are set around it. Next to a doorway in the corner of the room covered by what appears to be a painted sheet with the band logo on it sits a fridge. Lenalee steers me through the sheet to what could only be the practice room.

It has to make up most of the house. My shoes echo on the smooth tile floor as I move in further. The walls are a white that you can only get from a freshly painted wall. A drum set sits in the back of the room with a messy pile of papers next to it. On its right side is a bass held up by a guitar stand. Next to the bass is an electric guitair and what looks to be a rhythm guitar. On the left side of the drum set sits the keyboard I'll be expected to use. A few microphones litter the ground next to it.

"So, what do you think?" Lenalee asks as I scan the wall for what I'm looking for. I let out a gasp as I spy something that could very well be it. "What?" she asks panicked.

"Is that a bathroom?" I point to the only other doorway in the room. She gapes and nods slowly. I let out a cry of triumph, yank the door open, and run in. "Oh my _god_! _There's a toilet and everything!_" I don't care how much of a moron I sound like. They have indoor plumbing!

I can hear Lavi's howling laughter from behind me. "After you're done with your religious experience in the bathroom, come look at a part I have for 'A Little Faster' and a piano part I wrote for 'Mona Lisa.'"

"Oh, we're finally going to play it now?" I can hear Lenalee ask, sounding pleased. I flush the working toilet and give one last look around the blessed place my house is missing. Sighing, I walk out of the bathroom to be met with a "Wash your hands" from Lenalee.

"Are you sure it's okay to wash my filthy hands in the sacred water?" I ask, faking awe in my voice to make her laugh. Lavi's chuckle joins in.

"Okay, I'm ready," I start, wiping my damp hands on my pants, "to go home." That one earns me what I think is a laugh from Kanda. It sounds more like a whoosh of air too high to be his voice.

Lavi keeps his face blank as Lenalee stalks over to me. You know, I just noticed how sharp and lethal her shoes are today. "You will get your skinny butt over there, and play the music." She smiles at me. "Just submit your pitiful existence to being the pianist of ZoNE. You won't regret it."

I don't move. I can't do this! They need to know that, and playing now will give them false hope. No matter how annoying their pestering gets, I'm not going to do it.

"Look," Lavi says. "Just this once, play with us. Just today! Do it and I'll leave you alone. We'll never bother you again." He makes an 'x' over his heart, his face grave. I study him. There's no hint of deceit; he doesn't look like he's lying. Sighing, I walk over to the keyboard, inspecting it. It's in good condition, if not a little dusty.

"_She paints her fingers with a close precision_  
><em>He starts to notice empty bottles of gin<em>  
><em>And takes a moment to assess the sins she's paid for<em>" Lavi sings softly as Kanda and Lenalee move to grab the microphones. He looks over to me. "You getting this?" At my nod, he smiles. "Good. We'll play through 'The Ballad of Mona Lisa' and you try to play along. Next run through, I'll help you fix any mistakes." The red head moves over to the guitars and picks up the electric and rhythm guitars. "After that, we'll play 'A Little Faster' with you on rhythm," he continues, setting down said guitar in front of me.

Oh, is that all? I thought it was something hard. They're milking this day for all it's worth.

"Just do your best," Lenalee smiles warmly, giving the sheet music to me. "It doesn't have to be perfect." I try and return her smile, but fail somewhat. I look at the notes and experimentally play the first line. Simple enough. Good thing this keyboard is has the same number of keys as the one back home. I wait for Kanda to tap off or something, but everyone is looking to me expectantly.

Lavi seems to realize what's wrong. "You start." He turns to look at Kanda. "Give him the tap off, Yu-chan~!"

He glares at Lavi, and then turns it to me. "Don't screw up." He's _so_ encouraging. His sticks rise in the air. "1…2…1, 2, 3, 4!"

Lenalee plucks on the beginning beat of each measure as I start the simple melody. I cut off as Kanda and Lavi come in. Lavi sings the same lines as earlier, impressing me once again with his voice. I start playing again with the next lines, just a few eight notes at the beginning of the measure.

I stop at the chorus, Lavi's gutiar and the drums picking up._"Say what you mean_  
><em>Tell me I'm right<em>  
><em>And let the sun rain down on me<em>  
><em>Give me a sign<em>  
><em>I want to believe<em>

They kick in even stronger, the beat each to make me want to tap my foot just to tap my foot. It's a good sound, one that makes you want to listen._  
><em>

_"Whoa, Mona Lisa,_  
><em>You're guaranteed to run this town<em>  
><em>Whoa, Mona Lisa,<em>  
><em>I'd pay to see you frown"<em>

My melody again at the slight pause with the addition of Kanda and Lavi. His drumming is amazing, skill only enhanced at my closeness, even if it is making me go deaf. Lenalee sounds amazing as the bass line, adding to the song well.

_"He senses something, call it desperation_

Let's not forget Lavi's amazing voice._  
><em>  
><em>Another dollar, another day<em>  
><em>And if she had the proper words to say,<em>  
><em>She would tell him<em>  
><em>But she'd have nothing left to sell him"<em>

Another pause with only Lavi's guitar. Lenalee smiles at me from across the room, mouthing 'Having fun?'

The chorus repeats, Kanda adding in some good drum work in the middle._  
><em>

Oh man that's a lot of notes. How ironic it gets harder for me at the mellow part. I have no practice with this tune, so I wing it as best I can. Looking ahead, it has parts written in with the lyrics that cues me to sing. Great.

_"Mona Lisa,"_ Lavi sings in a voice smooth as honey, _"wear me out,"_  
><em>Pleased to please ya<em>  
><em>Mona Lisa wear me out<em>

Now just some whole notes from me while Lavi sings. Thank god! It's such a nice break._  
><em>

_"Say what you mean_  
><em>Tell me I'm right<em>  
><em>And let the sun rain down on me<em>  
><em>Give me a sign<em>  
><em>I want to believe<em>

_"Whoa,"_ the song picks back up,_ "Mona Lisa,_  
><em>You're guaranteed to run this town<em>  
><em>Whoa, Mona Lisa,<em>  
><em>I'd pay to see you frown<em>

Here's where I sing! Crap! I hold on to 'frown' a little late as Lavi goes on with, "_Say what you mean_  
><em>Tell me I'm right<em>  
><em>And let the sun rain down on me ('<em>on~' from me here_)_  
><em>Give me a sign<em>  
><em>I want to believe<em>

The old melody returns as our singer finishes with an eerie, _"There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for…" _Nice touch.

A silence descends on the others, making me uncomfortable. On the CD I heard in Lavi's car, it sounded like they usually get noisy after a song. Did I mess up that badly? I should feel happy- maybe they'll kick me out- but I don't think it was that bad? Why do I feel insulted? Probably that stupid pride I managed to hold onto even after all the years with Cross.

"Can I marry you?" Lavi asks, face completely serious. "That was near perfect. It sounded just like I thought it would. That never happens," he adds, almost to himself. His gaze moves from me to Lenalee. "That never happens," he repeats.

"Umm…" I have no idea what to say to that. The teen moves over towards me and bows.

"Allen whatever-your-middle-name-is Walker," he takes off his bandana. "Will you marry me?" His face moves to a slight frown. "After your stage fright is cured?"

Lenalee is holding back a snicker and sends me the heart with her hands. Kanda's just looking at us like we're filth on his shoe. Is this a joke? Hey, I'll roll with it. "Only if you always buy me food, no matter how much I want, starting tomorrow."

Lavi glances at the now snickering bass player. "Seeing as I'm missing something that will probably cause a giant hole in my wallet, how about we hold off on those wedding plans and just work on the melody before 'Mona Lisa wear me out.'"

+…+

After the sixth play through, everyone is satisfied with their part for now. Practice works in the strangest way, but somehow works. Everyone goes around to parts they want to practice, Lavi helps the three of us with the spot we have trouble at, and we all return the favor by trying to make suggestions about his singing and playing. It's actually very effective.

"A Little Faster" sounds a truckload better with the rhythm guitar, even if it did take me longer than my part in "Mona Lisa." I'm a little rusty on the guitar. We even got Kanda to admit it was better, but he insisted it was only because my girlish high voice replaced his in the songs. The bastard seemed to be just fine in the background. I can't blame him.

The others put down their instruments, careful not to damage them, and move back to the front room. We're done? I feel...disappointed. I was having fun. Unsure of what to do, I follow suit.

Pushing the sheet out of the way, I almost collide with the fridge door. "Sorry. What do you want to drink?"

I peer into the cooler, but recoil slightly as the cool air drifts to my face. "Anything with sugar." Still somewhat unsure, I move over to the ring of seats where Kanda and Lenalee are lounging and sit in the closest chair.

Lavi kicks the fridge closed with his foot. "American teenagers run of caffeine," he laughs, lobbing each of us a can. The beanbag next to me sinks under his weight. "So, you stickin' around, Moyashi?"

"It's Allen. Don't you start too," I warn. I open the Sprite I was given and take a sip. The liquid is sweet relief after practice. It's been awhile since I really sang. "Who owns this house?" I ask, ignoring Lavi's question. His frown shows that he noticed my dodge, but Lenalee interrupts before he can steer the conversation back.

"It's abandoned, but completely safe. We found it, spruced it up, brought in our equipment, and it turned into ZoNE's clubhouse." She gestures around. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Kanda snorts. "I can't believe you used the word 'spruced.'" Lenalee punches his shoulder, but he doesn't flinch. The apathetic jerk does rub his shoulder when she turns towards me, though. I hold in a well deserved snicker as she continues.

"Anyway, since you're part of the band, come any time. Fridge is open, the Wii has some decent games, and the couch isn't too bad as a bed." She points to the grumpy teen beside her. "He spends the most time out of all of us here, so don't destroy the house if Lavi isn't here."

"Why just me?" Lavi asks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Because I refuse to get in the middle of their fights. I'd rather cheer from the sidelines," she replies bluntly. "There's also a good chance you'll piss Kanda off enough he'll leave Allen alone so," she shrugs, "yeah."

Lavi sighs. "You're throwing me to the dogs?" His attention comes back to me. "So…you staying?"

The moment of truth. Lenalee won't save me and Kanda…I hope he dies in a hole. It's not bad here, and Lavi really is an amazing writer. They're all amazing players. Not only that, I get along with him and Lenalee. Kanda…maybe I can burn him with the alcohol stores. When push comes to shove, I want to stay. But my stage fright...maybe I can just stick around till they find someone new? Add the toilet in and I arrive at my answer.

"Until you find someone else to replace me." When Lavi and Lenalee let out a whoop of joy and both tackle-hug me, I feel no regret whatsoever. The complete confidence in my decision that crushes down is new to me, but feels amazing.

"I don't care if you walk on stage wearing only a banana outfit and stink like hell, you are in for life!" A laugh- an honest to god laugh- escapes me at Lavi's statement. He looks at me for a moment with shock, but his mask seems to disappear as well. He smiles back.

'_I'll set u guys up after u open up ;)'_

_'I will when he does'_

"Come suffocate Allen with us, Yu~!"

As the hunter draws his sword to hunt his prey, Lenalee beams at me. "You smiled," she points out. I look away with a blush. So it took me a shorter time to smile at Lavi than Lenalee. It means nothing. I was already half way myself with Kanda just being in the room. He just..._irks_ me. No, he reminds me of Cross with his attitude. I think that's why.

Although, it could also be the sense of kinship I feel around me. Lavi isn't always himself, just like me, but knowing the red head is as fake as I am sometimes makes me want to know what he's hiding. Lenalee is always open and smiling, and Kanda...is Kanda. They just create this atmosphere I can relax in.

_Do you like waffles? Yeah, we like waffles! Do you like pancakes? Yeah, we like pancakes!_

"Lavi, your phone's ringing!" Why am I not surprised that song is his ring tone?

"Yu~! I need to get that!" His comment just makes Kanda even more determined to kill him. Lavi ducks under the blade, and I notice Kanda's using the flat part. So he's not as homocidal as I thought, hm? "It's my Gramps!" Amazingly, the wanna-be samurai stops chasing the rabbit and lets him retrieve his phone from the floor.

Lavi steps outside, leaving the room silent. We all exchange looks (well, Kanda and I exchange glares), wondering what to do now. Sighing, Lenalee moves to the Wii and brings out two remotes with the nun chuck, two without, and an old game cube controller.

"Who wants to play Super Smash Brothers Brawl?" This is the first time Kanda and I ever agreed on anything.

+…+

I wonder what Lavi is thinking as he walks back in to see Kanda on top of me attempting to strangle me with the nun chuck cord. On the TV screen, Marth claps in second place along with the third place Zelda as Pit stands in his victory pose in first. I rock as this game Marth was a goner from the start.

"Six," Lenalee supplies indifferently, searching for something on her cell phone instead of helping me like a good friend.

"What?"

"Kanda lost six times to a black angel." So Pit looks more kick ass in a black outfit. Sue me.

Lavi claps his hands. "Finally, the all powerful Yu-chan is beaten!" He beams down at me. "I've been trying for months to kill him with Bowser, but for Marth to be done in by an angel? Priceless!"

"I'm glad you're so happy, Lavi," I choke out, "but could you get him off me!"

He chuckles nervously and looks to Lenalee. "Help?" My so-called friend glances up to check the time.

"I need to get home before Komui starts his Calls of Doom." Lena stands up and tugs on Kanda's ponytail boldly. "Come on, you need to drive me home." To my utter shock and amazement, he stands up without a fight and follows her to his car, tightening the cord once before letting go.

The door slams shut, leavinf me alone with Lavi. There's an uncomfortable silence for a few beats. I exchange a glance with Lavi. "So…when do you need to be home?" I make sure to ask nonchalantly as I get up to shut off the Wii. Lavi stops me and picks up the controller Kanda was using.

"Not for awhile." He hits accept on all the players. Music pours from the TV that now displays character selection. "Want to go a few rounds?" The clock reads 6 o'clock. Cross should already be gone, and I have nothing to do. Why not?

+…+

"Yes! Ten to nine! I win!" Lavi throws down his controller and does a highly embarrassing victory dance. I sigh and thump my head on the back of the couch. It was so close! One more good hit and he was mine! Damn those stupid random catapults on the ship's deck.

An hour has passed and I have lost the unofficial tournament Lavi and I had participated in. We'd joked around, 'accidentally' resumed the game when the other was in the can, and pushed each other physically as we fought. It was the most fun I've had in a while.

Lavi finishes, stretching his arms up and cracking his back. "Ready to go, Sprout?"

I lightly kick my foot at his leg. "It's Allen." I stand up and follow suit. "Wait, my book bag was in Kanda's car!" No, my Crown Clown! I need it! Not to mention some of my food money was in there, which is about three hundred dollars cash.

The rabbit just chuckles and waves me out the door. I give him a questioning look, but do as he says. Outside, free for any random kid walking by to take, is my book bag on the front door. Lavi's is in the bush. "I don't think he likes you much," I observe dryly.

"Yu just a fan of tough love." He picks it out of the bush and slings it over his shoulder, brushing a few leaves off like he finds his bag in a bush everyday. He probably does. "Let's go."

The walk home is a back and forth conversation of jokes and serious music talk. Lavi asks if I have written anything, which I quickly deny. A specific notebook in my bag seems to burn at my back, but I ignore it. He gives me a look, but drops the subject.

When he isn't being fake, Lavi isn't too different from the one I met on the bus, but more like the one I originally met in the car. He smiles, but isn't as overly expressive. He's happy-go-lucky, but not ADD. The serious look still doesn't suit him as well as a smile, but it's nice to see it occasionally. In return, I try to be myself as much as I can.

Tomorrow, things will probably be back to normal. I'm not ready to give up my fake front, but it should be easier to let out my smart-ass comments around Lavi. People don't change over night, but who knows? Maybe this band thing will actually help me.

"**The Hell song" by Sum 41 and "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" (shortened to Mona Lisa throughout the rest of the story when talked about) by Panic! At the Disco is used. If you don't know Lavi's ring tone, shame on you.**

**In case I don't get the next chapter up before the new year, Happy Christmas and Merry New Year!  
><strong>

**Read and review! Rejection keeps you human~!**


	4. But It's Better If You Do

**Santa didn't get me DGM again (sniff)**

**But It's Better If You Do  
><strong>

The weeks pass quickly. I realize that ZoNE's HQ is actually farther away than I thought, and trying to walk home takes over half an hour. Stupid sense of direction I don't have. I've come to also find out that the town is like a giant compass. Lavi and I live on the 'S,' and Kanda and Lenalee live on the 'W.' HQ is a little closer to us, but is basically 'SW.' The shopping area and the school share the center.

Class is uneventful- well, as uneventful as it can be with Komui as a teacher. The clarinet section quickly welcomes me in and by Friday I'm sitting by Lavi and Lenalee. The English teacher keeps an eye on our group, but, more often than not, she's laughing along with us. Her monkey, though, gives me the evil eye. I think he liked the taste of my flesh. Kanda is…ugh, and Science Strategies is…ugh. Swimming isn't so bad with Lavi there, at least. By December, we should move from the stupid aerobics unit to water polo, so that should make the class not as mind numbing.

Every day before school, without fail, Lavi knocks on my door at the same time my alarm goes off. He's taken it upon himself to make sure I don't over sleep again. I think the sadistic bastard is waiting for the one time I don't answer the door so he can climb into my window like the creeper he is and throw water on me. Thankfully, I've been able to cover my arm all the times he's been here, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up without looking suspicious.

Everyday after school, I climb into his car to go to the Order so we can practice for a good hour or two and then relax. Amazingly, I find myself looking forward to going to what ZoNE named "The Black Order." For short it's called HQ or The Order. Lavi explained that when they found the place, it was filled with all this Goth and occult stuff. They called it The Black Order, and the name stuck.

Kanda and I usually get into fights before, during, and after practice, but it wakes me up more than coffee ever will. I notice there's been no effort by anyone to look for my replacement, but I doubt that'll be the case when we finally perform.

Lenalee always goes home with Kanda after practice since they live in the same general area. I hope Komui castrates him if he ever hurts Lena, otherwise I will. Lavi and I usually hang around a little while longer before we leave. The ride home is more open than at school or if the other two are in the car. Both Lavi and I seem to lower our shields with more ease in the small metal contraption that sometimes makes me fear for my life. Maybe it's the comfort of knowing we won't be seen without defenses, but I live for the time I can be me without yelling at Cross or Kanda.

I'll be dropped me off in my driveway before Lavi backs out and drive over to his house that's within walking distance. 'Can't have you shot on the way home,' Lavi tells me. 'Who knows what could happen in that two minute walk from my house to yours.' I give him grief about it, but, with the days getting darker earlier, I'm actually grateful.

Right now it's about midnight on Saturday (or is it Sunday now?). I left money on the table for Cross when Lavi came to pick me up on Friday night, thinking that drunkard would just pick it up and go, and I'd spend the weekend at the Order practicing and relaxing. We even got Komui to let Lenalee stay over night (I've never met a more stubborn guy).

Lavi has decided that he'll prank anyone who falls asleep so I'm pinching myself and downing as much soda as I can. Lenalee has gone the coffee route, but Kanda just falls asleep on the far wall after threatening to chop Lavi's head off if he so much as breathes on him wrong. Apparently lack of sleep doesn't improve his mood. Shocker! Who would've guessed?

"Come on~!" Lavi whines. "Let's play this Just Dance 3 game Lenalee bought! I've never played before~!" He grabs my arm and starts shaking it "Please~!" Insert puppy dog eye here.

I groan. Dance games are not my forte, and I'm tired enough to drop dead. Tt always ends with my controller out the window or in a wall anyway. "Play with Lenalee. If you find a good song maybe I'll play." Lavi cheers loudly, making Kanda snort in his sleep but not wake up. Lenalee shoots me a look of betrayal, but I just smile back. Payback's a bitch, isn't it? Yes, I'm still sore about the kidnapping. You would be, too!

Soon arms are flailing dangerously close to my position on the couch, so I move over to the wall Kanda's along. I can't hold back a laugh at Lavi's over the top dancing. He does all the feet and hand stuff, basically looking like a dying fish. As I watch I figure, hey, why just punish Lenalee? My phone soon starts recording. Hello, Youtube.

"Send me that later, Moyashi," a deep voice grumbles to me under a black blanket. "Maybe it can get the rabbit off my back with black mail."

I click my tongue. "_You _are asleep. Get your own blackmail." The song stops, announcing that Lavi as somehow won. I quickly stuff my phone back out of sight as he looks over and offers the Wii remote. I shake my head and gesture for him to continue. I make sure the song has started before talking again. "You've been around him for years. How do you not have black mail?"

There's shifting. Kanda's head suddenly pokes out of one end of the blanket, strongly reminding me of the whack-a-mole game. Now I wish I had Cross' hammer. "Oh, I've had black mail, but he's either grown out of it or doesn't care anymore." Wait for it. "Che."

"Such a good friend," I intone hypocritically as I finger my phone again.

"I never said I was his friend."

I roll my eyes. "Are you always so blunt and rude?"

Kanda glares back, but it holds none of the usual fire. "Are you always so coldly polite and happy? You and Cyclopes over there," he jerks his head to the still dancing red head, "are so alike, it's scary."

I make sure he can see my look of exaggerated horror in the dim lighting. "So I'm flamboyant and hyper? Really?"

"Don't get sarcastic with me," he warns, eyes moving to the close by Mugen. "I'm talking about at school, around other people."

"So you _do_ pay attention to other people." Damn! I can't help it. The comment just slips out. I brace for impact.

"I never _said _I was his friend," Kanda repeats, making no move to hit me. He starts to wiggle back into his makeshift shelter, but stops and looks at me indifferently. "You better hope he brought the washable marker if you fall asleep," he warns.

I watch him finish his retreat with an open mouth. "Thanks…I think." I turn back to the screen where an Eskimo wearing a sparkly jumpsuit that looks- there is no other way to describe it- stereotypically gay is dancing…and Lavi's doing a good job at copying him. It takes me a few minutes after I get that picture out of my head to realize I just had a conversation with Kanda that involved no yelling. Maybe he's not so bad after all.

+…+

"'2 AM,'" I say out loud, pretending to type on my phone. "'Lenalee has just abandoned me with the rabbit. I am scared for my survival, but so far he seems to be entertained by 'The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.' Will write later if still alive.'"

"Ha, ha, HA!" Lavi yells the last part as he widely swings his controller, physically dodging as well. The little show off got to the boss of the first temple in less than two hours. Even _Cross _can't do that, and he's been playing 'Zelda' since the first NES game came out.

"You're sure you never played this before?" I ask incredulously as the door to the boss opens. Lavi had just randomly picked a game after I had impaled the wall with a controller and Lenalee called it a night.

"Yeah. I have no idea how I ever missed this game!" A small cut scene starts, and we spend about ten minutes trying to say 'Ghirahim' right. We ended up yelling 'rape!'* at the same time half way through the scene (poor Link) and laughing like idiots for another five minutes, but the red head still goes strong in the fight, even though he's still shaking with laughter. He yells indignantly, humor gone, as Link is hit and lets out a victorious yell when he injures him in return, completely captivated by the game. It doesn't matter that his eye is probably burning in its socket due to the only light is now coming from the TV. Lavi is determined to beat him.

"Screw you to fucking heaven where you will _burn, _you bitch of a demon lord!" Lavi yells at the TV when he's killed. He flips the game off for a good measure, too. He hits 'continue' fiercely, angry expression making me laugh insanely. I quiet down when he enters again, small bursts of laughter escaping occasionally. To get a better range without knocking my teeth out he stands up in a defensive position and swings the remote with all his might. At one point he even makes a physical motion to roll. How awesome would a game like that be?

"I did it!" Lavi yells excitedly when the next cut scene starts. "Oh my god, I _did _it!"

I roll my eyes. "Just save the game before something bad happens, like Kanda waking up and smashing the TV to make you shut up."

Lavi laughs softly as he sits down next to me again. "You know Yu too well. He did something similar to that a few years ago. He also pissed Gramps off so bad that even Mr. Fearless over there stayed away from my house like we had the plague."

"Really? Kanda was scared?" Note: Never piss off Lavi's grandpa.

He saves the game and returns to the title screen, closing his eyes as the music plays. When he had first turned it on, he sat there for five minutes just listening to the music. "I think so. Gramps can be scary when he wants to be, plus I hadn't pissed him off lately at that time so his rage just kinda grew…"

"You can hold back from pissing off Kanda?" Color me impressed.

Lavi rolls his eyes. "I have _some _self control. Besides, I don't have to do so much work anymore now that your mere presence makes him want to kill you with Mugen."

I make an exasperated sound, stretching out on the couch so my feet sit on Lavi's lap. He looks at me, but doesn't say anything. "I still can't believe he hasn't been expelled for carrying around a sword."

"Actually, he did get expelled once, but not for Mugen."

I sit up, making sure not to jerk my legs into Lavi's stomach or crotch. "What?" Lenalee groans in her sleep. "What happened?" I ask, lowering my voice to a murmur.

Lavi beams at me and holds his arms out in a "Ta-da!" way. "He met me!" Why am I not surprised? "I may have egged him on in eighth grade and got us both detention." He shrugs.

"So, he was expelled later for stabbing you or something?" Lavi must be a masochist.

"I didn't say that. Apparently, his adopted father, Tiedoll-" He stops. "Have you taken art or seen the teacher with a gray afro and glasses?" I nod. "That's him. Anyway, I guess he was going to come and talk to us, which was worse than detention for Yu. So," pause for dramatic effect, "he climbed out the window by stacking desks on top of each other to reach a window."

I sweat drop. "His dad's that bad?"

Lavi shakes his head. "I love Tiedoll, but his over bearing nature just rubs Yu the wrong way. I ended up following him and had a lot of fun! He tried to stab me several times, but, hey, he was interesting. After we were both expelled for running away and fighting, and I became his new bestest friend," Lavi smirks at Kanda's sleeping figure, "whether he wants me to be or not."

Oh, he doesn't…or does he? Kanda's like a book, his emotions displayed on his face as he feels them, but I can never see anything under the rage. It's like he puts all his energy into that one emotion he feels, usually anger, and blocks out all others. It's a trait I can't help but grudgingly admire. Is he secretly glad to have a friend?

I sigh. "I hope Cross gives him a good scare if he ever meets him. Although he might be too broke and drunk to give a shit who it is either way."

There's a silence. What do we do know? "So," Lavi starts slowly, "what to freeze Lenalee's bra and braid Yu's hair?"

I star at him. "You want to freeze my oldest friend's bra, which will surely result in having a killer robot come after you, and braid Kanda's hair, which will result in you being impaled on a tree somewhere?" He nods. "And you want me to help so I share the same fate?" He nods. "No, I'll just watch. Good luck."

+…+

Today is Sunday at about 7 o'clock, Lavi is driving me home, and I'm ready to die from lack of sleep. Once 8 AM had rolled around last night, I conked out. I was sure I was safe, but Lavi still drew on my face even after we became partners in crime. I got him back, though, because he fell asleep next to me when he was done. Lenalee shook me awake a little later, making me jump. My foot connected with his crotch, and Lavi spoke in a higher octave for the next hour.

Lenalee didn't think to check for her missing bra in the freezer, so when Kanda next opens it to get his frozen soba or whatever he puts in there, it'll be like killing two birds with one stone.

Speaking of Kanda, Lavi has a new scar on his arm to show off to the girls. The Japanese teen just doesn't like his hair braided with flower Lenalee's hair bands. Apparently, Lavi plans to get some sympathy or something from the wound. Cross used the same sympathy move with me when I was younger, claiming his wife had left him with me to be with her lover. It worked, too. I just hope Lavi doesn't sink to that…

He pulls into his driveway and lets me out there, stating walking a few feet won't kill me. "We don't know that," I complain. Still, I grab my overnight bag (there was a big shower there too, and I was not going to miss the opportunity) and stagger over while rubbing my eyes. I dimly notice the lights are on, but it doesn't really sink in what it means until I nearly crash into Cross as I walk in the door.

"Where were you?" he growls in a Kanda-like manner. His eye that's visible is narrowing as he glares at me. "Meet a fuck buddy or something?" Cross' hands are clean of any alcohol, and, since he usually keeps one drink on hand if he's drinking, it means he's sober and serious. Those are two words that scare the living crap out of me if they involve Cross.

Trying to avoid an early grave, I set my bag next to me and move to check the kitchen for dirty dishes. Responding would get me into more trouble with him than not, so I walk respectfully by him to reach the kitchen where I can see the mountain of dishes. Thankfully, he leaves me to my task, knowing if I don't clean them _he'll_ end up paying for new dishes. I take my sweet time, washing some twice for the hell of it. I see no problem with my plan until I hear my ring tone for a text go off.

_Why can't we be friends?_ It's Lavi. He stole my phone and set that as the ring tone that plays when he calls or texts. _Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be fri-_

Wait, the song shouldn't end there. Oh no, where's Cross? I make quick work of the remaining dishes (I'm not so panicked as to leave them and be punished later) and rush into the living room to see him lounging on the couch with his boots on the table as he reads my phone.

"What-"

He holds up his palm. "No questions until you explain this." Cross thrusts the old thing into my face.

I give him a hard stare. "This is called a cell phone. People use it to talk to each other from far away."

"Read the damn thing before I kick your ass so hard my boot will come out your mouth."

"Lovely." And that image is stuck with me forever. I move back so I can actually read the pixel message as silence falls.

_I__'m an astronaut__. __My next mission is to explore Uranus ;)_

My jaw hits the floor. "I-I-I-I…I-I-I-" There are just no words.

"There's more." His thumb clicks through the last ten texts I received, all from Lavi, and stops at '_Roses r red/ Violets r gold/ Get on ur knees/ and do as ur told.'_

"So your fuck buddy's name is Lavi?" He doesn't even wait for my denial. "I doubt you're on top, so why aren't you limping?" Wow...that's one of the most close-minded things I've ever heard.

Cross takes out a lighter to light the cigarette he put into his mouth as I read. It's all I can do not to take it and set his hair on fire.

_Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be fri-_

The nicotine-addicted, sorry excuse for a guardian doesn't even let me read it as he clicks the 'open' option. His eyes scan the message. "You wanted these?" What? I grab the phone out of his hand.

_Here's the list you asked for on Monday _

He just had to remember _now_, didn't he? Did Lavi, like, bug my house so he would _know _when it would be the worst time to text this? Maybe he's peeking through the window now.

Slowly, I grab the empty bottle lying on the floor a few feet away as I move towards the window. I must be quiet...

"What are you doing?" Cross asks as I open the window and start swing the bottle around outside and in the bushes.

"Checking for rabbits."

"Have you been doing crack?" There's undisguised amusement in his voice that make me what to throw the bottle in my hand at him. I do spin around to face him, but refrain from throwing glass _yet_. "Or a person?" He becomes serious. "What have you been going after school?"

I give him a glare, feeling myself get angrier. "You've left me alone the last four years. What's different now? It makes perfect sense you would start to give a shit now that I'm happy!" Wait…I'm happy?

...Dear god I am. What's wrong with me!

"Exactly!" Cross yells. Smoke swirls around him from his cigarette, but he doesn't smoke it. "Why the hell have you been smiling like an ass the last week? The only conclusion I've got is you got a fuck buddy!" He's off the couch and is meeting my glare head on. "Do you know how messy that can get?"

"I don't know, seeing as I'm not you!" I accuse. "And I don't have a fuck buddy!"

"And I'm not as much of a man whore as you think I am," he takes a drag of his smoke, "you idiotic asshole!"

I notice we've gotten steadily louder as our conversation has gone on. I bet we're disturbing the to shut the window to stop from throwing the bottle, my heart jumps in my throat as I come face to face with someone. Screaming (yes, everyone screams when _someone is breaking into your house!_), I throw the bottle at them without even thinking about it.

"The hell Allen!" a familiar voice yells as he ducks out of the way. "I come over to see what's wrong and you throw a bottle at me?" Lavi leans into the open window and crosses his arms on the still. "Hiya Mr…." He looks between Cross and I like he's trying to find the similarities, "…Cross." He must remember his name from the times I ranted about him. "I'm-"

"-his fuck buddy, right?" At both our stares, Cross elaborates. "He's in our yard at this time of night, so he must be sneaking over into your room and ended up at the wrong window." He takes a drag of his cigarette. "That or you thought I'd be out tonight."

Lavi is silent for a second. "I was going to finish that sentence with 'I'm Lavi.'" He points towards his house. "Also, I can hear your yelling from next door and wanted to make sure my new pianist," he reaches out to mess up my hair, "wasn't getting attacked by a rapist."

"Damn you, Lavi," I mutter as Cross' expression turns furious. He isn't exactly supportive about me playing in marching band. I can't imagine his anger at an actual band. There's a reason I didn't tell him! At least Lavi said 'my,' which Cross will take as an indicator of him starting or being in charge of the band. Of course, my friend is totally clueless to his impending doom. I make sure to keep my eyes on Cross' hands so I can push my stupid friend out of the way when he goes for the gun most likely hidden under his long coat.

"Moron!" an old voice yells almost right next to me. I spin around and see an old man with gray hair in the shape of a question mark standing where Lavi used to be. Around his narrowed eyes are black patches of make up. "Stop spying on the neighbors. You're going to be arrested one of these days and I won't bail you out of jail."

I stick my head out the window and see Lavi sitting up from where he was knocked flat on his back. "What was that for, you old panda!"

That was probably one of the stupidest questions he could've asked. The old man- who, admittedly, does somewhat look like a panda- jumps and lands a kick on Lavi's head! Wait…we need him alive for ZoNE to work. I jump out the window and follow after as he's dragged back towards his house.

"E-excuse me!" I yell after them, using the voice most adults trust in a second. "Who are you?" Lavi looks close to laughing as I talk, but I can't afford to shoot him a glare as the panda scans me up and down. I know it's completely different than how I talk, but you think he'd take a hint.

"Lose the act, kid."

I cock my head to the side and use the biggest 'I'm innocent' eyes I can muster. "What act?" Lavi shoves his face to the ground so he doesn't out right howl with laughter, but you'd have to be blind to miss the way his body is shaking.

"Allen," Cross intones from behind me. I glance over my shoulder to see his 'stop' glare and let my mask fall to a look of annoyance. "Bookman, it's been awhile." He flicks his cigarette butt at the still trembling figure of Lavi. "That's your grandson?"

Oh! This is Gramps! The small man isn't really what I'm expecting. Lavi usually goes around any mention of his grandpa besides last night. I never push since I offer no details about Cross or my father that came before him, but he's a few levels down from Cross from what I've heard.

"Cross," he greets as Lavi stands up and moves beside him, more composed than I've ever seen the rabbit before. He does send me what I think is a wink, but who can tell with an eye patch? "I apologize for any trouble my idiot grandson may have caused."

"Do you know about this fuck buddy thing?" Cross demands, getting straight to the point. No wonder he gets into so many bar fights. He has enough bluntness to beat someone with. "Or the band thing?"

Bookman's expression does waver at my stupid guardian's first question, but Lavi looks ready to go into hysterics. "This band is just a flight of fancy. He'll come around eventually; just let them go. Teens will do anything to rebel." By his grandson's expression, I don't think Lavi considers this a 'flight of fancy.'

"I don't really care. As long as shortie here," he jabs his finger to me, "can pay my debts, I have no problem at all."

"I'm not short!" Cross and Lavi both let out a laugh _at the same time_! "Love you too, Lavi," I shoot at him sarcastically, crossing my arms in a huff. "You too, bastard." Lavi shoots this alarmed look at his grandpa, but I have no idea why.

"Don't care." Cross turns back to he house. "Come on, I'm freezing my ass off." Really? It's only October. I stifle down the sarcastic comment, give a quick wave to Lavi, and follow into the house.

"How do you know Bookman?" When it comes to people Cross know there are two types: one is those he borrows from that hate him and the other is those he borrows from that want to shoot him. Believe me, there's a thin but important line between the two I _need_ to be aware of.

He moves to the couch and stretches out on it, clicking on the TV. He waits until he's comfortable before answering, "None of your damn business, but if you _really _want to know, why not tell me about your little band." He flicks his eyes to me. "I thought you had stage fright or something."

"I do, but, apparently, that doesn't matter to them." I roll my eyes. "How do you know Bookman?"

"So he isn't a fuck buddy-"

"Damn it, Lavi is not a fuck buddy! He's my friend!" I want to kill him! God dammit, I want to kill him! Hell, I'll even take Kanda's sword and use it right now!

Cross looks back to the TV. "So he's a friend with benefits that let you into his band despite your stage fright?"

To impatient to argue, I nod. "How do you know Bookman?"

There's a smirk on his face as he answers, "That's classified."

Oh great. Someone from his CIA days. I hope he doesn't have a grudge.

* * *

><p>"Are you and that boy in a relationship?" Gramps demands coldly in Chinese as we walk back to the house.<p>

"Pfft! Allen?" He's cute, but I'm not dumb enough to disobey Bookman for a kid I've known a week, even if he's like a walking miracle with his playing. "Don't worry. I've done just as you said. No one suspects I'm gay. You can even go check the school cameras. I haven't done anything immoral to any guys."

He nods curtly. "How are your classes?" Why does he talk like he hasn't been living in the house with me the passed two months of school?

"You're leaving again." It's not a question. The only time he actually shows interest in school is right before he leaves to make sure I'll be fine. Gramps opens the door, but I don't step in. "It's only been two months-"

"Do you want to come with me?" he asks. I stay silent, biting back my words. "Then stop your whining." I walk in and slam the door behind me as we continue in, the only thing I can do to alert him to how mad I am. If I'm lucky, he'll get the hint and lay off. "Still wasting time in art class with Tiedoll?"

Rage bubbles up in me. It's not wasted time! I love drawing and music, but _noooo_! I'm going to be the next Bookman, just like Dad and Gramps and his dad and all the other god damn people in my god damn family. Instead of yelling like I burn to, I keep it sweet and vague, not looking at him. "I'm still in art."

"A waste of time," he mumbles, shaking his head as we move to the kitchen. Dinner is still on the stove, but I reach in the fridge and grab an apple, appetite ruined by his band comment from earlier. I sit on the counter as he starts talking. "That Cross is too soft, not having that Allen boy train. His legacy would be amazing."

I laugh. "If you mean his legacy of debt and alcohol, I doubt Allen would ever do that!"

Eyes pierce me, completely zapping my desire for food. "Are you close to him?"

"No."

'We've only known each other for a week,' I add mentally. If Gramps were to take that into consideration, well, I don't want to move just because Allen showed up. "He's just the pianist in our band."

Gramps eyes study my every move, giving me a 'bug under the microscope' feeling. "Your parents will be visiting in two months for Christmas, so you'll have to stay with that Yu boy you hang on or get a girlfriend to please your father."

Gramps keeps talking, but I zone out. My mind flashes back at the mention of Yu without my consent.

_I sit in my room with Yu, just throwing a baseball back and forth as he waits for five o'clock. __I let him stay over at my house when he's not in a mood to talk to his adoptive brothers and father, and it's nice to not be by myself. I__t's the summer before ninth grade, and I think we're actually friends! __The last one I had was Doug, but…that didn't go so well. I can still hear mom crying and dad yelling at me to fix my fucked up mind and I can't help it and Gramps just shakes his head-_

"_Oi! Rabbit!" I look up in time to dodge the baseball he throws at me. "Why are you zoning out?" _

_Translation: What's wrong?_

_I laugh and avoid the question. "Wouldn't 'Zone' be an awesome name for a band?"_ _Yes, an idea for a band as started to form in my mind, but with Yu as my only friend my contacts are limited. At least he can play drums._

_He growls, rage forming in his eyes. "I don't care about a band, manuke!" _

_Translation: Answer my question, loser!_

Ah, that had been back when Yu still didn't have the hang of English. Even after he could speak it fluently, he cursed in Japanese. It went on like that until he realized it hurt more if people actually knew what he was saying to them. Maybe Allen's BaKanda name isn't so far off.

_I have to deter him somehow…"But Yu-chan~!"_

_That does it. I learned early on never to call Kanda Yu, so of course I make a point to do it all the time. "You're dead!" _

_Translation: You're dead! _

_He lunges for me. I try to back up from my position on the bed, but he falls on top of me._

"Make sure to remove all your strange games. Your not supposed to have them." He waves to the TV. "I can't explain why I'd have those at my age."

I hum in acknowledgement, the scene in my head slowly turning transparent and freezing as the younger me starts to gain the upper hand when karate training kicks in. Gramps starts talking about his mission in Russia, which holds little interest to me, so the scene resumes play, blocking out present day again.

_Finally, I'm able to pin down Yu. Even with his samurai like skills, Gramps' training still gets me on top. We're both panting, Yu a little harder since I'm sitting on his stomach, and staring at each other. He starts moving his arms to push me off, but I have them secure in mine._

"_How'd you do that?" he growls. "Let go of me! Kono yarou!"_

"_No, I will _not _eat shit, Yu." I can see shock on his face for once as I translate his sentence. I haven't told im I can understand his Japanese. "In fact, shouldn't you be nicer to me, seeing as I can do…this!" I quickly move so I can pin both hands with one of mine and start trying to braid his ponytail with the other. He jerks his head, and I accidentally pull out his ponytail holder._

"_Bastard!" he screams, bucking under me and shaking the bed. I smirk._

_Of course, that's when Gramps comes in._

"You are dismissed!" I jump, but turn it into a natural motion by using the momentum to get off the counter. I start up the stairs, keeping the memory down, only catching snippets of Gramps yelling about 'traditions' and 'morals,' while Yu runs from the house. With the murderous aura my grandpa can have, I can't really blame him.

The yelling from the memory is starting to get unbearable, so I take out my handy dandy ipod (Blue's Clues flash) and blast "Thousand Miles" at full volume, closing my eyes to completely focus on the music surrounding me.

_If I could fall into the sky  
>Do you think time would pass me by?<br>'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
>If I could just see you<br>Tonight_

* * *

><p>"Lavi, are you okay?" I ask. Lavi'a sitting next to with his stand and instrument, ready before Komui yells at him. He also didn't talk almost the whole way to school, at all, which is a record. There wasn't even a 'hey' of greeting. It was one of the most awkward car rides I've ever had, including the one where Cross started having a wet dream in a taxi. Okay, maybe not that bad.<p>

He sighs, almost knocking his sheet music to the ground. "I'm fine beansprout," he chuckles.

I sigh, but notice Lavi's laugh is somewhat forced. Something really has to be bothering him if he's letting this much of his emotion show in his eyes…or am I just getting better at reading him? "Do you need help with anything?"

Lavi regards me much like a large bull dog would a Shih tzu. "No, I'm fine."

I start to respond, but Komui cuts us off to start band. Even Lavi's trumpet playing is at normal levels and not his deafening levels. Honestly, I'm a little more than worried. I think Komui notices as well because he calls him over to his office, leaving me alone since Lenalee has some meeting for her club this period.

"So," the Portuguese Pervert's voice whispers into my ear, "is your wood hard?"

I spin around almost falling out of my seat. "What?"

He knocks on Timcanpy, just adding to my temper. "Your clarinet wood. Is it hard?" Tyki smirks at me. "My, my, what dirty thoughts were _you _having?" He leans closer. "Did they involve me?"

"They'd sooner involve Kanda!" I snap back, earning a few looks from those listening to the conversation. Well, it's true…

"I _knew _there was sexual tension!" Lavi declares from across the room, smirking evilly at me as everyone- I mean _everyone_- looks to me. I glare daggers…at the floor. I'm too scared to look up at Lavi. My breath catches as heat spreads to my face, and I feel my body break out in a sweat. I don't dare to look up until people start talking again. Tyki tries to get a rise out of me, but I stay focused on the floor.

"Sorry," Lavi apologizes, coming through the people in front of me. He glares at Tyki, who raises his hands in peace before leaving.

I glare at Lavi hard after the pervert gets out of earshot. "What the fuck?" I snarl. "I haven't done anything, and I wasn't shying away or whatever." I cross my arms. "What happened to 'every time you chicken out?'" I make my voice mocking, feeling a tad guilty as he flinches.

"Allen-" I move away to sit with the other clarinets, too pissed to care about his excuse. I understand if I deserve it, but just randomly? No dice there. If Lavi feels bad, fine! He has no right to bring me down with him.

+…+

"Bastard!" Kanda yells, Mugen swinging dangerously close to the jacket I wore today. I consider ditching it or throwing it at him, but that would expose my arm. "We are not dating!"

"I never said we were!" I yell back, pumping my arms faster. It's just my luck Kanda, who has heard the new rumors of our, er…love for each other, passed me on my way to swimming. At least outside the school I could've called the cops or found a firearm! This is all Lavi's fault! There's no doubt in my mind the rumor originated in the band room and found its way to Kanda over the course of the day.

Taking a sharp left through some girls (I apologize), I try and guess where I am. I know there's another door on the opposite side of the hall that leads to the pool. I should reach it if I make one more left…

I glance back to see Kanda gaining. The option to turn and throw my book bag flashes through my mind, but I dismiss it. If he dodges it I'll lose precious ground.

There! I sprint around the turn and throw open the door, but don't stop running. The teacher isn't in here, and I doubt anyone will help me. All I can do is attempt to hide. I move to the locker rooms, sure at least one person will help me.

"Oh my god!" a girl's voice yells as I move into the larger area of the locker room. "It's a guy!" Realizing my mistake, I squeeze my eyes shut and press my hands over them before I can see anything, feeling my whole boy flush in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry!" I stammer, turning blindly and stumbling to where I hope the small hallway before the door will be. I wreck into a wall and spin around, disoriented. I don't dare open my eyes as I pick anther direction. I think I'm about to run into another wall because someone turns me and helps me walk out. "I'm sorry," I repeat, trying not to stammer. "I didn't see anything, I swear!"

Thank god whoever is behind me laughs instead of pushing me in the pool. "Were you trying to get away from Kanda?"

I uncover my eyes to see I'm almost face to face with the angry man in question's sword at my throat. "Yes!"

I'm pulled back away from Kanda, getting a quick look at pink hair of my savior. I can see her purple bathing suit and short stature, as she stands straight and confident. "I don't think so, jack ass." She points a green fingernail at him. "This kid just ran into the girls' locker room 'cause of you. Guess who I blame?"

Kanda 'che's and glares at her. "I don't really care, strawberry, just-"

"What did you call me, girly?"

Kanda growls and moves forward, shoving me out of the way in the process. I slide on the wet deck, my book bag falling off my shoulder. I yell out as me feet fly out from under me. my stomach sinking. Suddenly, I'm immersed in water, my eyes stinging from the chlorine.

That ass hole pushed me in the pool!

+…+

Lenalee has tears coming out of her eyes as Lavi recounts his version of coming out of the boys' locker room to see me running into the girls' locker room. Kanda smirks at me in the rear view mirror with no hint of remorse. I glare at him in my too big shirt and pants I borrowed from Lavi. Apparently, he always carries around extra clothes ever since a girl dumped water on him.

"I will get you back," I swear, "and you'll never see it coming." I jump out of the car when we stop and slam the door behind me, hoping I break it. Today, we all had to take Kanda's car because Lavi's grandpa needed his for something. I wouldn't have gotten in with Lavi anyway. I'm still ticked about earlier.

All the bastard does is give a short laugh and move inside. We follow suit and flop down on the couch as he goes to the fridge. I exchange looks with Lavi despite my anger. I snicker mentally as Kanda's hand goes for the freezer handle. Of course, Lena's bra falls out right into his face. Lavi and I explode in laughter as he pulls it away from his face and holds it out for a better look. Kanda yells and drops it as Lenalee runs over with a blush on her face to retrieve her clothing.

"Yu, you sly dog, you!" Lavi says slyly. "Hiding Lenalee's bra in the freezer!"

"Nasty pervert," I mutter.

Kanda, who won't meet Lena's eyes, glares at both of us. Is that a faint blush? Aw! How cute! "Who do you think I am? Tyki?"

"No, you're Yu~!" Lavi yells happily. "Now," he grows serious, "can you guys sit down? I have an idea for ZoNE." He pulls out his book bag and pushes through it, clearly looking for something. My over developed instincts kick in, warning me something bad is coming. Please don't say you found a place for us to perform_. Please_ don't say you found a place for us to perform. "I found a place for us to perform."

Damn it all.

Lavi starts singing the music for opening a chest in Zelda as he digs even deeper into his bag. I really hope he doesn't find what he's looking for. "_Da, da, da, DA_!" he yells, pulling a rumpled piece of paper out a holding it in the air victoriously.

Lenalee blanks. "What is it?"

"You got a flyer for the school's talent show!" Lavi grins down at us. "Stolen from the Portuguese Pervert himself as he sexually harassed Allen, it will increase the fan base of ZoNE easily!"

I facepalm. That was a pretty good impression of the game, though. "So you were too busy stealing a piece of paper to help me preserve what little innocence Cross has left me with? You cruel bastard."

Lavi grins sheepishly and looks away. "I also made sure everyone was looking at you guys so I could steal it." I guess my rage shows on my face, because he flinches slightly. "I'm sorry?"

I throw the nearest thing I can find at him: a pillow. Needless to say, it doesn't do much damage to him since he just dodges out of the way. I'm ready, though. I throw the other one still sticky with pop from last night in the direction he dodged. That one finds its target, stinking to his face. Lavi lets out a cry as it falls, slapping a hand to the back of his head and pulling on his patch's strings. The pillow hovers for a second, stuck to the patch, before getting free. I notice the knot holding his eye patch in place has come undone.

"Shit!" I move forward, but Lavi moves back. "I'm sorry!"

He shakes his head as he carefully reties the knot, taking care to keep the fabric close to his eye. An evil grin shows on his face, a little shaky. "You want to make it up to me?"

I shake my head. "I'm not doing the talent show." At Kanda and Lena's glares, I try a different approach. "I don't think my playing is good enough." Yes, I'm lying, but what else am i supposed to do?

"Allen," Lavi says flatly, single eye looking at me with 'really?' swimming in it, "you're fine. What you _mean _to say is 'I don't think I have enough balls to play in front of a crowd.'"

Kanda laughs. Even Lenalee smiles as I sputter indignantly. I hear that from Cross every other day, but _Lavi_? I feel slightly betrayed. "You guys knew I have stage fright from the beginning! Now what are you doing to cure it? Putting me on stage!" I throw my arms in the air. "Make up your minds! Do you want to help me or torture me?"

"I support torture," volunteers Kanda. "We cam tie him to a post and let the birds eat him."

"Because there are _so_ many man eating birds in Pennsylvania," I retort sarcastically.

Lavi sighs. "Allen, we aren't torturing you! In fact, it's no different from regular practice! It just has more people to listen." He flicks me lightly on the forehead. "The point of a band is to _perform_, not sit in an abandoned house and play for the mice."

"But what if mice start taking over the world and spare us because we played for them?" Lenalee and Kanda stare at me blankly, but Lavi does't miss a beat.

"I think we should take a chance on the small chance that mice won't rule us all one day and go for it."

"Here!" Lenalee yells, raising her hand high in the air.

"You're the strangest fucking moron I have ever met," supplies Kanda.

I give him a smile. "Thanks, Yu-chan~!"

Lavi steps between us before a sword is stabbed into my heart. "You in or out, Yu?"

Kanda freezes in his tracks and regards Lavi. It looks like he's gauging the red head's seriousness, trying to see if we're actually going to do this. Finally, he answers, "Why the hell not?"

And just like that, it's 3-1. Game, set, and match.

I lost.

+…+

"Allen~!" whines Lavi. "Are you ever gonna talk to me again?"

The streetlights flicker in and out of my window, making a steady rhythm I could tap my foot too. Without even looking to the red head next to me, I know his eye is too busy begging me to forgive and not paying attention to the road. Just to spite him, I keep quiet. "I know you're mad, but we have to work together if we want to beat Tyki's band in the show," he says, trying a different approach. I say nothing.

Lavi pulls into my driveway, dowsing the dark house with light. Cross must be at it again. I jump out and shuffle to my door. Lavi stays in the driveway until I get to my front door, keeping his lights on so I don't wreck into the side or trip over a stray raccoon. I notice there are other cars in Lavi's driveway next door, but am surprised when he drives away in the opposite direction without stopping there. He had to borrow Kanda's car, but I still expect him to go see the guests at his house.

Waving the thought off, I unlock the door and make a beeline for my own room. With a huff I throw myself onto the bed.

I curl on my side and listen to my breathing, pondering what will happen when I'm forced onto stage. My lunch will probably reappear, black dots will form in front of my eyes, and my heart will burst causing instant death. Great. At least it will be fast.

Agitated at my weakness, I lightly punch the wall. I didn't _used _to be like this! It's all his fault. If he hadn't-

No, Allen. Don't go there. Find something else to do.

I scan the room and my eyes rest on my piano in the corner. Slowly, I make my way over a sit in front of it. Tenderly, I place my fingers on the keys, but am lost as to what to play. "Mona Lisa" is out of the question. I'm trying to push my problems out of my mind. I shift, leg bumping against my book bag. That's it! Quickly, I plunge one gloved hand in and pull Crown Clown out. I fly through my playlist till I find the song I'm looking for. I put in the headphones, hit play, and wait.

Electric guitar along with drums play for a few seconds before the piano part comes in. I quickly match the notes and play along to the song. Without any sheet music, there are a lot of mistakes, but I manage to match the part pretty well. All I know is I"m having a blast! I even singing a few lines, rockign my body to the beat.

"_I know nothing! I know nothing!_"

Time for the finish...

Ah! Messed up a little at the end, but got the last chord perfect.

I lay back against the wall as the song ends, randomly hitting notes on my piano when Fall Out Boy plays as I half pay attention.

Wait…I play a random rhythm again and pull the ear buds from my ears. That sounds pretty good. I just kinda keep playing it over and over, trying to grasp…something forming in the back of my mind…

"That was awesome, Allen!"

My fingers slam onto the keys of my keyboard as I jump. "What the hell?" I yell, temper rising as what I had brakes apart and scatters into the deep, dark spaces of my mind. I turn to face Lavi, who's coming through me window uninvited. "Stay out there! You can't come in till you tell me why you're still here."

Lavi smirks. "I have a way for you to get through the performance."

I sigh. "Drugs will not help me play better. Neither will alcohol," I interrupt quickly as he opens his mouth to talk again. "If anything, it will make me want to kill a red head." I stare at his hair obviously. "Guess who will be my victim?"

He raises his eyebrow. "That wasn't it at all. What are you thinking about in that horrible little head of yours?" I blame Cross. "Anyway, no. Why can you talk to complete strangers as you gamble?" I roll my eyes at his sudden announcer like voice and start to answer, but he answers for me. "Because you get something out of it: not having Cross kill you!"

"So…?" I drag out.

"So, you just need to get something out of performing that isn't just beating Tyki." He says it like it's so obvious.

I cross my arms, doing my best not to show the curiosity burning away. I know it won't work, but at least I can get something out of it. "What am I getting? A foot rub? Fifty dollars? A free pass to hit Kanda?" The last one would probably work.

Lavi smiles and leans in further. "Free food for a month!"

Free food for a month? I can hear the angels singing from the opening sky! Free food means money for clothes that fit! "Wait…who's paying?" Please be Kanda, please be Kanda, please be-

"The three of us." YES! "Shake on it?" He holds out his hand, and I eagerly take it in mine.

I let go, but Lavi keeps his grip longer. He pitches forward, throwing out his hands to stop himself, both his palms slamming onto my chest. I let out a (manly) squeak as we fall, landing on my bed. Good think we missed by keyboard.

"Get off!" I yell, when he doesn't move. In fact, he just lays there. Soon, he starts faking snoring. "Lavi!" I yell, trying to shove him off. Damn he's heavy. Maybe I can summon a demon to kill him. I'll name my demon Sebastian and he will kill Lavi with a spoon.

He rolls off me, standing up. I start to get up, but he sits on my stomach with a smirk, knocking the wind right out of me. "I don't want to leave! You're comfy!" He leans against my wall, pulling his bandana over his eyes like he's going to fall asleep. I wait for him to stop, figuring it's a joke and he'll get off, but then I notice his breath getting slower. He's falling asleep!

That does it! I've had enough of him today! I try to blind him by lunging for his one good eye. He jerks back, off-balance from me moving, and falls to the floor. He almost knocking my keyboard off its stand! I'm going to make Lavi _blind! _ He can still play without that other teasing eye that's laughing at me right now.

The coward jumps out the window, dashing across the lawn to his own house with a mad laugh. "Keep working on that melody you had!" he yells.

I glare at him after him, noticing the cars over at his house have gone down in number as he speeds past his house. Was he trying to avoid his house? What's really going on up there?

I sigh and go back to my keyboard to try and find that rhythm again, but my thoughts stay on a picture of a rabbit being beaten up by a panda as it comes home. I try to think of something else, but I keep going back to the talent show. I think of the free food I can get. Chicken, turkey, pizza, soba (that I won't share with Kanda), potato chips, all that can be mine…I just have to stand in front of a crowd of people watching my every move for a slip up.

I seriously doubt I can do this.

*** www. youtube watch ?v=rn35yv6Qc3o&feature=related If you don't mind spoilers or don't play Zelda, watch this to get the joke. You'll see it.**

"**Why Can't we be Friends?" by War, "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton, and "Liar Betty" by Rin Kagamine is used. Lavi sings "The Legend of Zelda: Open Chest (full)." If you haven't heard it, shame on you! Go listen!**

**I'm back! Sorry for almost a month delay. I had the chapter, then started on 5 and forgot this chapter, then got a plot bunny for Christmas and wrote a Laven one-shot..._BUT_** **this chapter's word count is OVER 9000! Yeah, it's the longest chapter I've ever written.**

**Anybody have any songs they think would fit Tyki's band? Try to keep them rock songs please.  
><strong>


	5. Dance, Dance

**Don't own...do I have to say it?**

**Dance, Dance  
><strong>

The world is ending.

Well, not entirely true. The laws of the universe have just been changed so dramatically I half expect pigs to fly and fish to drown. Hell, Kanda might even _smile!_ …Wow, that is one _creepy_ mind picture, but beside the point.

Lavi, for the first time in the two months I've known him, has a girlfriend. From what I understand, his second girlfriend ever. And it's not just any girlfriend. It's a bitchy girlfriend.

"Allen," Chomesuke nags for the tenth time, "sing quieter! Your girly high voice is throwing Lavi's amazing deep voice off. The tenor tone should be prominent instead of the soprano of your voice!"

Wow, someone's trying to act smart. I keep my manors in check as I shoot back, "If you want deep Kanda should sing. He's way more tenor than Lavi." Ow! I'm hit in the back of the head by a drumstick. i shoot Kanda a quick glare but continue trying to throw him under the pink bitch bus with me. "If anything, Lavi's voice is in between BaKanda's and mine."

Her full lips turn into a heard line at my observations, and her brown eyes narrow slightly. "Fine, then play softer. You're overshadowing the guitar part." Chomesuke looks to Lavi. "Am I right?" Lavi is tactfully pretending to be writing down music. Five bucks says he's doodling the Master Sword again. Of course, his girlfriend is too dense to realize that. "Look at him," she gushes, "working hard on a new song while you all just fool around and try to overshadow him." Please! He's are lead singer, ergo the one everyone looks at and hears. Plus, me try to draw attention to myself? She knows me so well!

She continues to give us 'helpful criticism,' but I just lean against the smooth wall and stare into space, remembering the times there wasn't a pink bouncing girl telling me what to do. Ah, the paradise that was almost two weeks ago.

This last week and a half has seemed like an eternity. I'd shown up at Lavi's car after school like usual to find a girl with long brown hair doing her make up in the passenger seat. The red head had been leaning against the side of his car, looking at me with pleading eyes as he explained his new girlfriend.

"I mentioned we had a band, and she wanted to see it," he explained. "You won't even know she's there."

Oh, she made her presence known in the _car. _As soon as we climbed in, she leaned over and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Get a room!" I yelled disgustedly. "I get enough of that with Cross!"

Chomesuke came up for air and smirked at me. "Jealous?"

I put on my gentleman mask. "Why would I be? I'm just glad my best friend has finally found someone who won't slap him."

'You look like someone Cross would bring home,' I add mentally. Yeah, I thought about saying it, but it was a slam at Lavi as well for going out with her. In the last month, we've gotten closer. There are still many secrets we can both feel in the air around us, like my arm, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. He's still one of the best friends I've ever had. Of course, I haven't had many, so it's more of a default thing.

"Good, because I plan on being here for awhile," she purred, curling up on Lavi's arm. I caught his eye in the rear view mirror and made a gagging motion. He smiled back at me, earning a frown from his girlfriend. She spent the rest of the way bragging about Lavi and sliding in sly comments about my appearance.

Then we got to HQ. I had never heard so much bitching in my life, including Cross and Kanda combined.

"Lavi, that was perfect!" Chomesuke's voice floats into my thoughts. I do my best to ignore her by keeping my eyes forward. "Lenalee, please get that look off your face; your bass line was atrocious. Kanda…you scare me. Allen, take off your gloves; they make your playing worse than it already is." Yeah, she soon started biting into Kanda as well. Needless to say, we've had to restrain him…_a lot_.

"Allen!"

I snap out of it and look at Lavi. "What?"

"Are you going to stare at my ass all day or contribute to our conversation?" When I zone out, my eyes stare blankly forward. Lavi just happened to be in my line of sight.

"Um…what were we talking about?" I ask dumbly, keeping the blush under control. Lenalee smothers her giggles at Chomesuke's expression of disgust she's shooting my way. God, you'd think I was trying to steal Lavi from her or something! I'm still hung up on the fact he can put up with her nagging. Although, he does seem to tense up every time Chomesuke kisses him.

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen _Lavi_ kiss _Chomesuke _once…

"Pay attention," growls Kanda. I look over to glare at him, but his glare is directed at Chomesuke. "She thinks we shouldn't play "Over my Head" even if we don't come up with another song." Kanda leans back. "The pervert has three; we can't only show up with two."

"Yeah," Lenalee chimes in. "It would be like admitting they're better."

I bet you're wondering how we know what songs Tyki's band is playing. Well, we may have accidentally overheard on the bug Lavi had (don't ask me where he got it) and put on Tyki during band one day, but it only lasted for a short time and didn't record sound well by the end of the day.

I sigh and rub my eyes. "We still have a good week and a half before the show," I reason, stomach flopping with nerves already. "There's no doubt in my mind Lavi will have a more up-beat, kick ass song by then."

Lavi gives me a smile. "Thanks, but I just can't think of a concept to start with." He thoughtfully taps his pencil to his chin. "Maybe I should just randomly walk around town till I see something interesting."

Chomesuke suddenly squeals loud enough for a bird to explode. "Why don't we go to the eighteen and under club Continue?" She pushes into Lavi's side. "We can dance all night, and I guarantee by morning," she lowers her eyes seductively, "a love song will be fresh in your mind."

"I'm not going to some mother fucking club so you can get some," Kanda growls to Chomesuke. "Although I doubt that'll happen at all." She glares at him bravely and presses closer to Lavi, his arm sinking into her cleavage. God, think she could get any closer?

"Okay~," Lenalee injects, pushing Chomesuke away from Lavi. "I think we can make a deal here." Her purple eyes are flashing with all the rage of a mother bear. I've noticed were more like family to her than friends, so she gets really protective of us. Her Mama Radar has to be going off now. "If you let us finish practice _by ourselves_, as in you out of the room and quiet, we'll go."

"So I don't even get a say?" I ask indifferently. Clubs are a great place to gamble at or pick up money, but it's illegal at 18 and under clubs.

"Nope," respond Lena and Kanda at once. Wow, the bastard has influenced her this much already.

"So, do we have a deal?" asks Lenalee.

Lavi's girlfriend (ugh) seems to be thinking- I think I see smoke coming from her head- and pouts. "Fine, I'll be in the other room. _Silent._"

"Oh no." Lenalee grabs the car keys Lavi randomly threw on the ground when practice started. "_You_ are sitting in Lavi's car. Just listen to your ipod or text your friends because we need to try and help Lavi write a song." She grabs Chomesuke's hand and pulls her through the sheet she complains about every time she sees it. "Just stay in there till we come get you to go to the club."

As soon as the girls are out of earshot, Kanda rounds on Lavi. "Get rid of that bitch!"

"While I usually disagree with BaKanda every change I get, I have to agree with him here," I tell our lead singer, randomly playing a few measures of "Over my Head" before switching back to that weird rhythm I made up a month before. I have a small poem going that could possibly be lyrics, but I'm not telling anyone till they're done.

Lavi sighs, but Lenalee stomps back in before he cam say anything a thrusts a finger in his face. "Get rid of that bitch!"

I jerk my head at Kanda when I get over the fact Lena just swore. Oh yeah, she hates her. "That's what she said."

When Lavi stops laughing, he looks a tad uncomfortable. "I can't…"

I make a sound of disgust. "Please! Some other girl will eventually give in to your perverted flirtation. Let this one go back to the dog pound she come from," I beg, uncaring how blunt I sound. For once I'm going to speak my mind without holding back, and it feels amazing. "Even I have limits," I defend at everyone's looks. "I've heard nothing but complaints from her about all of us except you. She's not helping us move forward at all. Either drive her home after school _then _come here, or just please don't come at all, because I'm sick of her high and mighty attitude!" I get in Lavi's face to stare him down so he knows this threat is serious.

Lenalee looks at me, impressed. "I actually agree with him."

Lavi looks to Kanda. "Yu?"

The girly man shrugs. "If you can't, you can't, but I think you'd be better off dumping her in a garbage can in Siberia."

Something flashes in their eyes before Lavi gasps. "Yu~, you _do _care!" He hugs the Japanese man around the waist, earning a punch in the gut. Before they get into the usual routine of Lavi dodging Kanda's punches, I interject.

"Wait, why do you need a girlfriend?" I ask. Why can't he dump her? He seems to have no attachment at all! I narrow my eyes slightly, trying to put together the understanding that Kanda and Lavi shared a short time ago.

"Who said I need a girlfriend?" Lavi swallows and moves to his guitar. "Look, we only have a little time before she comes in here anyway, so let's get some work done." Kanda strides back to his drums, but Lenalee locks eyes with Lavi for a few heartbeats before moving to her bass. I, myself, study him until he squirms under my gaze. Good, he should be uncomfortable. That glove comment Chomesuke made was the last straw. If the others- excluding Lena, of course- start asking about it, things will get complicated.

"Let's start with "Mona Lisa."

+…+

"Hey? Ever notice Disney villain songs are better than the hero songs?" I ask randomly in the late November air. Lenalee, Kanda, and Chomesuke all turn around and give me the 'WTF?' look. Lavi, however, got my back.

"Yeah!" he nods, slowing his steps so he falls back to walk with me instead of his pissed off looking girlfriend. "Like Scar in "The Lion King?" His "Be Prepared" song is epic! One of the best!"

"Or "In the Dark of the Night" sung by that creepy dead dude-"

"Rasputin?"

I frown slightly. "I think that's his name." I shake my head. "Anyway, he is hands down one of the creepiest, but "Cruella DeVille had to be the ugliest, even if her song is catchy."

Lavi turns to look at me and stops on the almost empty sidewalk. "No way! That fat guy from "Pocahontas" is the ugliest!" he protests as I hum "Cruella DeVille" under my breath.

"Stop talking about useless shit and come on!" yells Kanda. Lavi and I jog back up to them, but he stays in the back with me instead of moving back up with Chomesuke.

"Wait!" I yell. "Ursula is the ugliest!" I get two heads nodding in agreement (Lenalee and Lavi). Satisfied, I start mentally flipping through the Disney songs I know to hum as we walk. It's just to fill the silence, not tick off Chomesuke like I notice humming does.

"Are you singing "I Stand Alone" from "The Quest for Camelot?" asks Lavi.

"Maybe," I answer defensively. "Hey, the blind hermit is hot; that's all I need to know. He's a short step under Aladdin! Plus," I add to his skeptical look, "that chick doesn't look like a damsel in distress from the clips I've seen on the Internet."

Lavi stops dead, grabs my shoulders, and shakes me. "You've never seen "The Quest for Camelot," yet you dare sing that song!" He moves his hands from my shoulders to the back of my head and crushes it to his chest. "You poor child! Lenalee, we _must_ help the less fortunate and watch "The Quest for Camelot" later! He must know the truth!"

I shove myself off Lavi's well-muscled chest (why does puberty love him?), but I'm smiling. "One thing at a time. Let's get to this Continue place."

"You'll love it Allen," encourages Lenalee. "Just don't accept drinks from strangers." _Oh! _It's one of _those _18 and under places, where drinks are spiked as regularly as Kanda makes a death threat. So that's (carry my one…subtract a two…) all the time!

"The dance floor is just amazing!" gushes Chomesuke. "It's usually very crowded, so the drinks are there to help you get more comfortable at having your personal bubble broken."

I raise an eyebrow. "I'd like to care if someone gropes my ass." I zip up my jacket; can't have someone knocking it off.

Lavi laughs. "You think you'd be used to it after all the times I've stolen your phone." He makes a grab for it just to make his point, and I swat him away, chuckling.

Chomesuke rounds on us. "Exactly how many times have you stolen his phone?" she demands, glossed lips in a hard line.

"Too many," I mutter. I point to a glowing building across the street with a giant sign reading 'Continue' and say louder, "Is that it?"

Kanda snorts. "No, it just looks like a club. This is actually a business building with the same name."

"Congratulations!" I tell Kanda, patting his head. "It seems you finally learned how to use sarcasm! Isn't that precious?" He growls at me, and I move behind Lenalee. "Lena, your dog just growled at me!"

"Fall down a hole," he grounds out as we move across the street.

"Get hit by a car," I retort.

"Fuck you!"

I make a show of scanning his chick-like body up and down. "I'll need a drink or two first."

"_I'm on my way~ (He's on his way) to an awesome club~!" _Lavi starts singing to the tune of "I Stand Alone." _"Gonna get an idea for a song~!" _Kanda and I fall silent in favor of staring at him. He's finally snapped...

I guess the bouncer knows the rest of my band members, because we get in without waiting in line and a high five. "We've played here a couple of times on slow nights," Lavi explains to my look as we ascend a small staircase. "Just wait! Once you can stand on a stage without pissing yourself, we'll bring the house down."

The somewhat cool air that's followed us from outside disappears in the giant, rectangular room we move into. Lights change and colors flash at a seizer inducing pace. About a fourth of the room is blocked off for tables and a bar, but the rest is filled with a cluster of bodies that leave little wiggle room. On the opposite wall, raised on a platform, is a stage for live music. Today, though, large speakers cover the surface, blasting music at a level sure to melt your brain. In short, it's like every other club Cross has ever brought me to, except the smell of alcohol and puke isn't quite as bad. Give it an hour or two and it'll be just as bad.

Lenalee steers me to a table in the corner. Artwork hangs on all the walls, but the one above the table we're moving toward is breathtaking. Tall wheat flows in an invisible wind with a clear blue sky stretching over it. The only foreign object in the otherwise pure nature shot is what looks to be a small boy with limp red hair standing in the center of the field now facing me.

"It's beautiful," I breath to Lenalee.

She smiles. "Artists are allowed to hang their artwork on the walls here. People sometimes buy them, but it's a chance for most to just show what they're made of." Someone _must _have purchased this one. I swear that if I touch the page I'll be able to feel the wheat.

Lavi slaps my back. "Dude, the party is over there!" he yells over the music. I smile over at him and start to respond, but he's yanked into the crowd of people by Chomesuke. He shoots an apologetic look at me before the crowd shifts in front of them, blocking them form sight.

"When you're done burning with envy, come dance," whispers Lenalee into my ear before following the couple. Kanda and I exchange glances before flipping each other off and going opposite ways.

I fume the about Lena's comment the whole way over to the bar. What does she know anyway? Chomesuke just irks me; it has nothing to do with Lavi! I slide onto one of the available stools and idly spin on it. It's going to be a long night, but I'd rather be a stick in the mud than have random hands all over me.

+…+

"Drink it!" yells Lenalee, thrusting what looks to be pop at me. I study her. Lena's face is flushed from activity, eyes undulled by alcohol, and expression pissed. "It's been an hour. Get a drink, go to the dance floor, and try to find someone to randomly make out with."

I accept it but make no move to drink it. "I don't randomly make out with people. Besides, why can Kanda sit over there?" I sniff the drink. "Where'd you get this?

Lenalee smiles. "He's next." She points to the pop. "I bought it. Drink and go, Allen." She struts through the crowd to Kanda, hips swaying dangerously. I take moment to stare before sighing and chugging the drink she gave me.

…This isn't pop…there's probably alcohol mixed into this…Lenalee better be careful if people are spiking drinks.

A random guy who looks very drunk leers at me from the nearby dance floor and starts making his way over. I see him slip a silver flask up his sleeve. I think it's time to go.

+…+

_Party rock is in the house tonight  
>Everybody just have a good time<em>

Everyone blurs together in the lights, bodies knocking against me as I try to find a less dense crowd of people to dance in. I haven't had anything to drink since whatever Lenalee gave me, so I'm still sober in that respect. But the energy of the people around me and the lights just seems to make me feel excited, almost like when we're playing music. I've caught sight of Lenalee and what I think may be Lavi's hair a few times, but they're out of sight before I can make my way over. How long have we been here anyway?

_Everyday I'm shufflin'_

Next to me are some people attempting- and failing- to shuffle. Whoa! One almost took off my head! I'm gonna get killed! I move back towards the close by bar, trying not to get kicked. Bored, I scan the tables, wondering idly if Lena did get Kanda onto the dance floor.

Ah! There they are, near the table we started at. Lenalee's waving for me. Quickly, I weave through the groups of people outside of the dnacfloor, taking care not to bump into anyone looking ready to pass out...which is basically everyone. Geez, you'd think they have tighter security on the alcohol. I've already seen quite a few people being steered toward the restroom with their hands over their mouths.

"What's up?" I ask once I get there. I notice Kanda looks as worried as Lenalee, the expression creepy in the flashing lights. I know it's late if Kanda's showing emotion.

"Have you seen Lavi? I need to get home soon." She looks down at her watch, biting her lip. Poor Lenalee and Komui's curfew. I pull my phone and check the time. There's no way we can find Lavi, walk back, and get Lenalee home before Komui completely flips his lid. The town would be destroyed before we're even half way back.

"Why don't you guys go!" I yell over the music. "I'll find Lavi, and he'll give me a lift home."

Lenalee smiles gratefully and gives me a hug. I notice Kanda shooting lasers at me, so I flip him off behind her back as I return the hug. She's my oldest friend. I'll hug her if I want to. Kanda flexes his arms, probably ready to knock me over my head, so I kiss the air in his direction. Lena laughs when she pulls back and sees his look of disgust, leading him away from me before I can be killed. Please, I'd like to see him try.

I sit down at the table as they leave, looking around the floor for bright, naturally red hair. A few dye jobs stand out like a wolf in a field of sheep, but they're all way too long to be Lavi. Hmm. Maybe he's at the bar for a drink. Wait…is that Chomesuke? What the hell does she think she's doing!

* * *

><p>Hey, there's Allen! Right next to my cheating girlfriend. Ah well. It's not like I really wanted to date her anyway. I just needed to show dad I'm 'fixing my screwed up mind.' God, you'd think I'd killed the fucking president or killed small animals or something instead of just liking guys.<p>

I move through the bodies towards Allen, keeping an eye out for any straying hands. They've been increasing the last hour along with the smell of drugs and alcohol. Security has really gone down-hill since the ownership of this place changed. The only real reason to play here anymore would be experience and money. This isn't a place to perform for fun anymore.

Almost there! I'm close enough to see Chomesuke spill a drink on him, poor Allen. He seems to waver between saying something to her and leaving before moving away in the opposite direction of me. Great. Time for another journey through the crowd of straying hands...no, I'd better confront Chomesuke now to avoid wasting time tomorrow with all the tears.

I finally get free from the crowd and move to my very drunk, soon to ex girlfriend. Fixing a smile to my face, I tap her shoulder. She takes her precious time separating from her boy toy. Hell, her tongue's still out of her mouth as she turns to me.

"Lavi!" she screams, jumping up with a panicked expression as she realizes who I am after a few fogy moments. "I can explain! He-"

I silence her by holding up my hand as I follow Allen's path to the bathroom. Satisfied I know where he is, I turn to Chomesuke. "I don't want to hear it. Don't show up at band practice again." I nod to the boy toy who's actually not that bad looking. "Try to keep your legs crossed." I'd be a bit insulted if she forgot about me that fast after all.

Without even giving her a chance to answer- I doubt she was anyway- I take the same route Allen did to the bathroom, glad no one stops to flirt or talk to me. A few that start forward get a glare and back off. Yeah, you back away.

I knock on the handicap door I saw Allen go in, but no one responds. "Allen!" I try, but it's no use over the music. To wait, or not to wait, that is the question. Well, if I pick the lock, then I can scare the crap out of him. If I don't, I wait in an empty hallway for the first drunk fool tripping over himself on the way to the bathroom to find me.

I pull out the hairpin always tucked into my bandana, kneel down, and start working the lock. It's cheap, taking little time for the lock to give under my expert lock-picking skills. I put the pin back carefully and stand up, slowly opening the door not to scare Allen.

"Hey, Allen," I start in, "are you…"

...Whoa...

Allen's pulling off his shirt, but that's not the impressive part. His arm...it's red and disfigured. How? What happened to him? It doesn't look anything like a burn, but would a birthmark cover that much skin? It stops a few inches below the shoulder, seemingly connected by…inflamed veins, or maybe they're just over sized. They look to go about mid-shoulder on his pale skin and half way down his upper arm on the red. I can feel my deformity covered by my eye patch tingle as I stare at his.

The color is a shade most would liken to blood, but it's too dark. If I where to try and put a color to it, I'd probably use a rich crimson with a lighter shade of red slight;y mixed in. A bit of black added for effect? It's just a strange, unsettling color I don't think that could ever be full represented on paper.

The nails are a black that doesn't even reflect the dull lights, and embedded in the center of the back of his hand...is that really a glowing green cross? There's no way that's natural! Was he in a religious cult? No, probably his parents if anything, but, whatever the reason, most people wouldn't take kindly to him if they knew. I'm not most people, however. Hell, I'd kill for a chance to sketch him or just feel the texture.

My ego also takes a blow too as I look at him a but more closely. His chest is lean and healthy, and his other arm actually has some muscle to it you'd never even think to be under all those hoodies. Is he a gymnast or something? There's no way you get subtle muscle like that from everyday life!

Without a word, Allen yanks back down his shirt- welcome back reality- and grabs his jacket, pushing passed me with enough force to send me into ht wall.

"Allen!" I yell after him. What's wrong with him? "Hey!" He keeps moving, but I doubt it's because he can't hear me. "Allen!" I follow him out to the dance floor, but the crowd quickly shifts around him, letting him almost perfectly morph in the chaos. Almost. I can still see him!

I sprint after him, but every god damn place I turn is another person! Damn it you dumb people! Move! I need to reach Allen before he gets to the door. Knowing his sense of direction, he'll probably pick a random path and end up in New York or Ohio. My chances of finding him will sink to about 10% if I'm lucky.

By some miracle I keep him in sight the whole way to the door. I do a little ninja jump over the last few steps and use my momentum to get a short burst of speed out. I don't stop as I round outside- so this is what fresh air smells like? I had forgotten in that horrible place- and barely catch sight of Allen as he turns a corner in the opposite direction we came.

"Allen!" I yell after him, my sneakers slapping hard on the pavement. I really need new ones. Hey! The little bastard just broke out into a run! I know he heard me, that little! I'll just pick up speed. So what if my lungs are literally burning for air? I can do it! I'm unstoppable and will catch you! I'm never give up!

Oh thank you! He's just turned down a road that'll just lead him in a big circle. I can breath! Good thing his direction sucks. I doubt I'd've been able to seriously keep up with him.

Gasping after my sprint, I walk a short distance- not even a quarter of a mile- to where the road lets back out. With a shot of irony I recognize a street lamp I pass as the first place I met Allen. Instead of continuing to my intended location, I lean against the pole and wait, knowing he won't even think of running again after the big circle he's running.

Cars pass by, lights annoyingly blinding me. I know a few buildings down is that bar Allen gambled (cough*cheated*cough) at when I first saw him. I still wonder why was he so relaxed then in front of others but has a near panic attack when he knows all eyes are on him. I know I told him it was because he had something to gain, but that's not all. Allen's not like that at all, but he so readily swallowed it. Was it the mask keeping him from arguing? But he seemed to completely agree...

It _was_ off during the cheating spree, but from what I've seen, to get his mask off means to get close to him, take off own my mask. I don't want to do that. Is ZoNE worth it? Is _Allen_ worth it? Still, to react like that when I saw his arm…life can't have been unicorns and fairies for him either. Maybe his arm is the cause of the fear? He could've been bullied to a damaging point before I met him, which would explain the fear of eyes.

No...he wasn't scared I saw, but disappointed. That's not it.

A familiar head of white hair huffs passed, walking with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Hey," I call out, making my voice lower to not startle him as much. "I'm from the band ZoNE. I was wondering if you'd like to be our pianist."

Allen spins around to face me, shocked to see me. "But I…you…damn," he groans. "I went in a giant circle, huh?"

I chuckle and move over towards him, but he backs away, curling in on himself like a turtle. And I thought the cars were , he's looking at me, wiating to see what I'll do, what I'll say.

All right! Now the time to get into his head. Open him up. I can do this. "Allen," I begin, knowing this is going to get deep, "I honestly don't-"

"Hey~! A lovers spat!" What asshole dare interrupts my big moment? "Come on! Kiss and make up, or you could come hang with us!" The morons start leering, completely shattering the connection Allen and I had attempted to start building up. I can see it flutter away in the wind with the serious atmosphere, never to come back.

I'll never forget you, big moment. I'll weep for your passing everyday.

Allen looks down-right pissed too. I can see his hands- both gloved- trembling at his sides as he looks to the ground. Is he angry about what could have been too, or are those guys just ticking him off?

"Come on." I make a point of grabbing his left wrist as we quickly walk back into the club, my hold firm around so he can't twist away. Not that Allen's trying. I glance back to see him just staring at my hand like he's never seen it before. Not looking away, I just my hold loosen and slide down so I'm straight out holding his hand. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, the way his face shifts from shock to sick to happy and back. I wish I had a camera just to show him later.

We go back into the club, but I stop and sit on the stairs so we can talk. Allen glances around before tenderly sitting down on the edge. His eyes linger on the few people, but no one's really paying attention. The stairs are a place for peace, where the music is soft enough to not be overpowering but loud enough the vibrations can still be felt in the ground.

Ugh, I wish we had that serious atmosphere back. It'd make this so much easier. What was I even going to say before? Where to start..."Allen, I have a god damn eye patch. Why would I care about your arm?"

Allen takes a minute to answer, smiling sheepishly as he finally looks away from the door, almost apologizing for entertaining the thought of abandoning me. I file that little tid-bit for later. "I realized that as I was running in a big circle. It's just…the reaction I usually get is a bit short of a mod with pitch forks and fire."

"You and me both." Whoa! Not cool brain! Let's not get into the tragic back story yet! Get the mask back up.

No! Keep it down! I'm finally talking to Allen! I can't blow this- ha- by going back. I just need to beat around the bush until he lets it go.

Allen regards me curiously, lights from above shining off his pale hair for a few minutes. Is it natural? I still haven't asked, but I think he'd let me now. "What _is _under your eye patch?" he asks, leaning forward a bit.

"My eye."

"Come on!" A smile blooms as he starts poking me. A genuine one that lights up his face. He's really not too bad looking to start with, but that smile makes him fangirl worthy. "I showed you mine, so show me yours."

I smirk and stand up, stretching my arms above my head and checking the watch on my wrist. Time to change the subject. "Why don't we stay for another half an hour, go to HQ, and just sleep there? It's not like I have to drive Chomesuke home." A sour note accompanies my last sentence, not all forced. Even if I am gay, I'd have liked her to be faithful.

Eh. Can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Allen must notice the sour tone because he gets up as well, dropping out previous subject. "I'm sorry."

I wave him off and grab his hand. Victory is mine. "Come on and dance with me," I tell him, pulling him with me up the stairs into the steady wave of people and lights. I make sure to keep him close to me as we go to the dance floor, maybe closer than I should, but I don't want to get separated. And no, I'm not grinding on him or anything like that. It's just us having a good time, letting it all go. That smile doesn't leave Allen's face the whole time, and I find myself starting at it as I think.

_'Come on and dance with me'_

The sentence sticks in my head, taking a beat different to the current song playing. Our half an hour ends, and it's still there with other words to form a smooth melody.

_I could've sworn we disappeared tonight  
>Come on and dance with me<br>Come on and dance with me, baby  
><em>

I think I found some inspiration.

* * *

><p>Lavi runs to a random scrap of paper as soon as we enter the Black Order. Feverishly he hunts for a pencil, still awake and kickin' even after the club. I, on the other hand, feel like dying. Hell, the room keeps fading in and out as I struggle to keep my eyes open. I trudge over to the couch Lavi has placed himself on and lie down in front of him on the floor.<p>

"Ima sleep," I slur, closing my eyes. "Wake me up if ya need anything…"

"Allen, just sleep on the couch instead of the floor. I'll move." I open my eyes slightly to look up at Lavi and smile.

"Okay…" Darkness overcomes me, the warmth somehow still in the rug too soothing to keep me awake long enough to move.

+…+

_Have you heard the news that you're dead?_  
><em>No one ever had much nice to say<em>  
><em>I think they never liked you anyway<em>

I snap awake as my ring tone for Cross sounds from my back am I on the floor? Groaning, I check the time on the TV clock: 6:40 AM. Why the bloody hell is Cross calling me before 7?

_Oh take me from the hospital bed_  
><em>Wouldn't it be-<em>

"What do you want?" I snap into the phone, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. "I'm not bailing you out of jail this early-"

"Oh!" comes a woman's voice from the other side. "I'm sorry, I grabbed the wrong phone!" _Beep._

Great, I was woken up for no reason what so ever. I'm too awake to go back to sleep after a blaring rock song, so I shift to get my arms under me, one of them cracking under my weight. A blanket falls off me as I sit up on my knees. Lavi…my eyes move to the couch to see him stretched across it with a note pad in one limp hand. Curious, I grab it.

The page he's open to has hastily drawn sheet music with notes crossed out, blackened in, and erased many times. I flip through a few pages lazily, only really paying attention to anything that looks like a possible piano part, but pause at what looks to be lyrics.

_It's true that I'm a silver shadow_  
><em>And you are always on my mind<em>  
><em>You need to get over here; we'll disappear<em>

_Your secret's safe, and no one has to know_  
><em>I'm your getaway, and a little bit more than you can take<em>  
><em>I can make everything feel so damn good<em>

_I could've sworn we disappeared tonight_  
><em>Come on and dance with me, baby<em>  
><em>Nobody there will ever see us<em>  
><em>Don't talk, don't walk; it's just the two of us<em>  
><em>Dance with me, dance with me<em>  
><em>You want to dance with me<em>_  
><em>

I flip back to the music he wrote and try to sync the lyrics to what I think is the melody. Most of it syncs up well. Yep, Lavi's done it again. I knew it was just a matter of time.

I gently shake him. "Lavi," I whisper. "Lavi, wake up." He groans and rolls over, face about an inch from mine. "Lavi," I continue, backing away from his morning breath. Exasperated, I grab my phone, flip through to the most obnoxious sound I have, and blast it in his ear.

DA DA DAA DA DA!

"What the fuck!" he yells, jumping. Lavi's hand slips over the side of the couch, nearly whacking me in the head. Of course, his whole body falls on me instead.

Air whooshes from my lungs as, for the second time since I've known him, Lavi lands on top of me. My head cracks against the wood, making a hollow sound that sounds worse than it feels. My eyes close as I hiss in pain. Yeah, I'm awake now!

"Are you okay?" asks Lavi, eyes blinking sleepily. There's a bit of concern in his voice but mostly confusion.

"Yeah, I'm-" I open my eyes to see green, and my brain finally realizes, hey, Lavi's on top of me…in a very awkward position.' "-I'm fine!" I finish, louder than intended, hoping panic doesn't show on my face.

Lavi lets out a cold breath that ghosts across my face. I hold in a shiver that would cause major misunderstandings. It's the morning breath. Dear god it stinks. "Did you read my notebook?" I nod. "Does it suck?"

I laugh in his face. "The day you write a crappy song is the day Kanda confesses his undying love to me."

"So you do have the hots for Yu!" Lavi yells, slowly becoming more alert. "I'm sorry, but Lenalee called dibs-" he shuts his mouth quickly, like he let it slip out, but I see the sly smile in his eye.

"Oh, my poor little heart. It just broke into a million pieces."

"Any more sarcasm and I'll be swimming in it," chuckles Lavi. He shifts slightly, making the situation even more awkward.

"Lavi," I say as calmly as possible with another male lying on top of me and dangerously close to my lap. "Do me a little favor? Just a teeny one?" He nods. I lean up into his ear and whisper, "Would you get the _hell off of me_!"

Lavi stares blankly at me before realizing the position he's in. He starts to get up on his feet, but instead switches to sitting on my stomach. "But you're comfy," he coos, shifting his butt on my stomach to demonstrate his point.

I blush red in embarrassment. Someone seems to have forgotten I'm a little bi. "Get off!"

He sighs and stands. Finally! "Why am I up again?" Lavi groans, stifling a yawn as I also move to my feet. The blush that was fading comes back full force as I explain.

"Well…I was kinda wondering how the song went…" Looking back, maybe I should've waited. I mean, it'll still be here in the morning. "Why don't you just go back to sleep?" I suggest, rubbing the back of my head subconsciously.

"Well, I would, but a short teenager shouted in my ear." He smiles teasingly at me. Hey, I'm not short! He's just freakishly tall! "That tends to wake people up, ya know?" Without giving me a chance to answer, Lavi grabs my wrist, picks up his notebook, and leads me to the practice area. "If you want to hear it so bad," he stops in front of my piano, "play."

"It's seven in the morning."

"Oh, I'm well aware how early it is. Play." His tone is natural. I look at him, wondering if it was just false bravado. He wasn't mentioned my arm once, so what's he waiting for? Maybe he wants to pretend it didn't happen? But I don't want to.

Lavi's eyes are scanning through his notebook, so I wait till he's ready to pull off my gloves. The cool air feels good after my skin spent almost all day yesterday and all night encased in fabric. Sighing, I crack my knuckles and flex my fingers, looking forward to feeling the piano keys.

"So," starts Lavi, completely calm and not forced at all, "I was thinking of putting in a flashy opening that gets the crowd pumped up and into what we're doing." He quickly flips through the sheets back and forth until he finds the right page. "Try this one, right here." His finger points to a rather hard melody, and his green eye challenges me.

Smirking, I crack my fingers right in his face. Lavi doesn't flinch at all. "Bring it on."

+...+

Warm air keeps brushing the top of my head in a steady pattern, tickling me slightly. Groggily I shift to get more comfortable. Hey…there's a person beside me. I try to lift my neck, but their head is on mine, and mine is on their shoulder. I glance up from the corner of my eye and see red. Either I'm lying on Lavi, or Cross had a complete personality switch, because there's no way he'd let me this close to him. I'm not a 'beautiful person' or something.

I focus on the room around me. It's the practice room, so this has to be Lavi. Shit! I try to move, feeling my face burn, but Lavi's hands, which were previously lying slack at his sides, come up to pull me closer. I think I'm on fire now. Still…he's really warm, and doesn't care about my arm, and I'm tried…

I snuggle into his side, remembering the last time someone had really hugged me like this was the day before the trial…Neah had been crying…Mana…those horrible cold eyes watching me, waiting to catch one mistake…Neah…

Sleep claims me as I wrap my arms around Lavi, seeking more contact and comfort with another who knows my secret and doesn't care. When they're so few and far between, you take what you can when you can.

**All right. 'Party Rock Anthem'** **by LMFAO****, 'Dead'** **by MCR for Cross' ringtone, 'Can You Keep A Secret' by The Cab, and **'**Decode' by Paramore (see below) is used.  
><strong>

**Review! 5 more and it hits 50! The harsher the better!**

**Thanks to Lai Jun Chen for beta-ing! See ya next chapter!**

**Edit note: Please remember this is first person. Chomesuke is not really _as_ bad as Allen describes her.  
><strong>

Extra (Lenalee)**  
><strong>

I squint in the noon sun, brushing my pigtails off my shoulders. Did I just see what I think I saw? "Kanda…did you just trip?"

"I was testing gravity!"

I sigh. I swear he seems to be zoning out lately. Could he actually be gay and go for Allen? I mean, all the good guys seem to be either gay, taken, or fictional characters. I just can't get a break! Lavi's okay, but I don't really like him like that, and there's something off about him. Kanda I've known him forever. It's inevitable I'd like him at some point, but is he really gay? Despite teasing him about his hair, he just sees so straight to me.

"Well, try not to test gravity again. You might break your face during the experiment, and ZoNE needs a fangirl worthy bad boy." I fake lecture, opening the door to HQ softly. I bet the boys got home late, so they could be sleeping.

Kanda stomps in past me, making a beeline for the practice room covered by the sheet. The ligths are on, so they must be practicing. Strange that I don't hear any music. "I don't-" he stops mid-step, blanket help up by his hand. His eyes find mine. "This is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen."

Curious and knowing only Lavi and Allen would be here, I all but sprint to stand next to Kanda. The doorway is small, so I have to press into his side, but I have no problem with that. None at _all_. Focus Lenalee.

My two friends are leaning against the wall near the piano with what I recognize as Lavi's notebook in between them. Water bottles sit next to them, so they must've been taking a break. I also notice Allen's gloves next to them. Lavi must've found out somehow. The Allen I know would never put that much trust in someone after only a month, but I guess Lavi's gained a bit of it by not freaking out when he saw them. I take in the little details and fully appreciate how their relationship is going as I try and memorize their cute position.

Allen's head is in the hollow of Lavi's neck while the his head rests on Allen's head. The light hits them just right, making their shared peaceful expression all the more amazing. It's so peaceful and nice. It'd be a shame to loss the moment by waking them up.

_Click_

"What are you doing?" I demand.

"Getting some black mail on Moyashi," Kanda replies indifferently, putting his phone away. "I'm not waking them up. See ya."

"Kanda," I hiss as he turns to leave, in no hurry for the closeness we have standing in the door way gives us. "What about practice?"

He doesn't glare at me, but I can feel his desire to. "What about it?" He points to the two sleeping. "For all we know, they got drunk and hooked up last night. For all we know, they'll wake up surprised and will spend the rest of practice awkward." He directs his glare to them, making both shift and grunt in their sleep. "I'm not getting involved in some romantic band relationship."

I think I just heard my heart shatter.

You know what? I guess since band relationships are so bad, maybe I'll just quit! Is that why he never says or does anything? Seriously! I've been alone in this guy's car more times than I can count. Why the hell has he not made a move? Any normal- there's my problem. It's Kanda. Kanda's not normal, nor human. Duh. I'll probably have to hit him with a bat, get in his face, kiss him, and yell 'I love you' before he even gets the _notion_ I might like him in his emotionally stunted brain.

I shift into his side slightly before spinning around on my heel, planning to make him pay for that last little comment fresh in my mind. "Come on, then," I tell him, stopping to look at him impatiently at the door. "Since there's no practice and Brother isn't expecting me back, you're taking me to the mall to get a jump start on Christmas."

"No." Ah, a man of few words, my crush.

"Well, either you take me," I smirk here, holding up the keys I grabbed from him, "or let me drive-"

"Which mall are we going to?" he interrupts quickly, walking as fast as he can to the car so it doesn't look like he's running. Is my driving really that bad? Whatever! I have a (sort of) date with Kanda! I run ahead and jump in his car happily, blasting the radio.

_How did we get here_  
><em>When I used to know you so well?<em>  
><em>How did we get here?<em>  
><em>Well, I think I know<em>

"Yes!" I yell as Kanda groans. "Paramore!" It's not so much he hates them as me singing along as the fact the song was used for Twilight (which I dragged him to).

"Please shut up," he chokes out.

"Am I getting a DQ blizzard?"

Here's how I know Kanda and Ishould at least attempt something. Anyone else would see his ticked face and think he was mad at them, but I can tell he's trying his hardest not to look amused. I watch his face, knowing if he does show emotion, it will be brief. "…Sure." There! I saw a smile! It was tiny, but it was there!

I keep my mouth shut as promised when he turns the station, glad Allen and Lavi decided to fall asleep in that position. I wonder if they'll get together. Lavi claims to be straight, but my gaydar begs to differ most of the time. Still, they'd be a nice match-up. Both could really help the other...if only they'd let them in.

Why are guys so stubborn?


	6. Sugar We're Going Down

**Yeah! Over 50! Thanks to all who have reviewed, favored, and alerted! Thanks to my beta as well! You rock!**

Today's going to be wonderful!

…In case you didn't know, that was sarcasm.

Yes, today is Judgment Day. I will die, leaving only an empty shell and a box full of possessions-

"Allen," sighs Lavi, pulling into the school parking lot, "don't be so dramatic. You're not going to die."

"Stop reading my mind," I grumble with a glare, pulling a blue hat over my unwashed hair. Stupid Lavi decided to break into my house this morning so I couldn't run away. There was no way I was taking a shower with Lavi in the house, especially after he decided to wake me up with a bucket of water instead of my usual alarm.

"Then stop being so obvious," he responds, rolling his eye as he stops the car.

Obvious? Me? You know, I've noticed the closer I get to Lavi, the easier it is for him to guess my thoughts if I don't try to hide them. I still can't read his as well, but, once in a while, I do see something I'm not supposed to. A real, soft smile, a shot of pain, confusion. Even after he saw my arm, it seems he won't open up. Maybe I should walk in on _him_ when his eye patch is off…

I stay curled up on my side against the door as he gets out. "Allen," Lavi sighs, exasperated, "I'll go get Yu."

"Go ahead," I mumble into the door. "If he kills me, I won't have to go on stage."

Lavi slams his door, quickly walks over to mine, and opens it before I can lock him out. If I didn't have my seat belt on, I would've hit the dust. "Allen, did you forget our deal? Food!" My traitorous stomach growls at the mere mention. "Chicken, shrimp, turkey, chocolate cake in double chocolate-"

"Shut up!" I groan. Any more and my stomach's going to start eating itself. "Do I get cake after we perform?" Lavi nods. Reluctant, I sit back up in the seat, unhook my seat belt, and get out of the car, slinging my book bag on my shoulder in a wide ark in an attempt to hit Lavi. He easily sidesteps and starts towards the building. I give him a weak glare. "It better be chocolate," I mutter.

"Cast your votes, folks!" yells a random student, their voice echoing over the sleepy crowd of students. "Today is a battle between the school's two bands! ZoNE vs. 13 Apostles! Your vote decides who wins! Reduced price for tickets as well! Only fifty cents!"

The words take a moment to sink in. "Lavi," I hiss, dragging him into a less crowded hallway by his shirtfront. "What the hell was that about? I knew we were having a competition with Tyki, but when did it turn into that?" I yell, gesturing back at the direction we came.

The red head rubs the back of his head, not meeting my eyes. "You see, half the student body may have heard Tyki and I fighting about how we could tell who won."

"Yes?" I say, smiling politely.

Lavi looses color. "The student council may have been in that half of the student body and decided a competition of sorts would raise the student's morale."

"Screw the student's morale," I growl, letting my smile fall. "What about the little bit of sanity I've saved from Cross!" I let my rage beat out the fear that was rising in me as my brain races a mile a minute. With a diminished price, more people would come. More people mean more eyes on me. More eyes on me mean the chance of me having a heart attack on stage has just gone up 200%.

Lavi sighs and pulls my fingers from his shirt. I let my hand fall to my side, clenching and unclenching it. "Allen, we've been practicing like crazy since day one. You've been working hard! What could possibly go wrong? As long as no one mentions the Scottish play, we're golden!" He leans down and whispers in my ear, "Do it and I promise after school is over, we'll go to Chuck E. Cheese."

"'Chuck E. Cheese?' That's the best you can come up with?" Is he seven or seventeen?

"What's wrong with Chuck E. Cheese?" he asks defensively. "Don't you want to throw the plastic balls at Yu or watch him beat up the mascot?"

"But then I don't get cake," I point out, feeling some of my panic ebb at our strange conversation.

My friend rolls his eye as we walk into the flow of students heading towards the cafeteria. "Tell you what: if we win, we'll go anywhere you want." At my skeptical look, he pulls me closer and squats down so our heads are side by side. Sweeping his arm out overdramatically, he sings, " _I can show you the world~! Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, princess-"_

I shove him away. He laughs as he dodges. "What's wrong, princess? Don't like my offer?" I move forward and punch him in the shoulder. I hear a comment sounding suspiciously like 'He even hits like a girl' but ignore it.

"It don't care where, but I want food when we get there," I tell him, starting forward again. A few students openly stare as we go further into the crowd, making goosebumps rise on my skin.

Lavi, ignoring the looks, continues on talking. "Well excuse me, princ-"

"Finish that sentence, and we'll be disqualified for murder."

"You're going to have to draw a number," he warns me. "Yu is first, Gramps is second, Komui is third-"

"Skip to the end," I sigh.

"You're number forty-nine, right after the fifth cat I killed."

I start to pick up the whispers in the hall more people gather. "Did you hear ZoNE…Yeah, the pianist…Tyki will kill them…Of course I'm coming…Lavi is so hot, but the little guy…"

The chatter and crowd are becoming so loud and dense we have to walk side by side to get through. I switch sides so my left arm is just touching Lavi to keep it from being jostled. He notices but says nothing. I'm grateful.

After the days following the club, Lavi hasn't treat me any different. Chomesuke was dumped, practice went on, and no questions were asked about my arm. I can sometimes catch him looking at it, but his look isn't probing. It's more like Lavi's just trying to drink it in, commit it to memory. Why, I have no idea, but it makes me feel wary of him more than anything.

"Allen! Lavi!" Lenalee's voice carries over the crowd. We turn to see Lenalee pushing through the crowd, doing her best not to step on any toes. She gives a smile as she reaches us. "Glad I caught you. I already told Kanda, but we've been allowed time to practice now and during period 1 for our performance. Once the show starts, we have to move to the auditorium. Oh! We have to report to first period so they don't mark us absent too."

Sighing, I do a 180 and shove back through the crowd now moving against me, not just standing uselessly in the hall. The whispers also increase, stares doubling now that Lena's with us. Ants crawl on my skin and I have to grab Lavi's shirt just to keep from being lost in the crowd. I don't miss the amused look Lenalee keeps sending my way, but ignore it to the best of my ability. Ever since Lavi and I fell asleep next to each other, these looks have become frequent. We explained it was just a misunderstanding and that Lavi's not gay, but Lena just won't stop!

The crowd finally spits us out, a few curses flying our way as we move back into the main hallway. As we pass the doors, I idly wonder if Lavi and Lena can catch me if I run. I've heard stage fright is just anxiety. The body will release adrenaline into the blood, causing a response commonly known as 'fight or flight.' Animals use it to react to threats by either fighting or running.

"-a few tickets left!" yells the girl from this morning. "Get them before they're gone! Don't be the only kid in the school left in class!"

My muscles tense up painfully at the image of the _whole school _staring at me. All those eyes waiting for a mistake...all their ears listening for that one bad chord when my fingers slip on the keys, ready laugh when I foul it up...my friends will be angry and I don't want that please don't make me do this-!

I feel my legs shake as I take step towards the door, wobbling as I waver between running or not, and then brake out in a run. My hands push against the cool glass of the main doors, and air hits my face, but I'm pulled back before I can run out into the open. I struggle, clawing and kicking, as they pull me away from the ogling crowd into a less crowded hallway, but both of them are too strong.

"Allen!" Lavi's voice echoes as they finally let me go. "What the hell?" Lenalee has a concerned look on her face that makes me feel guilty, so I turn to deal with Lavi.

"What?" I snap. "_What?_ I told you I have stage fright! I _told_ you it's bad!" I shake him off me and make my back as straight as I can, meeting his eye head on. My body is on fire, sweat pooling on my neck. "_You_ decided to let me in despite that. Now, all of a sudden, two- _not even two months later_- you're pushing me on stage and saying 'Good luck!' How the hell is that fair!" I yell, trying to make him understand that I just can't _do_ this!

Lavi's mouth is a hard line. "Look, Allen-"

"Guys," Lenalee butts in, holding her hands up in an effort to quiet us. "We should move this into the class room we were given."

"Fine with me," I spat. "Which room?"

Her voice is small. "The science room." Nervously, she fiddles with her bag. "I'm going to go get Kanda and change into the stage clothes I made. That should give you about fifteen minutes to work this out." Nodding, I grab Lavi and drag him down to the room, glad no one is in the hall to talk about us. The girl selling tickets shoots us an amused glance, however. Throwing open the classroom door now unlocked, I shove Lavi in. I only vaguely register the fact that the desks have been pushed out of the way for our instruments.

"Did it ever occur to you," I start softly, closing the door behind me, "that I don't like people looking at me? You've seen my arm."

"Is that why you're so scared?" he asks, anger still in his voice. "Did people see your arm before and laugh?" I shake my head. "Then what is it? You don't get stage fright this bad normally!"

"I…I don't know." It's a lie; I know exactly how I got this why. It's all because of the trial. Those people waiting for a chance to convict, even though I know the ruling should be 'not guilty.' I was there, but who listens to a monster? To them, I'm just a sideshow attraction-

"Where are you right now?" I blink, noticing Lavi's face now alarmingly close to mine.

Stifling the instinct to take a step -forward or backward, I'm not sure- I shy away the last of the thoughts. "I'm here, Lavi."

"No, you're thinking about a different time and place. Tell me what happened, Allen! I'm not gonna laugh!" His eyes bore into mine before he sighs at my silence. "Fine, don't tell me. The point of the matter is you're stressing yourself out before you even get on stage, concentrating too much on what _can_ happen. Just focus on here and now."

I fix him with a look. "You want me to forget about a huge competition-"

"What competition?" asks Lavi in a childish tone, looking around the room animatedly.

"Lavi-" I stop and stare at him as he starts doing ridiculous hand motions.

"Just focus on my hands," he says in what is a poor attempt to sound like a magician. "Forget about everything that will happen after I stop and focus on my hands. Eyes on my hands. Right here, on my hands. Hands, hands, hands… hands. Funny word, huh?"

"What is wrong with you?" I ask, chuckling at the strange expressions on his face.

Lavi grins in triumph. "Got you to smile, didn't I?" He stops and ruffles my hair. "Don't worry, Sprout. The rest of us don't give a flying fish about how you perform, as long as you don't start playing 'Yankee Doodle' in the middle of 'Mona Lisa.' It just doesn't go with the tune, you know?"

I make a face but don't comment on the shot at my height. The nerves in my stomach have started to calm now that I'm a bit more relaxed. How does he do that? Are best friends supposed to be like this, able to make you forget the shit going on and just goof off?

A knock at the door. "Are you still alive?"

I roll my eyes. "Lenalee, I'm with Lavi. Plus, there is a stunning lack of weapons despite this room belonging to Komui."

Lenalee laughs through the door. "I made him take his robots and tools out of the room since I knew you three would be in here together." There's a silence from her side of the door before she shyly speaks again. "So, I designed these myself and I'd like to get your honest opinion."

I exchange looks with an eager Lavi. I remember she was into fashion back when I knew her but didn't know she made clothes now! "Okay," I answer, interested to see if Lena's still as creative as she was back then, complete with all the unicorn shirts and candy cane socks. The door opens, and I gasp at her handiwork.

Kanda has his usual loose jeans, but Lenalee's forced him into a tighter shirt that shows off his lithe muscles from training with Mugen. His hair is down too, but he looks much more masculine thanks to his shirt. Lenalee has on clothes more in line with what she usually wears, the only difference the darker colors mixed in and shorter shorts.

Lavi and I have pretty much the same expression: amazement. "I didn't know you could make clothes!"

"I designed the school play's costumes last year! This was easy as pie. I've also helped Johnny with the band uniforms." She hesitantly fingers her shorts. "I went with the theme black, white, and red all over. So…it looks good?"

I furiously nod my head. "You made Kanda look like a guy!"

"Too bad she can't do the same for you!" he shoots back, drumsticks twirling in his hand as he moves to his instrument.

I make a move to counter, but our bassist thrusts garbage bags into both Lavi and my hands and points to the door. "Go change."

I look at the unknown clothes in my hands a feel a sudden chill. Who knows what kind of jailbait costume I got? "You can go first, Lavi." He rolls his eyes and exits the room without complaint, already knowing thanks to Kanda's costume his will show him off right and completely embracing it. Stupid puberty fairy.

As soon as the door slams shut, a hand roughly grabs my left arm. I don't even have time to react before the sleeve is thrust up almost the whole way to my shoulder.

"So this is what you all were hiding? And here I thought you were cutting or some shit like that," Kanda says. I try and twist my arm from his grasp, but Kanda tightens his grip with a grunt, managing to hold on. My arm to bends at a very uncomfortable angle, and I'm unable to turn my head to get a good look at him now. I still glare from the corner of my eye in his general direction behind me. _Go ahead_, I mentally snarl at him. _Say it._

"I've seen worse."

...What?

He releases my arm, but I make no move to pull the sleeve down. 'Seen worse?' Could Kanda have…no, he may show no big emotions other than rage, but he shows no signs of having experienced trauma. No fear or flinching when around people, just hatred. Where else...?

"...Is what's under Lavi's patch," I ask softly as I pull down my sleeve, "worse?" Not many people interact with Kanda and even fewer can stand him. Komui may build robots, but I know-_ hope _he's controlled enough to not hurt anyone seriously. From what I've heard about his adoptive family, no one there has had any injuries that could look worse than this. Komui wouldn't allow a bug to bite Lenalee, much less some horrible injury. That only leaves Lavi or someone I haven't met yet.

Lenalee's flinch tells me I'm right. I fix my eyes onto hers, knowing she's far more likely to bites her lip. "Allen…maybe you should let Lavi-"

Lavi suddenly opens the door, making us all freeze.

"I'm here!" he yells. "Release the doves!"

I open my mouth to say something, but then I take in the clothes Lenalee made him. They completely different from his usual look.

The usual bandana is off, letting his red hair hang down in his face, styled to cover half his eye patch. I never noticed the hoop in his ear before. The ZoNE logo is slanted across his chest in white, done in amazing detail I didn't know Lenalee capable of. White suspenders hang down at his sides, standing out nicely on his black skinny jeans. Yeah, he looks hot.

I wonder what his butt looks like in skinny jeans?

_He's straight! screams my common sense. Don't be stupid! You guys are friends! Don't ruin it!_

_There's nothing wrong with a peek!_ yells back the dumber part of my mind.

"Nice job, Lenalee," I say out loud, glad my voice is even. "The ZoNE logo is done amazingly!" I look at her as I talk, forcing my focus on someone who isn't Lavi.

She smiles. "Thanks, but I didn't draw it."

I feel myself frown. "Then who-"

"Your turn, Allen!" interrupts Lavi with a tone containing a little too much enthusiasm. I don't say anything but fix him with a look as I pick up the fallen bag and retreat to the bathroom. I cast a look over my shoulder to try and sneak a peek, but he's still facing me. Damn, so close.

When I get to the bathroom, I pull out the clothes and start getting dressed without really looking at them, head swimming around Lavi. Cross has taught me when someone trying to be your friend doesn't let something slip about themselves, a small secret or a hidden hobby, they're not to be trusted, especially after finding out one of your secrets. Even the few people I've managed to get a little friendly with before let _something_ slip. It's not normal, and anyone who doesn't respond normally probably has some grim skeletons in his closet.

Most everyone has to have someone to lean on, but, even if Lavi and Kanda seem to have a deep friendship, it seems to be one of 'keep my secret and I'll keep yours.' I mean, what do I know about Lavi, really?

Well...when Lavi's sad, you can only tell by looking at his eyes and studying him, but, for the most part, he's generally happy-go-lucky. He loves music, his grandpa doesn't approve of the band, he can write a song like nobody's business, and obviously has some injury to his eye. Besides his Gramps, what do I know of his personal life? He spends most of his time with us, and I've even heard of him sleeping at HQ. Why would someone want to spend so much time away from home? It can't just be that he loves music that much. Even I go home to Cross.

I don't realize I'm dressed until I'm leaving the stall. I shake my head. Geez, focus. I head back to the science room, itching my head through my blue hat-Oh! It really doesn't go with Lena's theme, huh? Taking it off, I cover my hair with the hood of the jacket I have on before heading into the room, hoping I put everything on right in my autopilot state.

Everyone's head turns to me. "What?" I yell, panicking when they just stare at me. "_What?_"

Lenalee recovers first. "Did you look in a mirror?" Lavi's still staring open mouthed at me, but Kanda's covered up nicely with a 'che, baka Moyashi.' Oh crap! I did put this on wrong!

"I'm sorry, Lenalee!" I start.

"For what?" she yells, running forward to hug me. "You look so…so amazing! The student body will be all over you!"

Lavi's finally recovered and has an almost predatory look as he scans me up and down. My face slightly flushes as I look away frowning. "What?"

Lenalee squeals for some odd reason and snaps a picture with her phone quickly. Lavi moves forward and yanks me farther into the room, weaving through all the cords expertly. I fall behind as I try not to touch any, but do eventually make it to where Lavi has stopped. He makes an impatient sound and pulls me forward. "Look," he demands flatly, pointing to a full-length mirror.

Honestly, I'm not dressed that much differently than usual, but Lenalee's color scheme makes it look good. An over sized pale red jacket covers my arms and most of my hands as usual, but the loose black shirt underneath does well to hide my skinny frame. White jeans with a splash of black checkers fit tightly despite them being so comfy, but they are a little too long. I roll up the bottom of the jeans, ignoring Kanda's snickers.

Not to be vain, but I think I look pretty good. Way better than I usually do with my used, junky clothes, anyway.

"Um, why is there a mirror in the science room?"

"Because I needed a place to work and test the clothes I made for myself. Komui wanted to make sure they were 'appropriate for the wolfish boys of this hell hole school,'" Lenalee explains, lowering her voice to try and imitate Komui. A few random notes sound from her bass. "We've only have an hour, so let's make the most of it."

Butterflies come to my stomach, but I try Lavi's advice. Where only practice now, like we've done almost every day since I've joined. There are no people, just us four and the mice in the ceiling.

"Allen," Lavi says, "you look constipated."

"He always looks like that," supplies Kanda.

I glare at him, walking over to my piano. "_I_ am nervous. _You_, on the other hand, always look like you're tasting shit. What's your excuse?" A drum stick flies passed me and hits the wall.

Kanda pulls a new one out. "Shut the fuck up and steer your sissy ass over to the piano, coward."

I pick the drumstick up, cracked but still in one piece, and whip it back at him. "I'm no coward. Do you see me here? Have I run yet?"

"Well-" Lavi starts.

"That was a completely natural response," I defend. He fixes me with a look before walking over to my piano and moving it towards the middle of the room, which would place me closer to center stage. Then, he takes the microphone stand he'll use and moves it so he's standing almost right in front of me.

"This should keep most of the people in front of you blocked from your line of sight," Lavi tells me, grabbing his guitar and pulling it over his shoulder. "If you look up, just keep your eyes on my back," he smirks back at me, "or lower. I know Lenalee's clothes work magic. I can't help it if I give her such a prime figure to work with," he sighs, gesturing to his body.

I roll my eyes, smiling. "Thanks." His butt does look pretty good.

Lavi nods back. "Ready?" he asks us. "Let's start with 'Can You Keep a Secret.'"

+…+

"Come on!" Lenalee shifts impatiently on her feet. "They're starting soon! I can't_ believe_ we lost track of time!"

Lavi finishes double checking everything's in place before we start running towards the auditorium on the other side of the school. Few people are in the halls and almost all the rooms we pass are empty. Lavi, who's in front of me, stops running. I pass him, but he grabs my shirt, effectively choking me with one hand. Lenalee stops at my loud, cut off yelp when I'm grabbed, but Kanda keeps running. Jerk.

"Yu~!" yells Lavi, releasing me. "Come back here! Let's race the rest of the way! This is the only time we can run in the halls without getting in trouble!"

"Only baka rabbits like to run!" Kanda yells back, not slowing at all. Ass.

Lavi shrugs and starts 'warming up' by stretching in his skinny jeans. "Come on, Allen. It'll be fun." He bends over to touch each foot. I'm not looking, I swear. Finished, he squats down in the stereotypical runners stance with his right foot bent in front of him and his left extended behind.

Sighing, I take my place next to him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to running though the long halls.

"Ruin my clothes," warns Lenalee, also getting ready, "and you'll wake up one day without an eyebrow."

I gulp, but the threat seems to go over Lavi's head. "On your mark…get set…" He sticks his butt up in the air. "Go!" I'm disoriented for a minute, only aware Lavi isn't next to me anymore. Then my brain kicks on. Sprinting, I take off after the red head already disappearing around the corner. Lenalee is neck and neck with him, surprisingly fast in her heels. The hall is too narrow for me to push in there, so I set my pace and wait for an opening.

Lena soon slows down, and I squeeze in the gap now between her and Lavi. He glances to the side, bumping me. I barely prevent myself from slamming into the wall. Huffing, I return the favor, smirking as his graceful stumble. We continue like that down the hall, neither of us succeeding in slamming the other into the hard brick as Lenalee laughs behind us. We turn at the bend, neck and neck as we breath hard. Our foot falls echo in the empty hall, almost eerie in the silence. He was right though; it _is_ fun to run in the halls.

The doors to the auditorium are in sight. With a final burst of speed, I get ahead of him, bursting into the room with a victorious yell. Lavi comes in shortly after, groaning in defeat with Lenalee breathing heavily behind him.

"So glad you could join us," echoes a voice from the speakers. "Why don't you guys take a seat?"

Lavi cockily smiles up at the stage. "Sure! Thanks for offering!" he yells, breathless as he just plops down right there. I look around the room, seeing no seats but plenty of staring people. I sit down beside him to rub my victory in his face, trying to push the eyes out of my mind. Lenalee, however, moves off into the crowd, probably to find Kanda.

The student at the microphone, a boy with braided blonde hair and two noticeable moles on his forehead even from this distance, gives us a disapproving look before returning to whatever he was talking about before.

"As I was saying," he grounds out, cutting off all the small conversations that had broken out when we'd burst in, "all acts will go in the random selection done earlier today. The band competition will be at the end of the show." We receive a scowl, which Lavi responds to with a wave. "Any booing will be met with detention and any food will be taken. There will be a break for lunch mid way through the program. Please enjoy the," he frowns at the card in his hand, "'crazy skills' of Daisya with his soccer ball."

"Ow!" I yelp as a hard sneaker bottom crushes my hand. I yank it away and glance up, meeting the unsympathetic eyes of Kanda.

"I think I stepped on a tiny bean," he says like he's talking to himself. Pissed, I swing my leg around to hit his shin. The ass lifts his leg, but I get the back of his knee on the return trip. "Shit!" he yells, knee buckling. He doesn't fall, but instead unsteadily keeps his balance on one foot in a way reminding me of a clown on a ball.

I laugh mockingly. "I present Kanda the Clown! Don't let the sneer fool you; he loves us all! For twenty bucks, you can even hug him."

"I'm no clown!" he growls, succeeding in regaining his balance.

"That's right!' I say, slapping a hand to my forehead. "You're too stupid to get into Clown College."

"I'm number one in my grade, dumb ass! That's higher than you!" Kanda scoffs.

"That's only because Lavi's in my grade!" I defend, glaring at him.

"Excuses, excuses."

One of the teachers on 'guard' shushes us and threatens to disqualify us. We all fall silent. I give Kanda another glare, imagining knives flying from my eyes and impaling him. When it doesn't become reality, I turn my eyes back to the stage and watch a guy who reminds me of a jester with his pointy hat do soccer tricks.

+…+

"I can't believe I ate the _whole _thing!" I sigh, patting my stomach.

"I can," volunteers Lenalee, attracting more than one lustful look with her shorts. It's not so much that her shorts are so short as she just has amazing legs. "You ate almost this much back in sixth grade too!"

I could've eaten more if my stomach hadn't been in such a knot. People kept coming up to our table and wishing us luck. Thankfully, Kanda and Lavi distracted me after Lavi accidentally flung his food and it landed in the bad tempered samurai's hair.

Instead of reentering the auditorium, we go back to the science room to migrate our stuff to stage left. Tyki's band's instruments will be on stage right and we'll have to switch all the stuff out. Both bands are sharing the marching band's set of drums. Komui helps us move our instruments to the stage, but it's slow progress. In fact, by the time everything is set up, there's only a short time before 13 Apostles takes the stage. Nerves that didn't bother me during the 'Great Migration of Music,' as Lavi called it, come back full force, almost knocking me off my feet.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I slur, already gone before anyone can stop me. About half way there, I realize I'm probably not going to puke and slow down, shutting my eyes and leaning against the all. I focus all my energy on slowing my erratic heart beat, feeling the sweat under my arms. I have to take my jacket off. Slowly, I open my eyes and see I've made it to the other side of the auditorium. The bathroom should be right down the hall. Now if only I could walk.

"Allen!" A blur of blue and purple slams into me, knocking me back onto my butt. I know this voice!

"_Damn_," I hiss, rubbing my butt when the pain kicks in. "Road, please don't do that." I blow my silvery locks out of my face and frown at her. "Pull your skirt down too." It flipped up when she tackled me.

She squeals at me, "You are still just the cutest thing!" and hugs me into her (flat) chest.

"Road…let me go…" I mumble to her shirt, blushing slightly.

"But-"

"Now please!_"_

Road laughs as she gets up and pulls her purple skirt down,. Her skin is a dark color I've come to expect on Tyki, and she has her usual strange clothes on: a white blouse with a red ribbon I sent to her for her birthday last year tied around her neck with a purple skirt and crazy socks that come to her knees. Today they have stars on them.

Back when we first met she had a crush on me. Now we're _just friends_, but she continues her "molestation" of me every time we see each other. I'm just so used to it I don't even fight it anymore. It's one of the few reasons it didn't take long for me to get used to Lavi's touchy-feely personality.

Road's one of the few friends I still have, even if we don't see each other much since I move around a lot I haven't seen her in awhile. We get into contact whenever we can. She said her cousin Mikk was competing in a competition nearby, so I invited her to ours if she could make it.

"Shounen!" calls a familiar voice I haven't heard in years. I look up to see the devil smirking down at me. "Have a nice fall?"

"Oh, yeah," I say as I sarcastically get up. "And I have the bruise to prove it. Want to see it?" I smirk, putting one hand on the hem of my jeans.

He raised his eyebrow. "No offense, but I don't want to see your pale white ass. Ever." I laugh.

Mikk has messy black hair always hanging in his face and sticking up all around the rest of his head. The same crazy glasses impossible to see through without proper lighting still rest on his fair skinned nose. A clean, over sized, white button up has the top two buttons undone; the hem is tucked into his black skinny jeans. A belt around his waist has a chain with playing cards attached to it.

"Mikk! It's good to see you!" I hug him, breathing in smoke and beer. He must've been gambling lately. "How much profit did you make?"

"About one hundred per hour," he reports sadly. "So your band is ZoNE? What made you finally start performing again?"

I pull back to see his face and smile awkwardly. "Well, there's this guy-"

"Allen! Are you-" I look over to see Lavi staring opened mouthed at Mikk and me. Kanda and Lenalee come around shortly after.

"Che. He invited his boyfriend. Knew he was gay."

I realize this probably looks like a bad position. My arms are still around Mikk's neck, and his hands are resting on my waist. I pull back and wave my hand in the air. "No, no! These are my old friends Road and Mikk." I gesture to them as I say their names. "And everyone else knew I was half gay, Kanda; you're just that slow."

"Your friend?" asks Lavi, eye studying the air between us intently like he'll find some hidden meaning there. "And why, exactly, are your friends on 13 Apostles' side of the stage?"

"You could at least let me catch up with Shounen here before explaining the circumstances." Mikk sighs and runs his hand through his hair, exposing cross-like marks on his forehead.

"You inherited the gene, too?" I ask sadly. We all thought it skipped him.

Mikk smiles down at me sadly. "Yeah. I got the white and dark side-effect." He uncomfortably rubs his hands together, and I notice the ace up his sleeve as the fabric moves. "You see…that's what I need to talk to you about."

"Wait!'" interjects Lavi, literately stepping in between Mikk and me. "What gene? What side-effect?"

Road is suddenly there, gripping Lavi's arm with her nails. Crosses form on her forehead, seemingly melting into place. "What business is it of yours?" she asks, a single bead of blood dripping from my friend's arm as she cuts skin.

"Road!" I yell, trying to pry her arm from Lavi as he winces with a yell of pain. "Road! Snap out of it!"

A flash of silver and, suddenly, a cool blade rests under Road's neck. Her eyes, crazy a moment before, are now back to normal as she regards Kanda's stony expression. To my relief, she drops Lavi's arm, that one cut the only damage. I can hear Lena's sigh as I watch Road's crosses fade.

"I'm fine now," she tells Kanda. "Put that away; didn't your mama teach you never to play with swords? You could put out someone's eye," she looks at Lavi, "again."

"Don't change the subject!" Lavi snaps. I openly stare. I've never seen him so pissed. The anger is actually visible on his face! "What?" he asks me. "I just want to know what's going on. I hate not knowing."

Mikk rubs the bridge of his nose. "Shounen, do you want to explain?"

I sigh. "Not really, but I know I'll have to anyway." I look at Lavi, who's leaning against the wall with an unreadable look directed at Mikk. "You see, Mikk and Road's family have this gene, called the Noah gene, that shows up in almost every generation. It usually shows around age thirteen, but some don't get symptoms till forty." I point to Road's skin. "Their skin will usually change to that color, but some, like Mikk, can switch back and forth between that and the original skin tone." I gesture to Mikk's forehead. "When they switch back or are influenced by the gene, they get marks like his."

"But what are the side-effects you're talking about?" asks Lenalee, moving closer to us. "Are they dangerous?"

"It depends," I answer. "Road's somewhat violent nature got a kind of sadistic tint to it, though it only seems to show up when family is in danger." I nod at Lavi. "She probably saw you getting in between us and became mad, triggering her inner psychopath."

"I," starts Mikk, "have what you'd call the 'white side, dark side' effect. Yes, the pun is intended. It's basically multiple personalities, but the new one is created because of the gene, not deeper mental problems like other cases. The personality shows up when my skin becomes the same shade as Road's. I have control now, but we can talk in my head at any time. I don't remember or see what my 'dark side,'" he makes quotations in the air, "does, but he usually gets days while I get nights. Poker's always been more fun than school."

Lavi nods thoughtfully, probably wondering why the Noah gene isn't in his crazy smart head that's read every book known to man. "What do you have to tell me about?" I ask Mikk.

"Don't freak out," he tells me, "but I my other side many have been going to school with you.

"What!" I demand, freaking out. "But why isn't Road-"

"You know how Sheryl is. And, well…" Mikk awkwardly looks to the side. "He's in 13 Apostles."

"Then who-" Lavi stops and gasps. "You're the Portuguese Pervert! You've been molesting Allen!"

Mikk gapes as I slowly back away, making sure my ass is out if reach. I know he has no control over 'Tyki,' but I'm not taking the chance of him suddenly coming out. From the auditorium, applause echoes.

"Wait," interjects Lavi again. "How do you and Allen know each other in the first place? Shouldn't he have been able to tell if he's known you for awhile?"

"Well…" we both start, trailing off awkwardly. Mikk and I exchange looks with a frown.

"13 Apostles!" yells a voice from stage. The student with two moles from before pops his head in. "There's one act before you and it doesn't require the rest of the stage. Start setting up quickly." The guy recognizes us. "Get back to your side, ZoNE. I've got my eye on you."

"Sorry Link," offers Lavi, "but I'm straight. You might have a chance with Allen here." I smack his arm before he can run away.

Link looks at him, disgusted. "Just get back to your side, Deak."

"You got it, Mole Man," he says, saluting in a very exaggerated fashion before grabbing me and starting towards the other side of stage.

"Wait," I tell him, yanking my arm from his grip easily. "Will it be you or 'Tyki' performing?" I ask my old friend, turning my back on Lavi. He huffs in…annoyance? Impatience?

Mikk smiles at me, glasses flashing as he shifts his balance. "You've heard me sing, Shounen. What do you think?"

I wince at the memory. "That everyone's heads will explode." I turn back to Lavi. "Good luck, Mikk."

"Break a leg," suggests Lavi.

What is wrong with him? I grab _his_ hand this time, dragging him the way Lenalee and Kanda went. I stop a ways before the stage so the other two won't hear us.

"What was that?" I demand. "Mikk is probably my oldest friends, and you tell him to break his leg? Don't you dare say you were wishing him luck," I warn when he opens his mouth. "We both know that's complete bull. Why were you so mad?"

"Maybe because you didn't say we were going against your boyfriend's band."

"He's not my boyfriend," I say, blushing. Sure, maybe I had a crush on him way back when, but things are different now.

"Mm-hmm," Lavi says, rolling his eyes. "Your face says otherwise. Gonna start hanging out with Tyki now that you know?"

"Don't be a dick!" I snap.

Lavi gapes at me. "You said 'dick!'"

"Sorry," I respond sarcastically, "penis. The point is that Mikk is Mikk, and Tyki is Tyki. I'm in ZoNE, and he's in 13 Apostles. He's my friend, and you're my friend." I smile. "In a few minutes, he'll perform with Road. After them, I'll perform with you. Nothing is changing, except now I know I can't kill Tyki like I planned."

Lavi seems to not be convinced. He opens his mouth to say something, but a powerful note from a guitar makes us both run the rest of the way to the stage so we can watch from the wings. I have to push Kanda out of the way to see them.

Sure enough, Tyki stands center stage wearing the same clothes as Mikk, but he looks like a different person just from the way he holds himself. I honestly can see no trace of the easy-going Mikk I know in his posture and attitude. Road has the guitar and is still holding the note. The long haired Jasdero is still on the drums…and still has that crazy head band with the light. David has a bass, but his black hair is now short, up to his neck. It used to be as long as Jasdero's.

"We are 13 Apostles," Tyki tells the school as David starts a deep bass line. Road joins in with a few well placed notes accented by the cymbals on Jasdero's drum set. A quick, easy pattern of successive sixteenth notes and Tyki opens his mouth to sing in a voice deeper than Kanda's, "_Hey Miss Murder can I?  
>Hey Miss Murder can I?<br>Make beauty stay if I,  
>Take my life?<em>

_"Whoa-oh-ohh_"

Damn he's good, but Lavi's voice_ is_ better.

Road does a wicked melody on her guitar flawlessly. She really has improved. Jasdero's drumming is way more on beat as well. We may be in trouble.

_"With just a look they shook,"_ continues Tyki while the bass plays again._  
>"And heavens bowed before him.<br>Simply a look can break your heart." _I think I see Tyki's eyes flick towards me as he smirks. I shiver, those gold eyes different from Mikk's.

Road's guitar comes back with "_The stars that pierce the sky;  
>He left them all behind.<br>We're left to wonder why  
>He left us all behind."<em>

The chorus is repeated with _hey_'s occasionally thrown in by David and Jasdero. Road comes back in with some more epic guitar, eyes focused on her fingers and tongue sticking out as she plays before the lyrics come back.

They continue, slowly getting into the grove, and I can see them all relax into the rhythm of the song. Road starts nodding her head in time, even swaying a bit to Jasdero's drums. David keeps exchanging grins with his brother, becoming flashy with his strumming. Then there's Tyki, winking at anyone who dares to make eye contact.

It ends solidly on two short notes from the bass. The students cheer as we all exchange looks from back stage.

"This is going to be hard," states Lenalee obviously. I nod in agreement.

Lavi lightly smacks both our heads. "We're way better than that! Admit they're better and you admit defeat!"

"Please," supplies Kanda. "With Moyashi's sorry excuse for a back bone we won't even get through a song before he runs like a headless chicken for the door."

"I'm not a chicken!" I lie.

"You're right. That was an insult to chickens everywhere."

I aim a kick at his shin. "Fuck you!"

"_Kiss me, I taste him on your lips  
>Touch me, he's on your fingertips<br>Don't say that you were with your friends  
>Your eyes lie and I'm staring into him again"<em>

"Shh!" hisses Lavi, cutting us both off. He puts his hand only over my mouth, though. "If we interfere, we'll be disqualified."

I throw his sweaty hand off my mouth and wipe my lips on the back of my own. "You think I'd purposely get us kicked out?" I ask, keeping my voice low.

"Of course not," he hisses, but I know he's lying. I swallow the yell rising in my chest and stomp out of the auditorium. Tyki's voice follows me out.

_"And when the whole damn city knows your name  
>And you know everyone figured out your game<br>You're exposed  
>The darkness changed to light<br>When you've got nothing left to hide"_

I don't go far from my friends, just a few feet to the side of the door auditorium door. Sitting with my back against the wall, I let my forehead sit on my knees pulled to my stomach. In a way I don't blame them, but a little more trust would be welcome. I know how hard we've all been working, and I'm going to go as long as I can before I black out. Granted that's not long, but I owe it to them to try.

_Left to hide~!"_ he finishes.

I hear someone come out and sit beside me. They say nothing, offering no hint of which of my friends they are, but a familiar scent of ink hits my nose.

"Lavi, I'm not going to run." My voice is muffled into my knees, but he hears me.

_"Is it still me that makes you sweat?_  
><em>Am I who you think about in bed?<em>  
><em>When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?<em>

Oh dear god.

"I know, but hearing Tyki sing makes my skin crawl." His breath on my ear as he whispers, "I feel like I'm being molested by his voice."

"_I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better f…  
>Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me<br>_  
>I look up and meet eyes with Lavi before we both crack up. I try to hold on to the rage and worry, but it flies out in the air with my laugh. Why can Lavi relax me like this? Lenalee could too to a certain extent, but Lavi can completely wipe out my nerves and anger with a well-timed joke or comment. It must be how similar we are with our masks and secrets. We understand each other through experience.<p>

Neah could do this, too.

_"Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
>So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,<br>Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?__  
><em>  
>"You know it won't be so bad when you get up there," Lavi tells me after we calm down. "You'll completely focus on the music and forget everyone else. I doubt you'll be able to see them anyway; the lights will be too bright."<p>

I sigh and pick at a loose strand on my glove. "Easy for you to say."

I feel his eye on me, urging me to look at him, but keep my attention on my glove. He relents. "The first time we performed I had to postpone the act for a few minutes while I ran to the bathroom before I pissed myself," he tells me. I push down my laugh. "It didn't help we were on stage and everything either."

_"Dance to this beat_  
><em>Dance to this beat<em>  
><em>Dance to this beat"<em>

"You ran off the stage?" I ask, finally looking up.

Lavi smiles at his triumph. "Yep. Yu and Lenalee were mad, but I did go back up there. Believe me, they all faded away when we played.

_"Let's get these teen hearts beating faster."_

The instruments stop. Bile rises and I put my face back in my knees. A hand taps me on the head, though, causing me to look up at Lavi. His hand is out stretched to me.

Applause thunders. "We are 13 Apostles!" yells Road's voice over the crowd.

"You ready?" my friend asks with a smile.

I take his hand with a smile of my own. "Just make sure to pee before we go on," I tease to disguise my nerves as I get to my feet

He sighs. "Always going to hold that against me now, huh?" I nod as we move back into the stage area to quickly switch their instruments for ours. Lavi sets up in front of me again as I lock my feet into place and dig my nails into the neck of the rhythm guitar. Nervously, I look around the stage. My eyes stop on Road and Tyki.

"Good luck!" waves Road.

Tyki nods, but there's something different about the way he holds himself. "Go get 'em like old times, Shounen."

I nod back to Mikk and look back at the large curtain separating the crowd and me. Lavi moves to block my view.

"Remember, eyes on my back. If they happen to drift lower, I won't blame you, but stay calm." His eye sparks with humor. "Dinner for a month."

I smile. "Dinner for a month," I agree, voice strangled as the curtain begins to open.

**Songs are 'A Whole New World" from Aladdin, "Miss Murderer" by AFI, "Nothing Left to Hide" by Hot Chelle Rae, and "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At The Disco. **

**All reviews welcome! **


	7. Build God, Then We'll Talk

**Damn this is _long_!** **Chapters in the future will not be this long! At least my grammar's getting better...(according to my amazing beta)**

**I got the lemon question. I'm telling you now that I _don't plan on any lemons_! There will be kinda limes...maybe.  
><strong>

**Thanks to **Lai Jun Chen** for having to correct 2 chapters almost over 30 pages each!  
><strong>

I keep my eyes on the neck of the guitar as the squeak of the curtain opening screams in my ears. Talking has broken out in the crowd, and sweat rolls down the back of my neck. Slowly, I move my gaze to the floor and travel to Lavi's back. Suddenly, I'm grateful all lights are on us; it makes him that much easier to see in his dark crowd is almost invisible too, the front row the only people with distinguishable faces.

That's enough for my heart to start beating at four times the recommended rate.

Almost like he senses the panic clawing at me, Lavi looks back. "You okay?" he mouths. "We can stop." I notice the muscles in his back, bunched up like he's getting ready for a fight, but he doesn't look nervous. There's eagerness in his eye, but I see he'll back down. Even though he'll hate it do it, Lavi will back down.

And I want to nod yes. I want to call the whole thing off, even if we'll look stupid. I want to go home and hide under my bed and pretend I'm nine again, but that's unfair to all of them. I don't want to disappoint them. For better or worse, they're important to me now.

"Let's go."

A for three jaw-dropping seconds, Lavi beams at me, happier than I've ever seen him. His arm moves up…then flies down, strumming the opening to 'A Little Faster.'

'Boom!' sounds the drums, cuing in my rhythm. My hands feel slick on the strings when I start, but the notes play out strong and stable.

"_You keep calling it a crash and burn,_" Lavi sings, voice steady. I can hear a note of stress, but it's only noticeable if you've heard the song before hand.  
>"<em>Just wait your turn you might have time to speak<br>There barely was a lesson learned  
>Cause it will return no favors back to me!<em>"

I let Lavi's voice fade as I picture the notes and chords clearly in my head. My focus goes to the lead guitar to sync my playing with his and go separate when required. I do just as I always do and don't let another thought enter my mind. My muscles begin to relax, making playing easier, and the drum's deep beats feel good on my feet.

"_Hold your breath now the bad blood's wearing thin  
>From the pain that settles in when we learn too much too soon.<em>"

I swallow, Lavi's voice coming back to me. My throat braces for the first time I sing as butterflies pound against my stomach.  
>"<em>Hold your breath now the bad blood's wearing thin<br>From the pain that settles in when we learn too much to soon_

"_Too soon~"_

I sing, my voice coming out on key if not a little soft.

"_You say you always keep your word,_" sings our lead guitarist, voice more beautiful and clear than it ever was at practice ringing out in the auditorium.  
>"<em>Show me what you're after<br>I thought you'd promise me the world_

"_It was never good enough for me_  
><em>Show me what you're after<em>  
><em>Just a little faster!"<em>

The song ends, Kanda's last drumbeats swallowed by the roar of the crowd. I feel sick.

I quickly look at my guitar, unplug the amp, and move to set the guitar down so I can grab the piano. My hands shake, almost making me lose my grip multiple times as I try to set down the instrument without making any sound.

"Are you okay?" Lavi whispers to me as he comes over to grab an acoustic I hadn't noticed in my fear induced wall. I shakily nod as I finally set the guitar quietly down. "Don't worry, I'll keep the crowd entertained while you set up. Make sure to sing louder in 'Mona Lisa.'" Already I can hear the students begin to talk.

Lavi's footsteps go away from me as I grab the wire to the amp and move towards my keyboard set off stage. As I start to pull it on I hear Lavi introduce us as ZoNE.

"Ima play you all a short song I made up on the fly." I can almost hear the smile on his face as he says, "Enjoy!"

"_Oh, I found something under your bed, I felt it_," he starts singing to the tune of 'I'm Yours' while playing the acoustic, earning laughs right away.

"_An old bologna sandwich with some cheese that had melted  
>It fell right through the crack<br>And the smell is getting bad_

...He's a genius._  
><em>

"_We'll get a paper towel and some Febreeze_  
><em>Open up a window, man that stinks<em>  
><em>Get down on your knees and clean that rug, rug, rug"<em>

I finally get my keyboard on stage even though I'm laughing. I glance over to see Lenalee holding a hand over her mouth in an attempt not to laugh. Even Kanda seems to have an expression lacking any annoyance. I wonder how long Lavi's had this song under his belt?

"_Oh, it's time to fumigate your bedroom boy  
>It cannot wait<br>Good lord_"

Lavi finishes with one last strum, earning everyone's attention and applause. He gives a little curtsy before quickly going to recover his electric guitar. My friend nods to me on his way back and mouths 'Start' as he jogs back to the microphone.

I flex my fingers in my gloves a few times before relaxing them, but the rest of my body is taunt as can be. I take a deep breath. Just relax and play.

Softly, so to make everyone shut up and listen, I play the beginning melody of 'The Ballad of Mona Lisa,' rising in volume as I play when I earn attention.

"_She paints her fingers with a close precision_," Lavi comes in right on cue, voice lulling and drawing, almost seductive.  
><em>"He starts to notice empty bottles of gin<br>And takes a moment to assess the sins she's paid for._"

My part comes in smoothly. "_A lonely speaker in a conversation  
>Her words were swimming through his ears again<br>There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for"_

They all slur in volume along with Lavi while I wait for my part to come in, tapping my foot to keep the beat._  
><em>

"_Whoa, Mona Lisa,_  
><em>You're guaranteed to run this town<em>  
><em>Whoa, Mona Lisa,<em>  
><em>I'd pay to see you frown"<em>

I let the lyrics run over my head again in favor of listening to the bass line to come in. I keep my eyes on the keys the whole time, my world just black and white. My vision flashes for a second and I see another, smaller crowd clapping at the mini show I put on in the living room, smiling as I look up from the keys to meet my families' eyes.

"_Mona Lisa wear me out_" Lavi's voice snaps me from my moment. Oh no! Did I make a mistake? The crowd's eyes feel heavy on my body again. Heat. When'd it get so hot up here?

"_Pleased to please ya  
>Mona Lisa wear me out<em>

Everyone except Lavi's voice and my soft piano part go silent._  
><em>

_"Say what you mean_  
><em>Tell me I'm right<em>  
><em>And let the sun rain down on me<em>  
><em>Give me a sign<em>  
><em>I want to believe."<em>

"_There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for..." _Lavi sings in that seductive voice he had at the beginning. I slowly play the last few notes, praying no one heard that quick little slip on the last note. I still have no idea how I missed it, but I hope everyone assumes it's a grace note.

I roll my eyes as more than a few girls scream at his tone when he finishes. I don't doubt he's winking back because more screams soon follow.

Lavi looks over his shoulder at us and nods. We've decided to go straight through to minimize stage time, so you can tell the crowd is a little confused when we don't pause as Kanda starts up the cymbal, rising in volume before we all come in perfectly at the same time. I keep most of my focus on my left hand that's playing the harder notes as the mash of melody comes together amazingly. It took us the whole week and a half left to get this down. I can feel the affect of the music instantly, energy and adrenalin surging through me at a pleasant pace.

"_It's true,_" I sing with Lavi, pulling my left hand away so it doesn't get in the way, "_that I'm a silver shadow"  
>"And you,<em>" I join in again, left hand coming back up for a few short notes, "_are always on my mind_

_"You need to get over here; we'll disappear."_

_"Your secret's safe, and no one has to know_  
><em>I'm your getaway, and a little bit more than you can take<em>  
><em>I can make everything feel so damn good~"<em>

Both my hands and mind fly in a frenzy at the chorus of the song, the keys becoming sharper. I ignore the lyrics in favor of my own notes. My part is so different that listening to it just throws me off, unlike the other songs where the others' parts help me. I keep the volume low than in the other songs, trying not to wince at each mistake. _  
><em>

_"Your secret's safe, and no one has to know_  
><em>I'm your getaway, and a little bit more than you can take<em>  
><em>I can make everything feel so good~"<em>

More squeals from the girls. He winked again; our fan base probably gained most of the female student body. Great, fangirls.

"_(Dance with me)_"

I sing in the background evenly as Lavi does the main vocals, not looking up. If I'm not close enough to the mic...oh well. I'm not looking up to check.

"_(Dance with me, dance with me baby)_" I keep repeating at what I pray are the right parts. Most of my focus is on the keyboard. If the vocals sound off, oh well. The instrumental part is way more important.

I can feel my nerves come back full force as the final chorus looms in front of me. I haven't been able to timing right with everything right! They're gonna know and look at me-

_"(I could've sworn we disappeared tonight)" _I quickly sing into the mic. Pay attention! I just missed a chord!

_"(And don't you know I just appeared tonight?)_  
><em>(You want to dance with me)<em>  
><em>(You want to dance with me all night)"<em>

Please tell me this sounds good! I'm so lost! God, it's so _hot_ up here! I bet my face is shining with sweat._  
><em>

_"Your secret's safe, and no one has to know I'm your"_

_"(Nobody there will ever see us)_  
><em>(Don't talk, don't walk; it's just the two of us)<em>

_"I can make everything feel so damn good"_

_"(Dance with me, baby)"_

I let out a breath as the song ends, satisfaction replacing adrenalin as I bask in the accomplishment of finishing without a major catastrophe. That feeling soon disappears when the crowd brakes out in thunderous applause. My legs turn to jelly when my head snaps up in shock. Where am I again? My hands grab the edge of the keyboard for support as I sway dangerously. How did I play in front of all these eyes? They hurt so bad! Those gazes are like knives!

"We're ZoNE! Please vote for us!" yells Lavi in the mic. I look at his back, but black spots start appearing in my vision. Dully I notice him move towards me instead of exiting the stage. "Come on, don't faint."

Faint? Why would I do that?

A small pressure in my back nudges me forward along with a voice promising all kinds of food. I relent to it, forcing my unsteady legs in what I hope to be a normal walk. I can tell when we're back in the stage area by the lack of lights. The air is cooler too.

"Allen?" floats Lenalee's voice. "Are you okay?" I try to focus on her, but my vision swims.

"Do I get cake now?" I ask as I feel my legs give out and my mind fade.

+...+

I peek out from behind the curtains to see a small crowd. Mana spies me and waves with his familiar, large smile. I wave back with a grimace as my tummy dances. I let the curtain fall back in front of me, holding my stomach to try and stop the flutters. It doesn't help.

"You okay, Allen?" asks Neah as he plays with the tie Mana forced him into. The teacher backstage glares at him, but he sends her one of his killer smiles. She flushes and lets him stay, moving over to help some girls with tangled ribbons. I also notice a few older middle and high school girls moon over him. Ew.

I shake my head, ignoring the girls as I squeeze my arms around my stomach. "My belly hurts! Let's just go home." I glance at the curtain again and feel the blood leave my face.

Neah kneels down to be eye level with me and ruffles the hair Mana spent forever combing back, a few strands falling in my face. I'm not sad to feel it ruined; it makes me look stupid. "It's called stage fright. Everyone gets it." He looks back and forth quickly, as if he's about to tell me a national secret. "Even me," he whispers.

I gasp. "How? You play so much better than me! Why would you be scared?" My eight year old mind can't even fathom my amazing brother being scared of anything.

"It's just thinking about everyone's eyes," he tells me, making an exaggerated shiver. "Once I'm up there, though, all I see is my instrument. Other people don't matter, just my music." Neah soothingly rubs my red arm covered by my new white dress shirt and gloves. "You'll see."

"Okay..." I tell him, still uncertain. Out on stage I can hear little Robin finishing her dance routine. Everyone claps loudly as the curtain shifts behind me when she retires to the safety of the back of the stage. My stomach flutters even worse when I realize I'm next.

"Tell you what," Neah says, standing back up, "play as good as you can and I'll buy you ice cream."

A monster growling in my stomach eats the butterflies in my stomach. "With sprinkles?"

Neah laughs. "With sprinkles." He moves out to go into the crowd as the announcer calls my name. Swallowing, I move into the spotlight-

"Allen!"

-and narrow my eyes to find Mana in the crowd with Neah almost diving for his seat-

"We could just leave him. Maybe throw him to the dogs."

-and smile as I move to the piano-

"I got this!"

-and play my first note-

"Cross spilled wine on your keyboard."

I jerk up fast and clonk my head against something hard. "Cross!" I scream, grabbing my throbbing forehead. "Don't touch it! I swear to god I'll kill you with a beer bottle if there's one scratch on it!"

"Remind me never to touch your stuff, Allen." Lavi's voice makes me aware of the sickening motion beneath me. I look around and quickly recognize his car. Outside is a strange group of buildings I've never seen before, flying by at the crazy pace because of the speed Kanda's driving happened? Why is Lavi letting Kanda drive?

We hit a bump particularly hard, toppling me off the seat with the severe lack of balance I have after just waking up. Lavi reaches out to steady me, but we both end up messily sprawled half on the seat and half on the floor.

"Why do I keep falling around you?" asks Lavi as he shifts into a more comfortable position. his feet propped on the seat as he leans against the back of the front seat.

"At least you didn't fall _on_ me this time," I point out, following suit. "Where exactly are we going? Kidnapping me to perform somewhere else?"

Lenalee turns around in her seat to look at me, biting her red lip. "What do you remember?"

I think back, the whole experience hazy and coated with blurry parts. "We got on stage," I start slowly.

"Genius!" barks Kanda. Lenalee whacks him, sending the car swerving, before gesturing at me to continue, completely uncaring about the life or death situation we just escaped from.

"We got on stage...played 'A Little Faster' and 'Mona Lisa,'" I frown, "I think. It's a blur of white and back." I close my eyes and think back to Lavi's voice begging for someone to dance with him. "But I remember 'Can You Keep A Secret' and that other song with the acoustic- genius, by the way- then..." I frown. "Where's the cake I was promised?" I scan the car, but see nothing that could hold cake.

"We don't have any cake, Allen." Lavi laughs. "The cake is a lie!"

"You pass out after a performance and remember cake?" asks Kanda, disbelief coating his words. "What's wrong with you? Did you get dropped on your head as an infant or are you naturally this stupid?" My retort is cut off when he curses and takes another hard turn, knocking my head against the door. "Why the fuck am I driving us to-"

"Don't ruin it for Allen!" yells Lavi.

"Moyashi can kiss my ass!"

I sigh. "Will someone tell me what happened after I passed out?" I still can't believe I did that! I'm never going to live this down. Still, is the performance why I had that dream about Neah and Mana from my elementary years? It's been ages since I last had a positive dream like that. Was it because of what Lavi said?

I notice the heavy silence and my gut drops. "No…we didn't…" I can't even say it. Even if I had to play, it still would've been nice to win.

Lavi nods mournfully as Lenalee talks. "We did. Tyki's band…well…"

"They got their asses handed to 'em!" yells the red head next to me, punching the air as he drops the fake sadness. "After we dragged you to the car and threw you in the back, we ran inside to hear the winner." Lavi puts his hand up for a high five. "We won by twenty votes!"

"That's awesome!" I yell, slapping his hand. Pure excitement radiates from Lavi, who's acting almost childlike. "I knew you could do it!"

Lenalee laughs at us. "We all did it!"

I shake my head. "Lavi wrote the songs and parts. I would never have been able to do that." I can remember Neah taking a month to simply write the main melody and a piano part. I smile at my friend next to me. "You really do have a gift. I'm glad I joined ZoNE."

"Even though we threw you on stage?" I nod. "Good, 'cause I will fix your stage fright." Lavi points his finger right in my face. "Starting next month there'll be training after Lena and Yu go home." I feel myself go pale. Did I just dig my own grave?

Kanda slams on the breaks, once again causing me head damage. "We're here. Can't believe I'm doing this," he mutters. Curious, I pull myself out enough to peek out the window. Oh…my…god…I didn't think Lavi was serious!

We're at Chuck E. Cheese.

+…+

"I'll take three large pizzas and four hundred coins," Lavi tells the girl. He smiles and leans in closer, every straight girl and gay guy in the building watching his ass still in the skinny jeans (I'm not, I swear). "Do I get a discount? Please?"

"Um…well…" The poor employee, a teenage girl with mousy hair and glasses, is flushed red and nervously flicking her eyes back and forth like she's looking for an escape. "I don't think…" She trails off when he leaves in closer and pouts.

"Five bucks says he uses the puppy dog eye," Lenalee mutters to me.

"You're on."

"Please?" he begs, not puppy dog eyes, but dangerously close.

I think I see smoke rise from the top of the girl's head. "O-okay." I cheer as Lenalee groans and hands me some money. The girl fixes her eyes on the register. Soon, coins fly out of the side as a receipt prints out. "You're total is-"

Lavi pulls out his wallet and pays her. "I know." He scoops up the coins, back to the goofy Lavi. "Come on!"

"Wait! You forgot your number!" I move over, thank the girl, and follow after Lavi who's plopped down at a random table and is sorting the coins. I set down the number on the table. "Lavi, you can't just do that to people. It makes me what to kill you with a bottle." He doesn't say anything, just continues counting.

I put my elbows on the table, bored, and look back at Lenalee who's trying to get Kanda to come past the front door, the games, and screaming kids. There's a giant plastic tube system in the center of the large building and a ball pit with a slide leading in next to it. A large mouse walks around greeting kids. Some screaming girls run by, breaking my ear drums. I can see why Kanda's outside.

"Done!" yells Lavi triumphantly. "All of us have one hundred coins!" He shoves a cup at me, almost filled to the brim with coins, pulls off his shoes, and grabs his own cup. "Now, young Sprout, I will teach you the ways of Chuck E. Cheese." I roll my eyes. "This is your weapon," Lavi holds out the cup, "and those are your enemies." He gestures to the machines. "Go do battle."

I lightly whack his arm after removing my shoes too and move over to some random game called 'Deep Freeze.' How hard can this be? I line up the slot with the hundred-ticket slot and place a coin in. It rolls down the slope and just barely misses the slot to get two tickets. I try again. A little closer this time, but I still only get two tickets.

"Use the force," intones Lavi behind me. I use my elbow to jab him in the ribs before trying again. Jackpot! One hundred tickets! The slope moves down to reveal a five hundred slot while high energy music plays. Wait for it…I place my coin near the slot…now! The coin rolls and…ha!

I turn and smirk at Lavi as my tickets fly out of the machine. "Did I win my battle, O Wise One?"

Lavi grabs my tickets in his arms. "The point of this place is to goof off, not win tickets. I think you're covered, though." He nods his head. "Just find some random game, blow your coins, and then go play in the tubes when you're done! Embrace the childishness!" the red head yells, throwing his arms in the air.

Some little kid stops and looks up at him. "You're weird, mister."

"No, he's crazy," I correct.

"Crazy? I was crazy once…" Lavi says, making his good eye twitch. He throws my tickets at me and runs off to play a spider stomping game that just became available. Sighing, I gather up my winnings and bring them back to our table. Lenalee and Kanda are sitting there now, Kanda looking ready to kill at a moments notice. Of course I just have to dump my tickets right on his head before running off.

"Moyashi!" I glance back to see Mugen half way drawn as he tries to charge towards me with Lenalee holding him back, laughing.

We are so going to get kicked out of here.

+…+

The pizza is greasy and cheesy, but it's deliciously greasy and cheesy. I got to eat one and a half all by myself! Lavi just kept running by to grab a piece and a handful of Kanda's coins before running back out to the game area during 'lunch,' much to my amusement. Kanda just sulked quietly as Lenalee and I talked about where 13 Apostles were better than us and how we could beat them by even more votes if we ever did it again. Of course, I'd rather stay in HQ with the mice, but I know everyone- even Kanda- wants to get our music out there. Lena's even mentioned we might be able to submit a song to the local radio station. I'm fine with that, but what happens if people want us to start playing live?

"Hey, old boy." I feel tugging at my sleeve, so I assume I'm 'old boy.' I look down to see the same kid as earlier who said Lavi was weird.

"Yeah?" I do my best to keep the annoyance out of my voice at being called old.

"You know that crazy boy you were with?" I nod. "He's stuck in the slide and can't get out. He said you'd give me a dollar if I told you, so," the kid holds out his hands and gives me a meaningful look, "cash, please."

"He's stuck in the slide?" I study the kid, looking for some hint of a lie. "Are you serious?"

"I couldn't make up this stupid of a situation." He opens and closes his hand. "Money." I quickly yank out Lavi's wallet that he left in his coat at the table and hand the kid a five: one dollar for the message and four just because Lavi was dumb enough to try and go down the slide at seventeen.

There are three slides on the plastic mesh of tubes. I run around and yell up all of them, waiting for a familiar voice to respond. I call up the two not leading to the ball pit first, but he doesn't answer. Of course he went down that slide. I step through the surprisingly deep pit to the slide and yell up.

"Allen?" Lavi's muffled voice comes down. "So John told you I was here? Did you pay him?"

"You know the kid's name?" What is wrong with him?

"Well yeah! We had a conversation for a couple minutes before he went to get you." There's a silence, then, "Are you gonna help me out?"

I start to taking off my socks to get a better grip when I go up. "No, I'm gonna leave you there to die. What do you think I'm gonna do!" I step up on the red slide and duck into the opening, pressing my palms securely to the sides as I start up. "What possessed you to go down this slide?"

Silence. "…I was bored?" I sigh and try to navigate around a curve in the slide without losing my grip. My foot slips. I yell out, but am able to reestablish my balance before I slip down too much. "Allen!" yells Lavi. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I notice his voice sounds closer. Should be just one more turn- "Lavi…why is your face facing me and not your feet?" I demand, face alarmingly close to his.

Lavi smiles at me, hair even deeper red due to the color of the slide. "I tried to go down on my stomach."

I back up a little when the smell of cheese and grease hit my face, amusement probably clear on my face. "You have to be the craziest person I know! And that's including Cross," I add, moving closer to see where exactly he's stuck. It seems most of his chest is through, but his waist is stuck. At least his arms are free.

"That's not nice!" exclaims Lavi. "I'm crazy fun, not crazy psychotic like him!" He pushes my leg, probably not expecting me to loose my footing, but I do. Yelping, I fall hard right on my stomach and start to slide down fast. What do they put on these things, butter? The grease on the pizza? "Allen!" My shoulders crack painfully as I suddenly stop falling. Looking up and see that Lavi has a tight hold on my wrists.

"Umm, could you let me go?" I can feel pain start to seep into my wrists. We both freeze as we hear a squeaking sound, the kind you hear at McDonald's when the slide sucks so you have to manually slide down with your jeans sticking to the plastic.

"I'm moving!" Lavi reports. I feel the tube shake. "Hold on! I'll try to push my legs against the wall behind me."

I shift my arms. "Hurry up! This really isn't the most comfortable position!"

"Uncomfortable position? Wonder what that's like," says Lavi sarcastically. "Ah!" I feel the pressure on my wrists and shoulders leave as I slide down the plastic fast. "Wee!" Lavi yells childishly from behind me as we land in the ball pit. I stand up only to feel myself being pulled. "Let's do that again!"

I pull back. "Let's not and say we did."

Lavi pouts at me. "But you didn't even go in! You just climbed up the slide!" He sighs and picks up a round rubber ball from the pit. "How about we do," he pulls back his arm and throws the ball, "this!" I watch the projectile fly through the air. It lands right on Kanda's head. I'm pulled down as the angry drummer stands up and glares around the restaurant before sitting back down.

"Your turn," Lavi whispers, handing me a yellow ball. "Make sure to duck down before he sees you." I look at the rubber sphere and then at Kanda. Smirking, I make a show of winding up and pitching the ball little league style. It connects solidly with the side of his head. I can almost hear his growl of rage from here, but Lavi and my suppressed laugh blocks it out as we duck down again. My friend puts his finger to his lips as he picks up another one.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks a cold voice. I feel Lavi freeze up the same time I do. Slowly, we look up to see a pissed of Kanda holding an unsheathed Mugen. "Who wants to die first?"

"Lavi," I volunteer, quickly jumping up and running away. I hear a scream behind me and glance back to see Lavi running towards Lenalee. Kanda looks back and forth between us before going for me. Damn it all! I should've run to Lenalee. I duck behind the poor soul in the mascot outfit as I make a sharp turn to run up into the entrance of the crazy system of tubes where I know Kanda won't follow me. I hear a yell as I climb, but don't dare look back as I take a left down a purple tube. I'm lost only a few minutes later. Hell, I can't even find a slide! I have to ask a kid to lead me to a slide. Oh, the shame at his look. It doesn't help that the slide I go down puts me right back in the ball pit.

"Excuse me," the girl Lavi had been flirting with calls over to me as I move out of the pit. "Is the boy with long hair and a sword your friend? He was just banned from here, so-"

I let out a yell. "Yes! I'm going to live to see another day!" Wait. I look at her and ask, "What about the red haired boy he was trying to kill?" Man, getting banned from here would kill him!

She shakes her head. "He's fine. Sorry to bother you."

"Hey," I call, thinking back to Lavi's earlier performance. "I'm sorry about my friend. He's a little…interesting."

The girl smiles. "Don't worry about it. I would've given him a discount anyway. Teens don't usually come here, and I knew something was bound to happen with your group." She laughs. "I was right! That long haired boy kicked the crap out of our mascot!"

"Allen!" comes a familiar voice as someone hugs me from behind. "Yu got kicked out, so we're leaving. Get a prize now if you want one."

I shake my head. "Let's just go. Where's Lenalee?"

Lavi shoots me a sly look. "In the car with Yu." He starts leading me towards are table. "We're going to stop at the store and buy 'The Quest for Camelot' before we go to HQ, so grab any food you want to eat in the car. It'll be awhile before we get home."

I nod and yell over my shoulder at the girl, "Bye!"

She waves. "Come back soon, Allen! This place is a drag!"

+…+

"What's under Lavi's eye patch?" I ask Kanda, the silence finally broken between us. Lenalee and Lavi have gone into Walmart to pick up a movie, and we've been sitting here awkwardly for the last ten minutes. I'm on my last bit of food already, and time seems to take forever to pass. Even if it is Kanda, I want a conversation and this one has a lower likelihood of ending in a fight.

Or it would if Kanda would say something.

"Oi!" I yell, annoyed. "You gonna answer me or sit there like an ass?" He still says nothing. I look over to him to see his eyes looking out the window. Grumbling, I start eating a piece of pizza. It's not fair Lavi saw my arm but I can't see his eye! Yes, it's a childish thought, but isn't that how it goes in stories? After my shit is revealed his is revealed? Then again, this is the real world.

"If you're so curious, ask him yourself."

I jump at Kanda's voice. "How long did it take him to tell you, then?"

He snorts. "Hell if I know."

"That doesn't help me."

Kanda snorts again and moves to look at me. "Why don't you just rip off the goddamn patch and see for yourself?"

"Because there's this thing called 'being an ass,' BaKanda." I physically make quotes in his face with my hands that he slaps away with a scowl. "You do it a lot. Plus, I'd like to keep Lavi as a friend."

"Then don't complain," grumbles Kanda, moving back to his seat and looking out the window. "If you see an opportunity like I did in the science room, take it. People like you get walked on, Moyashi. They let the world pass by and let other people go ahead of them without lifting a finger for their own desires. Even when I saw your arm, you did nothing; just stared in shock at me before moving on to a completely different topic." I see his eyes quickly look to me before looking back out the window. "Human's are selfish; don't try to be something other than human."

I stare at Kanda. Who knew he could spout this deep psychological shit so well? Still…am I really like that? Putting others first is bad? If I look back at the show we did today, I did do it out of a sense of obligation, not because I wanted to. But they're my friends! Shouldn't I do that anyway? Isn't that what friends are for, or do I just take it to the extreme?

"They're back," Kanda reports as the passenger door to my left opens to reveal Lavi.

"How long does it take to find a movie?" I complain as I scarf down the last of the pizza we had left and letting my thoughts fall to the back of my mind.

Lavi throws the DVD on me and sits down like I am, slamming the door shut. "They only had some double deal packs. Lenalee and I fought over whether to get the one with 'The Princess Bride' or 'The Road to El Dorado.'" I watch Lenalee get in with a smile on her face. "Guess who won?"

I groan. "Do we have to watch 'The Princess Bride' too?"

"Yes!" explodes Lenalee as Kanda pulls out of the parking lot and into the road. "Lavi doesn't know who Inigo Montoya is!"

"Who?" I question stupidly. Lavi plugs his ears as Lenalee starts a lecture about 'good movies' that are 'under appreciated' by so many 'action-loving idiots' and how this movie has 'everything for everyone' that lasts the whole way back to HQ and has me banging my head against the seat. Angst, angst, angst… Lavi's following suit, and even Kanda seems to have a tighter than normal grip on the steering wheel.

"Oh! We're back?" asks Lenalee innocently. "Come on! Let's watch 'The Princess Bride' first!" she squeals, almost jumping from the car in excitement. The rest of us are slow to get out.

Lavi grabs the movies from me and takes out 'The Quest for Camelot' before returning the other movie to me. "I don't care what you do with it, just keep it from Lenalee. I'm not in a mood for chick flicks right now."

I nod in agreement as we enter, the heater Lenalee's already turned on welcoming in contrast to the cold blast of wind we got hit with on the way to the house from the car. At least it's not snowing. Small miracles. She already has the TV on and set to the DVD/VCR player and is waiting for us with an exited expression that lasts until Lavi walks over and plops in 'The Quest for Camelot.' Lenalee notices I have it- I didn't think to hide it yet- and starts towards me, smiling sweetly in a way that reminds me of Komui before he sicks one of his robots on someone.

"Oh Allen," she coos, "would you hand that over?" Actually, with the dangerous edge to her smile, she reminds me of Road when I withhold candy from her. I shake my head. "Please?" I look around for help to see Kanda smirking at me from his position on one of the chairs and Lavi following suit.

"Umm," I respond intelligently. "Why don't we watch this next?"

Her smile looks even more lethal. "Because I'll have to go home before then." Lena steps forward, probably to grab the movie. I panic and throw it to Lavi, remembering Road and her candy again. So…many…stitches… Lenalee goes for Lavi, but we all watch as he nonchalantly stands up and shoves the case into his pants!

"You can keep it," sighs Lena, stopping her attack and slumping over to Kanda, "but we are watching it."

I shake my head and sit next to Lavi on the couch. "First you drag me on stage, then get stuck in a slide at Chuck E. Cheese, and finally stick a DVD case in your pants."

He shrugs and stretches out on the couch, draping his legs over me. "What can I say? You ain't never had a friend like me!" I roll my eyes and settle into the cushions as the movie starts, wondering if there's any popcorn in the fridge.

+…+

I gradually wake up, floating in the dozing state of mind as the strangest conversations I've ever heard go through my ears. Some guy saying 'as you wish' to saying 'I love you' or something. I notice the pressure from Lavi's leg is no longer on me, and I can't hear any of my friends' voices. I just kind of lay there, peacefully dozing. Then I hear the door shut.

I jerk up, fully awake, and see it was just Lavi coming in holding two acoustic guitars. On the TV is a real life girl yelling at some guy in black with a Len Kagamine ponytail. I must've fallen asleep during 'The Quest for Camelot.'

"Where are Lenalee and Kanda?" I ask, realizing they aren't where I last saw them.

Lavi hands one of the guitars to me before moving to stop the movie. "Lenalee had to get back for curfew. It's just you and me." He moves into the practice room. I follow with raised eyebrows.

"You left me alone for the first rapist walking along to just brake in?"

"Yep!" he confirms, setting up some lawn chairs we sto- acquired one day when we were walking around near a dumpster. "You can play acoustic, right?" I nod. "Good, because that guitar is your new friend and will cure your stage fright."

I groan. "You said we'd start next month!"

Lavi shrugs. "We are, but we need to prepare first." At my frown, he chuckles. "What, is he too ugly for ya?" I look at the smooth, light brown wood of the acoustic he handed me, thinking it was anything but ugly. Even the pattern on the shoulder strap is amazing. I wonder where he got it.

Lavi starts plucking some notes, waiting for me to sit down. Slowly, I sink into the lawn chair, waiting for it to break; they weren't exactly in the best condition when we sto-got them.

"This is just a test run of a song, so I may be stopping you and asking you to replay some parts. Bear with me." 'Bear?' I've wanted to see how Lavi writes music ever since he came up with 'Can You Keep A Secret' in less than a week! I try not to look too eager as he tells me what notes to play. He experimentally plays along with me at times, sometimes making me play one measure ten times before moving on, but I don't mind. I can already hear a song forming. Soon, he starts humming as we play.

"Allen, do me a favor and hum this back to me after we play the E chord," he tells me suddenly. I listen to him and repeat back when he says. Lavi looks thoughtfully at me. "Sing it again but put these words to it." He softly sings lyrics. I repeat back. "Now sing it after the first couple measures we repeat. Got it?"

We start playing the few bars Lavi's come up with. When he nods, I sing,

_"From the direction of that planet_

A star passes high in the sky"

I trail off. He hasn't come up with anything past that, but I watch him continue to hum while randomly picking notes and chords. Some make sense, but some don't. I wait for him to finish, watching his fingers glide lovingly over the strings as his completely absorbed expression is unlike any I've seen before.

"This band is just a flight of fancy. He'll come around eventually; just let them go. Teens will do anything to rebel."

Does his grandpa know how wrong he is?

Fingers are snapped right in my face. I jump, thoughts all flying away as a crack echoes in the room. The chair broke! I feel the seat holding me up from slamming directly into the ground as I slant, falling sideways. I catch myself with my hands before hitting my head on the ground. Thankfully, I'm able to stop Lavi's acoustic from hitting the ground as well.

I glare at Lavi, who's rocking back and forth in his chair with laughter. "It's not funny!"

"You're right, it's hilarious!" Pissed, I kick out at his chair, smirking when I see the leg of the chair fold in. Lavi yelps as his falls backwards, the soft back of the chair keeping him from hurting his head.

"Not so funny now!" I exclaim, sitting up to take off the acoustic to double check it wasn't hurt in the fall; I can't pay for repairs.

Lavi sits up as well, rubbing his head. "Fine, I deserved that." He smiles. "You're face was classic, though." A loud growl makes us both fall silent. "Was that your stomach?"

Lavi's little promise comes back to me. "Uh-huh," I nod, smirking as I get up. "Let's go. Someone owes me a free dinner." I make a show of stretching, keeping my voice casual as I make a mental list of the most expense items on the menu. Chocolate cake, here I come!

"I'm vaguely terrified by that look on your face," reports Lavi, standing up as well and dusting his jeans off.

"You should be. I will get my cake."

He ruffles my hair as he passes through the sheet. "I already told you it's a lie." I frown and pull back up my hood, following him to the car. "Where do you want to go?"

I look at the clock. 5:30. I rack my brain for somewhere close, but with good food and cake. "Kings." Maybe I can get a Frownie Brownie on it! Mmm, more chocolate.

The trip there is fast- not even ten minutes- and the wait is even shorter. We end up in a less crowded booth in the corner of the restaurant. I can smell the food from the kitchen so close by. The waiter comes by for our drink order, and Lavi and I order a Coke before dissolving into a conversation whether or not there are mice in the Black Order.

"I'm telling you, those mice will one day safe our lives!" I protest.

Lavi laughs as he responds, "There are no mice! Give it a rest."

"Excuse me!" snaps an impatient voice. "As much as this conversation interests me-" The new waitress pauses. "You're that kid that ran into the girls' locker room." I glance up to see the same pink hair from the pool, but now red eyes are added to the image. A strange green mark is on her forehead, the same color as her nails, and her nametag reads 'Fou.'

"You're that girl who stood up to Kanda."

Her eyes flicker between Lavi and me. "You on a date?"

I sputter as Lavi spits his drink back into the cup. "N-no!" I stutter, heat coming to my face. Is that what this looks like? "He's my friend! Why would I date him? N-not to say I wouldn't, I mean- but…" I groan and whack my head on the table.

Fou waves me off. "Just teasin'. Heart still set on the angry girly boy?" I look up to her with a repulsed expression. "You make the most interesting faces!" she laughs.

"So I've heard," I mumble.

She pulls out a notepad. "So, what are you eating?"

I make a giant show of clearing my throat to get Lavi's attention and pick up the menu. "To start with, I'll take everything on…" I scan the random section I opened to, "this page."

Fou raises her eyebrows. "You want all the breakfast we serve?"

I nod with the brightest smile I can make. "Yep!" I give Lavi an innocent look. "What are you going to eat?"

He hands Fou his menu with a sigh. "I'll just eat off his plate."

The girl laughs at him. "I hope you brought a credit card, bud. I doubt anyone caries that much cash around." Fou puts the pad back in her pocket and takes my menu. "Try not to eat us out of business, huh Allen?" she asks, walking away. A few moments later, I hear a yell from the kitchen.

"I'm going to regret this, huh?" I take a sip from my drink, letting my smirk answer for me. "Are you going to do this every time I make you get on stage?"

I shrug. "It depends. Are you always going to promise me food afterwards?"

Lavi sighs. "If I admit the mice will save my life will you spare me?"

I make a show of frowning and scratching my chin. "I don't know. I think you pissed off the mice pretty bad. They might even break into your house and eat you now." We both exchange looks before laughing.

"Um," a small voice interrupts. We both stop and turn to a girl with unremarkable features. "You guys are from ZoNe, right? Lavi and Allen?"

Lavi leans forward and rests his head on his hands. "Yes?"

"Well…" She seems to fight with herself before thrusting a napkin at us. "Can I have your autographs?" she rushes out quickly in a breath. "You guys left in such a hurry after the show and everyone was looking for you so I gave up hope but you're here now and oh my god you guys are amazing and I told my friends about you-"

"You told your friends?" Lavi interrupts the red faced girl. I've never seen someone talk so fast!

She stops her rant to nod. "Yeah, but they were sad I couldn't let them hear the music."

"Really?" asks Lavi. I can already see an idea forming as he signs the napkin and passes it to me. "So if we, say, got a youtube channel, you'd tell your friends?"

The girl nods furiously. "I'd download the music to my ipod and listen nonstop if I could. Your guys' music is just wow! And your voice…wow…" She sighs dreamily at Lavi.

I sign my name and hand it back to her, smiling politely. An mp3 means no eyes, just ears. "Glad you liked it."

"Are you going to perform again soon?" I feel myself go pale.

Lavi notices. "Probably not. We have a lot to work on, so it'll be awhile," he assures.

"Jane!" calls a voice, making our fan turn around. "Our food's here."

"I gotta go. Thanks!" She makes her way back to her table, waving the napkin in the air like a trophy.

I catch sight of her turning to point at us, probably pointing us out to her friends. I do my best to ignore them, asking Lavi, "Are you serious about the youtube page?"

"Of course! It's the perfect way to get more fans!" Lavi pulls out a pencil from his pocket and flips over the paper cover. "The background for the channel will have the logo going down both sides, and we'll need a kind of track cover for our songs if we just record them and not actually play them with a camcorder." He glances up from his sketch. "That would be almost as bad as going on stage, huh?" My friend waits for my nod before his attention is again directed to his drawing. I try to figure out what it is, but it's kinda hard upside down. Still, it's Lavi; it can't be all that great. "What do you think of this?" he asks, flipping around the cover.

The first thing that draws my eyes is a crocked cross in the background containing a smaller cross that almost looks like the one on the back of my hand in the center. Large flowers not completely in bloom grow behind it, their roots hidden behind what looks to be the head of a hooded statue. The band's logo sits in the center of the scene, with skulls sitting to the left and the cross to the right. Little tuffs of grass stick out from the sides.

"I think this will work," I offer weakly, turning the drawing back to Lavi. Damn, he can draw!

He frowns at it, but flips it back over. "So, you'll do the youtube channel?"

I bite my lip and play with my fork absentmindedly. "I'm more worried about your plan to 'cure' my stage fright. Please tell me it doesn't involve a maid's outfit." I shiver at the memory of Cross trying to make me wear a skirt so I could work in at a bar to get used to people staring at me. I hid in a tree for twenty-four hours with no food…bastard.

Lavi wags his eyebrows suggestively. "How about if I wear it?"

"I will never speak to you again if you wear a skirt," I tell him bluntly. Hey, it's the truth.

Lavi pouts and sticks out his leg, pulling up his pants to 'show off' his leg. "But I have such nice legs!" he protests, rotating it and making everyone around us look over.

"Put your leg down," I hiss, flushing at the attention.

"Jealous?" he teases, but pulls back down his pant leg and sits normal. "Why do you care if everyone looks? Personally, I think they should mind their own business. If they don't," Lavi shrugs, "not my problem."

I roll my eyes, exasperated. "Lavi, if you had minded your own business, I'd probably be gambling at a bar instead of-"

"-making me bankrupt?" he interrupts.

I smirk. "Exactly. Look what your nosiness has brought upon you: buying a bottomless pit of a pianist all of King's breakfast options in one go." A delicious smell hit my nose: chocolate and pancakes. "Let this be a lesson to you to mind your own bee's wax," I tell him, eyes fixed on the door that leads to the kitchen. Fou come through along with two other girls, impressively balancing the plates on the arms and in their hands as they walk. My eyes go immediately to the chocolate chip pancakes; I know what I'm eating first.

"Here's the first quarter of your order," Fou reports, setting the plates of hot food all over the table and making sure not to place any of them directly in front of Lavi. "Do try to keep your legs covered," she tells Lavi. "You're making the other customers sick, and I ain't cleaning up any puke, no matter how well you sing."

I roar with laughter at his expression, grabbing the pancakes before he sees them and smother them in butter. I almost spit my food back on the plate as Lavi looks around the table, growing paler and paler as he calculates the cost of dinner. I feel a tad guilty, but the sweet chocolate distracts me.

"Mmm!" I moan through the food. "Try some," I tell Lavi, waving my fork at all the food, "before it all disappears." He sighs before grabbing the nearest plate with eggs, French toast, and bacon. I steal some of the bacon, though. In return, he steals some sausage from close by. Dinner basically lapses into silence as we eat, only the occasional indignant yell when I steal from him or vice versa. When the check comes, I'm finishing up. Lavi goes pale as he picks it up.

"_You had it coming,_" I sing with a smile. "_You only have yourself to blame_."*

Lavi laughs despite the price on the check. "You just became gayer in my eyes."

"Funny, Cross said the same thing after I sang this when he was kicked in the crotch by a girl," I tell him, finishing some eggs.

"Where did you even hear that song?" he asks.

I shrug. "Road went through a whole phase that I just happened to be around for. How do you know that song?" I return, raising my eyebrows.

He shrugs. "My mom went through a phase, too. Show music every day."

I try not to openly show my shock. Lavi just said something to me about his family! I casually look out the window near by to see if it's a full moon. "…What's your mom like?"

Lavi doesn't really shut down as much as the joking light in his eye fades behind a wall of flat green. "What's your mom like?" He always does this! Switching his personalities like this…it's borderline personality disorder! Or bipolar disorder.

"I asked you first," I retort, keeping my voice as even as I can. "If you don't want to answer, fine, but don't expect me to answer questions in return. Plus, you owe me for my arm," I point out.

"I'm buying you cake," he points out.

"You said the cake was a lie."

Lavi rubs the back of his head. "What if I say it was a lie the cake was a lie?"

"I'd say you were desperate," I return.

He looks at the check and then at me, sighing. He seems to be debating something in his head. "How about I tell you if you pay the bill." He puts on the serious expression I've only seen when he writes music. "I swear."

I wait for a sign he's lying, but I see none. I nod at him, signaling Fou. "Can I have some soup?"

"Getting every penny out of him, huh?" she asks, laughing back to the kitchen and coming back a few minutes later. I thank her, angling my arm as I grab the spoon. Fou's too busy with another customer to notice the black spec that falls from my sleeve into the liquid.

"I thought you said-"

I gasp, dropping my spoon back into the soup. "Ew! A fly!" I make sure my voice is loud enough to carry in the restaurant as I catch Lavi's eye. His eye goes wide. I push the bowl away, making it sway dangerously on the table and the liquid kiss the rim, but it all stays in.

"You're right!" yells Lavi, his singer voice carrying even more than mine and making the restaurant go silent. A person looking to be the manager quickly comes over. Perfect. He has blond hair has a nametag that reads 'Eshi.' I know him! This is one of Cross' debt collectors that actually deserved to get ripped off.

"What happened?" he questions us, nervousness almost visibly rolling off his body. Wordlessly, I pick up the bowl so he can see it. His brown eyes look closely at the fly, but unless he literally picks it up and looks under a microscope he'll never see the difference between a real fly and mine. Well, unless he's done this scam, too; Cross would see this a mile away. Of course, Eshi doesn't.

"I'm so sorry sir," he stutters, keeping his voice down. Louder, he announces, "False alarm! It was just a fuzz from his jacket!" He waits for the people and clanking of silverware on plates to start up again before kneeling down next to us. "What will it take to keep you silent?"

I frown. "I don't know…this is pretty nasty," I tell him, setting my folded hands of the table and keeping Black Allen just under the surface. "Just imagine what could happen if word got out. Huh, Lavi?" I shake my head sadly. "It would put a big damper on business, huh? I probably shouldn't get my cake here for fear of ants in the frosting."

"What do you want?" Eshi watches me, a look of almost fear on his face. Lavi has one more like awe as I slide forward the check.

"This to disappear and a free cake," I tell him flat out. "Just rip it into pieces here and I'll be on my way." When he hesitates, I stand up and gesture for Lavi to do the same. "I guess we'll just have to spread the word then."

"W-wait!" he yells, jumping up and grabbing the check. I watch him rip in half, then fourths, getting smaller and smaller till it's just confetti. "Let them grab a cake," he tells the front register. I grab the biggest one they have before Eshi realizes how much money he lost.

"I can't believe you just did that!" explodes Lavi when we get in the car. "I know you gamble, but you just tricked a guy out of-"

"Lavi!" I interrupt, laughing. "I know that guy! I once conned him out of a con that involved some very intoxicated girls, some drugs, and a cow. He deserved that." I stay silent till we get on the road. "What's your mother like?"

Lavi sighs, but I notice him grip the wheel that much tighter. "Way to jump to the point."

"Trying to figure out a way to get me sidetracked?" I ask. There's no humor in my voice. I'm tired of knowing nothing! It's like four years ago all over again! Kanda said, '_If you see an opportunity like I did in the science room, take it. People like you get walked on, Moyashi._' I can't believe I'm taking advice from BaKanda, but tense times call for dumb ass advice; just ask Cross. "Why won't you tell me anything?" I ask, throwing whatever caution I had left to the wind.

"That's not true," he denies.

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows in the dark. "I've never heard about your parents, you never talk about Gramps, and you won't show me your eye even after you saw my arm! Hell, we're next door neighbors, but I've never been in your house! Lavi, from what I've seen, you don't have many friends," I say bluntly. "By friends, I mean people you actually relax around like you did today when you started that song. I don't either, but you know a shit load more about me than I do! I feel like a crappy friend and sound like a chick now for complaining!" Lavi nods. "Are you agreeing with my rant or the chick part?"

He turns to smile at me. "Both."

I cross my arms. "You should do something about that."

"I can't help you not sound like a chick," I slap his arm, "but I can let you in my house."

I grab my chest. "Be still my beating heart! Did Lavi Deak actually give me an opportunity to get closer? Wait…" I tenderly caress the plastic covering the cake, "you just want me for my cake. I feel used."

"It's not like I can get away from you anyway," he sighs. "Might as well make this as painless and un-gut-wrenching as possible." I watch my house roll by the window, lights off. At least Cross can't make a fuck buddy joke when I walk over from Lavi's house once the cake is gone. "Let's go."

Oddly enough, I've never really seen the front of Lavi's house. It's bigger than mine, having two floors, and the color is bright white, not faded red. It's obviously well taken care of.

The inside looks gigantic, like it shouldn't be able to fit in a house this size. I enter straight into the living room that has to make up most of the house. There's a good-sized TV with a few game stations on the wall closest to me. A couch without alcohol stains sits toward the center of the large room, but what takes up most of the space in the room is the book shelves covering the rest of the walls. A staircase leading to a kind of walkway on the upper level is on the other side of the room. I follow Lavi to the left, into the kitchen, setting the cake down while he goes to get out some plates and forks. This room is way smaller than the living room, supporting my earlier guess that the room makes up most of the house, but is equal to the one I have. It's almost a reflection if you take into consideration where the sink and outlets are placed.

We split the cake in half. Lavi cuts a smaller piece from his half and places it on his plate while I just grab my fork and start on my side, sitting at the table to eat it easier. I patiently wait for him to talk, but he just kinda stares into space.

"Are you going to talk?"

Lavi jumps. "Yeah, just listening to see if Gramps is here." I nod, figuring he'll start now, but it takes him the rest of his piece of cake for him to start.

+Lavi+

Why the fuck did I let him in here? Why didn't I listen to common sense? Mmm…this cake is good- wait! Focus! What do I tell him about Mom? 'Yeah, she's awesome! Her and Dad met in the CIA on a classified mission, but she quit to raise me. She loved me a lot…until I turned out to be gay. Thank god Gramps took me in or I'd be homeless in a gutter!'

…Who says that? He'll probably slap me for telling him lies! The worst part is I want to tell him, I want him to get closer. It's like Yu all over again, but this time the other person probably has as many secrets as me. Is doesn't help he's so openly secretive, switching his masks as fast as he eats; it only makes me all the more curious! Damn him and his borderline personality disorder!

"Are you going to talk?"

I jump and look to Allen. His gray eyes look ready to kill me, and his foot is tapping the table leg.

"Yeah, just listening to see if Gramps is here," I lie, knowing he's already left for his latest mission. I only caught snips of the conversation, but it was a really strange case. I think it's helping the state find evidence for some guy to stay in jail or convict his nephew or brother. Gramps'll be back on and off, but the whole mission will probably take a long time.

I sigh, getting ready to talk and go to take a bite of cake. When I realize it's gone, I move to get another piece. 'Okay…just talk about Mom,' I tell myself. 'Nothing else. Nothing else after this unless I have to,' I vow. Ignoring the part of me protesting the promise, I start.

"They say I look like my mom," I tell him, resolving to not look at him till I finish talking. "Well, her coloring. Red hair, green eyes, even my tan skin tone is the same as hers. Dad used to joke that it was because we both had the sun inside us that normal people could only see when we smiled." I never thought my smile was bright, but Mom's was. I see Allen nod out of my eye, and can almost imagine the smile on his face. His is bright, too…when he actually smiles. "She was very artistic in a design sort of way, but couldn't draw worth crap. I remember her doing finger paintings with me when I was five." I chuckle at little. "It looked like a car but she swore up and down it was a person. It was red, too."

"She sounds nice," offers Allen, balancing a cake chunk on his fork. He pouts when it falls onto his pants; I wonder if he even realizes he pouts instead of frowning. I see him glance up to me before using his fingers to grab the cake and stick it in his mouth. With his cute, child-like face, the whole scene reminds me of a little kid.

I nod, setting my plate in the sink and moving to sit next to him. "She was one of those involved moms. She was at every show, every concert, and every game." Which is more than I can say for my dad. "Hell, Mom was basically my best friend! Most kids…didn't really like me."

"Were they all like Kanda?" he asks teasingly.

"No, I was just a know-it-all." I sit up straight and place my hands folded on my lap. "'Teacher, it's ten. You spell it h-i-p-p-o. Da Vinci.' Would you want to hang around with someone like that?"

Allen shrugs. "For me it was more that I moved around too much, but I remember there was a least one person in each school like that."

"I also got into fights, too, because of how they picked on me. I blame Mom for that one: for every fight I got ice cream as long as I got hurt."

"Interesting punishment. Did you go to Disney Land every time you flunked a test?"

I shudder jokingly. "Flunk a test? Never! I had expectations." I sense Allen open his mouth, probably to question me, but he shuts it. I wonder if I would've answered the question.

We just sit in silence, eating cake, neither of us sure what to say after my Mom speech. It's been forever since I talked to anyone about life before Gramps. I feel…lighter? Happy? Warm? It's the same feeling I got after I told Yu I was really gay… an attachment?

Damn…guess Allen became my friend. This isn't good. I don't think Gramps will be happy. This can get bad…should I pull away? Somehow, as I swat my friend's hand away when he goes for some of my cake, I can't seem to care how Gramps'll feel. I still have two years till graduation to 'decide' if I'll become the next Bookman like I've been told I'm going to do since I could understand English. If I pick up some friends along the way I can end up not being the only one hurt. Ugh! I feel like I'm going in circles!

_"If you want him to stop being fake, you have to stop being fake and let him in. If you don't, you'll just be running in circles."_

I hate when Lenalee is right. Who wouldn't want to get close to cute little Allen Walker, the miracle pianist with as may secrets as a spy?

As I wave good-bye to him from the window when he sets off for home- all the cake is gone- my mind swirls with options and consequences. Add that to the fact Mom and Dad will come for Christmas and I feel like jumping from a tall building.

I'll wait till after New Years to sort this out. Maybe I can take cover under a rock or something for Christmas.

Stifling a yawn as I start to get ready for bed.

*****To the tune of "Cell Block Tango" from the movie "Chicago."****

****Songs are "A Little Faster" by There for Tomorrow, "I'm Yours Parody" by Tim Hawkins, "The Ballad of Mona Lisa," by Panic! At The Disco, "Can You Keep A Secret" by The Cab, one line of "Friend Like Me," and two lines of the acoustic version of "Star Song" by Gumi.  
><strong>**


	8. Mayfly Days

**Thanks to all that reviewed and my awesome beta! Ready for Christmas in February?**

**I don't own DGM**. **I can barely draw a good looking chibi.**

"What do you want for Christmas?" asks Lenalee when I finally get to the table. The snow swirls in the harsh wind outside in a chaotic way. People have begun carrying around jackets for the classrooms on the outer walls, and the cafeteria has a small tree in the corner with shinning bulbs that make my headache worse; I think my lack of sleep's caught up with me.

"Lavi to loose his voice for a day," Kanda tells the girl flatly. "I want one day of silence without his usual stupidity. Oh, and Moyashi to fall down a hole."

"But Yu~!" whines Lavi, latching onto the teen. Kanda doesn't even let him finish his whine before elbowing him in the gut. "That's the Christmas spirit, Yu," wheezes the red head, slinking back to his chair. "I want a willing hug from Yu for Christmas!" exclaims Lavi.

"I'll see what I can do," laughs Lenalee, earning a heated look from Kanda. He never glares at her. "What about you, Allen?" she asks, taking a bite of her lunch. "I mean it's your birthday, too, so-"

Lavi gasps as I glare at Lenalee. "Your birthday's on Christmas? Lucky~! Double presents-no, you live with Cross, huh?" He pats my head. "Poor Moyashi! I bet you haven't had a proper holiday in years. So…what _do_ you want?"

I sigh, taking a bite from my cheeseburger. I chew slowly on the one bite before answering, "Nothing. I don't have a lot for presents, plus I never really celebrated my birthday. Why start now?"

"Because I want an excuse to get you drunk," Lavi tells me bluntly. "Don't worry," he adds at my expression, "I'll drink with you! Yu here," he pats Kanda's arm, "will keep us from making complete fools of ourselves."

"What about me?" asks Lenalee.

Lavi shakes his head. "You _want _to be in a room with two drunk guys? Komui would sooner let you dress like a slut, even if Yu _is_ there." The red head dodges Lenalee's playful slap and sticks out his tongue. "You need to answer the question, Allen," he tells me. "I'm not letting you out of this!"

"Neither am I," contributes Lenalee.

I finish my burger and take out my Geometry homework, resolving to block them out. They keep trying to talk, but give up when I don't respond. I use my left hand to eat and my right to write down the answers in the notebook, careful not to drop food on the page. Sounds start to go away as I replace thoughts with numbers and equations by making all the questions money related. Then someone pokes my cheek. I feel my eyebrow twitch, but keep the numbers in my head.

"Moyashi~!" sings Lavi, continuing to poke my cheek. "What do you want for your birthday? Allen~!"

If _x_ is the number of debt collectors-

"Allen!"

"God damn it!" I yell, whipping my lead pencil on the table. I am _not_ in a mood! _Fuck my head hurts!_ "Lavi! I don't want any presents! _Let it go_!" It takes a second for me to realize the lunchroom has gone quiet and is staring at me. I feel my burger start to make a reappearance as I shoot my eyes to the chipping paint of the table.

I feel my face forced up. "You're getting presents," Lavi tells me matter-of-factly as he makes me meet his eyes head on. I use his closer position- he's moved his chair over to get a better grip- and hit him in the same place as Kanda did before I puke on his face. "Shit!" he hisses, keeping a firm grip but almost doubling over. "Why is everyone beating me up today?"

"Because you're being more annoying than usual," grumbles Kanda. I twist my head free, glaring at Lavi while rubbing my neck.

"Do you need new drum sticks?" Lenalee asks Kanda to break the tension and get the subject away from me.

"Why doesn't he just use the stick up his ass?" I ask, returning to my lunch.

"You know what Moyashi?" Kanda starts, slamming his chopsticks on the table. "Go fuck yourself because we all know that's all your ever gonna get with your ugly face!"

"Not true!" yells Lavi indignantly, sling an arm around my shoulder. "I'd do him!"

Silence.

"Lenalee, can I switch seats with you?" I ask, keeping my face away from Lavi as I scoot away from him. He lets out a whine and moves closer, hugging me to his chest. "Please?" I beg, glad his shirt hides the heat rushing to my face.

"You know I would," Lenalee starts in a tone alike to Komui's, "but someone won't let me buy them presents. My friends let me buy them presents, so…sorry." Her tone doesn't hold one ounce of apology in it.

"Lenalee," I start, exasperated. "Why are presents so important?"

"Exactly!" Lavi exclaims, pulling me from his chest. Thank god my blush is gone. "If they aren't important then why are you pushing so hard not to get some?" he challenges.

Because I haven't celebrated by birthday for years. Cross is usually gone and comes back in a sour mood the next day. I choke down the truth with a bit of my food. "Just 'cause," I mumble around my mouth full of garlic bread.

"'Just 'casue' isn't good enough, Moyashi," growls Kanda. "If I have to suffer through it, _you _have to suffer through it," he warns, pointing a finger at me with a glare, "or so help me I'll kill your sorry ass and sell your ugly corpse to science. Then they might be able to figure out how you got to be so dumb."

I look at him, suspicion flowing through me. An idea pops in my head. Slowly, I move my eyes to the side and see Lenalee frowning with an expression of what seems to be genuine sadness. Oh, _that's_ why he's doing this. Maybe Lenalee's crush isn't as one-sided as I thought and the bastard _does_ have a heart.

Well, at least a fraction of a heart, but still.

"Nothing big," I warn her, earning a hug from the Chinese girl and Lavi. Kanda just 'che's' like usual.

"Yu?" Lavi asks, his and Lenalee's puppy dog eyes at full force. "Do you want a hug, too?" The red head moves his arm that had been stretched across my chest and resting at the small of Lena's back to welcome him in.

"Please?" adds Lenalee. "It's this or you come to the mall with all of us tomorrow."

"Define 'us.' I planned on spending that half day off catching up on Cross' debts and can only do so much between band practice, Lavi's 'plan,' and homework." We finished the song Lavi was writing back in November, but I still have no idea what it's for.

"But we're putting that plan into action at the mall," Lavi tells me, slight smirk forming on his face. "Besides, we'll have ZoNE's own celebration of Christmas tomorrow since we'll all be forced to spend time with our relatives- excluding Lenalee, of course. You're so lucky you only get Komui for Christmas!"

Lenalee rolls her eyes, releasing her hold on me. "Christmas Eve is a whole other story, though." I see unease in her as she asks Lavi, "Are your parents visiting?"

Lavi nods, the smile on his face changing to strained and foreign looking on his face. It reminds me of the few times I've asked where his grandpa is. I still don't have an answer. "Yeah. They'll come on Christmas Day." Is that why he's been so weird, though? His parents? "So tomorrow?" he asks, strange smile disappearing. "Want to just ride with me, Allen?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," I tell him, trying to think why his parents would bother him so much. When he talked about his mom Lavi's tone was loving, if not a little worshiping. I doubt his dad is bad if his mom's that nice…maybe they're against the band as well? He's never told me why he lives with his grandpa in the first place, but then I've never told him why I live with Cross when I obviously want to kill him almost every time I see him.

Thinking of Cross, he hasn't been back in awhile. Not doubt piling up more debt in some third world country. Guess Christmas will be spent watching cartoons while eating leftovers again.

Sighing, I return to my homework, keeping one ear open for the bell. Science Strategies ended a few weeks ago, but now I have Health to learn, which is the same stuff they've been teaching us since first grade. Seriously, it's such a waste of a period.

The bell finally rings. I close my book, done with my homework, and follow the other's to the trashcan, taking care to stay away from Kanda; I pissed him off a few days ago and he pushed me in. I can still smell the milk in my hair. Lenalee waves as she goes left with Kanda. Lavi and I walk together now because of where the health room is.

"I'll be bringing the acoustics, so make sure you wear a fingerless glove on your right hand," Lavi tells me, waiting for me to throw my books in my locker.

I offer him a glance. "Did you set up a gig or something?" My nerves dance at the thought, but I make them settle down. I've been trying to get over my stage fright. I still can't handle dead on staring, but I've gotten better at controlling my nerves before hand. At least I won't run away again.

Lavi shakes his head. "Not quite." He sticks his hands in his pockets and leans against the locker next to mine, smirking down at me. "You'll just have to wait and see." I close my locker and start towards my next class, Lavi falling into step with me. "What time do you want me to pick you up?"

I shrug. "Why don't I just walk over when I'm ready so I don't get more water thrown on me?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow at him and earn a laugh in return.

"But then I won't get to see your underwear again," whines Lavi, getting us some curious looks from students and teachers alike. I shove him with my shoulder and walk faster to hide my blush. "Embarrassed, Moyashi?"

I round on him with a glare. "It's Allen."

"Did I just catch sight of the devil in your expression?" asks Lavi out loud with an exaggerated shiver before slinging his arm around my shoulder. He's gotten touchier lately. "Don't worry!" he tells me, leaning on me slightly. "I'll limit breaking into your house to once a week."

"Yippee," I respond sarcastically. "At least my creeper has boundaries."

"No need for sarcasm." Lavi ruffles my hair before turning to the right for his class. "Good luck in Health! I hope they don't traumatize you too much!" His laugh makes shivers run up my spine. I can almost feel my blood freeze when he shoots me an 'I know something you don't know' smile. What's so bad about Health?

+…+

Today, I learned 'Health' means 'Sex Ed' at this school, and I was completely unprepared for it. The class made me feel sicker with all the yelling everyone did at the pictures, so I report to the nurse's office with an added headache afterwards with about half my classmates (yes, the class is that horribly sickening). She's in no mood to deal with us and just sends us all home; she probably wants this week to end as soon as the rest of us. I stagger out to the parking lot feeling like shit, trying to get Lavi's car open. I can literally feel my crotch freezing in the cold! So I go back inside and stumble to where I hope his art class is, head ache becoming a migraine.

"E-excuse me," I force out to Mr. Tiedoll when a quick scan of the room shows no loudly talking Lavi. "I'm looking for-"

"Allen?" I jump and look over my shoulder to see him standing at the table closest to the door. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, paint dotting his arms, and his hair has a few clips holding back the stray clumps of red that his bandana can't. A large sheet of paper the size of the table only has the upper left colored, but it looks very detailed if the small brush in his hand is any clue. He frowns. "Are you okay? You look way paler than usual."

I move closer to get a better look, but the pencil lines are too light for me to make out what the picture is in my state. "The nurse let me out early. Can I borrow your keys and take a nap till school's out?"

Lavi shakes his head, wiping his cheek with his hand to leave a long streak of midnight blue and takes out his clips. More paint ends up in his hair. "Tiedoll, could you-"

The man smiles at Lavi kindly. "I'll tell them something; take your friend home." I see a flicker in Lavi's eyes at the mention of friend. He nods gratefully.

"Daisya, do me a favor and move this to its usual place," he yells to the room, nudging me towards the door. I hear someone answer back as I walk out, head throbbing in time to my footsteps. This is the last time I spend all week out gambling till two to pay off Cross' debts…for awhile.

Lavi stops midway to the door. "Shit," he groans, darting his eyes at me. "Can you wait here for me to get my books?" Lavi asks, offering a weak smile. "I have an essay-"

"Let me just come with you." I can already feel the throbbing speed up as I just stand still. At least when I walk it keeps pace with my steps. "What were you drawing?" I ask, starting towards the general direction I know Lavi's locker to be in.

If I didn't know Lavi better I'd say he gets an almost sheepish look. "It's just a kind of ruff idea; that's why the pencil lines are so light. I usually start with the background edges so I can change the front object in the picture if I think of something, so…" he shrugs, "I don't really know what it is."

"You have to show me when you're done," I tell him, interested to see his art. Ever since the rough sketch he drew for the youtube page (that's nonexistent at this point, but will probably happen soon), I've wondered if he did the doodles on the sheet hanging in the Black Order. He's also been more relaxed with information since we talked about his mom. Just random crap here and there, but it's something. I can even feel myself fully relax at times, almost letting out something about Mana or Neah. It's a matter of time before I slip up, but I think Lavi's just as likely as me to let something slip now as well.

"It'll be horrible," he warns. "Wait. Should I be talking, because I can stop."

"Keep talking; it distracts me from my pain." I roll my eyes. "The day you stop talking is the day Kanda admits his undying love to you in public."

"I hate to tell you this, but Yu's going public with our love affair tomorrow. That's right!" Lavi exclaims dramatically. "My hot body is taken by a sexy samurai with anger issues! I know you're sad, Allen," he sighs, draping his arm around my shoulders, "but I'm willing to keep a one night stand our little secret if you are." Lavi lifts his arm off me to quickly open his locker and grab his bag.

"I'm flattered- really, I am," I make sure to coat my voice with all the sarcasm I can as I talk, "but you just aren't as hot as you think you are. In fact, _ice_ is hotter than you."

Lavi shuts his door and turns to me, unexpectedly smirking. "Do I sense a hit of jealousy?" he asks, talking as we walk. "Are you sad Yu got to me first?"

"Oh yeah, Lavi," I say, walking faster as I feel my pain start to get worse. The sooner I get home, the sooner I can sleep this stupid pounding off. "You finally figured out my secret: I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. Come! Let's go to my house so I can show you with my body why I'm better than Kanda despite my head splitting migraine." I raise my eyebrows. "Really?"

Lavi's too busy laughing to answer. Hell, his laugh lasts the entire way to his car. The old thing beeps as it unlocks and I quickly jump in and turn the radio to full blast to block out the throbbing. I get a cocked eyebrow from the red head as he turns the volume down and pulls out of the parking lot.

"Shouldn't sound make you worse?"

I shake my head. "I've always found music helps me dull the pain; it keeps my mind off it. Though, I usually listen to the soft-soft_er_ songs. 'Lips from an Angel' kind of soft."

Lavi shakes his head. "You are one strange kid, Allen." He turns the volume back up before I can say anything. Grumbling, I set my head against the glass and let the words sink into my skull, concentrating only on the voice, beat, and rocking of the car. The world outside moves passed in a blur, colors mixing. I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the mind numbing shades and let the movement of the car sway me along to the music, even if it is off beat.

_They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,  
>My cellmate's a killer, they make me do push-ups (in drag)<br>But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?  
>Well, I miss my mom,<br>Will they give me the chair,  
>Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;<br>Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen!_

I feel the car stop but make no move to get up until the music stops as well when the car is turned off. I groan when the pain hits me full on and stifle my instinct to curl up in a ball and die.

"Allen, I know your head hurts, but you need to get out. If you die in my car, you'll never live it down."

I press my hands to my eyes. "Don't care," I mumble. The heat from the car is still wrapped around me like a blanket, and I can feel myself nodding off. Moving now would just make it worse. Lavi doesn't seem to care.

"Fine." I hear his door click open, making the cold wind blow off the warm air. I curl in on myself to keep in the heat as he shuts it again. Through the door I can hear his feet crunch the gravel and stop right outside. I quickly lean towards the driver's side to avoid falling straight to the ground before he opens the door, making another blast of wind hit me. "You asked for it."

I barely have time to register the obvious threat before I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders and jerk me towards the opening and Lavi. Caught completely off guard and balance, my fall is less than graceful. His arm keeps a firm grip as his other shoots forward under my knees and lifts me, slamming my face hard into his chest.

"Let me go!" I start pushing myself away and fall slightly, painfully hitting my funny bone off the side of the door. I yelp, stopping as my headache surges with the numbness climbing my arm. "Damn," I groan.

Lavi turns toward my house, kicking the passenger side door closed. "You brought it on yourself! You're such a girl sometimes!"

I glare up at him. "What guy wants to be carried princess style into his house?" I yell angrily, but I allow him to carry me through the front door. "Satisfied?"

He smirks down at me, mischief shinning clear in his green eye. "Nope." Lavi carries me the whole way to bed, making sure to go the long way to piss me off so that by the time I'm finally set down I want to punch his lights out. Oh! Let's not forget my headache that increased ten fold!

"Are you done?" I don't even wait for his answer before starting to grab my covers and climb under, throwing the sheet almost completely over my head.

I feel my mattress sink in close by. "I thought you were going to show me why you're better than Yu?" whispers Lavi into my exposed ear.

Pissed, I throw my cover off of my eyes to give him the hardest glare I can muster. "That was before you insisted on parading around my house with me in your arms like some girly princess!" I sigh. "Please, just get out of my room. You can stay here, but be quiet…I just want my head to stop pounding."

I feel Lavi get up from my bed. Straining my ears, I hear him walk out into the living room and open the front door. A sense of loneliness hits me at the silence of the house but disappears when I hear him come back in. Lavi's footsteps get closer until he's in my room again. Slowly, I pull down my covers and look up at him. He gives me Crown Clown and walks out with a 'feel better.' Shell shocked, I wonder if I'm the only one not feeling well. Another wave of pain hits me, and I quickly shove the ear buds in, blasting whatever random song I was listening to earlier and closing my eyes to the throbbing.

_-to wine, did it feel the same?_  
><em>Why did you change?<em>  
><em>Why did you bend and break?<em>  
><em>When the water turned to wine, it never feels the same.<em>

+Lavi+

I check in on Allen half an hour after I carried him in to find him breathing slowly and evenly. His ipod is blasting so loud that I can hear it from the door, so I walk further into his room with the intention of turning it off, careful not to trip over the clothes thrown all on the floor.

I remember being shocked the first time I came into his room; it just doesn't fit the image- well, the image he shows- of Allen Walker. Music, paper, and pencils are mixed in with the clothes on the ground; a pile of boxes sit in the corner, probably from when he moved here if the 'Allen's useless shit' label is any indicator. There are also a few band posters and some very interesting- in a good way- drawings obviously not by Allen taped on the wall. The strangest thing by far in his room- besides the surprising lack of food- is the framed picture of a small boy with auburn hair smiling as he's hugged by two golden eyed men. I think the boy might be Allen, but I haven't seen a hint of this color at his roots, and I haven't seen any bleach for hair anywhere.

I look down at my friend, careful not to drip any water from my still damp hair on him, only able to see his white hair sticking out from the top. Slowly, I move the blanket to reveal his face before gently taking the ear buds out.

_Vaguely dance_  
><em>Quickly turn around<em>  
><em>Dancing and<em>  
><em>Truth et cetera<em>  
><em>Hypothesis and explanation<em>  
><em>If going to the right<em>  
><em>To the left is a lie<em>  
><em>Let's follow the parallel-<em>

I turn off Crown Clown. He grunts but only moves to curl on his side, face void of any of the pain he was feeling earlier. I stifle the urge to brush his white hair off his cheek- what am I, a nostalgic mother?- and concentrate on wrapping his ear phones around his ipod, noticing the joker drawn on it seems to be in the same style as the drawings on his wall.

I place it down on the floor near by before going back out to the living room to see what's up next after 'Danny Phantom.' Sadly, it's just some boring Power Rangers, so I'm forced to go get my book bag from the car to find something to do. Yeah, my house is only a few minutes away, but Allen's house is more…alive, like someone _lives_ here, unlike my house. Oh! Allen's bag's still in here, too. I grab it as well, the strap cold from sitting in the car. I throw my bag on the couch on the way to Allen's room to drop off his, planning on drawing until my frined wakes up. I just throw it in, uncaring of where it lands until I hear the crash.

Damn! I spin around to see I hit a random pile of books that fell into the stupid boxes. His bag also wasn't closed all the way, so Allen's notebooks are mixed in as well. I carefully peek in to see the teen grunt and turn over, eyes opening to show a sliver of gray-blue.

"What…?"

I walk in and offer an apologetic smile, actually feeling a pang of guilt at waking him. "It's nothing. I just knocked over a pile of books, so go back to sleep."

Allen looks at me with drowsy confusion. "You're still here?"

"Oh, I see," I tease. "Guess I'm not wanted here. Here I was being a good friend and worrying-" I almost cut myself off when I realize that I'm not lying.

"No!" exclaims Allen, ears turning slightly red like they do when he holds back a blush. "I just don't want to wake up drenched in water like last time…" I try to repress the memory, but the picture of Allen almost completely naked with blue boxers clinging to him in all the right- or wrong, depending on how you look at it- places comes back in full detail. I shake my head to clear my mind.

"Just go back to sleep; I'll be here when you wake up," I tell him, moving to pick up the mess I made.

I hear a faint murmur. "Thank you, Lavi." The naked gratitude and warmth make me spin around to face Allen with my heart in my throat, but he's already asleep again, face giving nothing away. I stalk over to his bag, throw the notebooks in, and pick back up the boxes, ranting in my mind.

Dammit! I'm supposed to be able to brush him off, but why do I feel like that? Why did I volunteer to stay here until he wakes up? Even when Lenalee's been her sickest I've only stayed till she's fallen asleep, but after saying it out loud I realize how generally concerned I am. I almost had a heart attack when he stumbled into art looking ready to die, took him home even though today was a day art just flowed from me, and now I'm staying to make sure he's okay. This is getting dangerous with all theses strong feelings! Lenalee and Kanda were always fine to let close; Tiedoll and Komui have ties to Gramps and know the dangers, but Allen is an outsider. Cross may know us as Bookman, but my friend is completely clueless! Off limits! But I want to stay near him! Why are emotions so fucking _complicated_?

Suppressing the desire to kick the newly stacked boxes, I shift Allen's book bag to the side. A bright red cover to a small binder flashes me on my way out. I must've missed it during my rant. I bend to pick it up, having every intention of putting it back in his bag until I see the faint marker warning of 'Do not read. This means Neah and Mana' that looks like it's been scrubbed off to the point of peeling the color off. Curious, I glance to Allen's sleeping face. Slowly, like he'll wake up as soon as I move the notebook more than five feet away, I move out of the room, my good eye on Allen until I reach the couch.

I open the cover, almost expecting a bomb to go off as I check behind me again. It's the same feeling I get when I was ten and was doing something wrong. My nerves are on end, my guard is on, and I'm just waiting for someone to come and bust me. I look at the back of the cover that has a thick pack of paper tucked in the folder attached. I take it out only to find weird symbols not in any language I've ever seen in clumsy child script and more composed teen script. Is the whole thing like this? I'm guessing this is a diary of some kind- he _is_ half gay- so it would make complete sense if it is. I turn the page.

I'm not expecting what I find.

The first page it dated almost five years ago, a little after new years. A message with the same penmanship as teen script in the notes is on top, but another note is also written underneath with an elegant spiked style.

_Keep it safe, kid. Who knows what this binder will see._

_CROSS_

Cross? Interested, I flip to the next page to see the child's writing. It's a descriptive paragraph on a hospital room going for two pages. Granted, one page _is_ solidly on how awful the food is. The next few pages after are nothing special, but a poem titled 'Life Reset Button' dated a week after he got the binder makes me stop.

_One day as I awaken I find a life reset button  
>It's somehow<br>Lying next to me  
>A dizzy, dizzy feeling creates,<br>A powerful new game I have been searching for  
><em>

_Come here kittens and puppies  
>Tomorrow is another delightful Parents Day at school<br>But this unrivaled child prodigy  
>Unfortunately dropped out by the eight grade<em>

_How many centuries have I spent  
>In this utterly failed life?<br>Once a prisoner in Neverland  
>Charged with the harshest life sentence<br>My brain's about to short out Kaiba-sensei  
>While staring at these scrapes on my hands<br>I know I can do it all from the beginning  
>With a life reset button<em>

The next line has a date from the next day before it continues.

_My ears are still ringing  
>As it interrupts this utterly failed life<br>Ah, how I wish that someone…  
>Would have scolded me just like this<em>

_How many trillions of years have I spent  
>In this utterly failed life?<br>It's cold, it's cold, won't leave me alone  
>The answer is right on the tip of my tongue<br>Kaiba-sensei, Kaiba-sensei  
>The scrapes on my hands have the answer I was searching for<br>It's what I saw, it's what I saw_

_In 6,530,124,710 years  
>Reaching in very, very end<br>The first train arrives at its last stop at 5am  
>Kaiba-sensei, Kaiba-sensei<br>The world exists without me  
>Surely, surely this is the answer<br>It has to be, am I right?_

Allen didn't write this, did he? He can't have! It's so dark, and morbid, and…depressing. Frightened at the blunt dark mood in the poem, I fly to the back of the binder, hoping to see his more recent works have a lighter tone. I stop, however, when I see my name.

_Neah,_

_ I met the strangest kid ever a few months ago. His name is Lavi, and I think he's trying to kill me in the form of a heart attack. Or an ulcer. Don't believe me? The guy drove in circles so we could finish talking before he got to my house (_so he does know about that)_, kidnapped me, got me on stage…and I passed out afterward. Sad, huh? Well, at least he was sorry about the pushing me on stage part. Even if he never said any sort of apology, I can tell. Yep, this guy's like you said I used to be…and how I think I am now to a lesser degree: closed off with little hints you get used to. I can't tell what he's thinking unless I look in his eyes- well, eye in his case. Even then I can't always tell. Amazingly enough, we've become friends despite how fake he can be at times. Aren't you proud? _(I can feel his sarcasm through the page.) _But even though I've seemed to open up around him (he can read me almost as well as you can) he hasn't returned the favor…stupid rabbit. Sometimes I want to knock him out with Cross' hammer. Hell, I almost went to get it the second time he broke into my house. Ah, my friends, why are they _never_ sane?_

He stops here, and the page shows no markings to indicate that Allen intends to send this. I flip the page with mixed feelings at his view of my sanity and me to see another poem.

_As you walk my way_  
><em>Do you see my face<em>  
><em>Sad behind a smile<em>  
><em>Fake it for awhile<em>  
><em>Tell me what should I do?<em>

_Can I get closer to you_  
><em>Tell me the truth<em>  
><em>Can I get an answer from you<em>  
><em>Show me a sign<em>

That's better, and actually pretty good. Is it about me? I push the thought from my mind and keep flipping through. Some pages have poems and others random paragraphs that describe something. I stop at the one's that seem interesting. Most poems seem to be undone, and the ones that are done have multiple dates on them; I guess he waits for inspiration to finish them. In the very back is a page with a scattered scale and notes. I hum them quickly to find out they show the same melody I sometimes catch Allen playing on his piano. On the back of the very last page has another poem written neatly with the most dates I've ever seen.

_10/30_

_When I took notice, my voice had also gone wrong_  
><em>it went in some direction, but where did it go?<em>  
><em>Look at the sky above<em>

_11/4_

_Let's assess it:_  
><em>The importance of turning your back here,<em>  
><em>and letting out a grumble<em>  
><em>There's nothing here.<em>

_11/27_

_When I took notice, my face of lies had also shattered_  
><em>with a just-right "it's an uneasy existence"<em>  
><em>it's time spent kneading over the ordinary<em>

_Just notice it,_  
><em>notice that I'm giving up<em>  
><em>and the answer that nobody knows<em>  
><em>would you like to laugh, I wonder?<em>

I quickly flip back to the melody he wrote down and try to match it. It's actually pretty good! In fact, I can already image a drumbeat. I'm not going to act on it, though; it's Allen's song. Maybe I should look at this again in a few months to find the finished version and ask him about it.

Finished snooping, I start to close the binder. I jump a foot in the air when I hear springs creak and throw the binder on the table like I was looking at national secrets and not a friend's personal notebook. Of course, there isn't much difference in terms of result: death. I don't doubt Cross has weapons somewhere in this house or that Allen knows where they are.

My pianist doesn't get up. I exhale a breath I was holding and relax, but leave his binder on the table. I feel a sort of guilt at reading it, but it's not like it was his diary. No, it was just his writing binder, which is even worse. Nice to know I'm the strangest kid he's ever met; I _will_ get him back for that.

I look at the clock. Only three. Having nothing better to do, I pull out my art pad and turn to the rough sketch of a clown on stage with a warped mask.

+…+

Three hours are already gone the next time I look up, and Allen hasn't moved. Silent, I grab his binder and make my way to his room. Sure enough, he's still sleeping. He's facing me, his mouth slightly apart as he breaths steadily. All the covers except for one single thin sheet are thrown on the ground, and he's shivering. I set the binder down on his bag and pick up the sheets, haphazardly throwing them on the sleeping teen. Allen shifts to get into the blankets and curls on his side, white bangs falling in his face. His red mark stands out around the paleness of his skin. I move closer, trying to see whether it's a tattoo or not. Hesitantly, I reach out and touch the star. It feels like a scar! Allen's eyelids faintly move at my touch, and he moves his head slightly forward into my hand. I feel a smile come to my face.

Whoa! I jump up and away, dropping my hand like it's on fire from the sudden warmth I felt. Flustered at my actions, I almost run out of his room on into the kitchen; I find food a good way to distract myself. I yank open the fridge to see it piled high with leftovers. Where'd he get all of this? I've had to take him out all week, and he's never brought any of it home! Not that I minded spending time with him every day for that month…

I grab something random and move over to the cabinets for a plate. Plastic cups and bowls fly out as soon as I open the first cabinet and hit me in the face and head. Plastic bags begin to rain down as well. What is this, a fun house! I yelp, trying to stop them with my hands, but end up stepping back into a bowl and falling flat on my back

"Shit!" I cuss, rubbing my back. I hear footsteps and look over to see Allen with a bat in his hands.

"I told you not to touch my Cool Ranch Doritos, Cross!" he yells, looking around for his guardian. Frowning as he blinks sleep from his eyes, Allen lowers the bat as looks at me, a small smile playing on his lips as he takes in my position. "Did you just get pawned by chips and bowls?"

"There were cups too!" I protest and fight down a rush of blood headed for my checks as I take in his messed up appearance that somehow makes him look…older. His hair looks so good all messed up. Wait…I can't be attracted to him! Physical attraction leads to feelings that lead to a crush which can lead to something even worse and deeper that will lead to me making stupid decisions that will lead to people finding out I'm gay which will cause Gramps to kick me out!

Allen laughs but sobers when he sees the food on the counter. "Why didn't you go home?"

I roll my eyes, climbing to my feet. "I said I'd stay, didn't I?"

He looks away and I catch his ears turn red. "I didn't think you would," he mumbles to himself. A normal person wouldn't have heard him, but I'm the next Bookman; of course I hear him. "Help yourself; I'm going to watch TV."

I nod as he retreats. Guess his headache is better. Good. I frown as the knot of worry I hadn't noticed unwinds in my gut and disappears. When had that shown up? Since when was Allen so important?

The microwave beeps as I hit start, making that annoying humming sound as the plate spins in a circle. I go in his fridge and take out a sealed can of Sprite; the microwave beeps a short time later. I grab the plate, steam ghosting over my hand as I quickly walk to the living room.

"I didn't know they still had 'Hey Arnold!' on!" I exclaim, plopping down on the couch. What can I say? I loved Helga. He doesn't answer, and I hear the turning of paper…Allen has my sketchpad opened to my most recent picture. "Hey!" I yell almost dropping my food as I make a grab for the pad. He easily sidesteps me but drops it anyway.

"Why don't you ever show people your work?" he asks as I quickly scoop it up, glad he started at the end. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I'm positive he'd figure out what mine mean. I feel even worse I saw his binder now…

I shrug. "'Cause it's not really that good."

Allen forces a laugh. "I can't even draw a straight line!"

"Did you know even a monkey can draw a straight line?" I ask, placing my art away from him on my other side and taking a bite of my food.

"Nice to know." He sits next to me on the couch, turning his attention to the TV. I'm painfully aware of how close he is and try to ignore it with the help of my mask, but it doesn't fit right anymore. "Did you draw the designs on the sheet at the Black Order?" Allen asks.

I nod, not meeting his eyes. "I just draw on the side," I tell him weakly. I think back to my picture of the boy in the wheat he was staring at when we were at Continue and know that I'll have to add another person pushing me towards art if he ever finds out. "I did the logo on my shirt when we performed, too." I contribute when I still feel his eyes on me.

Allen pouts at the TV, eyes finally disappearing from my face as he mumbles about the unfairness of the world. I tease him about it, and we end up in a big discussion about how god picks who gets the special talents (a magical raffle) before watching the first season of 'Hey Arnold!' straight through while eating Doritos. I wouldn't trade this time for the world, even if I do hate the warmth I get when he smiles at me with open eyes, completely relaxed with me now after I followed through on my promise to not leave him alone.

He passes out around one, his head dangerously close to my shoulder. I find myself staring at him then his lips when he mumbles in his sleep. What would happen if I leaned-no! Stop thinking about his mouth, or the fact he can almost fit a whole bread stick in his mouth.

…

Bad perverted thoughts! Go away! I banish thee to hell with Miley Cyrus!

I lie down to avoid any awkward situations if his head _does _slip and relax on my body, but my thoughts refuse to settle down, not stopping as they all chase themselves in circles over the cute Allen Walker. I grab my sketchbook and try to draw in the dim lighting, but my picture…well I'm sure you can guess who it is. All paths of thought come to the same conclusion about my feelings with Allen.

As my head finally shuts down an hour later, the only think running through my brain is that I've got the begins of a crush on Allen…bad.

+Allen+

My eyes slowly open to meet the sun in the window instead of the darkness I'm used to on Fridays. I groan, trying to grasp the dream I was having about food and Sex Ed- I mean, _Health Class_- being cancelled. You'd think Cross' habits would prepare me for that. It didn't. The only thing I can be thankful for is the fact Lavi's not next to me making some comment to everything the teacher says. I shift my head, bumping it against something. Confused, I look up only to be met with Lavi's ass in my face.

I cry out, jerking back and falling over the armrest to my left. My hand shoots out to grab the wall, keeping me from face planting to ground. Lavi's still here? I feel myself brighten at not being abandoned as I get up to turn on the lights. I yawn and stretch, making my back crack from the strange position I was sleeping in. My eyes fall on the clock. 9:14. Shit!

"Lavi!" I yell, quickly shaking the red head as I fumble with my shirt as I yank it over my head in a hurry.

"Hmm?" he groans. "What's-" His talking stops dead. "Well, I never expected you to make good on your promise, Allen, but if you insist."

"_Oh yeah, Lavi. You finally figured out my secret: I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. Come! Let's go to my house so I can show you with my body why I'm better than Kanda despite my head splitting migraine."_

I finally get my shirt off, hair clinging to it because of static, to see Lavi staring at my chest sleepily. "You do know I was joking, right?" I tell him, dumping my shirt on his head. "Now get up! We're late for school!" I run towards my room, unbuttoning my jeans as I run. "It's the last day before winter break, which means teachers are giving extra credit for the kids who actually show up! I'm not missing!"

"Calm down," Lavi yawns, footsteps following me to my room. I'm busy pulling on a pair of jeans from a pile near my bed when he stumbles over, looking drunk, and pulls me down with him into bed. "Let's just sleep…"

I start to push him off, but his arm pulls my head closer so it's resting on his chest. I can hear his breath start to slow down again and jab him in the side, not comfortable to be in this position with my straight best friend. He yelps, and I take the opportunity to push him off me to the floor, almost falling with him.

Lavi blinks, his eye clearing, and looks at me. "Why the hell am I in your room with you half naked?"

"Aliens?" I offer, rolling off my bed and reaching down to grab a shirt. "Hurry and run over to your house for a change of clothes. We need to go to school, and I can't legally drive." Quickly, I scoop up a jacket and sniff it. Ew! I make a face and throw it at Lavi, still on the ground, before picking up another. Smells clean.

Lavi throws my stinky jacket back at me. "Aliens stole your shirt?" he asks, standing up. I roll my eyes as he walks out of my room while pulling his pants that had fallen down up to hide his underwear with old-fashioned quills people used to write with on them. I stash that little tidbit of info away as I hunt for gloves not sticky with pop or Dorito dust. It takes me a good amount of time. In fact, I'm in the middle of brushing my faintly orange teeth with my toothbrush when Lavi comes back, new clothes and all.

"I swear you take as long as Lenalee!" he tells me, meeting my eyes in Cross' mirror above the kitchen sink. I frown at him, spitting and placing my toothbrush on the counter, bristles now stained orange. "Come on! You're the one that woke me up to go to god damn school!" Lavi stalks forward and grabs me by the hood of my jacket and shirt back. "Let's go!"

I let him drag me to the living room before breaking away to grab my bag. Lavi does the same and sets down to put his shoes on. As I'm straightening up, I catch sight of his sketchbook. I cut a glance at Lavi, but he doesn't seem to notice.

"Ready?" Lavi asks, not looking at me as he jumps up off the couch. I nod but answer out loud when he doesn't look back, glad I have a second to cover the guilt in my eyes as I follow him out to the car and leave the pad there. Still, why should I feel guilt when Lavi did something when I was asleep? I know he did; I heard him in my room several times.

"Why are the acoustics in here?" I ask, the seatbelt clicking securely in place.

Lavi playfully knocks my head. "You don't remember? We said we were going to the mall after school since it's the last school day of the year."

"You didn't tell me that, and it still doesn't explain why we have them," I point out as he backs out of my driveway.

"O ye of little faith," my friend sighs. "Just trust me." I offer him a weak glare as he zooms to school, getting us there in record time. Lavi waltzes in and goes to English, leaving me behind to explain to the mean lady who works in the Attendance Office why we were late and who to mark present. I almost sprint to English as soon as I'm let out of her sight, remembering how fun it was to run in the halls before. Teachers give me the evil eye so I slow down. Strangely enough, I hear music coming from the room as I get closer. Jogging the rest of the way, my brain almost shorts out when I see what's going on. Lavi is dancing with our teacher's monkey to "I'm Sexy and I Know it." Why did my phone pick today to be dead?

"_I'm sexy and I know it..." _he sings, hair flopping in his face since the monkey stole his bandana and is now swinging it in the air like a Steelers fan would Terrible Towel at a game. I stand frigidly in the doorway as he starts to rock his hips to the song in a way that makes me blush crimson.

But not because it's Lavi; anyone would have the same reaction._  
><em>

"_Check it out  
>Check it out<br>Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah" _

Now the monkey starts copying him. I can hear Lenalee laughing hysterically.

"_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah  
>Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah<br>Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah  
>Do the wiggle man<br>Do the wiggle man  
>Yeah I'm sexy and I know it"<em>

"What are you teaching my monkey?" asks a cold voice from behind me. I quickly step out of Miss Nine's way to go stand near Lenalee, who's still laughing her ass off, as the teacher grabs the small radio playing the stupid song and throws it at Lavi. He ducks in time, the radio exploding against the wall behind him. "Sit down." He quickly sprints over to us. We're the only three here. "I don't care what you do as long as it's legal," Miss Nine tells us bluntly, "but if I come back and there's one piece of fur out of place." She slides her finger across her throat. "Extra credit's on my desk; see you next year." She walks out the door, plunging the room into silence. I go to grab the paper, but Lavi stays in place, fiddling with the smashed radio. Lenalee already has hers. With a quick scan I laugh. I need to write a poem by the end of the period? No sweat!

"We're going start to the mall after school, right?" Lena asks Lavi, setting down her pencil and stretching. "I'll call Kanda! I need someone to carry all my stuff."

"That's fine; I need Allen anyway." Lavi grabs her paper and flips it so he can read it. "_I am happy when I rhyme, I am happy all the time_?"* He snorts. "Nice poem."

We ignore him. "Just keep Kanda away from me," I tell her, writing down a poem I wrote a while ago called 'Closer to You.' Hesitantly, I glance up at Lavi. He's staring at me as well, but quickly looks away when my eyes move up. I frown and look back down, remembering how I came home after the talk about his mom to write a letter to Neah that'll never be delivered and the first half of this poem. More words flow out of me, and I blush when I realize it almost sounds like a love song. Then again, 'Can You Keep A Secret' was more of a love song than this and Lavi wrote it after the club. I didn't miss the familiar sentence he said to me that night in the song, so just because I wrote it with Lavi in mind doesn't mean anything.

Another idea comes to mind after I finish. Having nothing to loss, I flip over my paper and start writing. Maybe I'll get double extra credit.

T_his can't be happening; I clasp my head in my hands,_  
><em>As I struggle with my desire to escape from this saturated world.<em>  
><em>Time goes flowing past with the rustling roar of sand,<em>  
><em>Things never get any better; I'm gazing on toward a dreamless tomorrow.<em>

_I want to bid farewell to my days of constantly feeling lost;_  
><em>I try stretching out my hand in resistance.<em>

_The crowds of people are like a sheet of ice,_  
><em>And feelings alone can't melt it; a tightly shut off world.<em>  
><em>The more we try to reach them, the more frozen their hearts become,<em>  
><em>No matter how much we struggle now, we're at a standstill; Game Over.<em>

_Reality isn't sweet, enough to make me not want to drink it,_  
><em>I'll sever these rampant worldly thoughts and break through the darkness.<em>

"Ah-ha!" Lavi yells as a radio station sounds through the destroyed device, snapping me out of my mind set. "Party in the USA" comes on. He throws it back against the wall. "Be gone evil song of Satan!" I roll my eyes.

The bell rings, making me jump. I quickly rip the piece of paper my poems are on out and shove it on the teacher's desk. I want lunch! I'm almost half way there when I realize I left my notebook back the room. I make it to the room in recorded time thanks to the small number of people in the hall. Strangely enough, Lavi comes out. He sees me and hands me my notebook.

"Forgot something?" he asks.

I nod. "Yeah." I hide my suspicion by flipping through the pages. "I lost a paper that was in here. You go ahead to lunch." Lavi looks like he's going to argue, but shuts his mouth with a frown and leaves.

Briskly I scan the room. Nothing seems out of place. Why was he in here? My eyes flicker to Ms. Nine's desk; my poems are still there. What was Lavi doing in here?

+…+

_"Oh My god! Let's go to the mall!_

_Lets go to the mall,_  
><em>You know they have it all,<em>  
><em>Pshyeah"<em>

"Lavi! Shut the fuck up!" we all scream at once. The red head stops and pouts, but thankfully stays quiet…for about forty-five seconds.

_"Let's go to the ma-"_

Kanda slams on the breaks, sending Lavi, who never wears a seatbelt, head first into the back of the drivers' chair.

"We're here! Now shut up and don't come near me for the next two hours!" yells Kanda, wrenching his seatbelt off. He shoves the car door open, almost breaking it, and slams it with enough force to shatter Lavi's neck. For once, Kanda hates Lavi more than me.

Lenalee tries to hide her smile, but fails miserably as she turns to face us. "You guys don't have to stay together, but make sure we all meet at the foot court at," she glances to the clock, "half past four." That gives Lavi two and a half hours to carry out his 'plan.' God help me now; send an army of gorilla's to destroy the mall! "Good luck!" Lena tells me, following a Kanda who's furiously stomping to the nearest mall entrance.

"Come on! Don't just sit there!" Lavi reaches up to the front seat to pop open the trunk and jumps out of the car. I follow slowly, trying to prevent the inevitable. Why do I go along with him again? "Here." He hands me the acoustic I've been practicing with for nearly a month with a smile. Oh yeah, because he's my friend.

"I expect a cookie sometime during the day," I warn him, slinging the guitar strap over my head to rest on my shoulder. He still hasn't told me the specifics, but I can guess what's going to happen. "You'd better take me to the hospital and pay for the medical bill when I slam my head on the ground as I faint."

Lavi slings his arm around my shoulder. I notice he pulls me closer to his side than usual. "I won't hurt you, Allen." I sense another double meaning. "I swear that your stage fright will be cured by the beginning of eleventh grade!"

…Joy…

***That is property of my friend. It's copyrighted, so no copying or she'll kill me.**

**With a mallet. **

**While smiling.**

**Songs are "You Know What They Do To Guy's Like Us In Prison" by My Chemical Romance, "Structure" by InnerPartySystem, "Caseman" by Gumi, "Sexy and I Know it" by LMAO, and "Let's Go To The Mall" by Scotty Vanity. Songs used for Allen's 'poems' are "Life Reset Button" by Gumi, Closer to You" by Adelitas Way, 'antinotice' sung by Akiakane and written by wowaka, and 'How to Go' by School Food Punishment.**

**Harsh reviews!  
><strong>


	9. Carol of the Bells

**Thanks to all that reviewed (the review count! *weeps*)!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Why must April be so far away?  
><strong>

"Um…why are we in Build-a-Bear?" I ask, readjusting the strap of the acoustic guitar on my shoulder and ignoring the looks I get from the people passing by. The low murmurs make the words hard to hear, but then I've always been go at hearing things I really shouldn't. Add that to the unceasing movement of bodies around me, and my hearing seems to increase even more with the slight paranoia I feel.

Lavi grabs one of the unstuffed casings of an animal and hugs it to his chest with pleading eyes. The fur is golden color, but I can't figure out what it is since it has no structure to it yet. "This would be a perfect present for a person I know! _Please_ can we stop here?"

"_You_ were the one with the goddamn plan!" I point out with crossed arms.

Lavi frowns. "But we're getting presents for Christmas today too! It'll only take fifteen- twenty minutes tops!" I smirk at the girls behind the counter that are nodding at me while cleaning the drool from their mouths as they stare at Lavi.

"And what am I supposed to do while you're building…whatever that is?" I demand, the guitar's weight starting to dig the strap into my shoulder painfully. I readjust it again, but it doesn't help.

"Build one with me." The 'duh' is left unsaid.

I sigh in exasperation. "What about the instruments? You want to just leave them for the first person looking for a free guitar?" Why doesn't he think this through?

Lavi sighs impatiently. He moves over to me and holds out his hand. It takes me a moment to realize he wants me to give him the guitar case. Curious, I do as he says. He gives me the limp animal and slides his case off as well. My eyebrows go sky high when he walks towards the girls drooling over him with a sensual grin. The red head is bouncing back over one conversation later to retrieve his animal as the girls stick the cases behind the counter.

"You're horrible!" I chuckle, surveying the random animals in the store that don't need to be stuffed; maybe I can find a small, cute chick for Lenalee.

"Whatever works," he whispers, taking back the golden animal and moving over to the stuffing station. I don't see anything that would be a good present for Lenalee and end up looking at the example ones sitting above the empty shells of animals in the bins. I almost dye of laughter when I see a red bunny the same shade as Lavi's hair. He gives me a strange look from the stuffing station that resembles the animal, making me laugh even harder. I think I found a gift for Lavi.

I grab one of the duplicated rabbits lying unstuffed in the bin and move over to the stuffing station where an older worker is rolling his eyes at the red head. He hands back the now stuffed animal back to my friend.

"Here!" Lavi hands me a cheaply made red heart as I hand the man my casing to fill. "You have to put it in the animal," he tells me, blowing on his before sticking it in his new golden...thing and tightening the string in the back.

"Why?" I ask, not seeing the point of this. I'm caught completely off guard as Lavi gives me a hug. "Let me go!" I exclaim, pushing at his chest as one the girls watching squeals.

He pats my head, other arm securely around my waist to keep me in place. "I forgot you've been stuck with that unloving Cross. What a shame you never had a good enough childhood to understand why putting a cheaply made, mass-produced heart into a stuffed animal is so important." I hear him fake a sniff above my head. "Your hair stinks, and there's orange dust in it." I feel something wet on my scalp. "Mmm…Doritos!"

"Lavi!" I yell, furiously wiping the top of my head with my jacket sleeve as the girls laugh. He just licked my head! I open my mouth to say something, blood rushing to my face, but Lavi's already off to look for clothes. I roll my eyes. The animal he has is round; I doubt any clothes will fit it.

"Kid, could you put the damn heart in the damn rabbit and move on? You're scaring the little kids away." I take in the guy's mean-looking face and pissed expression; I don't think it's me. Still, I do put the heart in and let him swiftly sow the pre-sowed string in the back. "Here." He thrusts the bunny at me, scowling. I thank him and take my bunny over to where I see an animal-sized eye patch hanging with a small smirk.

"Come on, Allen!"Lavi yells impatiently. The box containing the stuffed toy he bought is clutched loosely in his hand with his guitar. I notice he looks uncomfortable with the check-out girl in front of him smiling flirtatiously. She either doesn't get he's not interested or is tactfully ignoring that small hint.

I laugh at his expression. "What happened to experiencing my childhood ?" I ask, finally getting the stupid green shirt over the rabbit's head and slipping a plain bandana over the ears. "Just wait for me at the pretzel stand!" I tell him, keeping the bunny out of sight. I wait a few moments before peeking around the bend; Lavi's gone. I quickly walk up to the girl working the register and hand her the animal.

She eyes me up and down, a prissy look on her face. "You two dating or somthin'?" she demands, stopping her mental size up to glare at me. I shake my head, a blush working to my cheeks. She's the second one to ask that in few months Lavi's been my friend. Do we really act like a couple? "Then is he free?" Her eye turn hungry as she glances where my friend was standing a few minutes ago. I feel my gut tighten; Lavi doesn't need another girl like Chomesuke.

"No," I tell her flatly, fishing my wallet out of my pocket and quickly handing her the money.

"Quick to answer, aren't we?" she taunts, putting the bunny in the container and handing it to me. "Do we have a gay little crush here? Must suck to like a straight guy." I scowl and hold out my hand for change, angrily shoving the paper and coins in my pocket.

"I'd like my guitar, too," I grit out. "And I'd appreciate if you'd stay away from my _friend_." I put a lot of emphasis on _friend_, holding it out to stress it even farther.

The girl rolls her eyes at my tone and hands me the case. "You're very defensive; must seriously like the guy." She smirks, exposing a small red stain on her teeth that matches her lipstick. "Tell him to come back _any_ time, even after hours." I resist the urge to whack that smug smile off her face and storm out of the store, forcing myself to calm down.

"Whoa! What happened to you?" asks Lavi as I slide into line next to him at the pretzel stand.

"Nothing," I mumble, calm enough now to be confused on why I was so pissed at the girl. It's not like she's right! You can't like someone you don't even know, and, so far, I know more about _Kanda_ than Lavi. Just because I like hanging out with him more than Lena or any of the other few people I've made friends with doesn't mean I like him! Hell, he drives me crazier than Cross! At least_ that_ bastard is straight with me ninety percent of the goddamn time; Lavi is more like five, and it's stuff most people wouldn't think of, like what flavor chips he usually gets...though that might just be because I'm usually stealing food from him…

Lavi nudges my side, holding two pretzels. I didn't notice we got to the front. He jerks his head to the side where a circular pedestal with potted plants sits and gets out of the way for the next person to order. I follow him over, making sure to grab the drink and change the worker gives us. Lavi hands me my food as I set the drink between us, the brown liquid sloshing inside. I hope it's Coke.

"You like it with cheese, right?" asks Lavi, also giving me a small plastic container with the melted cheese inside. I furiously nod and rip off the cap, licking the cheese off. "I got a medium Coke we can just split," he offers, placing the drink in between us. I nod my head, carefully placing a piece of my pretzel with a giant glob of cheese on it in my mouth.

"How much was this?" I ask him, using my tongue to lick the small bit of cheese on the corner of my mouth; you don't waste cheese.

Lavi shakes his head, setting down the drink. "Give me some cheese and it's free."

I sigh dramatically and hold out my precious cheese. He rips a big piece from his pretzel and scoops about half the cup onto it. "Hey!" I make a swipe for his hand, but Lavi pops the food into his mouth before I can grab it. "Jerk!" I aim a teasing kick at his leg that he dodges laughing. Lavi runs away, but I stay here to finish my pretzel, glad I now have all the cheese- well, what's left of it to myself.

"You pick cheese over me?" asks Lavi's voice from behind me, feigning hurt.

I don't even turn around. "Yep. It's way hotter than you."

"Sticks and stones," Lavi tells me, grabbing the Coke. I quickly move the plastic cup of cheese away when he tries to stick his finger in it.

I eye the tree behind us with many large branches and sticks. "That can be arranged."

Lavi rolls his eye but falls suspiciously silent. I can feel him watching me eat my pretzel, like he's waiting to pounce on me the moment I'm finished, so I take the smallest bites I can out of my food even though it drives me crazy, the guitar on my back growing heavier with his look.

"That's it!" Lavi grabs the last bit of food from my hand and opens his mouth to eat it.

Give it back!" I yell, aiming to swipe it. He quickly dodges to the side, but his hand misses the ledge, guitar case knocking him even further off balance. With a yell I move forward to keep him from face planting by grabbing the back of his shirt. Lavi makes a choking sound as the shirt digs into his neck, but I don't stop pulling him until he's back up and sitting solidly on the pedestal.

"Thank-hey!" he yells when I grab back my pretzel piece and shove it in my mouth, grinning. Lavi frowns and chugs the rest of the drink with a childish pout.

I roll my eyes when he pulls back his arm to throw the plastic cup in the garbage can at least ten feet away but choke on my food when it goes in without even hitting the rim. "Skills!" he declares, hands in the air. He jumps up and looks expectantly at me. My stomach flips at his grin. "Time to start," he drums his hands on the platform, "Phase 1!"

"Let's not and say we did."

Lavi sighs before forcibly yanking me to my feet, almost dislocating my shoulder. I hiss in pain. "Come on, you wimp!" He lets go and waves his hands in the air. "When it's over, I'm going to take you to a magical place!"

"The Disney Store?" I ask.

"No, Hot Topic." He drops his arms and marches off, probably expecting me to follow. When I don't he swings his arm in a dramatic 'follow me!' I still don't move, feeling the cheese in my stomach churn. "Do you want to get over your stage fright or not?" Lavi demands, anger starting to edge in his voice. "This is just Plan A; you don't want to try Plan B." I pale at his evil smirk and quickly run over. "Good choice!"

"Shove it," I grumble darkly, knowing Plan B would probably make this plan feel like a hug from Santa.

"Language," warns Lavi teasingly, nodding to a kid. "There are children here."

"Then why'd you bring Kanda?" I ask. "Most of the words out of that guy's mouth is profanity!"

Lavi shakes his head, leading me around a group of laughing teens. "Yeah, but he's with Lenalee." He shoots me a smile. "We both know the effect Lena has on him." We walk in silence for a few seconds before Lavi mutters, "I'll kick his ass if he ever yells at her, though."

That makes me pause for a moment, but I swiftly catch back up to him and ask curiously, "How did you meet Lenalee?" Pause. "Please tell me Komui didn't sent you to the hospital you after you flirted with her." I get sick just thinking about the one time she brought me over in sixth grade. Her brother sat me down and threatened-er, interrogated me for a solid hour before we could start on our science fair project.

Lavi laughs and shakes his head. "No, but I did get threatened- er, interrogated after he got wind we were friends. I sorta…got in a fight with Yu during ninth grade," he admits, rubbing the back of his head. "It was over something stupid, but I was pissed and ready to lash out at the first opportunity that presented itself. So when this senior jerk shoved me in the hall…I fought back. We attracted quite a crowd, and I was kicking his ass." He taps his temple. "Got me right here on a lucky shot; I fell to the ground and almost passed out from the dizziness. I can still recall him standing over me about to step on me-his shoe was positioned right above my ribs- when Lenalee came out of nowhere and pushed him away." Lavi laughs, drawing some attention our way. I'm too engaged in his story to care. "He almost ends up stepping on my hand instead. Long story short, her boot found his crotch and I found myself in the nurse's office with a new friend lecturing me about being more careful about picking my fights."

I can't help but smile at the mental image. "So you went back to bothering Kanda afterward?"

Lavi stops walking and sits down on the large basin surrounding a giant fountain with coins gleaming on its checkered patterned floor, placing his build-a-bear next to him on the ground. I plop down next to him, a few stray drops of water splashing me periodically, and place my animal next to his. "Actually, he came down to see me with what I swear was a worried expression. Lenalee asked if he was my friend, and Yu responded with his usual 'che.' I told her he was." He pulls out his guitar while chuckling. "You'd have thought he slit a rabbit's throat. Lena went off on how he should've stopped me from being stupid and looked out for me while Yu sat there with a dazed expression. A girl had never yelled at him like that." My friend plucks a few strings. "I've noticed Yu respects those that fight back, so Lenalee is probably the first and only girl he's completely respected as a friend."

I look at him, confused. "I fight back."

"Just 'cause he respects you doesn't mean he likes you." Kanda respects me...that's news to me. Lavi frowns. "Well, get your guitar out."

"Here?" I ask, looking around. We're smack-dab middle of the mall. You know, that place were there's a large space of nothing but a large landmark- a fountain in this case- in every mall. It's the spot that you can clearly see from the upper level as well and has all the more popular stores people look for around it. In other words, the most visible and visited part of the _whole fucking mall._

"Duh!" he tells me, completely uncaring at all the stares we already have with his eye patch and my white hair and scar. "Hurry up! We need to get to Christmas shopping too!"

"Lavi!" I hiss. "You want to play here?"

He sighs, completely ignoring me to unzip the case holding the guitar I've been practicing on for the last month. "It won't be so bad; all we're going to do is play 'Star Song'…maybe the other one if we get a good crowd."

"But-hey!" I almost choke as Lavi forces the guitar case up over my head. I slap his hands away and try to get it off, but he keeps shovign till I'm almost dead from lack of oxygen. I swat hands away and do it myself to prevent dying. Lavi picks up the now empty case and throws it on the ground in front of us with a loud, airy 'thump' that causes even more looks.

"Is that cop eyeing us?" I ask, pointing to a mall cop as I shift the guitar on my lap and try to get comfortable. He's right; I do want to get over this and might as well give it a shoot. _Please_ don't throw up in the water!

"It's all in your mind, like when you say the monkey in English eyeing you."

"I'm telling you! That monkey wants to eat me!" It's eyeing me; I know it. "It's like the crocodile from 'Peter Pan!' It had a taste and wants more!"

He cocks an eyebrow but doesn't comment. Lavi turns his body away from small crowd sforming and faces me. His left leg is folded under him like it usually is when he plays sitting down, and his right experimentally taps the fountain's side to get a beat.

"This is no different from how we usually do it," he tells me softly, eye not leaving mine. "Just play like it's any other day and pretend we're at HQ." He grins. "You'd better sing, or we'll look like idiots."

Lavi begins to lightly but solidly hit the side of the fountain to make a somehow clean and loud rhythm that's become very familiar to me in the last month and looks at me expectantly. Nervous, I shift over my strings till I place my fingers for the first note and wait for his rhythm to repeat, picturing the practice room in my head instead of the mall.

I play timidly, repeating the plucking melody twice before softly singing without moving my eyes from Lavi, afraid to break the illusion of comfort.

" _From the direction of that planet  
>A star passes high in the sky<br>Just like a naughty child,  
>I gently pat that back"<em>

"_I have to go," _Lavi picks up when my part stops, joining in with his guitar and making his voice louder than mine was.  
>"<em>I want to go<br>I can't just sit and watch"_

"_These conflicts," _I join, gaining more confidence as I let myself relax and just sing,_ "and lies  
>Make me want to see you"<em>

"_Beautiful like a jewel,  
>Like a god dropped into the universe<br>Is really our wish  
>To stay on this star?"<em>

I let a smile on my face, taking comfort in the song I've played almost everyday and familiar fingerings. Lavi's expression mirrors mine, and I watch with fascination as emotion I never see swirls in his eye. Is it because we're performing for people? Because there are no do-overs? Because he was made to do this? He seems way more comfortable here than at school most of the time.

I want to see it more.

"_Anywhere within the stars," _Lavi sings._  
>I conspicuously stand up and shine<br>I've been told it's never "too late"  
>I understand when I'm being told"<em>

"_Only if I knew the truth," _I sing, making sure to look Lavi straight in the eye as I sing it._  
>I could've stopped the endless lies<em>

"_I don't want to believe," _Lavi joins in,_ "I can't believe  
>That everything is going to end up broken<br>Whoa~"_

We both look away in favor of watching our fingers move purposely on the strings, making a soothing crash of melodies. I feel my body start moving to the beat and contain it quickly to just bopping my foot, only conscious of the guitar on my lap and Lavi in front of me.

We pick up. _"This place full of craters  
>Is where you're watching us from?"<em>

"_I hope that it won't last much longer," _Lavi sings, dropping volume on his voice and fall away completely as I play softer, carefully plucking each string.  
>"<em>But it's okay if you leave."<em>

"_This feeling will last for 100 years," _I sing when Lavi starts back up on tapping the fountain's side.

I look up as we both belt, "_Unchangeable.  
>Raise your voice.<em>

Lavi meets my eyes at our explosion of chords and voices.

"_The beautiful jewel  
>Is nowhere near distortion<br>This star song is your song  
>It echoes throughout the world<br>Hey~!"_

_"Whoa~…"_

I fall away as Lavi tenderly strums the last bit of the song, peaceful expression adding an amazing effect. Applause rips my eyes from him, but he quickly moves my face back to his.

"Just look at me." I fight down a blush at his comment that sounds right out of some cheesy romance novel, emotion a little out of whack inside me, and mentally slap myself. That's not what he means…and I don't want him to mean that either! "Let's do 'Pierrot;' I'll let you keep the money being thrown into the guitar case," he bribes, steadily knocking on the fountain's side to signal that we're not done.

"B-but," I stutter, "I sing that one-"

"-alone. I know." He smiles at me. "But it's your song."

I shake my head. "I just came up with the lyrics you saw when you stole my notebook!"

"Please?" he begs. I can see his eye start to revert back. I nod quickly in panic, almost slapping myself in the head as I do. Lavi grins gratefully, face open. I suddenly feel an almost giddy feeling that I have this much sway with a person until he taps three steady beats.

Taking a deep breath I watch his fingers play, softly singing without my guitar yet.

"_It's alright, it's alright  
>I'm nothing but a person who jokes around<br>A nameless pierrot from a small circus"_

I join in strumming, not moving my eyes from the strings I pluck. Lavi sighs in exasperation, but it's quiet so only I can hear it.

"_Like a round little moon," _I sing, letting Lavi take over the guitar music._  
>On top of this ball I keep my balance on<br>Sometimes I make a showy fall  
>And getting laughed at is my job<em>

I feel my heart beat wildly at my ribs and take a calming breath before continuting.I only vaguly notice everyone in the crowd watching are as quiet as possible in an attempt to hear my still soft voice.

"_I find you crying in the audience  
>Don't make such a sad face<br>I noticed the tears that even your mama and papa didn't notice  
>I have to wipe them off of your face<em>

I start back up on my acoustic, fingers feeling slippery on the strings.

"'_It's alright, it's alright  
>It doesn't hurt or scratch at all<br>As long as you smile'  
>It's alright, It's alright<br>Falling awkwardly to the ground  
>I'm a ball-riding pierrot <em>(I ignore the snicker from Lavi, the pervert) _from a small circus._

I stop playing again and sing, "_The girl who won't stop crying tells me,_  
>'<em>Your lie is making me sad.'<em>  
>'<em>I haven't made a single lie'<br>When I said those words, she started to cry again."_

I close my eyes and let the peaceful strums from Lavi wash over me before also starting on my part. Pins jab at my foot, making it numb and distracting. I shift to work some feeling into my leg that's falling asleep and end up completely moving positions but don't look up. Eyes closed, I feel my voice get louder and stronger.

"'_Show me the face under the mask that you keep hidden from the audience  
>When you get hurt, say that you're hurt<br>When you're in pain, just cry  
>There's nothing to be ashamed of.<em>

I stop again and let Lavi plunk.

"'_It's alright, it's alright  
>You don't have to smile perfectly.<br>That way you don't have to lie about it again.  
>It's alright, it's alright<br>You don't have to hold it in  
>I'll cry with you.'<em>

My hand feels steadier now as I play with the last verse.

"_It's alright, it's alright  
>You found it for me.<br>The face I've nearly forgotten about._  
>'<em>It's alright, it's alright' It's like magic<br>Look, the lying pierrot  
>Disappeared away."<em>

We both add in some random notes and slurs with my voice as we continue playing the melody till the end off the song, finishing with a gentle strum. I open my eyes to see the audience clapping and almost fall backwards into the water behind me from shock. If Lavi hadn't thought of my reaction and quickly leaned forward to put his hands solidly behind my back, I'd be swimming with the pennies. Ugh...my stomach. I can taste cheese in my throat and quickly push the feeling down with all my might.

"That was amazing!" Lavi tells me has some people move away to continue their shopping and others throw coins-even bills!- into the discarded guitar case. "I didn't expect you to turn towards the crowd! This went even better than I thought! Go me!" he yells, patting himself on the back with some difficulty do to the acoustic still on him.

"_I_ turned towards the crowd?" I ask, blinking.

Lavi nods, but then shrugs as he packs up his guitar. "Well, you're eyes might have been closed at the time, and I think your leg was falling asleep." He jumps up and gives me the biggest smile I've ever seen. "There were people with cell phones taking videos!" he squeals, light shining in his eyes. "We defiantly need a youtube page now. I gotta stop at the craft store and get some paper for scanning-" he babbles, immersed in his own world.

I sigh and move over to put my guitar away, doing my best to keep the cheese and pretzel down as people point at us and talk about our music. I distract myself by counting the money. I do a double take and count again. There's forty dollars in here!

"Lavi!" I yell, cutting off his planning to wave him over. I swiftly zip the case closed and jump up, excitedly holding out twenty dollars in coins and bills. "We each get twenty!" I can feel pride at earning money honestly for the first time in four years.

My friend laughs at my excitement, musses my hair, and sticks his share in his pocket. "Let's go drop these," he shift his guitar, "and the stuffed animals in my car, okay?"

Outside looks like hell if it froze over. Lavi and I slip and slide on the ice as we force our feet to stay under us long enough to drop the important, hundred dollar guitars and strange presents in the back. It does nothing to help my already sick stomach. I end up throwing up a little when my nerves finally catch up with me. Lavi was sorry and gave me a plastic bag he had in his car, but I was ecstatic; it was the smallest reaction I've had since…the trial. On the way back, however, Lavi falls twice; I laugh. This is one of the few times I'm glad for Cross' debts. I've been chased multiple times in the winter and learned how to run on ice; walking is as easy as pie!

"I hate you," Lavi grumbles, rubbing his butt comically as we finally get back out of the snow and into the mall. "Why didn't you fall? Even _I_ fell!" I shrug with a smirk. "Ooo! What's that?" I feel myself being pulled towards a store. Sighing with a smile, I let my friend drag me, glad the high from performing hasn't worn out yet.

We both find something for Lenalee right away, but Kanda takes awhile for both of us. This nice thing about Lenalee is how open she is with her likes, so my present of a Paramore CD and Lavi's boot charm can't possibly be wrong. Even if they are, she'll never say anything. Kanda's present has to be something he can't beat us with if he hates it- no, he can't beat us with period. I end up spending half an hour debating whether or not a hundred page book on swords can kill me. Lavi spends an hour staring at a Paper Jamz Drum with a very pained expression before buying it, returning it, then buying it again. We still have half an hour left when Lavi takes me to biggest Hot Topic I've ever seen.

The right side of the store is all the 'girl' shirts and designs with a big bin in the center advertising a sale. The left is the 'guys' but is set up the same way. Towards the center of the store is the check-out counter with jackets and hoodies surrounding it on the walls. There's also a case of jewelry, charms, key chains, and headphones on the side of the counter you can see clearly when you walk in. The whole back wall has patterns with various band names on them from top to midway with a big shelf of tees underneath a mix of crazy shades. I glance at Lavi and see his wistful gaze on that wall for a moment before it's replaced with ease; he must come here a lot.

"That looks painful," I whisper to Lavi as a worker with giant disks in his ears walks passed. His lobs are at his shoulders!

"Shh," he hisses into my ear. "Don't say anything to him about it; he _will_ kill you." Lavi straightens up a quickly disappears into the store. I look around wistfully. I know there's no way I can get anything for myself if I want to get Lavi something else besides a stuffed rabbit. Maybe I can ask them to hold some jackets for me; mine are getting too small. Thank god I'm finally growing! Thank you, puberty fairy!

_"Oooh, do you know what you got into?_  
><em>Can you handle what I'm about to do?<em>  
><em>'Cause it's about to get rough for you<em>  
><em>I'm here for your entertainment"<em>

I can hear Lavi singing along from somewhere in the store and laugh softly to myself as I flip through some shirts. I can't find anything and start towards the hoodies when something in the case catches my eyes. I get closer to the glass to get a better look at the key chains.

"How much is this?" I ask a worker with purple triangles under his eyes, pointing at the glass. He also has weirdest hat I've ever seen with a bell hanging on it.

"Which one?"

I sigh impatiently, not wanting Lavi to jump out in that strange way he does and see his present. 'The black hammer with a small cross at the top."

He leans against the glass and gives me a lecherous look. "Depends. Are you straight or gay?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Depends. How fast will the mall cops get here if I yell 'stranger danger'?"

"Touché." He taps the glass. "Twenty."

"Daisya! Leave the kid alone!" yells a voice, amusement obvious. This is the Daisya yesterday Lavi asked to clear up for him? He must not recognize me without me dead on my feet. I look towards the person who'd spoken to see a large man with dark skin looking over both our heads. It takes a moment for me to realize that he's blind.

"I was just teasin' Lavi's new little band member, Marie!" whines Daisya, taking out a key to unlock the glass case. So he does remember me, or at least knows who I am. "He's lasted-what?- two months with Kanda and hasn't quit yet!" He picks up the hammer and swings it by the chain over to the register. I follow, almost jumping from my skin when someone pats my head.

"You must have a bucket of patience," laughs Marie.

I nod, embarrassed at my jumpiness. "Yeah…"

"It's $17.56," Daisya tells me, "with tax. Anything else you want, or is this it?"

I quickly shake my head as I see a red head get closer and shove the money at him. "Just let me see it!" He hands the hammer to me and I shove it in my pocket fast enough so Lavi can't see it has he walks up with a smile.

"Hey, Daisy-a!" he greets, setting down a bundle of shirts and crap,

Bell Hat rolls his eyes as he hands me my change. "All this?" Lavi nods. "I hate you," Daisya groans.

I look at the clock to see we have a few minutes to meet Lenalee and BaKanda. "I'm going to go to the food court," I tell Lavi. "I'll let them know where you are." Lavi nods and goes back to talking to the scowling Daisya.

"Please tell me you didn't lose Lavi," begs Lenalee a short time later as she slides into the chair across from me with two bags. I shake my head then snicker at Kanda as he comes over, dumping at least seven bags to the floor with a huff.

"I think your mule needs some oats."

"I think the Moyashi needs to shut his goddamn mouth," snaps Kanda, falling into the chair next to Lena. What's in those bags? "Where's the stupid rabbit? Did the idiot finally get hit by a bus?"

I roll my eyes. "He's in Hot Topic finishing up." I shrug and scan the surrounding food places. "Should be here any minute." My mouth waters as I see a familiar Chinese restaurant. I didn't know they had it in Pennsylvania too! "I'll be back," I tell, starting to get up.

"Allen!" laughs Lenalee, standing as well to stop me. "We're going back to the Black Order to celebrate Christmas! You can't eat anything yet."

I make myself pout at her, knowing Lena's almost powerless at my puppy dog eyes. "Please? Just one meal?" I beg.

I see her bite her red lip and open her mouth, probably to give in, when Lavi's voice behind me laughs. "Nope! Don't go breaking tradition!"

Lenalee rolls her eyes as Lavi leans on top of my head, squashing me and probably erasing the bit of height the puberty fairy gave me. "We've only done it one year."

"It's still tradition!" Lavi declares, not at all bothered as I try to get out from under him. With a huff, I give up and cross my arms. "Is everyone done so we can get some food? How about a rabbi-veni-turducken-ig?"

"What?" I ask.

Lavi moves from my head and shakes his head like I'm the most pitiful person he's ever met. "Someone's never heard 'The Break Up Song.'"

He clears his throat as belts out, "_When we went out on our first date  
>You said you don't eat anything with a face.<br>Then for the next 18 months  
>I ate sausage made from rice and walnuts.<br>Now that we're parting ways  
>Newsflash! Fish have a face.<br>Unless it's in a Newton, No! He doesn't want another fig!  
>Tonight I'm eating…a rabbi-veni-turducken-ig."<em>

I facepalm. "What the bloody hell is a…rabbi-ven-a-what's-it?"

"A rabbit inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a deer inside a pig," Lavi offers with the same completely serious tone he used for the song.

"Deep fried," adds Lenalee. "Hey, the song's addictive!" she defends at my look of disbelief.

"With beef gravity." My stomach growls, earning a laugh from both Lena and Lavi. Kanda just rolls his eyes with a 'che.' Lavi gets off my head, slings his arm around my shoulder, and points aimlessly at some random food place. "Onward to food!"

"Yeah!" I yell, the monster in my stomach roaring in approval.

"You might want to be careful, Allen," Lavi says, walking forward with his arm still around me.

I can feel the set up for a song but still ask, "Why?"

"Why?" he asks. I sense a song coming on.

_"We live in a world full of dirty things," _he starts dramatically, stopping when I poke him in his side to get him to shut up. "Okay! I'll stop! Mean little Moyashi!"

I laugh, glancing back to see Kanda and Lenalee saving the table and watching the presents. I pretend not to notice her wink and turn back to Lavi, steering him towards the Chinese restaurant I like and ignoring how close I am to him. After all, he's my best, straight friend.

Nothing more, nothing less.

+…+

The 'Christmas Party' is basically us just goofing off for three hours with more food than usual and no band practice. The Chinese place's food is as good as I remember, and I end up eating most of what we got from there. Kanda took all the soba we got (figures), and I had to fight Lavi for the last piece of cake. It ends up on the roof with both of us standing in a circle around it, waiting for it to fall.

"Guys!" yells Lenalee after a half hour, trying to keep the laughter out of her stern voice. "Come and sit down; we need to exchange presents before I go home."

"Okay," we both say, neither of us moving.

"Oh for god's sake!" she says, exasperated. I hear Kanda get up; shit's about to hit the fan. He moves between Lavi and me, pushing us in opposite directions. I almost end up on the table holding the measly amounts of food left, and Lavi bumps into the near by wall hard. I hear a sound like wet clay being torn from the table (don't ask how I know what that sounds like) and look up in time to see a red, white, and green blur fall on top Kanda's long hair.

For a few scary seconds there's complete silence as we watch cake frosting slide down the sides of Kanda's head; even the wind outside seems to stop.

Lavi straightens up from where he was leaning on the wall-the first to break out of the shock we're all feeling- swipes his finger through Kanda's hair, and sticks it in his mouth. "You're so sweet, Yu-chan~!"

Lenalee quickly jumps forward to hold back Kanda before he can strangle Lavi. "Just calm down, Kanda! You can go wash out your hair in the bathroom sink!"

He shakes her off and stalks over to the couch with a pissed look. "Just give them your presents so we can go home," he grumbles, sitting back down and picking up some napkins we brought home.

I exchange looks with Lavi. He shrugs and moves over to the one bag he brought in. Lenalee practically skips over with her bag of presents and sits cross-legged next to Kanda. I grab mine and sit on the ground, afraid to sit next to Kanda when he has cake on his head.

"Who wants to go first?" Lavi asks, sitting on the ground near Kanda; he's a brave, dumb soul.

"Can I?" asks Lenalee, almost bouncing in excitement. I stifle a laugh; she looks the same as she did back in sixth grade when she got to give everyone a sugar lollipop for Christmas. She riffles through the plastic bag with both hands, blocking Lavi when he tries to get a better look inside. "Here."

None of us had time to wrap unless the store offered to do it, so Lenalee keeps her back to us before turning around to give Lavi and I our presents: A much needed winter coat for me and a large-no- _massive_ pack of copic markers and colored pencils for Lavi. I offer her a hug, but Lavi ends up getting there first, almost strangling her; I guess he really needed them. Kanda's presents to us are a little more…interesting.

He gave me a _bean sprout_ in a pot.

Lavi got a cheaply made microphone with rabbit-shaped sour candy.

And here I thought he had no sense of humor.

"Aren't you going to give Kanda a present, Lenalee?" I ask, confused. There's no way she won't get Kanda anything; that's just not Lenalee.

She smiles. "We live almost right across from each other, so I come by his house on Christmas to give him his present and calm him down with all the people there. In return I get away from some of my more…annoying family members." She bites her lip. "Komui even comes with me sometimes."

Lavi snaps his fingers. "Why don't we do that, Allen? I know Cross probably won't do anything, and you can have the leftovers of Christmas dinner after my parents leave~" he bribes.

I look away, uncomfortable. I've only ever spent Christmas with Neah, Mana, and Cross. "I don't know…"

"Please?" he asks, sound completely honest as a note of actual pleading enters his voice. I can still see the horribly cold feelings his eye showed when he mentioned his parents; maybe this isn't just about presents. Plus, I get food and a friend.

I sigh, faking defeat. "Why not?"

"Are you done with your gay little attempt at flirting? I'd like to get home today." I glare at Kanda as Lavi gets up to grab his presents, messing up my hair with his hand when he passes by. I turn to glare at him, but the effect is ruined by the small smile I can feel on my face. Lenalee nudges my shoulder with her toe, but I ignore her.

"Here!" He hands Kanda the Drum Paper Jamz and Lenalee the small box with the charm inside. Surprisingly, Kanda doesn't hit Lavi with his present. In fact…is that a twitch up at the corner of his mouth? Freaked, I silently sneak over to grab mine and quickly present them while the Christmas miracle is still taking place.

"He didn't hit me," I tell Lavi in wonder as we get in the car a short time later, voice coming out distant. "I actually got it _right_. Do you think Lenalee bribed him?"

Lavi shrugs, starting up the ignition. "Maybe the ghosts from 'A Christmas Carol' found him last night." He winces at the grinding sound his engine makes for the first couple moments it starts up, but the sound soon quiets back down and we start towards home. It's a slow pace since snow is coming down and the salt from this morning is already gone, but I'm not complaining; the car is nice and warm. I snuggle down into the familiar seat and play absentmindedly with the fuzz on the hood of my new coat. I notice the stuffed animal he made is still in the back but don't comment; maybe he has a little cousin or sibling I don't know about.

"…Do you think we're on youtube?" asks Lavi after awhile, carefully turning a corner.

I shake my head. "Maybe, but I'll probably be grainy anyway. People will only see white and red hair." I laugh at the thought that no one will know it's me. "At least we got money out of it."

"Because growing as a person and growing some balls means nothing next to cash," Lavi retorts sarcastically.

"Exactly."

"What the hell made you so panicked?" Lavi mumbles to himself.

"What the hell's under you're eye patch?" I mumble back, knowing he'll hear me. I wonder if he'll say something.

"Asked you first."

"Showed you first."

Lavi frowns. "No, I found out by mistake."

I roll my eyes, knowing the effect is lost in the dark. "No, you found out by barging into the bathroom. What if I'd been actually using it?"

"Then we would've had a very awkward moment when I came to dump water on you that one day."

"Because it wasn't awkward enough already," I mumble, still recalling the horribly uncomfortable way my boxers had clung to me. I hear Lavi shift in his seat and go silent, but I don't know why. Could it be because of what happened later that day? "I'm not mad," I tell him in a small voice.

Lavi jumps. "Huh?"

I clear my throat and repeat, "I'm not mad. You know, about you just declaring we should go on stage and then actually doing it." I give him a look. "What did you think I was talking about?"

"We're here." I frown at his change of subjects but notice the line of tension on his jaw and red ears from the lights as I open the door to get out of the car. He waits till I get to the door before driving off, leaving me wondering if I can get another miracle with Lavi on Christmas.

Sighing, I walk in, throw the remaining bag with Lavi's present and a small something for Cross (just in case) onto the floor, and collapse onto the couch, wondering what I'm going to do all day tomorrow without school or practice.

Then my eyes fall on Lavi's sketchbook close by.

Slowly, like one false move could blow up the house, I reach towards it and slide it closer. It's cold from being left in the house and seems like such a shock on my skin after Lavi's warm car. I sit up against the couches armrest and flip over the book so I can see the cover; I laugh out loud.

The cover, which was originally a pale blue if the colors at the corners are any hint, has a band on the front.

A small chibi- I think that's what Lavi called this style- red head with a similar styled hair cut to Lavi's when his hair is down hangs in front of the right eye, and bunny ears peek out from the top. He has on the same clothes Lenalee made for Lavi and holds a microphone. Next to him is a cute dog girl chibi with pigtails and a bass. Behind them is a pissed off looking chibi cat with long hair playing the drums. Playing a small piano right behind the rabbit chibi is a white_ mouse_ chibi with a red scar over its eye. Cute, Lavi (read with sarcasm). Still, it's very well drawn, and the background is very detailed. I whip out my phone to take a picture before grabbing the cover to flip it so I can see the inside.

Ten minutes later, I'm still sitting in the same position with guilt eating me. Damn _conscience_! At least I could just flick Jimny Cricket of my shoulder if he was the one talking to me! Ugh! It's just a book with drawings! What's so wrong with looking?

Angry with myself, I flip passed the happy front cover to see a gray-scale picture young boy chained to the wall in what looks to be a cell. A small window gives in little light, and, though the picture is heavily shaded, the tears on the boy's check are easy to see. Once again, the details are amazing. He used only a regular lead pencil and a red pencil by the look of it; I can see the skin on his wrists and the tears are a raw red hue the color of blood. I can't believe he'd draw something so…this, but his signature is in the corner, and the date is about two months before I showed up.

I drop the pad to the floor in shock, hastily picking it back up when it lands wide open. I can't help but catch sight of the sketch it opened to.

It's a boy! His hair is white and his eyes a twist of gray and blue. His dark colored shirt is off his body, hanging onto his right limb, and you can see his skinny shape. Lavi, however, put in lines for implied muscle that make him look older than he should. The background is also black and white…and the boy's left arm colored red.

It's a picture of me from the night at the club when Lavi first saw my arm, and I look nothing like a monster. In fact, the colors create a scene of almost peacefulness.

I go to bed silently without looking farther in, pushing down emotions inside me I really don't feel like dealing with.

+Cross+

"Hell," I growl, throwing the cigarette nub to the ground and crushing it with my boot. I reach in my pocket for another one, but I'm out. Fuck, all the stores are closed; looks like I'm screwed for a few hours.

I wander around aimlessly, looking in every nook and cranny, but they all turn up nothing. It'll likely be another bust this year at this rate. You'd think it be easy, but _no_! Even with Neah's directions I can't find that stupid-

I streak of gold catches my eye as well as the yelling following it. I feel a smirk come to my face when I see the symbol I'm looking for when it passes me on the opposite side of the street.

"Gotcha."

+Dream+

_I watch apathetically as women in warm winter coats rush by, bags clutched in their hands as they signal a taxi to get home. Most others walk right by, but the ones that notice me only offer a glance ranging from pity to disgust. I don't care; at least my life is less complicated than theirs. They have to worry about other people. 'What should I get so-and-so for Christmas?' 'What's-his-face is sick again! I hope their okay…' 'What the fuck is this Pandora Hearts thing? Crazy teenager…' All I have to worry about are food and clothes; people don't matter._

_I jump as unexpected warmth touches my exposed left arm, the thing no one ever touches. It's ruff in texture…what is it? I look down to see a dog licking me. It stops when he senses my gaze and fixes its brown eyes to me._

"Arrf!_" it barks, wagging its tail and ducking its head. Curious, I reach out my left arm, the only red color in the white air. The dog doesn't bolt when my hideous arm touches him; in fact, he leans in to my touch! I smile at the fuzzy feel of its brown fur and push my face into him to gain some warmth. My eyes start to drift shut._

"_Allen!" The dog jerks up and away from my touch, head whipping around to the voice. I look up as well to see a white-faced clown with a fake giant belly. The animal barks and runs over to his master, leaving the air around me colder than it was before. I look back to the people passing me by, doing my best to ignore the clenching in my gut from what must be hunger. The dog leaving me has nothing to do with it.  
><em>

"_Are you okay?" the voice of the clown asks, closer this time. I don't answer. "Kid? Hello~?" A face is suddenly thrust in my line of sight. Gloved hands hold the corners of his mouth out, and his eyes are squeezed together to make it what is supposed to be a funny face._

"_What are you doing?" I ask flatly, unamused._

_The clown drops his hands and frowns. "I don't like kids who can't laugh."_

"_Golly, Mister! Sor~ry!" I tell him sarcastically. His frown deepens when my stomach growls. I blush and pull the thin jacket I own tighter around me and hunch over, knowing it does nothing to hide my hideous arm.  
><em>

_"Here." Something lands in front of me. I look up to see if it's a joke, but there's none of the humor he had before. Cautiously, I pick up the bag to see a smiling cookie on in with weird scribbles around it that I know are supposed to be words; too bad I can't read. I rip the bag open and stuff my face with the food, not even tasting it._

_When I next look up, the clown and Allen are gone._

"**Star Song" sung by Ramudajan and ShounenT (it's the acoustic version), "Pierrot," by Miku (I used the acoustic version but recommend Senka's version), "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert, "The Break Up Song" and "Perfect Bathroom Trip" by Rhett and Link.**

**I sent this chapter to my beta about two weeks ago. I know she's very busy, so I think I'll wait after sending her a chapter, correct it as best I can , and put the un-betaed tag** **above if I don't get it back after a little more than two weeks.T****he tag'll disappear when I upload the corrected chapter. Let me know you're thoughts about this in a review** **and maybe give me some criticism (hint*hint, nudge*nudge, wink*wink)**.


	10. Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

**DISCLAIMER: If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?  
><strong>

I spend Christmas Eve striping men down to their underwear and making them cry. All in all, it's a very satisfying day if not a little uncomfortable due to the wig and make-up I have to wear. Getting beaten within an inch of my life would kinda ruin Christmas...and my birthday. I went out last week all natural and made sure to make as big a show as I could. With everyone on the lookout for white hair and a scar, no one with really remember plain, brown haired teen.

I sit alone at an old table shuffling my cards for lack of anything better to do now that my reputation as unbeatable has spread around this bar. I'll have to come back here later to get any more suckers willing to blow their Christmas Bonuses. Drunks have a short memory, but gambling drunks barely remember anything passed the 'Yay, booze!' they thought as they walked in.

The floor squeaks loudly from behind me, a tell-tale sign someone's attempting to sneak up on me rather than just walk. I turn my head slightly to alert them I know they're there.

"Fancy a game, Shounen?" they drawl, switching to a walk by the sounds of it.

I don't even look up from my shuffling. "Sure, Hobo." The air shifts around me as Mikk moves to sit across from me, causing more smoke to swirl into my nose. Forget the other places I go to! I don't doubt I'll get cancer from all the second hand smoke in here alone.

"I'll deal," Mikk demands, holding out his hand for the deck. I split it in half, ignoring the looks we receive from the peanut gallery around us at the two most infamous players in the bar playing each other, and give one part to him with a smirk. "You don't trust me? Hurts me right here," he says, patting his dirty t-shirt over where he's heart should be, glasses flashing in the dim light.

"I didn't know you had a heart," I joke, quickly reshuffling my half of the cards and adding back in the cards I had up my sleeve since I first walked in. "Thought you sold it to the devil along with your common sense." Mikk rolls his eyes but doesn't deny it. "How long have you been here?" I ask, passing out my part of the deck.

"BS, huh?" he asks, watching my hand flick nimbly back and forth. "We haven't played this in a while," Mikk comments, following my lead till we each have equal parts of the deck. Of course, there aren't fifty-two cards in total anymore since we both cheat to the point where there can be eight aces in the mix or no aces at all. I don't doubt Mikk's already added some cards in his pile. "Since four o'clock, by the way," he answers, passing out his half of the deck when I finish.

"I've been here since three." I smirk, not looking up as I arrange my cards from ace to king. "I got you beat."

Mikk laughs. "You seem over-confident for a boy wearing cover up." I watch his golden eyes scan his cards through his glasses, deep in thought. I look at the two aces in my hand and debate whether he'll lie right off the bat or not. "Two aces," he decrees, placing his choices face down on the table.

I study him for a moment before casually throwing a queen and a two on the pile, leaning back in my chair and ignoring the itch on under my left eye. Stupid make up. How do girls wear this all the time? "Two twos. How's Road?"

Mikk shrugs, throwing one 'three' onto the pile and pulling out a cigarette. "Same old, same old." He smirks around the cancer stick as he lights it. "How's that kid who got jealous at the show? Lavi, was it?"

I shrug indifferently, putting down four 'fours' and hoping he's not paying enough attention to notice. "Fine."

"BS." I sigh and grab the pile, reclaiming my three, four, jack, and seven. His ability to talk and play have gotten a lot better from back when we were kids. "Get a fuck buddy yet?"

I scowl as he puts down his cards on the table. "You're as bad as Cross!" I frown uncomfortably as the itch I've had under my eye starts to become unbearable. The best I can do is itch around my make up. "Besides, you know me better than that." I throw a six on the pile.

Mikk shrugs. "People change. I would've never thought you'd be up on stage playing rock music," he crosses his arms and leans forward on the table, careful to aim his cards away from me as he studies me, "or here on Christmas Eve, conning men before they go home to their families." Mikk taps his temple lightly, retreating back to his seat and putting down two 'sevens.' "There's something obviously up in that pretty little white head of yours, and I'm betting on the red head."

"Three eights," I tell him flatly, tossing the cards haphazardly on the table. "Why are you talking to me, Mikk? We never talk in bars unless something's up. There has to be some other reason than the stupid notion I'm having problems with my friend." I'd expect this out of Road, but Mikk? It's not like he's ever cared before.

He breaths smoke into the air between us, not meeting my eyes so he can watch the smoke dance up in the polluted air and mix with the rest of the smoke. "What if I told you there's a Christmas miracle taking place?"

I snort. "I'd say I already had my Christmas miracle and rather not jinx it."

Mikk puts down his one 'nine' on the table, meeting my eyes. "What if I told you they're taking Neah's case back out-no, they have a trial date?"

"Bull Shit," I tell him, feeling the room go cold. Mikk looks sadly at me before looking down at his card, turning it over to reveal a nine of diamonds. My heart beats rapidly in my chest, and I start to breathe the smoke in heavily. "They aren't…no…please tell me I won't…" I try to see his eyes passed those damn glasses, but he's focused back on his cards, not looking up at me. I only vaguely notice him push the pile of cards towards me.

Mikk sighs, throwing his cigarette to the ground and pulling his hair from his face. It just flops back in his eyes. "Yeah, you might," he says, guessing my train of thought. His voice is weighted, like someone dragged it out of him. Mikk shots me a pitying look: the last straw.

I shakily get to my feet, setting down the cards I have in my hand on the pile I should pick up. I feel the room begin to spin, and the smoke suddenly feels like toxic gas in my throat. "I gotta go," I murmur, sweat running down my spine. I don't even wait to see if he heard my whisper before booking it to the restroom. People get pushed out of my way as I run out the door, not stopping till I find the nearest toilet. I can feel my stomach throb painfully in time with my steps and dinner surging in my gut, threatening to come back up.I reach the toilet and just barely manage to keep it down until I can lean over the porcelain bowl.

My thoughts swirl wildly, memories mixing with thoughts. I can't go back up there! Not again! All those people- _I didn't do it_- they wouldn't look away from me- _stop! Don't look at_- and dared to point the finger at my -_Neah didn't do it! Why won't he tell the truth?-_

"Allen?" I jerk up, whipping my mouth with my sleeve as Mikk kneels down next to me, placing what should be a comforting hand on my back. It makes me jump instead. He removes his hand, sighing. "I know it's a lot to take in-"

I laugh harshly, cutting him off. "Ya think? What else are you going to say? I bet I'm back under investigation as well!" I let my forehead rest against the cool surface of the toilet, reaching up for the handle to flush. After a few attempts at blindly reaching and not finding it, I let my hand fall. "It's not that I don't want Neah out, but I can't do it again. I just…I can't."

Mikk sighs and leans against the wall of the stall. "Are you sure? Maybe you're just psyching yourself out." He smiles down at me. "You got through the performance at school, right?" I nod, standing up to finally flush the toilet to get that awful smell away. "Just do what you did then."

I roll my eyes, moving over to a mirror above a sink to make sure my wig and make-up are still in place. "There's the small problem that I can't play music on the stand." I frown at my cracking voice and clear my throat, noticing with some relief my stomach's stopped hurting.

Mikk shrugs, detaching himself from the wall and pulling a coin out of his pocket to play with. "I think you should stick to that Lavi guy. You seem better since you started hanging out with him. More… bold." He flips the coin at me, making it twirl in the air. I catch it easily and look down at it. It's a small chocolate coin. "Get home and spend the rest of the day goofing off instead of at a creepy bar. Maybe you should call that Lavi up."

I let a small smile come to my face and stick the chocolate in my pocket. "You give the worst Christmas presents!"

Mikk smirks back at me. "No, it's a birthday present." He makes an exaggerated bow to me, hair swinging even further in his face to make him look even more run-down. "I'm sorry if it's too humble for you, sir," he says as if I'm the master and him the servant.

I smirk at him, recalling more than a few days where this was the norm. "Road'll be made if we play Mansion without her." House was too boring for her back when we were kids. Mikk was the butler, I was the master, and Road the mistress.

Mikk struts towards me, placing his hand flat against the sink so he can lean closer to me without falling. "We can make it the part when the secretly gay master sleeps with the hot help," he whispers, his smoky breath sliding onto my face.

"You know I would," I start, using both hands to push him away far enough to give me at least the illusion of a personal bubble, "but I kinda promised Lavi I'd sleep with him first before he went public with his and Kanda's love affair." The look on Mikk's face is priceless.

He steps back, sighing, and holds up his hands. "Very well. I wouldn't want the red head's sloppy seconds-"

"Hey!"

"- but let me know if the deal sours," he continues, ignoring my outburst. "'Kay?" I jolt at Mikk's voice sounding so serious, but he's probably just teasing me…or it's Tyki right now?

My phone buzzes in my pocket. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass." I move out from between him and the sink counter, pulling out my cell to check. It's a message from Lavi. "The time's 8:40; you might want to get home before they eat without you," I tell Mikk offhandedly, heading for the exit.

Mikk follows me back out into the main room of the bar. People are starting to leave, a few without most of their clothes. I feel a smirk come to my face at all the pointed fingers and whispers about me I hear the whole way to the door. It seems I won't be able to come back here for a while after all.

"Who texted you?" asks Mikk, a tone I can't quite hear over the other voices making me uncomfortable to say it's Lavi. I shrug and don't answer. "If it's nothing, why don't you come for Christmas Eve dinner? You haven't been to one since…forever."

"I'm fine," I tell him, smiling as I finally get out of the stuffy smoke and into fresh air. "I need to get home anyway. What if Cross comes home drunk again?" Last time I wasn't home at this time of year and he was, the guy somehow managed to destroy the TV, the fridge, and half the screen door in the house we'd be living at. He also fell asleep outside halfway naked and caught the flu, but that's another life-scarring story.

Mikk rubs the back of his head. "Fine, but you'd better come see Road sometime. She's ready to stalk you home so she can 'play with her toy.'" He shivers. "I've been your substitute."

"We'll see," I laugh, starting in the direction of home. I hold down my wig as the wind blows the snow into my face, blinding me enough I almost walk into a man outside the bar. I quickly apologize, unable to see their face or hear their answer over the wind. I wait for it to die down before taking out my phone and opening the text Lavi sent, the screen reflecting the streetlights.

_Y rn't u home? D:_

I frown and quickly punch in my answer.

_How do u know Im not home?_

There's a long pause before he answers back.

…_intuition?_

_R u in my house?_

_…mayb…mayb not…;)_

I thank my lucky stars I hid Lavi's sketchbook under my bed in a box. I look both ways before crossing the street, feet slipping along the ice. I make sure I'm on mostly solid ground before responding.

_Please tell me u didnt break in again!_

_Fine, I wont tell u_

_LAVI!_

I laugh under my breath, stopping to make sure I'm going the right way. I smile as I pull the coat Lenalee got me tighter around my body and snuggle into it. She always gets the best presents. I wonder what Lavi got me. I pull out an orange scarf I won that reminded me of him and study it. Should I really just add this in? I mean, it probably smells like smoke, and some other person was using it…but what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

My phone vibrates in my hand.

_R u coming yet~?_

_About ½ way there now._

_Hurry up~~! Im bored!_

_Y r u at my house anyway? Im just gonna c u 2morrow 4 dinner._

I'm only a few minutes from home (fingers and toes frozen into ice blocks at this point) when he responds.

_Y not? Don't u less than 3 me, Allen?_

_When ur not annoying the hell out of me, yeah._

_Ow…harsh._

I smirk and stick my phone back in my pocket, pulling out my keys and exposing my hand to the harsh, snowy air. The metal's frozen to the touch and doesn't help my already numb fingers at all. I knock on my door, hoping Lavi will let me in. He doesn't. Pissed, I peck in the window only to see everything dark. Frowning, I fumble with the lock for a good five minutes before finally getting inside. I look around, frowning. It looks the same as I left it, all the lights and heat off.

_Where r u?_

_About 3 hrs from town :D _

_…I hate u._

HEY! I was making sure u weren't gambling 2 late! U don't want another head ache, do u?

I don't respond; there's really nothing to say to that. Well, 'thank you' is an option, but that can lead to an awkward conversation I'm not in the mood for. Gambling off and on for four hours tends to wear me out. I throw my wig next to my bed, not bothering to wash off the cover-up on my face. It would require more energy than my lazy, teenage body has to walk to the kitchen not even three yards away, wash my face, and walk back.

I lean over the side of my bed and pull out Lavi's sketchbook. I've only opened it one other time than the first time, and the inside wasn't pretty. I started back at the beginning where the boy chained to the wall was. The picture after it was a destroyed clock with the hands stuck at 4:45 with the background covered in very well-drawn cracks that looked real. The next was a mirror reflecting a faceless man with a warped shadow behind it. I shut the sketchbook after that, thoroughly creeped out for the rest of the night.

I study the happy front cover, one of the only two more positive drawings I've seen, the other being the one of my arm. I understand why Lavi doesn't want anyone looking at these. If the school guidance counselor saw this I don't doubt he'd end up going to a therapist or something. I pity the poor therapist that'd get stuck with Lavi; he'd need his own psychologist after that crazy red head.

Sighing, I throw the stupid book on the ground and resolve to give it back to Lavi tomorrow. Of course, I won't tell him I looked inside; I'll say I found it under the couch or something.

I throw my arm over my head and glance to the clock: only 9:20. Sighing, I start wracking my brain for Christmas songs, but it's really spooky to hear them echoing in the empty house when I sing them. Although I'm used to being alone on Christmas Eve, it doesn't mean I like it.

I pull back out my phone, changing it from vibrate to speaker just in case I start drowsing off, and send Lavi a text.

+Lavi+

_"You're gonna end up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact-"_

"Sir, are you drunk?" asks a female voice from the speaker in the drive through. Finally! I've been sitting here for five minutes with the window down! It isn't exactly warm outside with all the snow and wind.

I stop singing and laugh. "I should hope not, seeing as I'm driving." I don't think five bottles of Mountain Dew can make you drunk, just really, _really_ hyper…like I am now. "Should I get out and stand on one leg before I order to make sure?"

An agitated sigh. "Just order your damn food."

I raise an eyebrow at the box. "Can't you get fired for language like that?"

"Maybe, but seeing as I'm forced to work on Christmas Eve, I believe I'm entitled to a bad mood." There's static for a second. "What do you want to eat?"

I scan the menu quickly for something small to satisfy my sugar tooth and not impact my wallet too much. "How about…" I quickly do some math in my head for tax, "a medium vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles."

The person on the box scoffs loudly, causing a burst of high-pitched static to come from the box. "'Rainbow sprinkles?' What are you, four?"

I smirk at the device, hating the worker can't see me. "Depends: mentally or physically?"

I can almost hear their teeth gnashing. "Just come get your food, moron."

I make an exaggerated sniff like I'm crying. "I'm going to Wendy's next time! They don't hurt my feelings like you do!" I slide the window up and blast the heat, moving forward to the first window. I peer in to see no one and relax back in my seat, humming random bits of songs I know.

"_Reality isn't sweet," _I end up singing, thinking back to the copied part of the poem Allen wrote sitting in my room,_ "enough to make me not want to drink it." _Hmm, not bad. I jump when there's a tap at my window and immediately stop singing. I roll it back down, snow blowing into my face in an attack. I blink once at the worker, wondering if the snow is pulling tricks on me. "Fou?"

The pink haired senior sighs, adjusting the stupid hat with the fast food logo on her head. "Shoulda known it was you." She leans through the window on her arms, almost loosing her hat in the wind as she squints in my car. "Where's that other kid? Allen, right? Isn't he your pet or somethin'?"

I roll my eyes. "No, he's my friend." I cock an eyebrow at her. "Why aren't you at King's?" Allen and I went there a lot during the month I had to feed him just to watch Eshi's face turn five different shades of red when he saw us. The sharp decline in my wallet was worth it.

"Went outa business," she sniffs. Whoops! "You owe me two bucks for the ice cream," Fou tells me, holding out her hand for the money.

"Did you give me a discount for swearing at me?" I question, reaching in my pocket for my wallet with a smirk. My phone goes off, scaring me half to death.

…I wonder what happens if you get half scared to death twice?

_I'm a sleepwalker, walker, walker-_

Guess who it is. I pull it out with my wallet and hand Fou the money before checking the text from Allen.

Y r u 3 hours from home?

Truth be told, I'm only about ten minutes away now. I was at the HQ doodling on a new sheet to hang in the doorway and chugging the old soda we have- well, had- before it expired. I knew Allen'd probably invite me over or come meet me here if I told the truth, and we'd end up spending the whole night goofing off and crashing on the couch at his place. I need to make sure I'm home and awake with all my band and art stuff hidden before my parents- no, _Dad_ comes for dinner.

I hand the money to Fou, not really paying attention as I tap in my reply.

_Y were u gambling on Xmas Eve?_

_Touche_

"Here," Fou tells me impatiently, handing seventy-five cents back to me. "They'll have your kiddy ice cream at the next window." She smirks. "I'm surprised you can even afford this after the way Allen cleaned you out." Her demeanor changes, and she straightens up as her eyes gleam. "You're some rich kid, huh?

I laugh and gesture to my old car. She deflates a little. "Nope. My Gramps ended up with a well-paying job around the time, and I had old gift cards I used. Allen also pitched in a couple times." My phone goes off again.

"Is that him now?" asks Fou, stretching her neck in an attempt to see. I nod, frowning. It's unusual for Allen to text me so much without me starting the conversation.

_When should I come over 2morrow?_

_Dk. Have to talk 2 gramps 2 c when dinner is. I might just txt u when my parents leave _

"So what's up with you two?" Fou asks, completely relaxed as she studies me carefully. "Are you guys band mates? Friends? You always looked like you're on a date when you came to King's."

I roll my eyes, hiding my confusion behind a smile. "Everyone acts like that with their friends."

Fou doesn't look convinced. She starts nibbling on one green fingernail as she stares me down, the polish starting to flake off. "Yeah, but not you. Ever since you came to school, you've been almost… not here. Like your mind was somewhere else. The only time I could see you even had emotions was when you were with that girly-boy and Lenalee, and even then you were still kinda absent."

I smirk, not letting the curiosity I feel at her surprising observation show. "I'm sensing a crush."

Fou stands up, pissed. Someone calls for her from the back, but I can't understand it. She can, apparently. "Hold on! I'll give him his ice cream! What does it matter anyway? Not like anyone else is coming!" She stomps away.

Sighing, I release the death grip I had on my phone. Was I really that withdrawed? I know I didn't start acting like I was happy and hyper till ninth grade, but why would Fou notice? And where's she going with this?

"Here." I look over to finally see my ice cream. I thank Fou and take it carefully from her hand, licking the top off and crushing the sprinkles in my teeth. Mmm! Doesn't matter how old you are: sprinkles never get old.

"Where was I?" Fou asks, getting comfortable in the window.

"Admitting your crush on me?" Thank god she can't reach in my car, or Fou would've pushed my cone into my face. "Why else would you notice?"

She relaxes back into the window, checking to make sure no one has pulled into the drive through before sighing. ""Do you think Lenalee only hangs out with you? I was keeping an eye on her." She bites her lip. "I saw how you acted, and it reminded me of a friend of mine who was like that after his parents died. He still talked to me, but almost folded in on himself. Then he acted like you did, all fake and crap." Fou smirks. "Well, at least until little Allen came into the picture."

"What do you mean?" I ask, keeping my eyes on my awesome ice cream. I gotta come here again!

"You actually talk to people, like right now." Fou smirks at me, red eyes gleaming. "If I'd tried to talk to you like this a year ago, you'd have driven off faster than I could say 'monkey ass.'" I chock on my cone at her choice of words.

"So?" I ask, crunching off a large part of the cone. The faster I get done the faster I can leave. "Maybe I'm feeling talkative today."

"Bullshit."

"Fou!" She turns around. "Come on!" I move to try and look around Fou, but I can't see who's calling her. "I know your shifts over, and I need to get home soon!" yells the impatient male voice.

I smirk at her. "Boyfriend?"

Fou matches my expression, pulling off her dorky hat victoriously. "He is to me as you are to Allen."

"That makes no sense!" I yell, but she's already gone. Sighing, I throw the rest of my cone into my mouth and pull out onto the street, speed-dialing Gramps. Sending him a text is like asking a mouse to kiss a cat: stupid and will result in someone's death.

The phone rings twice before I hear him pick up. "Hello?" he answers, voice tired and drained. He must be swamped if he didn't bother to check the caller ID like usual.

"Hi, it's Lavi." I turn out of town and switch on my high beams, going slower than usual since I have the phone, snow, and dark to consider now. "I told Allen he could have the left-overs of our Christmas Feast. What time do you think we'll be done?" There's silence from his end. "Gramps?" I ask, worried when I don't hear a snappy comeback.

"I heard you," he snaps. There it is! I back off and wait. Finally, he responds, "Just have him over to eat with us." It sounds like the answer is ripped out of him against his will.

I blink. "You feelin' okay, Gramps? You want me to have a guy over for Christmas? Really?" I sigh impatiently, already not in the mood thanks to Fou. "First you want me to clear out, then you want me to stay. Now you want me to bring my guy best friend to dinner. Anything else? A nuclear bomb perhaps, or is that what my dad'll use to kill me?"

"Just do whatever, but tell him to come at five if he's eating with us!" growls Gramps into the phone. The flat dial tone singing shrilly in my ear alerts me he cut off the connection. I can imagine Gramps collapsing on the bed at his hotel as he throws his cell phone on his bag, packed and organized for the morning already. I sigh and throw my cell on the passenger seat so I can focus on the way back home. It's almost a fucking blizzard outside! Hell, there's _hail_ hitting the windshield now! I hope Allen got home before this started up.

My house is like a hollow ice cube when I come in. I take my shoes off but keep my coat on till I reach my room where I left a tiny space heater on, glad to get out of the cold air in the rest of the house. I throw my coat onto the small pile of clothes in the corner of my room that are dirty but wearable and flop onto my bed, letting the warmth erase the goose bumps that've appeared on my arms.

Fou's words won't leave me alone. 'He was to her as I am to Allen?' The hell does that mean? And he made me more life-like? Sure, maybe I pushed the guy a lot and wanted to know him. Sure, I'm getting a little, microscopic crush on the guy that'll probably go away in time, but how could he bring me out of my mask that much already? Couldn't his arrival be at just the precise moment I'm starting to be, well, me again?

Am I canceling his mask out as much as he is mine?

"Agh!" I scream, pushing my face into my pillow. Why is this so goddamn confusing!

My cell makes a annoying pattern of beeps from my pocket to report its dying. I roll to the left side of my bed, sticking my legs over the side in time to keep me from falling to the floor. My charger is already plugged in, so it's just a matter of finding the right wire in the jumbled mess around the extension cord in the only outlet in my room. I turn on the computer while I'm at it too.

I go back to lay on my bed, the charger wire taunt as plug it into my phone. Fou's words jump around in my room, taking up the empty space as I try to figure out what to tell Allen. Do I want him to meet my parents? Surly Dad won't say anything, and Mom's on my side. But do I want to take the chance? Dad's temper isn't really the best…but it'd be easier with a friend. This way, Dad can't question me without bring up how I'm gay; he won't do that in front of a stranger.

_Want 2 come over 4 dinner?_

I stare at the message for a few minutes, silently arguing with myself as I weight the pros and cons. This could be a good opportunity to get Allen more comfortable around me, but what if Mom sees the small crush I'm starting to get on him with her Mom Radar? As long as she doesn't say anything, it'll be fine, right? It's not like they'll start talking about the CIA or the inevitable fact I'll be the next bookman or why I was kicked out of the house in the first place.

…Right?

I send it and get an instant reply.

_I'm a sleepwalker-_

I stop the guitar and voice dead, changing my phone to vibrate before checking Allen's message.

_U feeling ok?_

I bark out a laugh and type in a lie.

_Yeah. It was gramps idea if u can believe it!_

_Is ur gramps feeling ok?_

_Doubt it. Probably going senile from work. ;)_

_Ill be there as long as I get food XD_

_Figures_

I move to sit on the edge of my bed to sit in front of my computer. I quickly type in my password, ******** (like I'm going to tell you), and wait for it to warm up. Bored, I check my usual sites and email before clicking on Netflix. I just randomly scroll through, nothing really catching my eye. I snort at one anime picture with a fat guy in a top hat and some kid with a silver arm. Can you say random?

I'm debating between some show called 'Death Note' and the first season 'Yu-Gi-Oh' when Allen texts me again.

_Want ur present 2morrow?_

I glance over to the bag containing the presents I got Allen, smiling. I also added in a picture I think he'll like.

_Sure._

_k. Night._

Night? I glance at the clock. Since when was it 10 o'clock? I look at the tempting anime. One episode won't hurt, right?

+Allen+

I wake up Christmas Day to the eerie starting notes of the Descartes a Kant version of 'Carol of the Bells' in my ears.

_Hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells. All seem to say, "Throw cares away."_

Frowning and still half asleep, I pull my ear buds out to stop the creepy female voice. The wire tightens around my neck as I throw my ipod off my bed. I must've fallen asleep with them in and got tangled in it. That would explain the strange dream I had with angels shooting each other as 'Angel with a Shot Gun' played in the background…

I sniffle, noticing my nose is slightly clogged, signaling the beginnings of a cold, and my mouth has they strange dry feel you get when you sleep with it open all night. Pile that on top of the fact I feel even more tired than I did when I went to bed with the strange throbbing on my right hip, and Christmas officially sucks right now. I don't think I could feel crappier if a monkey driving a steamroller hit me.

Groaning, I get up and stumble to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen (still no bathroom…stupid Cross) with my hip stabbing me all the way. I open the cabinet, the rough wooden handle stabbing me with splinters. A few bottles fall as I sort through them to find something to hopefully help my cold, but, thankfully, none of them break. I grab the Tylenol and spill the tiny pills into my hand, making sure not to loose any as I pop them in my mouth and take a long drink from the sink's iron-polluted toilet water.

For once I'm not hungry, not a good sign. The clock tells me it's half passed nine, right in the middle of breakfast time. Definitely not good. Suppressing a sigh, I move back to bed and set my alarm to four, hoping whatever's going on will be gone by the time I go to Lavi's.

I grab my alarm and set it to about an hour before I should be at Lavi's and flop back into bed. The blanket's still warm from last night. I curl into the wall, resting my head on the cool white surface and absentmindedly rubbing my right hip. A dog's bark drifts through my head as I nod off. It's cut off with a yelp, and I see red for an instant behind my closed lids. I hear screams, but they're far away and indistinguishable, merging into one voice.

Oh…that's why my hip hurts…I usually feel the pain there only after a dream from when Mana died. All I can do is ride the echoes out, pushing away the memories left over from then.

+Cross+

"Stop moving!" I snap at the _thing_ occupying the passenger seat of my car. I can't believe I even let him in here with all that overgrown hair and dirt. I'll be- _Allen_ will be scrubbing that seat for the next goddamn month. Least that brat can do after all this shit. Fucking Christmas…maybe Scrooge was right and the ghosts just f'ed him up.

I sigh impatiently at the construction in front of me, tapping my finger on the wheel in an effort not to flip the fat guy holding the sign off. Why is it always the fat guy's always holding the sign? Because this is all he's good for at a construction sight besides eating everyone's lunch. Asshole.

I sense eyes from the passenger seat and keep my sight locked straight ahead. I hear him shift on the seat, no doubt making it even filthier. Why am I doing this again?

I feel him nudge my arm and ignore him. He does it again. I can't stop from flicking my eyes over to meet his brown ones that regard me curiously, lighting up when he sees he has my attention. Oh yeah, it's because I actually like him. He's one of the few people I can stand next to Allen and a few members of that crazy Noah family.

Finally, the fat guy flips the sign to 'slow,' and I can go forward. I take out the map I have and scowl, trying to figure it out. I swear, Neah and his fucking maps trying to get me here, let alone back. 'Turn right at the smiling mouse and go for two four minute songs before you turn left. I recommend 'Paint it Black' and 'Get Out Alive.'" Psycho pianist. Judging by the people Allen hangs around, he's gonna be just as mental.

Still, I didn't expect Bookman's brat to be here, or that Bookman was still working on side jobs for the CIA. That Lavi kid must know about me-Bookman will have made sure of that-, but has he told Allen anything?

…Naw. That red head looks about as dead as Allen did when I first saw him. It was like he was empty or somethin'. Though looking back, I don't like the look in his eye I've seen the few times I've caught sight of him and Allen together, like he was a drowning victim and Allen the raft. What's more is the brat looked the same way, whether he was aware of it or not.

Of all the people to snap him out of the daze he's been walking in since then, why'd it have to be a _Deak_ of all people?

"Watch the road, asshole!" I yell out the window, swerving in time to miss some gay bastard in a prissy, powder blue Prius. Then I realize I was on the wrong side of the road. Whatever, he should've gotten out of the way anyway. See? Even my passenger's yelling at him. Maybe he is good for something besides making more work for the brat and muddying up my car.

+Allen+

_I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back._

I jump as Pete sings in my ear with guitar and drums slapping me awake. Fumbling, I mange to find my stupid alarm clock and cut them off mid-song.

_True romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head-_

I listen to such happy music.

Running a hand through my hair, I walk over to the window and open the curtain. Damn! I cover my eyes and let the curtain fall into place. The first white Christmas I've had in years, and it blinds me. Today is not my day.

I notice I can actually breathe relatively well now and feel well-rested. My hip's even stopped throbbing and is now only a small ache that can be easily ignored. Awesome! Maybe today will look up after all. Then I remember I'll have to see the parents Lavi's skated around mentioning since I've known him. I wonder what's so bad about them? I still don't know what possessed me to come-no, I do. It was curiosity and the desire to know something about Lavi like he does about my arm. I hate him having the one-up on me, even if he'd never use it against me. Old habits die hard.

I grab a red shirt with green accents and a pair of worn-but-comfy jeans and move to the kitchen. I turn on the small shower in the corner after checking for spiders first. I don't want a repeat of last time. The showerhead's stream doesn't reach the whole way to the back, so Cross and I take off our clothes in that space to avoid any…awkward situations…again (I swear my eyesight hasn't been the same since…ugh). I do it now just out of habit.

I do my best to dry off with some paper towels since I'm a little behind on laundry, but I can feel the left over water from my hair and chest soaking into my shirt when I pull it on. I should probably change before I go over to Lavi's, but this is the only Christmas-ish shirt I have. Ah, well. I don't think he'd care either way.

There's still a half an hour before Lavi told me to come, but there's really nothing to do here. I grab his present and hesitate to slip his sketchbook in. I can tell him I found it yesterday, but will be believe me? In the end, I leave it in my room.

My shoes are a little damp from last night now that the snow on and in them has melted, but I'm only walking across the yard. I make sure to wear a jacket that has minimal chance of slipping to reveal my arm and pull on Lenalee's gift before daring to venture out into the freezing, white tundra that is Pennsylvania.

The snow's whiteness still hits my eyes hard, and it reaches up to mid-shin, making me stumble a few times on my quick walk to Lavi's. It feels like the sun is purposely angling itself so the light hits directly into my face of the snow. My eyes have basically burned out of their sockets by the time I finally make it to the front door and stumble in. The 'snow glare' used to be okay after a few seconds when I was a kid; I guess I'm just not used to it now after no snow for four years.

I make sure to take off my snow-covered shoes before going further into Lavi's house. Everything still looks the same: uninhabited and clean. Like my house, it has no tree with presents crammed under it or decorations. There's a half-hearted attempt to be festive with an old, mechanical singing Santa near the TV, but that's it. Somehow I'm not surprised, even with Lavi's happy personality.

I spin around as I hear crashes from upstairs and Lavi's voice. "Damn!" His groan echoes down the stairs, followed by another yell accompanied with more crashing. I dash up the steps, hoping he's okay. From the sounds of things, I might be able to get some blackmail.

Or see his eye.

I stop before the completely barren door of what I hope is his room. A look down the hall that reveals no signs, colors, or pictures to mark one room from another, which is odd in itself. Even I put a sign on my bedroom door when I was younger saying 'Keep out unless Neah or Mana' and then 'Stay out of my room, Cross!' later. Mana's house had subtlety different colored doors as well.

The door gives a small click as I turn the handle. "Lavi?" I ask, opening the door and coming in. I take one look at my friend and laugh.

Lavi has to have just woken up. No one- no matter the circumstance- walks around in an over-sized shirt with a toad with bold letters reading 'kiss me' and pink bunny underwear half an hour before their parents and friend are coming. His hair is a giant mess that sticks up everywhere more so than usual, and the one visible eye (damn it) has an almost dazed look as he stares at me, like he just woke up.

There's a moment of silence between us, broken only when his computer starts playing music.

_It's time to d-d-d-d…d-d-d-d-DUEL!_

I raise an eyebrow at him, a smile playing on my lips "What are you doing here?" Lavi asks, flushing a little at being caught watching Yu-Gi-Oh in hid underwear. "You're supposed to come at five, right?"

I shrug, looking around the room. "I'm only twenty minutes early. Nice underwear, by the way," I offer distractedly, still trying to fit my image of Lavi with this two just don't go together.

It's not just neat, it's _spotless_-well, if you ignore the pile of crap Lavi's knocked over and is still sitting in. The carpet a shade darker than Lavi's eyes seems to be recently vacuumed, and the bookshelves don't have a speck of dust. I notice with some amusement that the two are separated into categories: non-fiction on one and fiction and comics-or is it manga? I can never tell the difference- on the other. He doesn't have a TV, but a computer showing Yugi is between the two bookshelves on the left wall. The bed is smack-dab in the middle of the room, still unmade, with a box is laying on it. The right side of his room has his guitar on a stand, the two acoustics we used, and a small, beat-up keyboard piano with sheet music on it. Squinting, I can see the sheet music he was recently looking at was "A Thousand Miles." Maybe he's trying to learn it?

The walls take the cake. The color is nothing special, a white faded to off-white over the years, but the things that cover it are awe-inspiring. Countless pictures with scenes and characters from games, cartoons, and even some real people cover are taped all along three of the four walls. Some are colored but most are just shaded with a pencil or outlined in marker. The other wall, the one with all the instruments close by, has sheet music and what I think are lyrics instead of pictures. There are a few posters mix in as well around the room and some photos of people are taped above his bed. One of them looks like us on stage from school, but I can't tell from this distance. Strangely enough, the wall Lavi's laying in front of is almost completely void of any pictures, drawn or otherwise.

"You're one to talk." Lavi pushes the books from the fiction shelf that fell on him away and stands up, stretching. "So, why are you here again?" He smirks at me. "Trying to catch me in my sexy underwear?"

I roll my eyes and wave my present in front of him. "No, but I'm never going to let you live down the fact you have rabbits on your boxers." I consider going for my phone but figure he'll have enough time to duck for cover before I can get a good picture. "I was hoping to get my present and some food early," I tell him, throwing off my jacket and moving over to sit on his bed. I casually try to peck in the box on it, but he grabs the box, slides it under his bed, and pulls out a bigger box instead. I cock an eyebrow as he throws it on the bed haphazardly and jumps on as well, sitting between me and the box. My present suddenly feels microscopic, even though it did take the biggest bag I had because of the stuffed rabbit. "Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes first?"

I hold out my fist, and he does the same.

Paper covers rock: I win.

Lavi frowns, shifting to get a better position. "Two out of three."

Scissors beats paper: I win.

Rock smashes scissors. I make a giant gesture of hitting his two fingers as I win again. "You stink at this."

Lavi crosses his arms. "Cheater," he mumbles. "No one wins three times in a row."

I get up to grab my present and flop back on the bed, chuckling. "I do. Besides, how in the world can I cheat at Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

Lavi points a finger accusingly at the pentacle part of my scar. "That scar!" he declares. "I bet it gives you the satanic power to read minds! Quick, what am I thinking of right now?" He squints his eyes closed, looking constipated.

"A green monkey?"

"Ha!" he yells victoriously. "An orange unicorn with candy corn teeth!"

"Did you take your medicine today?" I ask teasingly.

Lavi shakes his head, gesturing to the empty air above him. "The talking, floating zebra told me not to, and the glowing, purple squid backed him up." He shrugs helplessly, shaking his head. "You don't say no to the glowing, purple squid."

I laugh and hand him my present. "We can just both go if you think I'm lying."

Lavi nods and drops the box onto me. It's surprisingly light. "One-two-three!" he says in one sprinting breath, plunging his hand into the bag to throw out the bit of tissue paper I put in. I roll my eyes and focus on the green and red wrapping paper of mine. I rip it off and find the opening of the box quickly, taring the few strips of tape off to open it. When I look inside, I laugh. The thing is basically empty on the inside except for a few items.

"It was the only thing I had," Lavi tells me, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

I shake my head and turn my attention to the four things inside, smiling slightly as I catch sight of the golden…creature he made at Build-a-Bear. Guess we had the same idea. A giant cross is in the middle of what I think is its face, and it has wings and a long tail that ends in a swirl. I have no idea how it reminds him of me, but I do like it.

The next is a simple black jacket like the ones I usually wear, but the zipper is a silver rose cross. Mine have been getting smaller (yes, I'm getting taller), and I can tell this one will be nice and baggy while still staying on my shoulders.

I pull out a delicate piece of paper underneath it, able to see the colors through the back. I flip it over, and my breath catches in my throat. A colorful circus spread carefully across the drawing paper is my next gift. I can see almost every performance in the circus depicted, but what draws my eyes especially are a women in a tight leotard crossing a tightrope, a lion tamer that looks suspiciously like Ms. Nine standing impressively with a whip in hand near an over-sized, money-beast hybrid, and- no, it can't be!- the same joker on my iPod at the center of it all, balancing impressively on a giant rubber ball with a confident smirk as he looks back at me.

I place the picture aside gingerly and take out the last thing in the box: another smaller box. Don't worry; there are cards in the small box. I dump the new cards into my palm, the rigid paper warm from being in Lavi's room. I do a few basic shuffles to get them lose before absentmindedly counting them as I watch Lavi finish his present.

Wait…fifty-three? I count again and get the same results. Frowning, I look down at my new cards. The beautifully detailed ace of spades looks back. I sort the numbers into piles and look for a double or blank card.

"What's wrong?" Lavi asks, looking ridiculous with an orange scarf wrapped around the bottom half of his face in what I would say is a ninja fail.

"There's an extra card in here," I tell him, half way through the deck. "I'm trying find-here it is!" I hold up the second ace of spades victoriously before checking it for any damage or tell-tale marks that can be used to cheat. "This is the first time I have too many instead of not enough," I muse, noticing my friend keeps his eyes locked on the stunning design.

Lavi snickers. "That's what he said."

I start to move my leg to kick him off the bed, but then I think about the joy and peace we're supposed to express on this day that Christ was born and how we're supposed to love one another. How it's a time to respect your fellow man and share the world we live in, gay or straight, white or black, genius or hopeless idiot.

Then I remember it's also my birthday.

"Ow!" Lavi looks up at me from the floor, rubbing his back as he sits up. I smirk at him and stretch out on the bed, gathering back up my cards but keeping the extra ace on top. "Was that really necessary?" he grumbles, shoving my feet out of the way so he can sit back down.

I let him and sit back up, moving to sit cross-legged so I can watch him finish opening my present. I have the sinking suspicion he watched me open his, which is why the only thing he's seen so far is the scarf still wrapped around his neck in a ninja fail.

I have to choke back a laugh as he pulls out the red rabbit I got him, his expression completely confused. It takes a second for him to process the eye patch and bandana, but Lavi bursts out laughing as he gets the joke. He smiles at me and makes a giant show of putting his new bunny on his pillow and covering him with a sheet like it was a baby, even going as far as kissing it on the forehead.

He beams at my eye roll and reaches into the bag, grabbing his last present: the small hammer charm. I watch as Lavi's face becomes serious. He holds it up, squinting his eyes to get a better look, eye drinking in every detail. His free hand lightly brushes over the details as if afraid the metal will shatter like glass.

Lavi lowers the charm after a few minutes, keeping it in his hand. "Thanks, Allen," he says, completely honest.

I smile and hold out the extra ace to him. "One more." I shrug. What am I going to do with his extra card anyway? I saw the way Lavi looked at the design before; why not let him have it? "Merry Christmas."

"Happy Birthday." Lavi frowns, shifting on his bed uncomfortably. "Cross didn't come home…huh?" I shake my head, not saying anything. I keep my eyes away from him, walking over to the keyboard and absentmindedly playing 'A Thousand Miles' to fill the silence. It's not like I expect Cross to come home, but I can never stifle the feeling of abandonment when no one ever comes. After Mana and Neah…well, it takes some time to readjust to being alone.

I stop playing and look at the clock. "You might want to get dressed," I recommend. Lavi follows my look, eyebrows furrowed in confusion until he recalls the real reason I'm here.

"Shit!" he hisses, running out of the room for a moment-probably to look out a window to check for his parents- before running back in, unwinding his scarf and grabbing his shirt to pull it off. I swear I'm not staring at his chest... or craning my head for a better look. Nope, no impure thoughts from the half-gay guy here.

I draw the line at his strip tease when his hands go for his boxers. "Yeah…where's the bathroom?" I ask, shifting uncomfortably from the keyboard.

…Get your head out of the gutter; I actually have to go! I'm not passing up the chance to finally use a toilet in winter. Cross and I've had to go outside in the snow. Do you know what that's like? Oh, the humanity!

Lavi jumps like he forgot I was here and turns away so I can only see his back. I think I see his neck turn red from in between his hair, but it's hard to tell. "Sorry," he murmurs. "It's at the end of the hall on the left." I nod as I get up to leave, but he doesn't turn around. "Make sure you have your jacket."

I roll my eyes. "Always." In fact, I double back and stall an extra minute to put on the new jacket Lavi got me. No, it wasn't to get one more look at his chest (don't judge me; I'm a teenager). It really _is_ comfy jacket, though…

Sadly enough, I get lost on the way to the bathroom. I go to the end of the hall like Lavi said, but end up looking between the two doors on either side of me in confusion. On one hand, we have the bathroom. On the other, we have a door that could very well reveal some deep secret Lavi's keeping…like a dead body.

Okay, maybe not a dead body, but the blankness and lack of life here makes this feel like a haunted house from one of those scary movies Cross watches that scar me for life…so much blood….

Sighing, I pick the door on my left. The metal is freezing from being near the outer wall of the house, only adding to the horror house effect. Slowly, I turn the handle that creaks loud enough to wake the dead body and peer in.

It's the bathroom. I don't know whether to be disappointed or not. Pushing down the desire to check the room behind me, I move into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind me. The dead body could've become a zombie by now. But if there's a ghost, I'm screwed.

I wait a few moments, straining my ears for any sounds before unbuttoning my pants.

+…+

There are a few moments in my life that leave me cringing in pain and asking myself, 'Did I really do something that stupid?' or 'Why the hell does the world hate me?' Prime example: the time Mana and Neah brought me shopping with them and a slipped a Playboy in the cart because I thought it was about videogames. Another is when a bird randomly crapped on my new shirt on my way to a new school then a car splashed me with water.

This incident takes the god damn cake, because there's nothing that screams 'the world hates your guts with a fiery passion stronger than hell' than your best friend's dad walking in on you in the bathroom.

**Songs are "Life's Gonna Suck" by Dennis Leary, "How to Go" by School Food Punishment,** **"Sleepwalker" by Adam Lambert,** **"Carol of the Bells" by Descartes a Kant, "The Music or the Misery" by Fallout Boy, and the English opening of 'Yu-Gi-Oh.'**

**I love writing Cross. **:)** Hope he's not too OOC T^T  
><strong>

**Than****ks to all that review and fav/alert! Softball's starting up, so depending on how often practice is and my mindset, chapters may take a little longer. Also, my email's been weird and I haven't been getting reviews. I might have fixed it, but I'm not sure. Sorry if I don't respond back to a question. I'll try to check the reviews PM you.  
><strong>

****Almost to the 100,000 word mark!** 14 more reviews and this hits 150! Also, did you know harsh reviews are good for the soul?**

**UNBETAED**


	11. Cyber Thunder Cider

**DISCLAIMER: How many kids does it take to ruin an anime?**

**4kids**

"Um…hello," I say intelligently to break the silence, waving at the man weakly. My polite mode tries to shift into place, but it's kind of hard in the awkward atmosphere created when your best friend's dad walks in on you with your underwear halfway up your legs.

I unconsciously gulp at the furious expression on his face but feel my own anger rising in return. Shouldn't _I, _the one with his pants around his ankles_,_ be pissed?

He lets out a slow, shaky breath as he massages the bridge of his nose, blue eyes going to the ceiling. "Pull up your pants and go sit on the couch down stairs. Tell my son to go with you." His tone leaves no room for argument.

I dash for the hem of my jeans and yank them up in record time with my underwear, but my nervousness makes me clumsy as I try to button them. I end up just zipping them and running out of the bathroom, face finally turning red in embarrassment. I hear Lavi's dad make an annoyed sound at this, but I'm almost sprinting at this point, so I don't check to see his expression.

Ow! I stumble back, rubbing my forehead where something hard hit me. I look up though the involuntary tears to see Lavi frowning at me from around his door. "Allen? What's wrong?"

I grab his hand. "I don't think your dad likes me," I tell Lavi matter-o-factly, dragging him with me. "He told me to go sit on the couch downstairs."

"Wait, my dad's here?" he asks, starting to slow down and look back in the direction I came. "And why are your pants unbuttoned?"

I jerk him forward, getting a small yelp of pain in return. "You might not want to talk to him." I warn, trying to button my jeans with one hand. Surprisingly, Lavi doesn't argue. He follows meekly behind me the whole way to the couch. I do a quick scan around and strain my ears, but I don't hear anyone else in the house. Where's his mom, and why didn't his dad tell him he was here? In fact, why didn't we hear them pull up to or enter the house in the first place?

We both sit down awkwardly on the couch for only a few moments before his dad comes down like a hungry hawk.

"Who is this kid, and why is he here?" he yells, his powerful voice echoing throughout the house. I can see where Lavi got his strong voice… and his height. Seriously, the guy looks like a freaking giant from down here on this low couch. In fact, looking up at him, he isn't really what I expected.

Lavi had told me he got his coloring from his mother; he must've got most of his other characteristics from his father. Both have a lankier frame than me, but Lavi's dad is taller than either Lavi or I. They have same crazy hair, though his father's is brown. He's also tried to tame his, unlike Lavi, but random pieces stick out here and there from his slicked-back style. The way he holds himself in an almost secretive way reminds me of my friend too, as if you'll have to torture him just to learn his favorite color.

The couch sinks slightly as Lavi shifts, not answering his dad. "I'm Allen Walker," I offer instead, "and Lavi invited me over for dinner since my own family is…out of town. I can leave if you like, Mr…?" I trail off, not really sure how to address him. Last name would probably be best, but I have to feeling I need to tread lightly here.

"Leo!" I can't control my jump as a sharp woman's voice floats in accompanied with the slam of the front door closing. I shift my position to try and see who it is, but stop at Lavi's father's evil eye. Dear god it burns!

"I told you to wait for us!" I look at my feet as footsteps sound approaching. "Honestly, they showed up right after you left. Someone needs a little more-" I hear the footfalls stop and Lavi's sharp intake of breath, but I don't look up.

Silence…then:

"What the hell are you doing?" I have to bite back a laugh. It's said in such monotone, I wonder if she's really surprised to see Lavi and I being chewed out on a couch. "We're not even here for five minutes and you're already yelling at our son and his friend?" She sighs in exasperation. "Do you even know the boy's name?"

I glance up through my lashes to see Lavi's dad- _Leo _scowl and cross his arms, attention away from us and on the woman. "Yeah, it's Alan-"

"Allen," she corrects with the right pronunciation. I blink. How does she know that? I try to catch Lavi's eye, but he's conveniently focusing on the hammer I got him now hanging on a necklace.

Leo waves his hand dismissively. "Like it matters. I'm sure he was just going home." He looks pointedly down at me.

I clench my hands, remembering I distinctively told him I was invited here for dinner. I open my mouth to answer, but an old, gravely voice laced with tiredness interjects first. "I told him he could come." I look up at Gramps, sure my face is showing my disbelief at him actually saying something to defend me. And here I though he didn't like me.

"You did?" asks the woman again. My eyes flicker to her, but she's so bundled up in a coat and scarf I can't make out her features besides the red hair sticking out of her hood. "Wow, did you bribe him or something, Allen?"

I frown. "How-?"

"Go help with the food you two," she interrupts, successfully avoiding my question. "The car couldn't make it passed the snow, so it's a small walk to get there." I think she means Lavi and I at first, so I start to get up. "Allen, you stay. You are the guest after all." Leo moves instead, walking passed his wife- at least, I think that's who it is- with Lavi following, but she stays behind. Gramps follows as well, glancing back at us once before leaving us alone.

"Um," I start awkwardly, trying to fill in the sudden silence. "Who are you?" I ask,not wanting to insult her if she ends up being Lavi's sister or something.

She laughs clear and free, the opposite of Lavi's. "Don't worry, I'm his mother. You can call me Nara." She walks towards me, pulling down her hood, unwinding her scarf, and unzipping her jacket. "And I know all about you, Allen Walker."

Lavi was right. Their color is exactly the same. Nara is tan despite the snow outside, with red hair the clone color of Lavi's down to her shoulders in small waves. Her green eyes sparkle knowingly at me, seeming to know all my secrets before I know them myself. It's more unsettling than when Lavi gets serious.

I swallow, suddenly getting a 'bug-under-the-microscope' feeling. "Really?" I ask, my voice coming out in a squeak that makes me cringe.

She smiles. It's a borderline smirk. "Yes, like how Marian Cross is your guardian, and your uncle is the infamous Neah Walker." I feel a pang at his name, and Nara notices. "If you don't want people to make the connection so easily, you might want to change your last name," she observes dryly, eyeing me critically.

How does she know? My name was never released! I scowl against my better judgment, feeling my politeness shake a little at her bluntness. "And say I'm related to Cross instead? No, thank you. I'd prefer not to have debt collectors at my throat for the rest of my life."

Nara roars in laugher, throwing me for a loop. I'm sensing a little bi-polarity going on here. Maybe Lavi got more than his coloring from his mom. "I don't blame you! That guy is _such_ a bastard!"

I shift further away from her on the couch. "Please tell me he doesn't owe you money."

She shakes her head, wiping a tear from her eye. "No, but I do owe him a good knee to the crotch." Nara gives me an unreadable look. "I don't doubt you two meeting was a coincidence," she says cryptically, offering no hint whether she's referring to Cross and I or Lavi and me. She leans closer, smirking like this is all a game. "A little birdie also told me you aren't as straight as most people."

"Only half," I say without thinking or pausing to check if her expression is distasteful or curious first. Nara cocks an eyebrow. I mentally smack myself. I'm not doing too hot with first impressions. "I-I mean…um…shit," I finish, letting my futile attempts at politeness fall off. It just hasn't been as easy to fake since I moved here. I'm still trying to decide whether that's good or bad. I get up. "I'm leaving."

Nara grabs my hand and pulls me back on the couch. "Who said I cared? Just asking." Bull crap! I don't buy that for a millisecond. The look in her eye…dear lord, it's worse than Cross' as ever been. Thank god I went to the bathroom earlier. A man greater than I would've wet himself.

"Why do you care?" I ask. "It's not like I lied to Lavi. He knows about it." I wave my hands haphazardly, leaning my head back against the couch and staring at the ceiling so I don't have to look at Nara. "Don't worry. I haven't hit on him or anything either." I've had a few people I started to get close to in my teen years stop hanging out with me because they were afraid I was flirting with them every three minutes. I wasn't…most of the time, but what can you do at the hormonal age of thirteen except assume the worst of the openly (half) gay kid?

"So Lavi isn't good enough?" She questions softly, a threatening note not quite entering her voice. It makes Nara all the scarier.

"N-no!" I stutter, eyes widening as I look over to her. "Not that he isn't—I mean, he's my friend and it'd be weird—I would if we weren't—his chest is really—no! No, yes! I…You're screwing with me, huh?" Nara finally lets out the laughter she was holding back, and I exhale the breath I didn't know I was holding. "You're as bad as Lavi sometimes," I mutter.

"This has happened before?"

I shift uncomfortably, rubbing my arms through my jacket with lack of a better thing to do. "Well, I've had two people ask if we were dating…" Wait, why am I telling her this? I feel my muscles tighten as I finally notice the atmosphere. It reminds me of Mana and Neah when he had random acts of good advice, like a parental bubble you can say anything in and not be judged. "How'd you do that?" I ask in wonder.

Nara doesn't play clueless, smirk, or act like I'm some puck-ass kid who shouldn't know. She gives me a sad kind of smile and says, "I'm just good at putting other's guards down. Now the real reason I asked," she continues with a no nonsense tone, "is to warn you."

I hear the front door open and Lavi's voice complaining the whole way from here. I start up, but Nara holds me still and whispers in my ear, "Be careful around my husband."

"Mom! You better have not killed my friend!" Lavi yells, coming into the room with carefully stacked boxes in his arms. The smell follows him in, the mouth-watering scent almost making me tackle him right there to get some. There's one smell I'd associate with a horse's ass mixed in, but I ignore it. Lavi catches my look, and shifts the food-filled boxes away from me, mouthing 'mine.' I smirk at him with a shake of my head. Yeah, _right_.

Nara straightens up like she didn't just have a boarder-line heart to heart with me and takes the two top ones, smiling easily. "Now why would I do that?"

Lavi wrinkles his nose, casting a quick glance over his shoulder before talking. "'Cause I think he'll taste better than whatever L-Dad made." I notice in sounds like he has to force the word 'Dad' out of his mouth, but I don't comment. "What?" he protests at Nara's look. "You smell it too! It smells like a horse's a-butt," he censors at the last minute.

"How do you know what that smells like, Lavi?" My friend starts like he forgot I was there, but Nara offers me a chuckle.

"I'd like to know that too. What has your grandfather been teaching you?"

"Just the usual: how to make poison about of rain water and baking soda, the thousand and one ways you can kill someone with a spork-" Lavi dodges his mom's playful swat, laughing. "How to train a bean sprout…" He smirks at me. "Doing pretty well so far. He keeps barking at Yu, though."

I flip him off.

They start towards the kitchen, talking about some relative I don't know. I follow, waiting for my chance to steal some food. He shots me a look, guessing (correctly, by the looks of it) what I'm thinking. I give him one of my best angelic smiles, picturing a halo above my head supported by a thin wire. He shakes his head at me in good humor, setting the boxes down on the kitchen counter and leaning against it, crossing his arms and staring me down like he's guarding it as he talks.

I make a move to go next to him, fully intending to get around his defenses somehow, but Nara pokes my shoulder. I look over to see her grin apologetically. "Do you mind going to grab the last few boxes? Gramps and Leo are down where the car broke down, and judging from my son's actions, I don't think I should leave you in here with the food." She waves to the living room. "All that's left are the presents, and I don't trust Lavi not to peek."

I know she's trying to get rid of me. There's nothing in her expression or body to suggest it, but it's in my gut, which is usually right. The last time I thought my gut was wrong, I ended up half way to Ohio with a drunk Cross passed out in the back of a stolen car the color of rotten mangos. Nara probably just wants to talk to Lavi, but why doesn't she say it out…loud…

Why does Lavi look like he's going to piss himself when he was so relaxed before?

…Oh! Awkward talk's coming…right…

Time to go upstairs and eavesdrop from the grate like any real friend would.

+Lavi+

I almost yell for Allen to stay when he leaves the kitchen. Almost. Sure, the only reason I agreed to see Dad again for Christmas was to see Mom. It's been forever since we last talked, but I didn't miss the look in her eyes as she glanced between Allen and me with a cheerful expression. I predict this conversation will get over nine thousand on the awkward scale.

"He's-"

"Shh!" I hiss, holding up a finger to signal her to be quiet. I silently count to ten before hoisting myself up onto the counter of the kitchen. Mom shoots me a disapproving look, but let's me go. I smile and count to three with my fingers, creeping to the AC grate on my right. I scream into it, smirking when Allen's accompanies me with a wail of pain. "Go do what Mom said, Allen!"

"You're no fun!" his voice echoes through the grate. I laugh, jumping down onto the tile of the floor. I slip a little in my socks, probably looking like a penguin trying to fly as I flounder to stay upright.

"Careful." Mom moves forward, steadying me. I thank her, shooting Allen a warning look as he passes us to get to the door. He sticks his tongue out at me, rubbing his damaged ear as he stalks out to the door, and slams it behind him.

Mom waits a few minutes before talking. "He's cute."

"He's my best friend." I give her a pointed look, leaning back on the counter. I already know where her mind is: the gutter.

"He's not at all what I imagined. I had the picture of a pretty, girlish boy. He's much more mature looking than you said." I smile, thinking back to the first time I saw Allen. He looked like a genderless twelve year-old.

I roll my eyes, knowing she's talking the truth. "He's a teen, Mom. They tend to grow up." Allen looks like a fourteen year-old boy now. Sure, it's not his age, but it's closer than it was and he looks like his gender.

Mom steps forward, sitting next to me. "You haven't told him."

I feel my temper rise at the disapproving tone but keep it down, distracting myself with the new key chain Allen got me. It seemed a shame to stick it on my book bag where it'd surely break off, so, in a moment of impulse, I grabbed an old chain and slipped it on before leaving my room. "What makes you think I would? I haven't even told anyone directly besides Dad; Yu- I mean Yu Kanda- found out by mistake."

She sighs, absentmindedly running her right hand through my crazy hair. I lean into it, recalling how she used to do it every time I came to her during a thunderstorm or when I was just having a bad day. "You just have seemed…better these last couple months in your letters. Gramps even made a comment about you getting back to normal in the car on the way here. I figured you'd got Gramps on your side and finally had a boyfriend. Why else would you tell me about your miracle pianist being bi…" Mom stops at my pained look. Her 'unless you're interested' joke dies in her throat.

I shake my head and move on to an easier topic. "I don't know where Gramps is. First he says to leave, then he says to stay." I shake my head wearily. "It was his idea to have Allen over. I just…I don't know whose side he's on."

Mom sighs and takes a breath to say something, but the sound of the front door interrupts her. She leans over and pecks me on the head before jumping down. It's strange to be taller than her now, almost depressing. I'm growing up.

"I warned Allen to be careful around your father," Mom whispers, mouthy barely moving. "Whether he'll listen…" She shakes her head. "Well, he has been living with _Cross_."

"Can we have food now?" Allen asks, walking in with the boxes. Gramps and Leo follow, Leo frowning slightly at my overzealous friend. "The car's fixed," he tells Mom, sitting the boxes next to her, "and Mr. Leo said dinner was almost done." I frown slightly at Allen's polite tone. I can't believe I forgot how he acts around parents. Although, judging by the look Leo has, maybe this is a good thing. Allen wouldn't say anything to get on his bad side, so we should survive this dinner.

+Allen+

The Deaks' Christmas Dinner is prepared the strangest way I've ever seen. Granted my Christmas Dinner consisted of Neah attempting to cook and Mana taking over after he caught something on fire, but still.

The food is in the boxes brought in and is about halfway done. Everyone grabs a single box and the supplies they need to finish it before grabbing a spot of the kitchen to work on finishing the dishes. It's a weird system, but it works. Somehow the corn is finished in the microwave just in time to put in the rice, or the stuffing finishes just before the ham has to go into the oven. They all dance around in conversation as they work, but I can sense a large elephant in the room. The only time I can actually see the tension is when they argue with Leo about throwing away a mush of what's supposed to be pudding that smells like a horse's ass.

Through it all, Nara watches me closely, especially near Lavi. Leo keeps an eye on me as well, but he's somehow much more menacing than his wife. It irks me to the point that, if they weren't Lavi's parents and Gramps wasn't in the room, I probably would've snapped. As it is, I resolve with the weak solution to keep Lavi between me and his parents at all times. He sends me a questioning look every time I run to get beside him but says nothing about it.

It doesn't work that well. What's even worse is Nara sits across from me and Leo is at the head of the table when we finally sit down to eat. I'm in clear view of them both now.

Happy birthday to me.

The atmosphere is heavy enough to crush an ant. The chunk of ham I take feels like a hundred pounds (but it tastes so frickin' _good_). The space is filled only with the sounds of chewing and the clatter of silverware on plates. I can see Lavi is visibly tense. His eyes dart around, landing on his mother, father, and sometimes Gramps. Even Nara and Gramps seem like they're waiting for something. Leo is the only one totally at ease.

"So, Allen." I jump at Leo's too casual to be casual voice, swallowing a chuck of half chewed ham by accident. It scratches harshly down my throat, making me cough. "Yeah-er, yes?" I choke out, rubbing my throat.

"Is your hair naturally white, or did you dye it?" He questions, staring straight at me.

I move my gaze to my plate piled high with food. "It's from shock, sir," I admit. Most people leave it at that, not wanting to pry into the 'poor incident' that caused my hair, but Leo forges on, uncaring about Lavi's warning looks.

"Really? Must have been quite the shock." I don't say anything as he cuts his ham. "What happened, Mr. Walker?"

"The ham's really good this year, Mom," Lavi says cheerfully. I glance his way to see the fixed grin on his face, the line of tension clear to me.

"Why don't you take your gloves off Allen?" asks Leo, abruptly changing the subject. "You wouldn't want to get them dirty.

I feel a retort in the back of my throat but wash it down with some Sprite, glaring at the glass as if it's its fault Lavi's dad is a dick. "I have a scar from running into a tree on my bike," I tell him curtly. "It's embarrassing and hardly something to show at the dinner table, not unlike my eye." I make a crestfallen look come to my face and let my hair fall over my scar dramatically.

Leo cocks an eyebrow, and I silently cheer for myself in my head. Lavi's stiffening posture cuts off my inner victory celebration. "I see." I think he does. He takes a long sip of his water. "You know, your eyes are very unique as well." I feel my spine shiver at the sudden change in topic again, hating to way he keeps throwing off my train of thought. "But then again, maybe not. I mean, I saw a boy about your height last night at a bar with the same eyes, but his hair was brown."

I never thought I'd say this, but thank god I've lived with Cross and his debt collectors. Otherwise, my mouth would've hit the table. As it is, I manage to say relaxed and eat some more ham. "Really? Maybe it's a long lost brother."

Lavi chuckles. "God help us all," he whispers to me, barely moving his lips. "Two walking miracles? We'd be famous overnight! Or have to hide two dead bodies after Yu snaps."

Leo frowns, obviously unable to hear Lavi. "What was that?" When neither of us talks, he continues on. "Well, your long lost brother had some Portuguese man leering at him as he walked away." Tyki! Or Mikk. He always has that borderline rapist grin on his face, and blocking off his eyes makes it look all the more perverted.

Lavi shoots me a look. 'Later,' I mouth, reaching across the table for seconds. My panic level rises when I see the slight warning in Nara's eyes as she looks at her husband. I follow her gaze to see him staring straight at me, buttering a roll without looking. Creepiness factor has just risen. I think I officially understand why Lavi looked so sick when he talked about his parents.

"Filthy guy, too." Hey! No one- I mean _no one_- calls Mikk filthy but Road and me! My grip tightens on my spoon, but I force my fist to go limp. "Obviously a dead beat-" Son of a b- "and gay by the looks of it."

That makes me pause. Sure, Mikk's always never given a shit about who he's flirted with, but I never expected to hear that used as an insult.

"So?" A string of venom sneaks in my voice. Lavi flinches softly and kicks me under the table. I kick him back, and dodge his next kick swiftly. The table rattles as Lavi's foot connects with it. He squeaks out something untranslatable, clearly holding back the slew of curse words obvious welling in him as he grabs his foot and shoots me a pissed look.

"So," Leo starts, ignoring his son's pain like the ass I'm suspecting he is, "I do believe he shouldn't be so open about his…perversions."

Now look, I'm as used to morons like this as well as the next guy, but when my _best friend's_ father talks about someone that might as well be family… well, we have a situation.

I start to get up, completely throwing away the usual act I have around people like I always do when this topic pops up, but Lavi tugs me back down. Nara sends me a warning look, but I don't care. "And what, pray tell, is so perverted about it?" I demand. "I've seen Lavi stare at girls almost everyday at school, but I don't say anything…anymore." Come it think of it, he hasn't flirted too much recently. Maybe after Chomesuke he just figured he'd wait awhile or something. "You can walk down the street and hear some drunk-off-his-ass man cat call to a girl as he watches her sway by, but that's apparently normal."

Leo's face is stone. Lavi looks like he's going to puke. Nara's giving me a pitying look. Gramps looks like he's just waiting another bad TV drama. I think I just screwed myself over…again.

Because meeting Leo in the bathroom wasn't bad enough to ruin me in his books.

"I see." Leo looks at Lavi, who's looking at his Coke like he's hoping it'll just explode so everyone's eyes will get off him. "What an interesting choice of friends you have, Lavi." My eyebrow rises at the hidden insult. "Maybe your brother is under the same category as him." It's directed at me; accusation is clear in his eyes. I lift my chin and meet his challenge, the atmosphere way passed friendly. In fact it's gone into a corner, died, and is now stinking up the air.

I open my mouth to answer, "Maybe he _is_," but Lavi speaks up first.

"No, he's not."

My eyes whip sharply to my best friend as anger boils up inside me. Lavi, for his credit, looks pale and sorry. Too bad I don't give a crap.

"Sir, I'm afraid I wasn't feeling well this morning. All this food has made me sick, so I'll have to leave," I tell Leo, falling into a hostile politeness. "May I be excused?" I don't wait, just push my chair out with a high-pitched sound as the legs scrape against the floor and make for the door faster than a sick person ever could.

"Allen!" I ignore Lavi and increase my pace. "Allen, wait." I hear his chair squeal back as well, but I only walk faster—nearly at a jog by now. I don't pause to put on my shoes, just shove my foot roughly inside, but remember I left my coat in Lavi's room. I grit my teeth and push out into the snow anyway, resolving to get it later. Maybe I'll break into his house later to pay him back for all the times I've had to pay for a new lock to my window.

"Allen." I feel Lavi's hand grab mine, but throw it off angrily, spinning around to face him. Both our breaths fly into the air, clearly seen as white smoke thanks to the freezing snow making itself known by leaking into my half-on shoes. "Look, just come back in-"

"Why'd you tell him that?" I demand, hiding my hurt. "Ashamed?" The answer on his face is enough. "I thought you were my friend."

Lavi's eyes widen. "I am!"

"Then what the hell-"

"Le-Dad thinks being gay is a choice, like doing drugs or joining a gang. He thinks if you start hanging out with the 'druggies' you'll start joining in." He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "Can't have his only son turn gay on him now."

I rub my temples, rage making pressure gather there. "But I'm only half gay."

Lavi shrugs. "Maybe that other half will 'pollute' me or something," he says sarcastically, physically making the quotes in the air.

There are few things that can get under my skin and provoke a reaction. Three in one day doesn't put me in a forgiving mood.

"Maybe it will," I retort dryly. "In fact, I won't take that chance." I pat his check, borderline smacking him. "Sorry if my gay germs attack you." I turn to go home, feet starting to loose feeling now, but Lavi grabs me. "Let me go," I hiss.

"No," he says stubbornly. "Not until you hear-"

"What, Lavi?" I demand, whipping my head back to glare at him. Amazingly, I'm more pissed at him in this moment than I have at Kanda the whole time I've known him. I use that anger to push down the hurt. "How I can 'fix' myself or how you shouldn't hang around me because you'll become like me?" I thrust a finger at his house. "I've dealt with dickweeds like that before and know the drill. You say I need to grow some balls?" I recall, remembering his shot at me before the show at school. "You can't even defend your friend in front of your jerk dad!" I jab his chest. "How about I'll grow a pair when you do!" I rip my hand away and stalk over to my house.

"Please!" Lavi retorts, getting fired up as well. "You can't even ask me what's under my eye patch, coward!" I turn on him, only to have to stifle the desire to stumble back as he stalks towards me. "You just sneak around and hope to get a glimpse, maybe even steal my sketch book to try and figure me out."

"I didn't steal it!" I yell, throwing my hands in the air. "You left it at my house!"

"But you didn't return it," he points out.

"So what?" I ask, shaking my head to get the snow out of my face. "It's a sketch book! I know you took something of mine when I was sick- don't deny it! I know- _and_ you got to see my arm." I lower my voice so only Lavi can hear the last part. "Is it so bad I want to know something to even it out?"

"We don't have to be 'equal.' We're friends!" I shake my head. Lavi growls in the back of his throat and tries again. "You just met my god damn parents."

"Yeah, and I know nothing except your dad's homophobic! Hell, you're mom told me to watch out for him!" I laugh, an edge in my tone I know Lavi doesn't miss. "And I thought N- Mikk's family was crazy! At least they're straightforward about the people they bring home. Hell, Mikk would probably willingly admit if he brought home a prostitute, let alone a bi guy!"

"Did you ever think there are things I can't tell you?" Lavi asks. "That my family isn't all flowers and pink unicorns?

I snort, uncaring if I hurt him anymore. Isn't that the purpose of a fight anyway? Don't you win by hurting the other more than they hurt you? I think Lavi's hurt me well enough to enforce the idea's right. "How would I know? You never tell me anything! All the stuff I know about you that's not common knowledge or simple everyday things I've found out from other people!"

"All the things I learned about you were by mistake!" Lavi rages back, pointing a finger at my arm. "Maybe you should be more guarded if you're going to complain!"

"Fine! I'll start now!" I walk with my head held high the whole way to my house, ignoring that most feeling in my feet are gone. "Don't ever come in my house again! I'll call the cops for breaking and entering!" I make sure to slam the door loudly behind me to solidify the fact I'm pissed at him, satisfied when I see snow outside fall off the roof from the force.

Anger and hurt swirl around my body. My teeth, which I know notice I've been clenching, are almost grinding into each other. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Is this how it feels to fight with a friend? Half of me wants to run back over and apologize- to Lavi and Nara, not Leo- but the other half, the one holding my pride and stubbornness, wishes I spat in the food before I left. This is way I should've just ignored him and walked home! Asshole! Fuck, how I want to punch his face in!

My eyes land on a very fragile lamp.

…

No, I won't lash out! Not again. Instead, I do what Neah taught me. I kick off my shoes, ignoring them as they slam into the walls in favor of stomping to my room. I slam the door behind me, throw off my coat, and grab my binder containing all the random poems and songs I've had ideas for over the years. I slam it on my pillow and flop on my stomach after it, grabbing a pencil. I open to a random page and thrust my ear buds into my ears. Turning my ipod up to mind-destroying levels, I block out everything and focus on that blank page of paper, forgetting everything but myself.

I know Neah did this whenever he had a fight and could be in his room hours. He was once in there for two days straight. He'd be calm by the time he came out, even if his room would look like a twister and a pack of bulldogs had been in there. I hope the same holds true for me…minus the mass destruction of property.

+Lavi+

All through the rest of dinner I smile. It's physically repulsive to talk directly to the man who seems to keep ruining my friendships without hurting him or snapping in some way, but years of experience keep me calm and in control. Mom and Gramps shoot me concerned looks, but I ignore them. If they really want to help they'd say something.

Of course, I would too.

I can feel myself gravitating towards any window with a view of Allen's house, keeping an eye out for my friend. The only reason I hadn't followed him home when he stormed off was my mother and Leo watching me…and the fact I don't doubt Allen will actually call the police. I am _way _too good looking to survive a night in prison.

The reason I'm able to live with Gramps is because Leo is convinced I'm 'getting better.' If I ran off after Allen and completely left them, he'd think something was up. Thinking Allen's not straight is enough to make him suspicious, but leaving my family to go after him would result in him and Mom leaving right away and not contacting would possibly kick me out in his command.

I need to talk to Mom. She's always known me and seen my crushes- hell, she knew I was gay before I did! -but Leo…it's hard to know get to know your son when you're never in the god damn house. I want to talk to her about Kanda, the band, and Allen. Tell her my problems and listen to her usually right advice.

So yes, I chose my house and family over Allen! Can you blame me? No crush or friendship is worth being homeless. I wouldn't put it passed Allen to offer me the couch at his place after he calmed down if that was the case, but I've met Cross; I don't think I want to be in the house with that guy. He'll murder me in my sleep! I've seen those hostile looks I get whenever he's home and sees me in the morning!

It takes everything I have not to scream to the heavens with victory when Leo's cell phone goes off as I unwrap my present from them. He leaves the room, so Mom comes over to sit by me.

"Why didn't you go after him?"

I shot Mom a look reading 'duh.' "Because L-Dad was here, and I was told he'd have the cops arrest me." I open the box and frown down at the book I got. It's not so much it's a book as it's about a subject I have no interest in.

"So? I'm here too." She places the book on the ground and cocks an eyebrow. "And when have _you_ cared about the cops? I seem to remember you releasing that monkey at the zoo without any thoughts about the circumstances."

I look away and play with my key chain again so Mom can't see my smile at the epic memory of the monkey rampage. "Yeah, but it'll be hard enough to try and break away from what I'm supposed to do if Leo hates me. Maybe if 'get over' my 'homosexual urges,' he'll let me do what I want with my life." It's a dumb hope, but I cling to it.

Mom says something else, but I'm not really paying attention. She means well- she always has- but there's been strain between us since Leo found out about me being gay. The thing is, she didn't take my side. She didn't take anyone's side. Mom just let it ride out because she loves us both for better or worse even though Leo's a close-minded ass. She loves him, and sometimes I hate her for that.

"How's the band coming?" Mom asks when she realizes I'm not paying attention.

I release a heavy breath. "Well, my pianist and I just had a fight. Apparently he doesn't know enough about me," I grumble, placing my elbow on my knee and my face in my palm. "Why's he so difficult?" I mutter, mind still on our fight.

"Maybe it's both of you," she reasons, playing with a lock of my hair. I glance at her to see a gentle smile I've missed. "Even before all this, you've always been…stand-offish around others. It was even worse after your eye…" Mom bites her lip at the sensitive topic. "You were better around Allen when he was here and your father wasn't around, just like you used to be." Her smile morphs to a smirk. "Of course, I know Allen's the same. He had a little façade on when I talked to him. It took longer than I thought, but I managed to make him relax and talk. He's a tough cookie for an untrained teenage boy."

I chuckle at the thought. Allen probably doesn't know what hit him. Mom's specialty was interrogation. She could- and still can- make the atmosphere so soothing and loving you _want _to spill your guts to her. It's cool… when it's not you she's using it on.

"I have a legit reason for not telling him," I start, hand not supporting my head going for my eye patch.

"Bullshit. That's an excuse and you know it!" Mom claims, voice rising in anger. She takes a deep, calming breath before continuing softly, "I saw Allen's scar. Lavi…" Mom grabs my hand away from my eye, holding it between her hands and looking me in the eye. "He probably has skeletons to rival yours in his closet, but that doesn't matter. The past is the past! People spend too much time thinking about the bad instead of the good.

"Take this," Mom gestures to Gramps' house," as a blessing in disguise. You always loved music. Now you have a band. You've never had many friends. Allen seemed to consider himself enough of a friend to be insulted when you lied about him, and I've heard all about Yu Kanda and Lenalee. You've never had anyone to really be yourself around." She moves her hand from mine and points to the direction of Allen's house. "You seem to be able to relax with him to a greater degree than you ever have anyone outside the family. So grow a pair and let someone besides Gramps and I know you."

I blink at her speech, the longest one she's given me to date. "Did you record that? That was some grade-A motivating right there. I could sell it for a lot of money."

Mom uses her wrist to whack my temple, clearly not amused. "Lavi," she warns in a sing-song voice.

"Easier said then done," I sing in the same tone. "And Gramps isn't on my side-"

"If you would just-" Mom starts at the same time.

Gramps comes in the room; we both stop talking. "Are you going to apologize, or are you going to wait for him?" he asks me, showing no signs of hearing our conversation. His eyes lock onto mine, and I think I see a hint of hurt. It's gone before I can tell. He jerks his head to the window that shows a view of Allen's house. "I'd get a move on if you want to do this while this can still be treated in the least painful way. It seems someone's coming home."

I frown and look out the window. I feel a smile come to my face as Cross' truck pulls into the driveway, his red hair easy to see even from this distance.

Allen looked hurt and pissed when he left, and going over there today could make things worse despite what Gramps just said. At least I know Cross'll probably piss him off enough that our fight will be smaller in comparison.

…Right?

+Allen+

Can't you wait up? It's like I'm talking to myself;  
>Can't you pay me a little more, more notice?<p>

_Once it starts, it never stops._

_Discipline, it's all I'm not._

Maybe I should apologize. I did leave my stuff in his room…

I ponder the thought over the guitar of my ipod, scribbling down the next line of my still untitled poem-song. I have a slight rhythm to go with it, but I can't come up with drum and bass parts.

Can't? Do you, don't you want to meet?  
>Then see you, wait up. Just 'cause. Wait up.<p>

Pfft! No way am I going to apologize!

I set down my pencil, flip over from my stomach to my back, and let the guitar of the new song destroy my eardrums.

Liar, liar, pants on fire  
>And the pills go down and get you higher<p>

I listen to the most positive stuff, huh? Still, the music's hard to beat, even if the lyrics are…less than child friendly, but then I've heard a six-year-old singing 'I'm Sexy and I Know it.' At least it's helped me calm down enough

I frown when I think I hear the door, but shift and close my eyes. Just my imagination. Lavi's probably faking happiness around his dad next door and, with any luck, Cross is lying dead in a gutter. Wouldn't that be a nice birthday present?

A dog barks from close by. I sit up and look curiously out my window, but there're no animal or paw prints in the snow. Where-

Holy shit -what the hell?

I scream as some giant, golden mass flings itself at me. I fall back on my mattress, twisting to try and get the thing off me. This is all Cross' fault! He's trying to kill me! He finally got tired of taking care of me and is going to let a bear eat me! It's even licking my face! I squeeze my eyes and mouth shut and thrash around to try to avoid it.

…Wait…dog barks, giant thing jumps on me, it licks my face…

As if this day couldn't get any more interesting.

I grab the dog's muzzle and push it away, trying to wipe the saliva off my face with my blankets before daring to open my eyes.

It's a fully-grown, golden lab. He's looking though the gaps in my fingers at me with happy brown eyes, as if he's missed me. His long, strangely curved tail flies back and forth with enough force to blow Hawaii away.

"You better appreciate this," growls Cross from my doorway, smoke in hand. I glare at him pointedly seeing as he knows my room is the only place smoke-free in the house, but he ignores me. "Took me three years to find that dog. I had to take that mental musician's directions and ended up lost each god damn time." He looks smug as he takes another drag. "Happy sixteenth…moron."

No way! Mental musician's directions? That has to be Neah! So then this is…? I shift my hand so the dog can turn his face to me and gasp happily.

"Tim!" I exclaim, hugging his neck and burying my face in his now-massive size. "You've gotten so big!" I coo, removing my face to rub his side. He barks, the yellow cross a shade darker than the rest of him standing out clear on his forehead.

"That's your birthday and Christmas present for the rest of your life, brat. Be glad I got you anything in this lifetime," Cross drawls. I stick my tongue out at him before smiling knowingly at him. He loves Timcanpy too. "Wipe that smirk off your face before I set your hair on fire. God knows it'd be an improvement." He leaves my room before I can counter back, probably to get some wine and watch the news. The sound of the fridge being open tells me I'm right.

I grab my binder and stash it under my bed, petting Tim. I get up and head out to the living room, Tim following behind. I can feel his hyperness; I'm not keeping him in my room.

Cross shoots me a glance from the couch as I sit down on the ground near his feet. He's stretched out on the length of it, so I wouldn't be able to sit on the couch even if I wanted to. I reach under the couch to grab a bouncy ball Lavi (asshole) left here and throw it in the air. Tim runs and catches it mid jump, skillfully avoiding the table in the room.

I only half listen to the news, glad to have someone back after all these years with Cross. I'm not surprised it took him awhile to find Timcanpy. He used to leave our house for days at a time, only coming back for food. Of course, he'd been small back then, so we worried. I thought he'd ended up at a pound. Even if Cross said this was the only present I'd ever get from him, I'd say Tim's well worth it.

"In other news, Neah Walker has been granted a retrial."

My hand freezes mid-throw, smile fading from my face. Tim's tail stops wagging, and he sits down, looking at me worriedly. He's always been smart; I wouldn't doubt he can feel my emotions swirling in my stomach. Or is that vomit?

"Neah Walker was accused of killing his forty-year-old brother, Mana Walker, and attacking his nephew, whose name was never released due to his underage status, five years ago. Walker first pleaded not guilty but admitted to his crime part way through the trail after the defense offered the possibility the nephew was the criminal. He took a plea deal. His sentence of life in prison with the chance of parole after thirty years was appealed last year, and a new trail has been granted. The date has yet to be announced." There's the suffling of papers as the newsman switches topics. "A new contest sponsored by BL records-"

I don't hear anymore, already in the bathroom. Please tell me none of my friends saw that.

+Lavi+

I love how they put an advertisement for a new TV show right after talking about a murder trial. They haven't even said what the show is, just that it'll be announced on Tuesday.

"Isn't the Walker case the one you're working on, Gramps?" Mom asks from the doorway, putting on her shoes. Leo's at the door with his arms impatiently crossed. "Any progress?"

Gramps sighs from the coat closet, handing Mom's coat to her before grabbing his. "No. That's why I have to head back out. We just can't seem to find anything on the nephew. The mark on his face should've been a dead give away, but the videos from the trail don't show it since it wasn't done healing. They lost the record of where he moved too, so we have no lead whatsoever besides Walker's knowledge of his whereabouts. He's not talking." He looks over to me on the couch. "This house better be in one piece when I come home."

I wave my hand in the air distractedly, changing the channel to FUNimation instead. Let me tell you, I love their voice actors, especially Chris Patton and Jason Liebrecht. Todd Haberkorn's voice is sexy too.

-_Fall in love with me and we can live within your dream life._

Oh! Sasami's Magical Girl's Club! Yes! I mean, why isn't anything good on? I quickly change the channel to Nick to see a shirtless Gibby. I can feel my brain cells dying.

"See ya, hon." Mom kisses the top of my head. I make a face and rub my head, but smile anyway. "Don't hesitate to call and talk about anything. And about Allen…" She gives a pointed look towards his house and fixes me with a stern look.

I groan. "You know what would've hap-"

"He doesn't." She gives me a quick peck on the check. "Take care. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Mom lightly pats my head. "Do yourself a favor and don't justify your actions. You'll find life to be much easier when you can swallow your pride."

I wait for the door to close before changing back to anime. I quick look at the guide shows it's a marathon. I'll just wait to talk to Allen tomorrow. I'm sure he'll have cooled off.

I'll wait till after New Years to sort this out.

I scowl as my memory decides to guilt-trip me. So what if I'm putting this off? Maybe I don't want anyone other than Mom to know me. Isn't that how it goes anyway? The longer you're with someone, the more they find out about you. They find out the bad things you hid at first then start to drift away. Parents have to say, but friends don't. Maybe I want to stay like this, in the band where we're all friends and nothings complicated! Letting Allen in can only increase my attachment to him. I won't open up till there's no possibility of me getting in too deep with him. Romance can only end in a giant display of crap-colored fireworks.

+Allen+

Timcanpy curls up on my bed, taking mind to sleep far enough down that I can stretch out my legs. Cross is passed out on the couch, hugging a wine bottle to his chest. I settle into bed, unable to fall asleep.

Lavi still hasn't come to talk to me. I can see his lights on. I have a brief desire to run over but throw it away quickly with the pang of hurt I feel. He should apologize, not me. Why should I forgive him anyway? He basically gives me a free ticket to get to know his family then lies about me. Some friend he is! Then he has the nerve to try and ask me stuff about my past! Lavi can go get shot by a crippled star fish for all I care!

I don't want to stay like this, not knowing him. Even Kanda's come to accept me somewhat and is actually on the path to be a real friend. Lavi's somehow the one staying behind. Kanda's managed to be a real friend to Lavi, but Lenalee and I are only temporary at this point, destined to only be high school friends he shared a laugh with. Letting us in can only help our friendship get stronger and last. I won't tell him anything till he does, and I'm certainly not apologizing first.

**Songs are "Damage" by Fit For Rivals, "Lair Lair (Burn in Hell)" by The Used, and "Sweet MAGIC" by Lauren-Claire Poitevent. The poem Allen writes is "Antinotice" sung by Akikane.**

**100,000 words...damn.  
><strong>

**Thanks to **FallLikeSnow **for betaing.**

**Thank you to all who reviewed/alerted/favored!  
><strong>

**So, chapters too long? Not enough by's kissing? Wonder how much longer this story can possibly get (me too)? Review!  
><strong>


	12. Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?

**DISCLAIMER: Whoever said words don't hurt was never hit with a dictionary.**

-and Allen's mad but I couldn't say anything because Mom and Dad and Gramps were there and I don't know what to do and I'm gay and my dad's homophobic so I couldn't tell Allen not to say he was bi without him demanding to know why and I'm gay and Dad kicked me out because I'm _gay_ and Mom was being all cryptic and _I'm gay and Allen doesn't know_!" I finally pause to catch my breath then yell, "Yu~! What do I do?"

"It's Kanda!" The phone is sent into static as my friend snarls in the other end. "Look! You've been talking nonstop the last hour about _your_ fuck up to _me_! Why am I being tortured because _you're_ such a wuss?" He sighs impatiently, and I can almost see him rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Why does it matter you're gay and Allen doesn't know?"

I look around the empty house. It feels like the walls have ears when I whisper, "I think I like him…as in dirty thoughts like him."

**_Clack_**

**_Beep_…_Beep_…_Beep_…**

"Yu?" I wait a few seconds. "Yu~? _Yu!_" I frown at the phone. This is the third time he's hung up! I quickly punch back in his number, tapping my foot impatiently as it rings. "You know I'll go down to your house if you hang up again, right?" I question as soon as I hear the beep to leave the message.

Silence.

The sound of him picking up.

"…I hate you so much. Remind me why I let you walk away alive again everyday?"

I smile and know I've got him. "Because my awesomeness brightens up your day?" I flop onto the couch, flicking on the TV but turning the volume down low to have at least the illusion of life in the house. It's too still in here. "So…" I make a popping noise with my lips. "What do I do?"

Yu makes a sound like he's trying very hard not to reach through the phone and strangle me. "Stop talking and let me go to sleep."

"Did I wake you, Yu?" I move so I'm laying on my stomach, kick my feet in the air with the ankles crossed, and start twirling around a lock of hair for effect. "Are you naked?" I coo and pretend to swoon. "Still have that hot tattoo on your chest?" I wonder why he has it in the first place. He still hasn't told me.

I hear the noise of the phone rushing through air, probably heading for the phone hook, but it stops. "He'll just come here, he'll just come here," chants Yu, breathing deeply. "Listen very carefully," he says into the phone. "Go outside in your underwear and sit there for about six hours. It should help your problem."

I frown. "Sitting in the snow won't freeze the gay out of me. Tried it already." I glance outside and sigh at Allen's house, the insults he threw at me yesterday throbbing painfully in my gut. The time on the TV reads 11:30. I smile slightly to myself, knowing Allen's probably not even out of bed yet since I haven't woken him. I figure I should wait until Allen assures me he won't call the cops before I 'break in,' but I do have his presents. Will he care if I'm just returning his presents…and maybe apologizing while I'm at it?

_Allen pivots on one foot and storms back to his house, back rigid with pride. "Don't ever come in my house again! I'll call the cops for breaking and entering!" I flinch as he slams the door loud enough to cause an avalanche. I'm already regretting the fight._

I push down the memory and focus on what Yu's saying.

"-don't give a shit. Just go say some sappy apology even if you don't mean it."

I roll my eyes. "He can tell when I faking."

"No fucking way!" Yu says, rage and respect tinting his voice. "Moyashi?" I hear his bed creak as he wakes up, clearly interested now. "You sure you're not just slipping, dumb rabbit?" The frustration in his voice almost makes me laugh. It took him a good year and a half to finally tell when I was faking; he's still confused even now at times.

"He's done more than see through it." I bite my lip. "Yu…it's harder than it used to be," I confess, my body lighter after admitting one of the things that's been on my mind ever since I first realized how much Allen speeds along my 'getting back to normal.'

I can almost see Yu's confused blink. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I'm screwed," I retort flatly.

"Kanda? Who're you on the phone with?" Lenalee?

"So Yu?" I ask, an evil smirk on my face. "Does Komui know his precious, treasured, missal-protected sister is in your room? You naughty, naughty boy!" I lower my voice. "Was that your Christmas present? How was it? Did you find out you're really gay, 'cause I'm open to-"

"Keep talking if you want to die." I shrug at the phone, not really reacting to his threatening tone.

"Ah! It's Lavi, right? Hold on while I go get the phone from the other room." I hear the sound of a door closing.

"Yu! Stop her!" I yell, sitting up.

"Why?" he snorts, the bed creaking through the phone again. I bet he just reclined back on his bed, completely laid-back and in no position to help me. "I don't see the big deal."

I sigh in exasperation. "Yu, don't you remember?" His silence answers for me. "Lenalee doesn't know-"

"Hello?" Lenalee asks innocently.

"-that I'm gay!" Wait…. I gulp. "Did you hear that, Lenalee?" I ask in a small voice, physically slapping myself in the forehead.

"…Yes."

Stupid! I should've just hung up! Great! Now I'll have Lenalee on my back. I haven't missed her teasing glances when she looks at Allen, the way she seems to want that stereotypical novel romance of falling in love with a band mate for her friend. Us falling asleep in that couple-like position a few months ago already reinforced her. This'll flip her lid!

I yank the phone away and prepare to hit the end call button when I hear Lenalee's voice scream, "Wait! Don't youhang up! I will drive down to your house so fast-"

I put the phone back to my ear. "What?" It comes out sharper than intended, but I'm not taking it back.

There's a few minutes of silence from all ends of the conversation. _Please_ tell me I just didn't piss Lena off. There's a shot of static as Lenalee asks timidly, "Do you…like Allen, Lavi?"

I don't even realize I'm pacing till I freeze at Lenalee's dead-on question. "Define like," I choke out, knowing if I don't answer her now I'll get it later at band practice or school where other people could hear.

"Do you like him as in dirty thoughts like him?" I can picture her biting her lip in nervous anticipation.

Yu growls from his side. "If someone says that one more time…' He lets it hang menacingly. Who am I to ignore his obvious threat?

Only his bestest friend ever!

"Yes, Lenalee," I announce grandly, waving my free hand in the air for my own dramatic amusement. It least it takes away some of the nervousness. "I have dirty thoughts about Allen! Just last week, I had this dream where we were in Africa-"

"That's it!" Yu yells. I flinch involuntarily. He may be okay with me being gay, but he doesn't take kindly to me talking about my real love life in front of him. In retrospect, I should've told Lenalee sooner. She's the one I should be asking for advice. "I don't care what happens! Just keep your and Moyashi's problems out of my life!" I can barely hear a door slam open in the background over his yelling. "Bury the hatchet before practice! I don't want to see it! I'm hanging up!"

"Kanda, don't you dare!" Lenalee scolds right back, her voice coming from her and Yu's end. I hear her cover the mouth of the phone she's using, but I can hear her clear as day from Yu's. "He's coming out of the closet to us _and_ it's over his friend! We need to be there for…" There's a moment of tense silence. I can almost see Yu gulp as she puts together his lack of reaction. "You _knew_ and didn't tell me?"

"I'd run if I were Yu," I think out loud into the phone, feeling my only female friend's murderous rage from here. And I thought Yu was scary!

"I can't," he hisses into the phone, surprising me with his response. "She's blocking the door." He growls low in his throat. "She knows I won't hit a girl."

"What do you expect? She's Komui's sister." I idly play with a loose thread on my bandana, staring at Allen's house. Is that a light on? "I bet you anything she learned that trick from him." Damn it! I can't tell from here if it's just the sun or not!

"Why did you tell me sooner either, Lavi?"

Shit! "Um…well…you see," I stutter. "…Would you look at that! My phone's dying. Call you later, Yu!"

"Don't you dare-"

"You fucking piece of-"

**_Beep._**

I successfully cut off Yu and Lenalee's voices and throw the phone on the couch, collapsing next to it. I lean my head back till it bumps the back of the couch and stare at the ceiling.

So now Lenalee knows. Great. That makes…five- no, six- that are aware I'm not the straightest stick on the tree...and that I like other sticks not leaves. Mom knew from the beginning; it took me more a year to tell Dad; Yu and Lenalee found out by mistake; and Gramps heard it from Mom. I think it goes without saying my boyfriend knew I was gay. The only person I want to know is the one who doesn't know. There's no way I can tell him. I know I'll chicken out. I wish Allen could just walk in on me being gay. It'd be easier than telling him.

…On second thought, walking in may not be such a good idea.

The phone rings. The screen lights up as it sounds, warning me that Yu- or Lenalee using his phone- is calling, but I ignore it. Thank god for caller ID. If I ever don't pick up the phone when Gramps calls, I won't hear the end of it. 'Where were you? Off with that useless band again?' he'd lecture before starting in on something else. 'You could at least clean up after yourself! Your underwear stinks, and I don't want to see those bizarre things when I'm trying to enjoy breakfast.' I guess seeing pink bunnies in the morning doesn't brighten up his day.

_"Hi, you've reached the Deak's. Leave your number and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."_ A long, electronic beep sounds after the stereotypical speech before Lenalee's furious voice sounds.

"Lavi! I know you're there! Pick up this phone right now! We need to talk about this! …Fine. If you haven't apologized to Allen by the time school starts, I swear to god _I'll_ tell him."

My eyes widen at the threat. I almost trip over myself as I dive for the phone. "Lenalee!" I yell, but all I'm met with is the sound of her hanging up and the dial tone. Shit, damn, and hell! If she tells, I'm screwed! Gramps'll kick me out; my friends, along with ZoNE, will be gone; and Leo will never let me out of his sight again! I can't go back to that suffocating house with him! Not after finally getting closer to 'normal!' I can actually relax now! Be myself! Going back there...

I hang up the phone on the hook and head up to my room to get dressed and grab Allen's presents. I grab the first pair of shoes I see and my house keys. There's no way I'm letting Lenalee blab, and if I have to swallow my pride and talk to Allen to keeping living here, then I will!

I'm not scared!

+...+

Holy shit that was horrifying!

After taking five minutes just to swallow my pride and doubts to walk over there, I get _jumped!_ What the hell just attacked me? Was that a golden bear? It licked me! It has the taste of human flesh! _Oh my god!_ I knew Allen was pissed but a _bear_? Who sets an evil woodland creature out on a friend!

Screw this! I'll try again later!

Or Tomorrow!

Eventually!

...I don't want to do this.

+Allen+

Lavi doesn't show up at my house the next morning.

I half expected the asswipe to break in through the window like always and wake me up in some awkward way like always, yelling about how it's winter vacation and we should be making snowmen or something…but he doesn't. I fact, I wake up at noon, the latest I've been able to sleep since moving here. Even _Cross_ is up.

Apparently, fighting with your best frined, getting back your old pet, and finding out your uncle has a new trial tires you out. Who knew?

The surge of anger I feel quickly washes away the left over hurt and guilt. A voice in the back of my mind screams how impractical and idiotic my anger is, but, from my experience, anger is much better and easier than hurt or guilt.

So what do I do now? I gravitate toward the keyboard, but I can see Lavi's house from here. I mutter darkly under my breath and drag myself over to close the blinds. I collapse back down and start randomly playing. It takes a few minutes for me to realize I'm playing 'Mona Lisa.' I scowl at my traitorous hands and switch to a different song, only to end up playing 'Can You Keep a Secret." One more attempt ends up as "Over My Head." Getting out my clarinet (Which I now have to rename. I'm not suffering 'blowing' jokes from L- that ass) would be useless too. Great, I can't even play music now thanks to ZoNE!

I grab my phone and call Lenalee's number. No one picks up. I study Kanda's number- I don't even know how it got in there- before tossing my phone to the ground. I'm not that desperate. I doubt I ever will be.

I flop back on my bed and consider the wall for a minute before reaching for my binder. I open to a blank page and stare at it, waiting for the inspiration penguin to hit me. It seems he's been frozen into a block of ice because my mind goes white. I flip back and try to finish a few others, but it doesn't help. I put it back and look at the clock.

It's been half an hour.

Pissed and bored, I force myself to relocate to the living room. My mood ups a little when Timcanpy wakes up and runs joyfully to me. Cross isn't on the couch and his truck is still gone, so I'm on my own. That makes my mood half-way decent.

Grabbing the remote, I sit down on the alcohol-scented couch. I flip through the channels, half-watching various bits and pieces of shows and playing with Tim until he starts to scratch at the door to go outside. I slowly get up, legs cracking from sitting so long, and open the door for him. He dashes out without looking back. I return to the couch and continue channel surfing.

_Hard and back realistic but not real gu-_

_Nishiura beat Tosei with a score of-_

_-card games on motor—_

_-Nunnaliy! We have to kill the tooth fai-  
><em>

I think I hear yelling (_Dear God! A bear!_), but it must just be background noise.

Tim starts scratching at the door again. I let him in, noticing he's panting like he's just run half a mile. I eye him suspiciously and look for evidence he was chasing some poor animal like a rabbit, but he looks clean. Must have gotten away.

I flip through the channels some more before breaking out some of Cross' old movies and putting in the first part of 'Back to the Future' to try and curb my boredom. When it fails to completely distract me, I commit the ultimate offense of taking out one of Cross' video games. I give "Skyward Sword" a dirty look as I remember Lavi playing it. Another mix of guilt and anger flashes through me. I angrily turn on the game station, almost breaking the one button with the force I use, and stalk over to the couch. I need some mindless violence now.

Timcanpy dozes off next to me as I play, petting him whenever I can in between scenes and fights. I can feel my eyelids grow heavy as well, Tim acting like a space heater in the cold house. I'm half asleep when Cross walks in, thankfully without a whore or beer.

"Get off the couch," he says without much fire, walking towards the kitchen. He stops and looks at the screen before studying the movie and video cases in from of the TV. "Who the hell said you could play my games and watch my moives?" Cross growls, pissed now.

I roll my eyes at him, becoming more alert now with him in the house. Never know when you have to dodge an empty beer bottle. "Don't worry. There's not one new scratch on either of the discs, and the box doesn't even have a spec of dust on it."

I accidentally miss the ledge I was going for and fall into a bottomless pit, Link's scream echoing from the TV. I reappear back at the beginning of the room right in the middle of some monsters that I quickly take care of. If only I could just drop an unarmed Cross in the middle of some monsters. Of course, he'd probably have them all in debt in a matter of seconds. Sigh.

He considers me for a moment before continuing on to the kitchen. I notice with some annoyance he still has his snow-covered shoes on; the small piles of snow are starting to melt into the carpet. A few minutes pass before he comes back in, sits on the couch, and stretches out on it, shoes on my lap and with a beer in hand. Cross avoids settling his legs on Timcanpy, though, since we both know he'll bite without any remorse if you tick him off.

I pause the game and try to push him off, but he won't budge. I can feel my pants becoming cold and wet thanks to the snow on his boots. I scowl at him, earning nothing but a smirk. Holding down an agitated huff, I focus back on my game.

"So what the fuck's wrong with you?" Cross questions suddenly. I glance over at him, but he's focused on the TV.

I look back to the game and cock an eyebrow at the screen, successfully opening the door to get to the mini-boss. "Didn't know you cared."

"I don't." I hear the sounds of liquid flowing out of a bottle as he drinks. "The last time you touched my video games was when your 'gay' boyfriend dumped you for that hot chick." My hands clench around the controller, but I don't say anything. Yeah, it's still a sore subject. "I'm not having you moping around and ruining my classics because you're having problems."

"I'm not 'having problems,'" I growl, a clear and unintentional indicator I'm having problems.

"What happened this time? Someone walk in on you taking a piss?" Cross chuckles to himself, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

I want to laugh at the irony of his comment. "That's only half of it."

There have only been a few times I have honestly and completely shocked Cross. This just brought my grand total up.

"So what-his-face from next store saw your dick?" Cross asks bluntly. "What's wrong with that? You pee on him or something?" He snickers into his bottle as a flying tile hits Link. The game starts beeping to alert me that I'm going to be dead soon. "I've seen seven year-olds do better at this game than you."

"No, I didn't pee on him." I don't elaborate it was his dad that walked in, but instead make a show of shivering. "Why the hell were you watching a seven year-old?"

"Why the fuck didn't you lock the bathroom door?" he shoots back.

I smirk at the screen as link dies anticlimactically. "Touché." My fairy flies out and brings him back to life, hearts pinging as they fill back up. I go back to work on the stupid boss before the boss, rolling out of the way in time to avoid getting hit. My body physically jerks at each slim miss, thumb almost breaking the controller as I mash the joystick as far as it can go.

Cross growls a warning. "Break it and I break that weak thing you call a backbone."

I smash the joystick into the side again and blow a mocking kiss to Cross. "Say hi to Neah in prison for me." Yes, the repulsed look on his face is worth the two hearts I lost as that dumb boss hit me. Damn Nintendo and their bosses.

There's a moment of silence that makes me want to take back up previous statement for a reason I don't understand yet. Cross has obviously picked up on something I said. "So it's Neah?" Oh, there's the reason.

You know, if it was anyone but Cross, I might admit that, yeah, Neah's taking up a good chuck of my brain. But, for some reason, Lavi is the _main _driving force in my head right now. I'm mad he lied, I'm hurt we fought, I'm guilty I hurt him, and I don't know what to make of him not showing up this morning. Yes, I told him I'd call the cops, but I doubt he I can't get in contact with Lenalee.

It's weird, but I've gotten so accustomed to seeing my friends at least once a day that my whole world feels slightly tilted, like I'm on some slowly sinking ship in the ocean. I guess I never really realized how involved they are in my life…but I still know barely anything about Lavi, even though I'm closest to him. Kanda's a bit of an enigma too.

Neah would care about all this. He'd _make_ me sit down and tell him what's wrong and wouldn't take no for an answer. He'd add a few jokes into the mix to keep the atmosphere from getting to heavy, but would know when to be serious.

"Are you gonna answer or not?"

But it's Cross, not Neah, so I shake my head no and close off all efforts he makes to find out what's wrong. Don't misunderstand him. Cross isn't concerned. He just hates being out of the loop.

"Son of a bitch!" I scream at the TV, resisting the urge to throw the controller. Between Cross' constant questions and the confusion of the 3D video game world, I want to scream.

Cross pauses his questions about Neah to criticize me. "You do know this is probably the easiest Zelda game ever made, right?" I angrily hit continue. "I see." He sets his now empty beer bottle on the floor, careful not to wake up the sleeping Timcanpy. "Well, shit. The only other thing that could piss you off this bad is that damn red head over there." I try to control my expression, but I know anger flickers on my face at the sound of Lavi's name. Cross snickers. "I see. What'd you do, go all gay on him?"

No, because then his homophobic dad would go ballistic, and Lavi would probably lie about that! But I'd have no idea why, and he won't tell me. But then, why should I know? I mean- hey- I'm only one of his best friends! Oh, but that'd be too easy! No, then he has the nerve to say _I'm_ at fault for wanting to know him because I let my guard down!

The TV starts beeping again, alerting I have half a heart left.

"And you know what? He doesn't even come apologize! Uh-huh! Nope! That mother fucking prick just goes on with his life after ruining music for me! Shit, can't even play without ZoNE coming to mind and him with it! Dammit! What the hell is under his eye patch!"

Game over.

Link's dead.

Screw this.

It takes a few moments after my mental rant for me to process that it ended up a physical rant at some point. My chest is heaving with ebbing rage, fighting back the guilt that's been in me since the fight. I take a few shuttering breaths and don't dare look at Cross.

The house is silent. I can feel both the flea-bitten mutt and Tim's eyes on me. Cross is the first to break the silence.

"Great," He groans, "A gay crush on the neighbor's kid. Way to go, idiot."

My head snaps around, mouth gapping. Cross isn't on the couch anymore, but on his way to the kitchen for another drink. He left his empty bottle on the floor. I didn't even notice his feet had moved off me some point during our pathetic excuse of a conversation.

"I don't have a crush!" I yell. "I just…miss my friend…" I trail off, playing with the c-stick on the controller. That's all. Of course it impacts me this much! He's my friend. I felt this bad when we moved away from Lenalee too, except there was no fight and I wasn't filled with guilt or anger.

"Right," Cross drawls, picking up the small bag he uses to carry around whatever and throws it at me just for the hell of it. It's falls on my leg, the opening bursting open. Paper flies out, covering my lap. "Why don't you tell it to someone who cares?"

He retreats to his room, slamming the door loud enough to let me know he doesn't want to be disturbed. I frown down at my lap and sweep the scraps off, noticing with some disgust their filled all numbers and names. Seriously, why do girls like jerks like him? Did he capture Tinkerbell and force her to make him appealing to women? Uh! Some of it's even in my hair! Who the hell-

…Why does this paper say 'Neah?' This number isn't our old house's number. I fish out my phone, hesitating for only a moment before tapping in the number. They pick up on the second ring.

"State prison. How may we help you?"

I hang up. Maybe I am a coward after all.

+Lavi+

It's been two days since Allen's and my fight, school's tomorrow, and I've been ignoring Lenalee's 'let's talk about our feelings' calls all day. Needless to day it hasn't been a very productive holiday.

I'm so screwed! I could've apologized to him any time today or yesterday, bear be damned, but is seems like my legs just won't get up and walk over to his house. I've probably had five false attempts in the few hours, making it only as far as the door. God, I'm such a coward!

I don't even jump anymore as the phone goes off, just keep aimlessly flipping through the channels and making up my own dialogue to go with the muted commercials and shows. The 'Old Spice' commercial is the best to ad lib.

_*_**_Beep_*** Fine, Lavi. You win! This is my last call, but you better believe I'll tell Allen if you don't. He's your friend, Lavi, and you shouldn't leave him hanging. Sigh…just know that if you hurt him because you're too much of a chicken to tell him, they will never be able to find all the dust from your grated bones. *_**click**_*

Damn, she sounds serious. Maybe I should stop her from hanging out with Kanda so much. At least I've managed to skive off all her tries to get me to tell her why I've been so secretive. The easy way to do this would be to just tell her the whole story and fill in the gaps she has from what she's heard and what Komui's told her, but, even if I love Lenalee to death, there are some things I don't want anyone, let alone her, to know.

But she's right. I do _need_ to tell Allen, but I don't _want_ to. What I absolutely _have_ to do is apologize. There's no way Allen's going to make the first move. I have to.

And yet my feet won't move.

I curse into the couch and let the remote fall to the ground. The channel randomly changes, and sound comes back. It must have landed on the mute button.

"-sponsored by BL Records, this is sure to be the big, new opportunity for bands all over the US."

That peeks my interest. I feel my arms hoist me up of their own volition, my eyes locked on the woman talking. The logo for BL Records, A giant _B_ with the bottom of the backwards _L_ making up the middle of the _B_, spins in the TV's background in the upper corner of the screen.

"Stations at points all over the country will be up for two weeks. First auditions will be a whole song, and secondary will be a crowd reaction test."

A popular band replaces the BL logo, the singer frozen in mid note with the guitarist behind him smiling as he plays.

"Cities containing the stations will be Washington D. C., San Francisco, New York, Houston, Chicago, and Orlando. Other cities will be drawn at random. Go to BLRecords/botb .net for audition times in each state and to see if a city near you has been picked." The band is replaced with an old guy. "Professor Oak's new invention-"

I switch off the TV and tear up the stairs, mind buzzing with possibilities. The computer feels like it takes forever to load, even though it can't be more than two minutes. The internet browser seems to taunt me with a white screen when I type in the address, taking forever to load. The page pops up, and I quickly click on 'Cities' tab. I scroll down the list, looking for PA locations. When I see Philadelphia I almost cry in relief. A little more reading shows anyone over the age of thirteen can enter with the signature of a parent. Yu can get Tiedoll's signature. That's all we really need if we say he's our manager. Gramps will never sign mine, Komui might be okay depending on how long we stay, and Cross...**.** Tiedoll's our best bet.

We can do this! This could be just the push I need to get Allen to put aside his stage fright again. As much as I hate to admit it, I know he has way more passion for music than me. I can hear him practicing even after practice and on days we're supposed to have a break. This competition could make him work hard, maybe even get him to show us himself all the things he writes instead of me sneaking peeks.

I'm out the door before I really register what's happening. The cold snow on my bare feet doesn't even reach my brain before I'm in Allen's warm house, grabbing him and babbling nonsense with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I think I may have physically shaken him a little too.

"Lavi!" Allen yells, pushing me away. "Calm down and speak slower. What happened? Are you hurt?" His eyes roam up and down my body, probably looking for cuts or something to see if I'm hurt. I ignore the slight thrill that passes through me and beam at him.

"A chance! Allen, ZoNE has a chance to get on TV!" I exclaim, grabbing his shoulders. "We could increase the fan base just by trying out! We're going to need practice, new songs, a YouTube page!" I babble, possibilities endless in my head.

"What chance?" Allen demands.

I stop and stare dumbly at him. "Didn't you see the news?" He shakes his head. "BL Records- _the_ BL Records- is having a band competition! Allen, ZoNE could go somewhere with this." I smile at him and nervously run a hand through my hair. "We could go somewhere with this." Allen snorts skeptically, but I can see a small light in his eyes. I push harder. "Even if ZoNE doesn't win, we could catch the eye of another label. There's so much that could happen if we just take a chance!"

Allen's gray eyes snap up to mine, growing hard. He crosses his arms and glares, straightening his back like he's about to fight. "Yeah, if we could just take a chance," he repeats flatly.

I gulp, letting my hands drop off his shoulders, and look away, finally remembering I wasn't exactly talking to Allen. But this is a good thing! I need to apologize, and now it the perfect time…if I can get passed the lump in my throat. It doesn't help I've always hated to say I'm wrong since I was little. Saying you're sorry is like admitting you're in the wrong.

"I…" Come on! It's Allen! You're friend! Do it! "I…Imsorry," I mutter quickly to the ground.

Allen cocks an eyebrow, a small smile placing on his lips. "Sorry, didn't catch that. Try again." He cups his hand over his ear, leaning forward to hear better. He's enjoying this if the cruel little smile on his lips is anything to go by.

"I'm…I'm sor-"

Woof!

I jump about a foot in the air as the golden bear from yesterday runs out from deeper in the house, sniffing Allen. Backing away, I carefully watch the monster as it butts its head affectionately against Allen's leg.

"Why do you have a frickin' bear in your house?" I ask, almost flinching when that _thing_ looks at me. I bet he's remembering the taste of my flesh! Strange. I always expected Yu to own the animals that would attack me.

Allen laughs and rubs its head. "This is Timcanpy. He went missing a few years ago; Cross found him." There are holes in that story so big I could fill it with a thousand fat giants. Why did he go missing? Why is he here now? Why the hell did Cross do something nice?

"It attacked me," I recall flatly, figuring asking Allen now is just a waste of time in the current situation.

"He," corrects Allen, "not it. So…" He steps forward and looks at me imploringly, keeping one hand on the monster. "I do believe you were just about to tell me something important that could very well get a certain jack ass out of Tim's dog house."

I frown at him. "When did Yu tick you off?"

Allen smiles evilly at me, hell fire spurting at his feet. Okay, not literally, but his expression is straight from the pits of hell itself. "Oh Tim~!" The hellhound perks up.

"I'm sorry!" I yell, holding up my arms to protect me. "Oh my god, don't let it kill me!" Trauma. So…much…trauma…and it's a golden color mixed with the slobber of a man-eater.

Allen stops, fixing me with an expecting look. "And?" he inquires with a pointed look at my eye patch.

"I love you?" I smile uncertainly, holding out my arms for a hug and ignoring the small, extremely stupid part of me having a heart attack at the fact I said I loved him, even if it was a joke.

"Lavi!"

"Couldn't you just wait, Allen?" I beg, dropping my arms. "I just said the 's' word. You have no idea how much I hate that word. I feel so unclean! Can't you just, I don't know, wait?"

Allen hisses out an aggravated breath and clenches his hands to his pants. "But I hate-" He cuts himself off. I watch curiously as his eyes drift to a breakable lamp then squeeze tightly closed to block it out, lips moving silently to himself. He takes a shuddering breath, and asks in a surprisingly steady voice, "How long will I have to wait?"

"Until Cross dies of a sexual disease." I keep my voice as serious as possible and am rewarded with a small smile. His hands relax, and he finally looks at me.

"I've been waiting years for that, Lavi. I doubt he'll do me the favor of killing over just so I can see under your eye patch." Allen looks as Timcanpy, his hand smoothly trailing over its fur. He really does love that dog. I've never seen such a gentle expression from him. I feel a pang and push it down. Can I really expect any different? I know I'd favor the killer animal over the closed-lipped, sexy but dickish red head any day.

Wait…_no I wouldn't_!

I control my huff and walk over to his couch, flopping down on it and grabbing the remote. Allen walks over and sits farther from me than usual, the monster jumping up on his lap and making itself comfortable. Even if Allen has grown, I'm surprised he doesn't break in half from the pure solid mass on him. Must be used to it.

I flip around his channels, not letting on I'm searching for something specific. I sigh when I see he doesn't even have the good basic cartoon channels and throw the remote to him.

Allen studies me curiously. "What where you looking for?"

I shrug, hiding my nervousness. "I prefer cartoons and anime over any of those other live actor shows," I admit, releasing the small little fact in air and waiting to see if he gets what I'm attempting to do.

Allen smiles and shakes his head, bangs falling over his eyes. He really needs a haircut. "You know, I'm not as surprised as I thought I'd be." There's the sound of a few more clicks of the remote before his face suddenly blooms in understanding. His eyes whip over to me. I blow a kiss and wave.

"Fine, I'll wait a little longer." He frowns at me. "But this better not be it. It's going to take a lot to match up to my arm." I nod. "You could just tell me about your parents." I stay silent. "Okay," he sighs.

"You're going to be more open too, right?" I press. "It's a little hypocritical when you push me for details but say nothing about yourself."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, Allen shifts over so we're closer like when we were watching 'Hey Arnold!' before. I ignore my heart's little burp and enjoy finally having my friend back. If he won't answer now, I can push him later when we're not on such thin ice.

+Allen+

There are few moments in life that I wish I could take back, even the times when things got to the point it was so bad a window ledge seemed pretty inviting or being a dealer in Vegas seemed like the best life plan _ever_. I usually learn some awesome life-lessons from these that makes it all worth it, like a two-story drop doesn't do it or hitchhiking to Vegas from England is impossible for a thirteen-year-old boy with two hundred dollars and no sense of direction.

The Voice showing up and bugging me about liking Lavi as a result of Cross bluntly stating I have a crush is not a life-lesson.

You know. The Voice! That stupid part of your brain that pops up when someone suggests you like someone that gauges your reaction to everything that person does. Does your heart beat faster when they're closer? Do you get nervous? What do you look like in their eyes? It's not so much a crush as you trying to figure out if you have a crush. We all have it! Don't you deny it! I'm not crazy! Insert eye twitch and insane laughter here.

...Anyway, this is no life-lesson, and I highly doubt it will turn into one.

I still haven't called Neah, my uncle who's been given a retrial at which I might have to testify again. I wussed out the day I 'got' the prison number from Cross (thank god it wasn't to some secret cell phone Neah kept hidden in his bed) and haven't been able to call. What do I say to the guy in jail I haven't spoken to in four years?

'Sorry?'

No.

'No offence, but I'm still scarred for life from the last trial. Mind if I skip?'

No.

'Hey, I know you're in jail and I've basically ignored your existence, but I'm having trouble with a friend now and want some of your 'don't-fuck-up' advice. You game?'

No.

'Sorry for not calling you. Want to know what I was doing? Trying to figure out if I like my straight friend. Could you tell me how to fix it?'

Yea-no.

Instead, I throw myself into working for the contest while the Voice hammers me. For example:

"My fingers…are they still there?" I moan. I try to make my hand into a fist, but I can't feel them. "Food…I need food," I moan. A full day of practice with a ten minute break for a doughnut doesn't agree with my stomach. I curl up on my side on the ground, eyebrow twitching as a drumstick pokes the small of my back.

"Shut up and get up," Kanda sneers, voice noticeably lacking fire. I hear him sit down as well, long ponytail brushing my ankle. He can try to hide it, but he's as tired as the rest of us. Lenalee is so lucky Komui came and bailed her out for the dentist. She even got to miss school and the big 'Jumbo January Jamboree' in swim class where you swim twenty laps without touching the bottom of the pool or resting.

"Get up, guys. We can run through it one more time," Lavi encourages weakly, barely any energy left in his voice. He groans. "What times is it anyway?"

I reach in my pocket and pull out my old phone. "Shit. It's eight." Good thing Cross is still home and can feed Tim, even this late in January. It's almost been a full month, and I'm going to have to work out how to take care of Tim and come to practice before he leaves again. It'd be easiest to bring Timcanpy with us to HQ, but Lavi's convinced he's going to be eaten by my dog.

"I don't like eight. It's too perfect with its symmetricalness," Lavi says, babbling to fill space.

I roll over to get a better look at him, careful not to mush my fingers under me or roll onto Kanda. "I don't know. I think sixty-nine's pretty jerkish."

I feel Kanda get up, his hair slapping me in the face on purpose. "I'm not staying here any longer with you idiots. I can feel my IQ points dropping."

I blink up innocently at him. "You have a brain? I thought it was just a sun-baked pickle."

"As apposed to the peanut you have for a brain," he snaps. Kanda walks away, his steps noticeably soft in comparison to the loud song he usually makes as he walks.

**_Do-Do-Beep_**

Kanda's ass lights up weakly.

"Cell phone's dying, Yu," Lavi offers helpfully.

"Least I can remember to charge my phone," I mutter loud enough for him to hear. Actually, I only have one bar left in the little battery on my screen that shows the power, but he doesn't need to know that.

"You're a pain in the ass!"

"Whoa!" Lavi screams, putting his hands over his ears. "Too much information, Yu! I don't want to know what you guys do when I'm not looking!" He looks forlornly at me then Kanda. "I can't believe you're cheating on me with the guy I cheated on you with. You're a cheating cheater!"

My arms are too tired to face palm, so I roll my head into the tile. "You are so stupid you deserve a facefloor."

I can hear Lavi start to rant about his 'epicness at being the first to get a facefloor' and block him out, focusing on returning the blood to my fingers. Seriously, is a small break too much to ask?

"-paying attention, Allen?"

I start and sit up, nodding sloppily at Lavi. "Sure."

He sighs and stands up from where he was leaning against a wall, stretching far enough to crack his back. Delightful. "When Allen starts spacing out, it's time to give up." Lavi offers me a hand I gratefully take.

This normally wouldn't have been a big deal, but I have the Voice now. Is my heart beating faster? Is my hand clammy? I can literally see the chibi Lavi (the Voice always takes the form of the person it's directed towards in chibi form. Just trust me.) yelling at the others (yes, it brings reinforcements) to check my vitals and blood pressure.

I usually picture swatting them with a flyswatter, but they always come back, like Cross when there's cheap women and alcohol. It doesn't help that I know I kind of lust after Lavi sometimes. Just a few and only when his shirt is off! I'm not going to jeopardize our friendship simply because I _think_ I like him when it's just shallow lust.

Still, we were all fine. I didn't let it get in the way. I haven't pushed Lavi about his crap. I've learned a few new things about him and said some things in return. Things seemed pretty good, and we're all- yes, even Kanda, though he tries to hide it- excited for this contest. I even got the courage to show Lavi some lyrics I wrote, and it's one of our songs now.

Yeah, we were fine.

_Were_.

Then came the dreaded day. The day that can make you feel like the most pathetic asshole in the world just because everyone around you is enjoying themselves and you're not. The day that little kids look forward to but teenagers agonize over and plan in advance just so every damn thing goes amazing just to have that plan backfire.

The Day Hell Connects with the Earth.

The Day Cross has to go get Tested for AIDS Every Other Minute.

There's so Much Love and Heartbreak in the Halls I'm Choking on it Day.

The Day I Hate Because I Don't Have the Heart to Turn Down a Girl Day.

Yes, you guessed it:

Singles' Awareness Day.

Valentine's Day.

**Do you get the Voice or is Allen really crazy? O.O  
><strong>

**BL came from an artist's signature on a mural I passed every day at school, so salute to the person I've never met.  
><strong>

**Can you guess all the commercial references?  
><strong>

****Thanks for all reviews! 3 more and it hits 200! My goal is to end with more than 277, which is the number HTEF ended with. Anitnotice is already passing it in favs and alerts from when it ended! So:****

_Hey, I just met you_  
><em>and this is crazy<em>  
><em>but I want some feedback.<em>  
><em>Could you review, maybe?<strong><strong><br>(Harsh review preferably)  
><strong>**_


	13. Butterfly on Your Right Shoulder

***Crawls out from rock* I'm alive!  
><strong>

**Thanks to xXCatchMeWhenIFallXx for beta-ing  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Yo mamma's so fat even Naruto doesn't believe it!**

Lenalee's still bitter about me not telling people, let alone Allen, I'm gay. Just a bit.

"-can't _believe_ you! It's Valentine's Day! Girls will be flocking you all day since you're single, and I know you hate it! Don't lie to me," she snaps when I open my mouth to argue. Her eye blaze as she points her finger dangerously close to my good eye. "You hate it! You complain to _me_ you hate it! If you would just tell people!" she nags, waving her finger ever closer.

Scratch that. She's down right homicidal.

I inch away a little. I'd like to keep that eye. Being blind would really make art a bitch. Hmm…I could be the next Beethoven! He went deaf and composed stuff, right? I would be famous if I was blind and could paint stuff. Then I could buy all the record companies I wanted and make ZoNE famous! Or sit on my ass and do nothing all day because I'm so rich and awesome.

What were we talking about again?

"Lavi," Lenalee sighs, dropping her finger (I'm safe!). "I just don't want to see either of you hurt. Allen because you kept something this huge from him even though the rest of us know, or you because Allen will undoubtedly do something to hurt your feelings by accident thanks to his ignorance." Oh yeah. We were talking about my moving out of the closet.

I raise an eyebrow, procrastinating to go inside. Lenalee had offered me the perfect out when we got here by asking to talk to me, and, like an idiot, I jumped at the chance. Still, talking about feelings is better than stomping on others'. Yes, I do have a soul. I'm not Yu. I don't like turning girls down.

"Good observation," I say for lack of anything better.

She beams, throwing one pigtail over her shoulder. "I may not be at the top of the class, but I'm as smart as any of you."

"Never said you weren't." I sling my bag over my shoulder. Draw the conversation out, Lavi. Come on. "So, Komui's going to be on high alert today, huh?" Good one! I shiver, remembering last year. Even Yu and I couldn't go within two feet of her. She basically spent the whole day stalked by Komui!

Lenalee rubs the bridge of her nose. "He was considering taking the day off and keeping me home today from school." She shrugs. "I would've taken him up on the offer if only to spend some time with him, but I have three midterms toady. Civics, Drama, and Spanish," she nearly yells, ticking them off on her fingers. "I'm not making up three tests plus the one tomorrow."

Lenalee starts walking towards school, making me follow. I don't say anything. If I was Lenalee and my mom offered that, I'd stay home, but then her brother's always home. It's a little different.

Lenalee falls into step next to me to match my slow pace, the slightly exasperated but loving look meaning she's going to continue on the subject. I quickly steer my train of thought into a random section of my brain. "Hey, do you think penguins really don't fly? Maybe they're planning an invasion?" Okay, strange, but whatever works.

She gives me a smile in between amused and weirded out, choosing to say nothing. Honestly, I wonder what you do say to that. Yes? That makes you sound crazy. No? Now you're mocking the idiot who said it. Yes, that _was_ a good thought. Thank you borderline ADHD brain. I love you so.

"Wow, the sharks are biting early," Lenalee observes, pointing at the giant window that looks into the cafeteria. I look closer to see Allen cornered (I'm not exaggerating. His expression looks like a startled gazelle about to get eaten by a lioness) by two girls, both smiling sickly sweet smiles. "Go get your man, Lavi," Lenalee prompts as she pats me on the back.

"He's not mine," I mumble. I'm not sure if she heard, though, since I'm almost sprinting through the doors. No, not because I like Allen but because school is a war zone today. Leave your friend behind, and he will die. It's the high school version of war.

Ha...

This. Is. _Sparta_!

"Lavi!" Allen calls out. I see him excuse himself from the conversation and almost sprint away. His smile is tight as he grabs my arm and pulls me towards the hall. "Come on. We have to go to Komui's room to pick up that thing for band, right?" I almost laugh at the thinly veiled desperation in his voice.

I sling my arm around his shoulders and lead him away. "Yeah." I glance back at the girls and stick my tongue out at them teasingly. They laugh instead of getting mad like I expected. One of the mentions how cute it is the ZoNE members are so close. It seems there are some perks to being in a band.

I wonder how much I can milk it…

+Allen+

"I can feel my soul dying inside," I mutter to Lavi, glancing at a girl crying in the hallway. She's doing her best to stifle her sobs, but it's no use. "I'm positive a sadist came up with this holiday."

"Close," Lavi whispers back, trying to avoid looking at the girl. "It actually originated from way back in a time where men weren't allowed to marry until they served their years in the military," he says studiously, his tone becoming engaging like only a really good teacher's could.

Lavi falls silent as the girl looks up. I offer her a smile she attempts to return, but her lower lip trembles. I make a move towards her- to help or _something_-, but she grabs her bag and scurries away. I start after her, but Lavi holds me back as he shakes his head. Sighing, I relent. If I see her later, I'm asking how she's doing though. "You were saying? Why couldn't they marry?"

"Because the soldiers would be more likely to put their lives at risk if they had no one to come back to." He shrugs, opening the door to the empty science room. Komui's always in the band room before first period help the new instrumentalists that just started this year. "After you," he says formally. I grin and walk in. Lavi holds out his open palm to stop me. "Tip." I slap his hand and continue in. "Cheapo."

"Greedy."

"It's my expense for escorting you the whole way here. You'll notice no other girls have attacked you." Lavi walks cockily over to a desk and sits down on top of it, dumping his bag on the floor. "You're face was priceless!"

I hop onto the desk across from him, aiming a light kick at his shin. Lavi yelps out a curse, grabbing his shin in pain. Okay, so light for me, which isn't light for most people. No one teases me about girls or guys attempting to ask me out. I just can't help it! I hate seeing people in pain because of something I did. No, kicking Lavi doesn't count. I mean the kind of pain that lasts. Emotional stuff that therapists are for.

"I think you broke my shin." Nope. No guilt here.

I roll my eyes and prop my feet up next to him, waving my hand to continue with the story. "So people will fight if they have nothing to lose and…?" I prompt.

"And," Lavi starts back up, voice taking on the teacher quality again, "They didn't like that." No shit. "So, Saint Valentine started marrying couples in secret. He was found out eventually and killed." He gives a great big smile. "The end!"

I gape at him. "That's it?" He nods. "Then how the hell has it come to chocolate and lovesick people!"

Lavi shrugs. "Culture just evolved, but it's really changed in the last fifty or so years. They do say that the night before he was killed, Valentine wrote the first 'valentine' card to the daughter of his jailer singing 'From your Valentine.'"

Lavi falls silent, and I notice the gleam in his eye he got when he talked about the origin of today fades out. "Do you like history, Lavi?"

He thinks about it for a second, staring into the space above my right shoulder with a slight frown before nodding his head slowly. "Certain aspects of it, yes, but you can only take written history with a grain of salt. The victors ultimately write history, so there could be many facts we're missing." His leg steadily kicks at my desk's leg. "Sometimes I wish I could've been there, just to see what really happened."

"You want to meet Jack the Ripper?" I ask skeptically. The desk shakes under me uncomfortably as he kicks it. I knock his leg away, but he switches to the other one. "Could you stop it?"

Lavi laughs. "Am I annoying you?" I nod, and he kicks harder. Jerk. I try to kick him again, but he's on guard, so I just let him go. "But yeah, I'd like to know who they were. They could've been a woman for all we know!" He holds his arms out. "Who doesn't want to know?"

Okay, I'll admit I'm kinda curious. Everyone's had a Jack the Ripper phase at some point. The only difference is how long it lasts. "Fair enough,"

The door bursts open from behind me, making us both jump off our desks in surprise. I trip and fall into Lavi, who easily grabs my arms to steady me. The Voice pops back up with chibi Lavi running around screeching in my head about physical contact. I picture him falling into a deep whole and thank the real Lavi, straightening up and moving far enough away the Voice won't claw back out.

"Knew you'd be here," Lenalee says victoriously. "Come on, Johnny." The clarinetist walks passed her with a gleam in his eye and a measuring tape in his hands. "Kanda, you don't have to come in."

"And let more girls herd? No, thank you." Kanda comes in behind Lenalee, his permanent scowl still there. "Moyashi." He nods.

"She-man." I nod back. Kanda growls at me then flips me off. We've been making an effort no to slaughter each other every time we see one another. Apparently fighting at the BL competition gets you disqualified, so we've been practicing our verbal slaughter. I have increased my vocabulary to new heights of intelligence.

"Ah, Lenalee?" Lavi asks, his voice giving away discomfort that makes me pause before I attack Kanda. "Why is Johnny touching me?" I glance over to see my friend with his arms spread straight out to his sides with Johnny hugging his waist.

Johnny laughs at my startled expression before moving his hands around Lavi's waist with a measuring tape. "Lenalee asked me to get your measurements. We're going to make a whole new batch of clothes for you guys!"

"What's wrong with out old ones?" Lavi complains. "Plus, we could always just go out a buy-"

Johnny shot up so fast I'm surprised he didn't give himself whiplash. "No," he says sternly, glasses flashing. "First, I don't know about you, but Allen has definitely gotten taller." Kanda snorts, and Johnny shots him a disapproving look. I always knew I liked Johnny. "Second, store-bought clothes compared to my stuff?" Johnny sounds offended. Lavi nods in agreement. "And last, if you guys go big after this contest, well," he rubs the back of his head sheepishly, "I was hoping you could maybe mention my clothes? I'd really like to be a designer."

"Will I look hotter than usual?" Lavi asks. Johnny nods. "Sure!"

Lenalee perches on the desk next to me and pulls out a plastic shopping bag. The smell of chocolate engulfs the room, and it's all I can do not to grab the bag from Lenalee. She catches my look and laughs, opening the top. She produces two cupcakes and hands them _both_ to me. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Mfpy Maphenfine's Mmf," I repeat through a chunk of the first cupcake. Tastes like a miracle! Oh yes! There's chocolate in the middle! "Mmm!" I groan, shoving the second one in as soon as the first is gone.

Lavi eagerly holds out a hand for his, but she shakes her head. "Not till Johnny's done." She puts out another, bigger one, but there's no frosting on it. Lena holds it out to Kanda, her checks a little red when he looks at her, shocked. "Happy Valentine's Day," she offers. Kanda gets this kind of pained look as he takes it. He looks away so we can't see his face and echoes the holiday's name back.

"Aw!" Lavi coos, fluttering his lashes.

"Shut up," Lenalee and Kanda mutter.

Johnny finishes up with Lavi just as the bell rings. "Come on. I can measure you in band," he tells me, retracting his measuring tape and following the others out. I bring up the rear, licking the stray icing off my fingers. I don't notice someone's scurrying in until we collide.

A textbook lands on my foot…and it hurts like _hell_! Damn it! _Ow_! I stifle the groan of pain and bend down to help whoever I knocked into gather their books. "Sorry," I apologize, handing the book and several notebooks back.

"A-A-Allen!" stutters a female voice. The items are yanked from my hands, startling me. I stand up, smiling politely at the flustered girl. What's her name…Lou Fa? "I-I-I…" She looks at her feet. "Sorry," Lou Fa mutters, twirling one of her braids nervously. "This is the second time you've helped me..."

I shake my head, hiding my confusion. When did I help her before? "No, it was my fault." Lavi looks back questioningly at me, but I motion for him to go ahead. "Are you okay?"

Lou Fa turns even redder, clutching her books to her chest. "Yes."

I let out a breath of relief. "Good." I move to the side to let her pass, but she stays where she is, fiddling with a small package I hadn't noticed. A few people move around her to get into the room, casting us questioning looks. I give then the same look back. A few have a kind of knowing gleam that sets my nerves on end.

"I-!" Lou Fa suddenly bursts out. "I know you're busy with the band and probably have more important things to do, but I have a two passes for the Science Museum and was wondering if you could come after school today? Please? I…I kinda like you." She shoves the package at me, closing her eyes in embarrassment. "It's homemade Dango. Lenalee said you like it."

Wait. She…huh? Dango? What the hell did Lenalee do? Who is this girl? I know her name, but we don't know each other! Lena knows how bad I am with people I don't know! Why did she help her?

Heat rushes to my face as the people in the room hoot and cheer. I just kind of stand still helplessly, not knowing what to do. I mean, I don't have any problems with Lou Fa, but I don't really want to date with the Voice present. I do accept the Dango. I can't let good food go to waste. There are starving people in Africa! It would be wrong of me not to take the food.

A sniff breaks my thoughts. "I thought you wouldn't want to," she says dejectedly, her face crestfallen. She sniffs again. No! Please tell me she's not crying!

"Jerk," someone in the room mumbles, the amount of people in the room keeping me from pinpointing who it is.

"N-No!" I exclaim, waving my hands in the air. I don't want her to cry! I do want to be mean! "It's fine! We're fine! I'd be happy-" Damn, I'm not seriously saying I'm going to go. "-to go with you later," I finish, trying not to smack myself in the head. Why can't I be an insensitive bastard like Cross? _Why_?

"Really?" Lou Fa's whole face lights up. You know, she _is_ pretty cute. Too bad I'm not a self-absorbed beauty-lover like Cross and actually care about that thing called a personality. Not that she seems to have a bad personality, but dating? Not my cup of tea.

"Allen! Get to band!" Komui yells from the hall.

I race passed Lou Fa. "R-right!"

I almost sprint down the hall, but I can still here Lou Fa yell, "Meet you in the front after school!" Wolf whistles follow me down the hall from the room, other stranglers rushing to class as well looking at me in confusion. I can only pray this doesn't fly around school.

+…+

"What?" Lavi and Lenalee scream, both with looks of wonderment on their faces.

I sigh and unscrew my reed from my clarinet, whipping the spit off it. This is why I waited till the end of band to tell them. "You don't have to look so shocked," I mutter, putting my mouth piece in the case. I flip the lid shut and make sure the latches are secure before standing up to put my instrument (that I now refuse to call Tim. I'm not suffering Lavi's blowing jokes) in my cubbyhole.

"But we have practice after school!" Lavi protests, Lenalee nodding sternly in the background. And here I thought she'd be on my side.

The smell of cigarettes covers me as someone leans on my head. "Heard you got a date, Shounen? Road ain't gonna be happy."

"Mikk?" I gasp, spinning around. Wow, it _is_ him! It's strange to see him dressed all proper like Tyki but with his hair flopping in his face instead of the usual pulled back style, but he has his glasses on and the combo of smile and smirk Tyki just can' t pull off. It must be Mikk. "Why are you-? You know you can't be smoking in here, right?"

"Need to give you some advice," he interrupts sternly, the smile ruining it. "You're so clueless when it comes to matters of the heart," he knocks at my chest, "and I'm here to help.' He takes a draw of his cigarette and smirks. "Lesson one. Ladies love the smoking."

I roll my eyes and collapse in a chair. Advice from the poster boy of bad relationships? No thanks. "I'm perfectly capable of running my own love life, thank you very much."

The chair next to me sides back at Mikk sits down, eyeing me through his glasses. "No offence Allen, but you wouldn't be able to tell if someone liked you until they told you themselves in terms a baby could understand, even if they literally danced naked on font of you with 'I love Allen' tattooed on their-"

I slap my hand over his mouth. "I get it! I don't need another god damn life-scarring mental picture in this lifetime!" He licks my skin, and I quickly let go, whipping the spit on Lavi. "Besides, it will probably only be this once," I tell him, ignoring Lavi as he flails around and Lenalee's look of disappointment.

"A-ha!" Mikk yells, pointing his finger in my face. What I do? "Don't tell her that. Just make sure you don't agree for plans after the date or promise to call her. If it must be done, tell her you had fun but don't want to date." He looks me up and down. "At lest your outfit's okay for a date, but you'll want to take that over-sized jacket off. You have long sleeves, right?"

Lavi stops and gives Mikk a hard look. "I'd like to keep it on," I inject before he can say anything, pulling the jacket Lavi got me for Christmas tighter around me. "I don't need your tips. I have been on dates before," I point out. They sucked, but he doesn't need to know that.

Mikk shrugs as the bell rings, removing his glasses. "Yeah, but you weren't exactly the same as you are now." Can't argue with that. Conversation tends to be hard when I'm not myself.

I follow Lavi and Lenalee out of the band room before Tyki gains control. Lenalee hangs back from Lavi to walk next to me. "Do you even like Lou Fa?" she demands, eyes flashing. The danger sign whirls in my head. Better watch my step. "If you're just agreeing for the sake of agreeing-"

"She seems nice," I say lamely, looking anywhere but the scowling Lenalee. "Better not let Komui see you make that expression. He'll weep if he sees such an unbecoming expression."

"Don't start," she snaps. "Before rushing into some relationship, maybe look around you first."

Lenalee doesn't give me any time to think about her cryptic speech before stomping off to her class. "What do you mean?" I yell after her, but I don't even get spared a glance. I grumble nonsense under my breath and continue down the hall, not seeing Lavi. He must be ahead.

A sharp edge jabs me in the back as walk that wasn't there before. I move off to the side of the hall and take off my book bag to locate the problem. A good-sized box is in the pouch of my bag. When did that get there? I take it out and open it to see it's filled to the brim with cookies with a note on top covered in scribbles of dolls and candy.

_Happy Valentine's Day! ~Road and Mikk_

I put the not in my pocket and give the cookies a hard stare. They seem normal, but…

"What's the hold up, Allen?" Lavi leans in to get a better look, appearing from nowhere. "Oh! Cookies! Can I have one?" I hold the box out without hesitation. Better him than me. "Awesome!" He grabs two and shoves them in his mouth, his small hammer swaying with the motion. I wish he'd put it on a keychain before he pokes someone's eye out.

I watch him carefully as we start off again, putting the lid back on the box. I keep it in my hands instead of putting it back in my bag so the lid doesn't pop off and the cookies spill out. Lavi glances at me nervously a few times, but is quickly distracted as girls come up and try to start a conversation with him. He waves them away and forges ahead.

Thanks to my being basically inept to talk about anything other than school or music with people I don't know, girls just smile and wave now instead of talking to me for the most part. Lavi's not so lucky.

"Why are you staring?" he asks as we walk into science. We manage to get there early enough so that there're only one or two other people in the room. No girls have jumped yet, but who knows. The only good thing about having them all come to us now is that the last half of the day will be relatively calm.

I shrug. "You feel okay? Not dizzy or like you're being ripped apart from the inside out?" He shakes his head, confused. "Good." I grab a cookie and eat half of it. Tastes fine…yum! There's caramel in here!

Lavi gasps at grabs his throat. "Did you just use me as a poison tester?" I don't answer. "You know what Allen-" He starts, surprisingly pissed. Whoa! What I'd do? I was almost positive they were fine! It was just to double-check! If I seriously thought they'd do something to him, I wouldn't have offered!

"Lavi!" He looks away from me, the scowl that was being to form smoothing out to fake smile as the girl approaches me. I feel myself relax and realize, thanks to his tone, I was expecting a fight. Did we just narrowly miss another falling out?

"Hi, Elda," Lavi greets. "Need something?"

Elda, a pretty girl with shoulder-length blond hair and bangs that hang in her eyes, fiddles with the edge of her shirt as she fishes for what to say. "Well… I was wondering…about ZoNE," she blurts out. From the slight frown on her face, that wasn't the question she wanted to ask.

Lavi blinks before the smile widens, gaining authenticity. "What about ZoNE?" he asks, trying to hide his excitement. I find myself listening too, even as I put my notebook and textbook out of my bag and pretend to be busy. This concerns me too. More popularity means more shows in front of people.

Elda chews on her lip, noticing all the girls starting to flock around with their cards and chocolate. "Um…do you have a YouTube channel? Any deals or recordings? How often do you practice? When's you're next day off?" There! That last question must have been a step in the right direction, because her mouth's evened out to neutral.

"Do you really care?" Elda and the girls around her nod. "Well, we have the account and everything set up, but plan on recording a song before actually making it ZoNE's. No, we haven't really been looking. Every day. Um…" Lavi glances at me. "I guess today?"

"Then will you go out with me?" Elda bursts out, earning gasps and glares from all around. I feel suspicion and protectiveness bloom in me, remembering Chomesuke. Yep, it's just because of her. Not jealous. Nope.

The Voice crawls out of its hole, screaming at me. 'Feel jealous? Do you burn with envy? Want to stab her with scissors made from lobsters?' I can picture the damn chibi Lavi poking at my brain with a metal stick. 'Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? _Huh~?_'

"Sure," Lavi agrees. The Voice momentarily shuts up at my disappointment...at his fake enthusiasm, not jealousy! At least I kinda want to go on my date. He looks completely apathetic in the eyes! "When?"

Elda smiles. "How about…four? We could go any place you want." She looks imploringly at him.

"Up to you." I feel my eyebrow twitch. Is he for real? How can't they see how much of a jerk he's being right now? Maybe it's just obvious to me after knowing what he's really like.

I wait for the girls to move away before hissing, "What's wrong with you?" Lavi pretends to be confused, drawing his eyebrows together, but I see the light of defeat in his eye. He knows I know. "Don't just agree because you have nothing better to-"

"I didn't do it because there's no band practice," Lavi snaps, slapping his notebook and down on his desk. "Just shut up. You go on your date, I go on mine, and Lenalee will try to spend time with Kanda. Happy fucking Valentine's Day!" He whips through the pages, a loud tearing noise resounding as he rips a page by accident.

I drop the subject.

+…+

I stare forlornly at the door that leads out to the parking lot before heading to the front of the school, already having doubts about Lou Fa. Sure, she seems nice, but what do I really know about her? Ah! I really don't want this to turn into one of my bad relationships (one more to the three of the four I've had). Maybe I can piss Kanda off enough to get Mugen and-

"Allen?" Damn.

For the first time in what feels like years, I feel my polite mask slip on flawlessly. It puts me at ease, my nerves fading to the back of my mind as a smile comes to my mask. I've missed this.

Lou Fa blushes at my smile, obviously not able to tell it's fake like Lavi and Lenalee on occasion. She points out the doors to the right, looking nervous. "I live a few minutes from here. I figured we could just walk there and grab my car." Lou Fa bites her lip nervously. "Do you mind if I change before we leave too?"

I shake my head. I figured she'd want to. You can tell by Lou Fa's baggy, chemical-stained tee and plain skirt she thought I'd say no. Too bad she doesn't know I'm basically hopeless when people cry, or she could've prepared this morning.

We head out down, walking on the side of the road. Lou Fa assuring me no one minds we're walking on their lawns. Despite the air being like ice, the ground itself doesn't have a flake of snow on it. The grass beneath my feet snaps under my weight, frozen solid. I keep my eyes out for angry neighbors despite what she said. I know if I ever walked on the lawn of a house Cross had, my head would be hung up on the mantle after he mutilated my body.

Silence stretches out between us. The atmosphere starts leaning towards awkward. Lou Fa glances at me, and I give her a smile. She flushes and looks at her feet. "Um…" she starts, "…do you have Komui as a science teacher?"

So we're going to talk about school? Hey, whatever breaks the ice and drowns the awkward penguin. "Yeah, for Physical Science during second period."

"So why were you in there before first? Were you missing an assignment?" I can tell Lou Fa's actually curious, not just forcing conversation. "Is that where ZoNE meets in the mornings? I saw Lavi, Lenalee, and…Kanda?" She looks to me to confirm she's right. I nod, smirking inwardly. Of course I'm more well known than Kanda. Can't wait to rub it in his face later. "I saw Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda," she picks up with more confidence, "leave before you. Were you working on a song?"

"Not exactly." I hesitate to say we were really just goofing off and avoiding those girls (who, by the way, still bugged me even after word of me going out with Lou Fa got around. I have the chocolate in my bag to prove it.), so I just tell the truth in a different context. "We're actually practicing for the big contest BL Records is holding."

Instead of the interested or at least curious expression I was expecting, Lou Fa looks confused. "BL Records? Who're they?"

If I didn't have the polite act going, I probably would've gaped at her. My mouth might have even hit the ground. 'How don't you know them?' I want to scream in amazement. 'They're practically famous among rock and alternative bands, arguably one of the most famous companies in North America. They are _the _record label to get signed on!'

Do I? Nope.

I smile kindly at her like it's not her fault she's never heard of _one of the most famous labels in the US _and explain."They're a really good label for rock and alternative bands. Even out of that territory, they're pretty well-known. Bands like All-Canadian Rejects, Girls like Boys, Food Fighters…the list goes on."

Lou Fa looks lost, but I can tell she's really trying hard. "All-Canadian Rejects…did they sing that one song in 'Alice in Wonderland?'" She frowns. "It kinda went…" She starts self-consciously humming a tune slightly off from the real melody.

"Close," I supply, thinking I know what song she's talking about. "Does it go like this?" I clear my throat and softly sing, "_You were so young,  
>and I guess I'm old.<br>Open your eyes,  
>I'll keep mine closed."<em>

I can almost hear the acoustic of the real music, even though I know there's no way it's really here.

_"I prefer standing,  
>and you take your seat.<br>I'll be wide awake,  
>and you'll fall asleep."<em>

I trail off, growing a little bashful when I realize I've gotten louder from the soft volume I started at. The music I was hearing in my mind cuts off. I uneasily cough and look across the street to avoid seeing Lou Fa's reaction to my singing. "Are we almost there?"

"Just down the street." There's a beat of silence, not even snow crunching under us filling the space. I sneeze. Great, now my nose is stuffed. Hello influenza, please don't kill me.

I glance at her hand swinging lightly at her side. Does she want me to grab it? Am I supposed to grab it? Sure, I've been on dates before, but most were more of the…not personal kind. A relationship was not possible passed snog- er… making out on the couch or maybe a bit farther. Lou Fa's probably serious. Damn, I'm screwed…in a bad way.

"You're very good, you know!" Lou Fa rushes out in a near yell, like she's afraid she'll chicken out half way through.

My train of thought crashes from the sudden interruption. What was I thinking about again? Something about bad screws? "Huh?" I say stupidly out loud.

"Singing. You sing amazingly well." Lou Fa's face is red, but she looks me in the eyes as she talks. I can feel my own blood rush to my face at the compliment and nod my thanks. "If you don't mind me asking, why is Lavi lead? Your voice is just as good as his!"

I laugh weakly, pushing down the desire to rant about Lavi's voice. There's no way in hell mine is as good! It's decent, but he could beat me any day of the week, especially if the song's genre is rock. I guess if I really wanted to toot my own horn I could say I might be better in the alternate style, but Lavi is just…there are no words! It's a voice anyone would envy, and I do. Mine's way to high!

"I joined the band later, so Lavi was already the singer," I tell Lou Fa instead, cutting off my mental rant. "I'd rather be at the keyboard anyway."

'I think I'd die if I was singing out in front,' I add mentally. "He also has more power to his voice," which is undeniably true, "and more or less made the band. We're all fine with him there anyway, and the songs are in his octave." I shrug. "Why change what works?"

"But…" Can't she just give it a rest? I don't want to explain my almost lethal stage fright to her! You know, if this was Lavi or Lenalee or even Kanda, they would've dropped the subject (Kanda just because he probably wouldn't give a crap, the uncaring bastard). Almost as if she can hear my thoughts, Lou Fa goes silent. I stifle my sigh of relief.

I feel a sudden pang. There'll be no practice later. What am I going to do once I get home? Even if I wasn't there, they could've still practiced, and I could've come later. But now that Lavi's not going…too busy on his _date_.

'You're jealous!' crackles chibi Lavi in my mind. That little- I can see the shit dancing in my head as he sings, '_Allen and Lavi, sittin' in a tree~!_' I wonder if people will think I'm crazy if I hit my own skull? Just one, sharp hit to jog the chibi bastard enough to make him shut up.

'I know you're a bastard but what am I?_' He's talking back_?

…Am I insane now? It's it a bad sign when the voices start talking back? What's next? A flying ball with wings that eats all my food?

"There's my house." Even the chibi Lavi in my head nearly starts at her voice. I feel guilt overtake my annoyance. I forgot Lou Fa was even here. I hope she didn't notice! At least chibi Lavi decided to withdraw…for now. Sneaky little brat'll probably chime in at the worst time.

Her house is just an average, two-story middle-class house and looks civil enough. There's an old, rusting bike lying on the grass near the porch, and a small porch swing creaks slightly as it rocks. It fits her.

Lou Fa runs up the stairs to her door and looks back it me with a tiny smile. "Could you wait just a minute for me to change my clothes?" She points to her garage. "I'll open the garage door so you can wait in there. My parents don't want strangers in the house when they're not home, and it's warmer than outside in there at least."

I nod, blowing on my gloved hands. Lou Fa disappears in the house, only a minute passing before the garage hums as it opens. I dash inside. Sweet warmth! I swear it just gets colder and colder! I rub my arms up and down, moving to the back of the garage where it's warmest. Maybe the car's open? I try the handle, but there's no such luck.

How long will it take Lou Fa? I hope she's not one of those girls that says five minutes and means thirty. Looking at her you wouldn't think it, but then looks can be deceiving. What to do?

I sling my bag off and take out the assigned book for English. I should at least start this, seeing as every other night will most likely be band. I stare at the bland cover and sigh. Please don't be boring.

Okay, page one.

…Wait, _what_?

…Why is he…no way!

_A goat_! Why is a goat-

Oh!

Pfft!

…Ha! Turkey.

…Why is the villain fat and have a top hat? That's just dumb.

That must be the main character.

…_Whoa! _

_Oh my god! _

_What happens next!_

"Allen?"

"Huh!" I jump, startled out of my book. What was that? I look around, it taking a minute for my brain to catch up with me. Right. Date. Lou Fa. Oh. No fat villain. She's ready.

There isn't a giant, _cliché _'wow, she's really beautiful!' moment or classic heart skip when I see her, but I can honestly say she looks pretty. Her hair that had been in twin brains was now down in a wavy style. She still has her glasses, but added minimal make-up that isn't obvious but does make a bit of difference. I think she looks fine without it, but whatever. A clean, light blue shirt has replaced the odd one. She has a skirt on, but I give her practicality points since it goes a little lower than her knees, what feels like almost a rarity now, and thick leggings.

"You look nice," I complement, meaning it one hundred percent. She could rival Lenalee even on my friend's best day (though I will never, _never_ tell Lena that to her face).

Lou Fa blushes, fogging up her glasses a bit, and nods to my book. "W-what are you reading?" she asks.

"Oh, this?" You know, I actually don't know. Wow, I'm dumb. I hold it up for her to see, keeping my finger in place of where I was. Checking the title now would just make me look like an idiot.

She smiles. "That one of the best books you're ever going to read, in or out of school." The keys in her hand clink loudly together. She clicks the unlock button, successfully startling me as the vehicle beeps loudly behind me. Wish she would've warned me!

Lou Fa seems to hesitate before coming closer. I mentally grin, thinking 'I won't bite,' but I figure I shouldn't really tease her if she's already so quiet.

I walk around to get in the passenger's side, making sure to fold down the page I'm on (only page six! That much in six pages?) before climbing in.

"You don't mind I'm driving, do you?" Lou Fa suddenly bursts out. "I know you can't drive but-"

"It's fine," I interrupt, making a calm smile appear. She stops and looks expectantly at me. "I don't mind. I'm glad you invited me today." I mentally frown at the stuffy words- it's so unlike me- but Lou Fa sees no problem with it. In fact, she seems to enjoy it. I wonder how she would react to how I really am?

She turns the car on, easily backs out of the garage, and heads left.

Neither of us talk. With the radio off, it's completely silent and awkward. How awkward? Close to as awkward as Christmas when Lavi's dad walked into the bathroom. I wait expectantly for her to say something, but she seems intent on the road.

It's been five minutes. Will she think it's rude if I take out my book? Will it hurt her feelings?

"How about some music?" Lou Fa asks. Yes! Something to distract me.

Please, don't be Justin Bieber. _Please_, don't be Justin Bieber!

"_-If someone said three years from now  
>You'd be long gone<br>I'd stand up and punch them out  
>Cause they're all wrong."<em>

Thank god! May the angels sing!

Lou Fa makes this cute little squeak of surprise when the music suddenly blasts from the speakers. She fumbles around the dashboard, keeping her full attention on the road so she's going my touch alone. P!nk, huh? She gets some points for that. Until she proves me wrong, I officially say she had good taste in music.

_"I know better  
>Cause you said forever<br>And ever_

"_Who knew," _I sing softly enough I know Lou Fa won't hear. Hey, I know this song, it's catchy, and I kinda like it. So sue me!

She finally manages to pop out the CD, blushing furiously as she cranks down the volume and turns on the radio.

"_Hey, I just met you-" _Damn you radio. Damn you to hell.

"_And this is crazy~!" _Lou Fa sings along to the perky music. Yep, I retract my previous statement. I hold in my groan of torture and look out the window trying to figure out where the heck we are. A few seconds later, I come to the conclusion I'd be screwed if she kicked me out of the car if I insulted her taste in music. Not that I would.

Thankfully, the happy-go-lucky music dies down. I barely keep myself from screaming in victory when familiar guitar plucks roll out of the speakers, the xylophone sound and drums coming in a few minutes later.

"_Now and then I think of when we were together," _lulls the singer's quiet voice._  
><em>

"_Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,"_ both Lou Fa and I sing. We exchange looks before grinning and continue singing with the soothing music.

"_No you didn't have to stoop so low!" _We sing and the chorus, Lou Fa getting louder as she gets into it._  
><em>

I can't help thinking about the way Lavi and I will belt out songs purposely and completely off-key, uncaring about the looks we get at eight at night when we would sing at stoplights. Lavi…I wonder how his date'll go? I hope she doesn't turn out like Chomesuke. Either way, I have to talk to him later. I don't want us fighting again just because of some 'poison' cookies, which is a stupid reason in the first place. It could've killed him? Please, I've seen him eat stuff of the ground. How is he mad about _that_?

"_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number  
>I guess that I don't need that though<br>Now you're just somebody that I used to know._"

"Here it is," Lou Fa happily points out, stopping mid-chorus. She turns quickly into a half-full parking lot, parking as close as she can to the large, circular building with the letters 'Science Center' on top. Yay.

Sense the sarcasm? Good.

The song is cut short, the gentle chimes of the last few notes stopped as the car shuts off. I open my door and jump out, leaving my bag in the car. A gust of wind hits me, slamming the door closed for me. Damn! I wrap my jacket tighter around my body, casting a worried look at Lou Fa, but she's already leading the way. She's also shivering.

I feel my legs start towards her and my arms open my jacket to let her in, the side with the normal arm. Agh! Stupid mask! It's been so long I forgot about the almost autopilot I go on! It's almost like having multiple personalities.

Lou Fa beams at me, her checks dusty red as she presses into my side. Mentally, I sigh as we start towards the building. This'll be fun.

Sarcasm, it seems, will be _my_ companion while my mask entertains Lou Fa.

+…+

"Here?" Lou Fa asks, looking at HQ with shock. She must think this is where I live. I want to laugh out loud, but I can't. That's not what 'I' do right now.

"Yeah. My house is within walking distance." Lie! I'll probably just sleep here tonight. Thank god we started leaving blankets and pillows here for nights Kanda and Lavi are uncomfortable driving home with the ice covering the roads. We've all had a less-than-friendly sleepover more than once, and it's ended in a near homicide more than once. Hey, it was BaKanda's fault for putting that chipmunk in my hair. It's not funny to wake up with a dead Alvin _in your face_.

"Umm…" I trail off, derailed by her hopeful expression. Just let her down easy. "So, I'll see you at school?" Damn. Don't make it sound like a question! Great, that's not a happy nod. That's a sad nod. "I had fun," I quickly add, attempting to salvage the situation. It's not entirely a lie.

"I did too." Lou Fa's face brightens slightly, leaning towards me a bit. It's subtle, but I can tell what she wants me to do. No way.

"See ya," I mumble, doing my best to appear calm as I open the car door. It's all I can do not to sprint inside. I force myself to walk to the door, stand there, and wave as she backs out and turns towards home.

Going…going…gone.

I open the HQ door and slam it behind me, clicking the lock into place and turning on the heat. I feel my body instantly release the tension I was feeling and slide to the floor, letting my bag thump to the ground in a heap. I bring my legs up so my knees touch my chest and bury my face into my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.

Why was I ever angry about Lavi and Lenalee trying to get me to actually act like me? The date was torture. Self-inflected torture!

…Okay, maybe it wasn't _that _bad, but after being able to goof around completely at ease with my friends, filtering my answers around her was tedious and annoying. It wasn't even that I wanted to do it but that I _had_ to. I just…couldn't _not_. Now that I've actually been me, I don't want to be like this. The only problem is, I couldn't bring myself act like me around a stranger, just like always.

How did I ever want to be like this again? When did I really become me and put the mask away? When did I _want_ to be me? Ironic that the one thing I used to depend on felt like it was choking me the whole date.

I hear a car come the driveway, the crunching gravel audible in the silence of the house. Maybe if I pretend not to be here, Lou Fa will go away.

'Yeah right, genius.'

Shut up, Voice.

…Oh dear god, I'm _talking_ to myself. I squeeze my legs tighter and close my eyes. A car door slams. Footsteps sound from outside. I don't move. I'll get up when she knocks.

...Did the lock just click?

Ah! My head! Damn it! I roll away from the suddenly open door and grab the spot of my head the door hit. The edge catches sharply against my ankle as I move. I grit my teeth. That hurt! Why is the door attacking me? I thought I locked it.

"Allen?"

I blink. "Lavi?" What's he doing here? Please tell me that girl- what was her name? Great, now I feel like a jerk- isn't behind him.

…Silence. No one else comes in. Thank you universe.

"Why're you here…and on the floor?" Lavi asks, amusement obvious in his voice. I sit up and sigh, not answering as I rub my head and look at him irritably. "Sorry about that." He closes the door behind him.

I shrug and scoot backwards so I'm leaning against the back of the couch. I don't feel like getting up just to walk two feet to sit on it. Lavi doesn't even bat an eye at my laziness and drops down next to me. "What's up?"

"The sky."

"That was a smart ass answer. I do not respond to smart ass answers."

I chuckle. "You just technically did."

Lavi raises an eyebrow and blinks his eye- or maybe it was a wink? Who can tell?- at me, grinning wildly. "Don't even start with technicalities. I'll confuse you so much that Justin Bieber will somehow sound good to you."

We both exchange looks. "There is no possible way for that to happen," I deadpan. "I don't care how much you try. Never."

"How much you betting? Oh!" His green eye lights up at his idea, almost shining in excitement. "How about loser writes on Yu's face next time he's asleep?"

"I'd like to live!" I laugh, knocking my elbow against Lavi, who laughs with me. The air is so easy to breath now. It's so nice! I'm relaxed, and I feel good…more so than I usually do with Kanda or Lenalee.

'You like-'

Shut up, Voice. No I don't! I have bug spray, and this is your only warning.

'Try it, chump!' Chibi Lavi goes in the stereotypical crane stance and flails his arms around like he actually knows to fight. I picture a brick flying at his head. Yes! Direct hit! Take that! Ha! I win!

…Why's it so quiet? I glance over at Lavi to see him studying me, his expression unsettling. It reminds me of his mom's: ready to coax what he wants to know out of me by any means necessary.

I turn my attention to a loose thread on my shirt. "You can just ask. I swear I'll answer."

"…That obvious?" Lavi asks with a small chuckle. It's on the border of being forced. I feel him shift uncomfortably next to me when I nod. "How-?" He stops and takes a deep breath. I glance over and see him paste on a smile. Great. Seems we'll be dancing around the real topic for awhile. "How'd your date go?"

That's not what he wanted to ask, but I'll bite. "Not fun," I answer honestly. How can you have fun when you're basically holding yourself back? Again, torture.

"Me too." Lavi runs a hand through his hair, his fingers getting caught. His face scrunches in annoyance as he makes a fruitless effort to untangle them painlessly. After about a minute he just yanks his hand out, making his bandana fall as he hisses in pain. I applaud jokingly. "Stop," he mutters, his lips curving up.

I stop for a beat before squeezing in one more clap, laughing when he swats at me. "So…why'd your date suck?" He gives me the 'Band Look.' "Shut up!"

"That's what he said!" I groan. Really? "Had to," Lavi defends with a grin. "It was just too easy!"

…Heh. "That's what-"

"Shut up and I'll tell you!" he almost screams.

"Go on," I implore, sweeping my arms grandly. "I will hold in my perverted comment today when you did not, you sick little trumpet player!" I sniff condescendingly. "Clarinets have more class than that." Ha! Yeah right. Who am I kidding? Reever can tell a mean joke.

His fingers ghost softly over my forehead, brushing aside the bangs over my scar. "I don't get why you hide it. I think it's cool, and a lot of people probably think it's a tattoo anyway. I did for awhile."

I swat his fingers away as calmly as I can, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that shots up my spine at the contact. People touching my scar is a no-no. Yes, the feeling is because of the scar. That's it. "Don't change the subject," I all but snap. Calm down. "What happened?" I try again, forcing my voice even.

Lavi lets his hand fall away on the floor. "What happened with you?" he challenges. "Probably nothing good if you're snapping at me like Yu," he sulks.

"Lavi, just tell me!" Now I know the Voice is wrong. This guy is so infuriating to the point I almost want to kill him as much as Kanda. Almost. To think I'm even entertaining the thought I like him!

'Love is blind~' sings the Voice.

Love can kiss my ass. Repeatedly. As I hit it with a tire iron. _Then _it will be blind.

'Lavi's half blind,' it points out. 'I'd say you have a good chance with him.' A small drum set appears. 'Badum-chh.'

Wow, the chibi Lavi is as confusing and as flawed in logic as the real on can be. If it didn't piss me off so much I'd be impressed.

"Well…I may have not really been honest…been me." The shame in his voice surprises me. "It's not like I could help it!" he defends, almost to himself. He looks lost. "How do I explain this?" He runs a hand through his hair, biting his lip as he searches for words.

I smile understandingly at him, actually on the same page for once. "Same problem on mine. Just couldn't be myself."

Lavi's eye meets mine. A weak smile appears on his face. It's actually kind of pathetic looking to tell the truth, but it's real. "Aren't we just a couple of idiots? Can't even go on a date without a mask in the way." He looks out the window, not really seeing outside. "How'd we get this way?"

"Drunk womanizers with killer debt collectors that attack you in your sleep?" Lavi snaps his head around to look at me with a mix of amusement and disappointment. "What? That's not how you made one?" I make my eyes widen in sudden 'understanding.' "Oh, you did it the hard way. You sacrificed your dog, used the blood to summon a demon, then had it give you one!"

"Because that's the only logical explanation," Lavi finishes for me sarcastically. He studies me carefully with a frown. His seriousness creeps me out. "You didn't go fishing for the real cause this time."

I gasp loudly, throwing a hand over my heart. "You didn't kill your dog? I don't even know you anymore!" I make an 'x' with my fingers and hold them out between us. "Unclean! Unclean!"

Truth be told, I didn't even think of what could've been the real cause for why he acts like that. I don't know why, but the thought just didn't occur to me. Because I knew he wouldn't say anything anyway? I didn't want it to turn awkward? I'm still acting like a polite gentleman without even noticing?

I blink, snapping out of my thoughts. Lavi's gone back to studying me, completely quiet. I swear I can't even hear his breathing. Hello awkward atmosphere. I missed you too.

Lavi turns his head away. His hair swings to hide his face from me. "Allen?" he questions so quietly it takes me a second to process the sound came from him. It's strange to see him so quiet. I try to look at him, but I'm having a little trouble. "How'd you know?"

And suddenly the pages we're on are at opposite sides of the thousand-paged book. "About you killing you dog?" I answer intelligently, the change in topic throwing me for a loop. What's with the ADD conversastion?

"About…" Is it me, or are his cheeks the same color as his hair? "About you…liking everyone."

I can't hold back my snort of laughter. "Um, I don't like everyone. Kanda falling off a bridge would make me happy, and Cross is the reason I believe people when they say they went insane with rage in court for their defense." I shrug. "I guess I like everyone that doesn't give me a reason to hate them though. It's more of my personality than anything-"

"I meant in the sexual way."

"I'd rather eat my own foot then do Kanda."

Lavi makes an exasperated noise in the back of his throat and throws his hands up. "Work with me, Allen!' he begs, finally looking at me. "I want to know how you knew you were bi!"

"You're date must've been worse than I thought," I muse out loud, trying to hide the inner turmoil. I mean, why does he want to know? Is he interested in someone? Did someone make a pass at him or something?

'Does he like you?'

Not helping!

"Just curious." Lavi finally looks at me. His cheeks are the same tan color and his smile is an obviously forced one. I give him a pointed look, making him quickly drop the fake smile for a real sheepish grin. "I'm not lying. Who knows? Maybe all this rejection's turned me gay."

"You did say you were so gay you were straight," I remind him. I can feel the heat really start to pick up in the house and strip off my jacket. I was doing my best the whole time I was out with Lou Fa to keep it as close to my body as possible without making it look obvious even though the building was hot enough to put the sun to shame. Sometimes I hate my arm.

No, wait. I hate it all the time.

Lavi pokes my forehead. "No angsting. It's plain as day on your face, and we're trying to deal with my curiosity now." He grabs my jacket and slings it over the couch carefully, thoughtfully looking at the charm on the zipper.

I really don't want to be his little experiment, but I have no qualms to talking. I look back at his previous question and answer as honestly as I can. "I guess I just kinda looked around one day and saw no difference about gender. People are people, morons are morons, and I'm positive Kanda would still be a bitch if he was a girl."

Lavi squirms uncomfortably. "Well, how do I find out?"

"I can't just magically tell you what you feel!" I groan impatiently. "I know I'm no idiot, but I'm not all-knowing. What do you want me to do about it?"

Chibi Lavi smirks at me like I just pushed the big red button and am about to be dropped in a shark tank. 'Wow, you are begging for this, huh? Really. You're literally throwing yourself at him!'

Am not!

'Are too.'

Not!

'Too.'

Not!

'T- you should really pay attention. If this was a war, you'd be dead.'

Huh?

Holy shit when did Lavi get so close?

"Do you mind?" he asks, not even waiting for my answer.

It's just a peck, nothing to write home about. It's just lips against lips for the sake of it. I don't lean into it, Lavi doesn't push farther, and neither of us really move. My heart doesn't speed up to 'immeasurable speeds,' but do have a small little burp in the usually steady rhythm. Not a good sign!

When he pulls back, I don't notice his 'emerald eyes' or 'flawless skin' or 'shining hair' like a lovesick fool or a school girl with a crush. In fact, his eyes are still green, he has a small pimple near his ear, and his hair looks a little greasy in the lighting. He looks the same as always in my eyes. Good-looking but flawed.

It also takes me a few moments afterwards for my brain to rely my emotional reaction. Embarrassment kicks in, but the blood thankfully stays away from my cheeks. Lavi leans away, and I feel disappointment. Shit! What's wrong with me? The Voice and I both have a small heart attack at the irregular beat my heart picks up.

'Damn, I didn't think you really liked him," chibi Lavi says sheepishly. He gets up, and packs his suitcase with a crestfallen expression. He clicks the locks into place and looks at me sadly. 'It's been real fun.' He stands there awkwardly for a few moments. 'Well, I'm out. Time to go harass that Asian kid.'

At least he's gone.

You know what makes matters worse though? Lavi's goddamn reaction to the whole thing: nothing. Absolutely _nothing_. He just stands up, gives me my jacket, and asks if I want a ride home like he didn't just kiss me…if that can be called a kiss.

I'm not losing at this game. If he feels nothing, I'll feel nothing. Freaking out now infers I have emotion towards what just happened. I do, but that's not the point. I'll get revenge in a more…subtle way. Insert insane laughter with lightening in the background here. That'll show him to use me for his experiment on his damn sexuality! Because that's why I'm mad. I am no emotion for him at all.

Nope.

Nothing.

Damn. I can't even lie to myself anymore.

There's no conversation in the car remotely important. I'm only half-listening as I sort though the emotion I feel now.

He drops me off with the usual goodbye and heads home. I unlock my door calmly and step inside, taking off my shoes and dropping my bag before sprinting into my room and throwing myself on the bed. I hear Tim follow me and trot over to my side, licking my hand and nudging it gently. I pet him, but my hearts too busy screaming to put in the effort.

Shit! Damn! Ugh! Just-hell! Why? Why me? Why him? Fricking emotions, always not listening to common sense and screwing everything up! He's my band mate and my friend. My straight friend. This is not good.

I can't have a crush on Lavi.

But I do.

**Songs used are "The Poison"by All-American Rejects, "Who Knew" by P!nk, "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen, and "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye.  
><strong>

**Thank you to all that reviewed and favored!  
><strong>

**Sorry it took so long. I was avoiding writing Lavi's and Allen's conversation to the point I was writing the next chapter. -_-' Which is almost done, so it shouldn't take a month. **

**I'm also going through previous chapters and revising them. You shouldn't notice too much of a change. The only big edit so far is the end of 4, but there's no need to go back and reread. **

**If this story is ever deleted, you'll find it on my deviantART. The link is on my profile.  
><strong>

**PS: Laven week is coming! You can find the forum here with the topics: www. fanfiction topic/59390/14162591/3/#67370386**


	14. Futuristic Imagination

**Disclaimer: Two men walked into a bar, which is strange because you think one of them would've ducked.  
><strong>

"Hey, Lavi?"

I sigh and continue stacking books on the library cart, the metal making a dull ringing as the books land. Stupid old thing. "Yes, Lenalee?" I answer with mock cheerfulness. Here it comes.

"Did you know you're a prick?" Aw, she says it in such a delightfully sweet tone. No really. If I ignored the words, I'd think she was praising me instead of insulting me for the third time in the last five minutes.

I slam the book on the cart in agitation, earning me a glare from the people in the library. I do my best not to glare back. Yeah, I'm not in a great mood after a straight hour of Lenalee reminding me of my fuck up. Pardon my slightly crabby attitude, but I think I earned the right.

"It's been over two months!" I hiss, wheeling the cart towards the non-fiction section. My knuckles turn white from the grip I have on the handle when I see she's following me. It's a good thing the floor is carpet, or my stomps would be echoing across the large floor like a baby's wails in an auditorium. "Let it go, Lenalee."

If smoke could pour from her ears, it would've. With the expression on her face I half expect her to childishly stomp her foot. "I will _not!_ You need to-"

"Shh!" hisses a student. From the looks of his disheveled clothes and black bags under his eyes, he's been pulling an all-nighter. I motion of Lenalee to be quiet and offer the guy a grin. Fight on, man. Fight on.

Lenalee follows me the whole way back, her steps getting heavier and heavier as we go to the point she's almost stomping as she keeps silent longer. When I speed up, she makes an indignant sound before doubling her speed to walk passed me. I can almost see her disappointment and agitation floating in the air, and it's driving me mad.

Lenalee stalks over to the wall once we reach the section, leaning against without a word like she's the ruler of the world and will step on me if I so much as breath her air. I grab the first book from the cart and look for its place on the shelf, trying to ignore Lenalee and get my work done. I need to do my job to get the money. No money, no competition. That's first priority. Just ignore her...

She stares at me from her perch, almost boring a hole through my skull. Everywhere I move, her stare of guilt is following me. God, it burns! I wish she would yell just to get it over with!

I can only get three books on the shelf before I round on her and demand, "What?"

My friend cocks an eyebrow at me. I fidget uncomfortably, feeling five inches tall under her accusing stare.

"Do you think it's funny play with people's emotions or are you just a dick?" Lenalee finally asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Says the girl who likes Yu," I mutter. Come on! If I'm a dick, he's Satan.

"At least I don't kiss him just to find out if I like him then pretend it didn't happen!" I recoil at the out-right pissed off tone as much as the accusation. I've never heard her this angry! Sure, she flipped her lid when I told her I kissed Allen and did nothing, but I didn't know she'd been sitting on this bomb for two months. No wonder I got off easy before!

Lenalee stalks towards me, looking ready to slit my throat. I only have time to swallow in fear once before she's on me.

"Really, what was your plan of action after that? Hm?" Lenalee demands in a hiss, hands on her hips and face in mine. She looks so much like my mother I want to laugh. "You didn't have one! You _could_'ve told him you were lying to everyone and you're really gay! You _could_'ve asked how he felt afterwords! What do you do instead? Run like a coward!"

I shake my head, my back against the shelves. When did I back away? "I already knew it was stupid when I did it, but it was completely unplanned! I had no idea I was going to do that!"

"Emotions aren't there for you to fuck with them, Lavi!" she spats. Her eyes wide and slightly glazed. Am I the only one she's talking to? "You shouldn't hurt people you care about like that!"

I feel my face soften as I reach out to touch her. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Lenalee says curtly. She swats my hand away, fixing me with a glare. "Don't change the subject."

I hold up my hands and widen my eyes, the picture of innocence. I've actually been curious about that for a long time. Lenalee's more like Allen and I than you'd think. Something happened to her, but what?"I'm not! It's just…you seem really sensitive about other people's feelings. More sensitive than most. I hate to say it, but no one gets that way without something happening."

Lenalee rolls her eyes. "Old boyfriend." Holy shit! She had a boyfriend? "He cheated." She waves her hand like it's no big deal, but the look in her eyes tells me it's anything but. The guy that cheated on her is an idiot. I better never meet him in a dark alley…whoever he is. I gulp when her eyes stare me down, a tiny smirk curling on her pretty face. "Don't make this about me. We're fixing you're love life."

A library helper passes us by, giving me a stern look. It strikes me how strange it must look for the six foot me to be cornered by the five something Lenalee. It must look like she's beating me up for lunch money or something.

Lenalee steps back to let me out, nodding her head at the overflowing cart of books. "Come on. Work."

Right. Job. Come on. Grab a book off the cart and put it back. Money for trip. We're gonna be famous.

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous~!_

Great! Now I'll have that stuck in my head for the next hour!

…But we _are_ going to be famous.

"If you don't mind me asking, who exactly was this guy that cheated on you?" I push two books out of the way and wedge the one in my hand between them, frowning. "Did Komui kill him? Better yet, how'd you get Komui to let him date you?"

Lenalee frowns softly from her new position on the table, shifting out of the light the window lets in. I guess she'll stop yelling at me to let me work for a bit, so maybe we can talk like rational people.

"I guess you could say Komui's so protective because of him." She laughs. Her eyes get this far away look accompanied by a dreamy smile, looking at something I can't see. "Komui's was always my intimidating brother protecting me from guys, but he got way worse afterwards." She nods at me, returning back to the present. "Why so secretive about being gay?"

I tense up. Should've known this was coming. "'Cause." I shrug, trying to yank a disorganized book out of the cramped shelf.

"Please," Lenalee scoffs. "'I hate to say it, but no one gets that way without something happening'…was it?" I hear the ring of impatience, but she keeps her voice even as she mocks me. I turn and frown at her, almost hitting myself in the head when the book finally gets loose. I hate my own words being thrown back in my face. "Seriously, looking back, I'm not really surprised. Just looking at some of the glances and things you did around Allen-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demand. Honestly, that's a little insulting. I pride myself on not having people see through me. Am I starting to loose my touch?

Lenalee rolls her eyes and sings under her breath, "_The ambiguously gay duo_."

"Ha ha," I laugh dryly, shoving half the books on the shelf to the right to make room for one single paperback. Why do people just shove their books anywhere? I can see about three that should be on the almost empty shelf under me.

"So…how long have you liked Allen?" Lenalee picks at her white work shirt, but her eyes are boring into me. "Apparently if a crush lasts more than four months you're in love."

I roll my eyes. "That means Yu-"

"Point taken!" she yells, throwing her hands up and blushing. "Besides, he's not interested." As her blush fades, I notice she's wearing less makeup than she used to. Good, she looks better without it. I remember she started wearing it because she was trying to catch Yu's attention. Honestly, it probably only made him sigh and shake his head in disappointment.

"Well, maybe Allen's not interested in me." I mean, I haven't gotten any reaction to my kiss on Valentine's Day. He didn't even question me, then or after! He probably just didn't want to hurt my feelings and make things uncomfortable. Or what if he thinks I was just using him?

Allen Walker…I wonder what's up with him lately? Ever since I told him about the contest, he's seemed distracted by something...or was it before I told him? He was still like that after the kiss, if not a little more, but then Gramps came home because he said he had a lead and visited him. A week later, Cross is gone, Gramps follows a day later, and Allen's starting to closed off. Something's up here, but what?

I don't think he's realized it himself how withdrawn he's been. Allen's becoming like I was before, but I don't think he wants to. If I wasn't so concerned about ruining this with my feelings I'd try to get more involved. He could end up even more closed off if I do something wrong. There's a massive possibility it could go so horribly wrong that the band, not just our friendship, could fall apart; I'm not willing to risk that all. I have to wait for him to tell me…unless it becomes so bad his well-being could be at stake.

I reach to grab a book from the cart, but I hit cool metal. It's empty. Lenalee scoots over so I have room to sit by her, patting the open space. She doesn't reach out to touch me when I sit, which I'm grateful for. "I don't know, Lenalee. I like him, and I know I screwed up, but I don't know if it's worth it."

"Worth what?"

I look up at the nonjudgmental Lenalee. She's biting her lip and is trying not to push, but I can see the curiosity burning in her eyes. It'd be okay to tell her, right? Yu knows and hasn't said anything…

"My dad…isn't the most supportive. Gramps...is complicated." I look down at my shoes and close me eyes. "He knows where I'm going with my life and how it'll all plan out. Follow his steps and become the next 'Bookman,' get a smart, beautiful wife, and have a kid to follow in my steps. The small 'roadblocks' in his plan are are I'm gay and _really_ don't want to go in his line of work."

"What does he do?" I can see the wheels turning in her head, trying to remember exactly where she knew Bookman from before. "Komui worked with Bookman once…when he still worked for the government." I can hear it in her voice as she puts one and one together.

I nod. "When I told him about the little roadblock, he sent me to Gramps so he could 'fix me.'" I laugh hollowly. "You could say this whole band was made because I was rebelling."

Lenalee laughs. I hear the muffled sound of her feet as she walks in front of me, and I look up to see her smiling. "But it's our band now, right?"

I smile at her but stay seated, not entirely done. "My dad hasn't done anything, but I don't doubt he'll send me to some other relative if I start…'straying from the path' or whatever. He's already suspicious since Christmas. Gramps...he wants the same thing for me as Dad and used to be really pushy- he was even worse at one point- but now he's just kinda...there. I don't know where he is, which makes it feel like I'm walking on eggshells, but he's my Gramps. I love him.

"I don't want to move away from you, Yu, Gramps, and Allen. I'm actually happy here." I take a deep breath and stand up, stretching my arms and refusing to look at Lenalee again until I'm done. "There's so much more freedom out of that house. Sorry if I don't think a high school crush is worth moving halfway across the country."

I don't get a response once I finish. It's that a good or bad sign? Yu had just 'che'd when I told him about my dad, but then his life's not entirely normal either. He knew some of the story from Tiedoll too.

Lenalee waits till I look back down to talk. "But what if it is worth it? Not the romance but just Allen in your life period." she asks. "If you don't clear this out of the air with Allen, your friendship could suffer even more than it is. You guys are really close now and both way happier than I've seen before. It would suck to see it all go down the drain."

She leans on the old cart, not at all fazed when it leans back with a loud creak. Lenalee really is sturdy, not letting anything throw her off as she offers the voice of reason. I'm glad I know her. Man, I should've told her about this earlier.

I smile at her and grab the cart to go back and get more books. There are more to put back by now after all. If Idon't stop doing my job, we're screwed. We need that money.

Lenalee stands back up and walks with me. "What are you going to do? About Allen?" she specifies so I can't change the subject.

"Wait till after the competition?" I shrug as we pass the guy who'd shushed us before. He's out cold. "I guess I'll wait to see if Allen reacts." Yeah, that's my best course. "I don't know if he's interested, so I'll just watch him closer." We walk for a few more steps before I blurt out, "Maybe I could try kissing him again?"

Lenalee shakes her head. "For someone so smart, you are so dumb."

* * *

><p><em>How much longer will it take to cure this?<em>  
><em>Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)<em>-

**Click.**

_That's the power of love-_

**Click.**

_It's a lot like, Romeo and Juliet_  
><em>It feels like, something's happening to me-<em>

**Click.**

_No chance, no way  
>I won't say it, no, no<em>

_You swoon, you sigh_  
><em>why deny it, uh-oh<em>

_It's too cliche_  
><em>I won't say I'm in love<em>

Why the hell is Disney on the god damn radio!

**Click.**

_They say this love is blasphemy_  
><em>It is blasphemy-It is blasphemy<em>  
><em>But my new religion is you<em>

Screw it. I give up! The radio can go die. I have an ipod anyway!

I stick my tongue out my alarm clock that doubles as a radio as I turn it off and shove my ear buds in angrily, not really caring what song I was listening to as I hit play on my ipod. Anything is better than the stuff on the radio, and I'm sure Crown Clown won't give me more crap like that!

_-friends with benefits~!_

…Fuck you too, Universe. Fuck you too.

It's all I can do not to throw the offending piece of technology against the wall and watch it break into a million parts. Yes, okay! I _could_ have a crush- _probably_ have a crush- _almost definitely_ have a crush on my straight friend! Who's straight!

Nothing's happened since he kissed me. Not a damn thing. Neither of us has mentioned it or even acted like it happened, but I can feel it in the air between us, hovering there like some damned demon.

At least I've been able to act normally around him without much effort, and we also haven't had any fights. Ironically enough, knowing I have the crush has made me less nervous around him. Who knew not having a voice taunting you about liking someone made it harder to act like yourself around that person?

Still, I don't know where this'll go. I'm bi, but Lavi's straight. That kiss could've been a test- an experiment for a horny Lavi. I may have realized my feelings for him while he found out he's as straight as a hammer. As far as I know he could be confused, but he doesn't show it. At this point, horny is the most likely.

The easiest way would be to ask him, but if I misread this, I have a lot to lose. What if it grosses him out knowing I like him? Our friendship will fall. Maybe we'd never talk again. I won't lose him because of some flimsy crush… that seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on. Ugh!

But I'm not going to stop seeing him. I love spending time with him. Lenalee and Kanda too…sometimes Kanda. I spend almost everyday with at least one of them outside of school. Well, I did until the whole 'holy crap we need to pay for this trip and we only have a few months' crisis kicked in. Now everyone's busy after school with jobs, and practice takes place on fewer days because of everyone's work schedule. Even Lenalee barely has time!

Mikk…I haven't seen him in awhile since his whole family's being surrounded by reporters about Neah's case. If he visits me, someone might check me and find out I'm Neah's nephew. Cross left two months ago at the end of February after Bookman questioned him (it seems he doesn't suspect me _yet_), and I feel abandoned since Tim's gone on one of his disappearance runs and shouldn't be back for at least two days.

Child services anyone? I guess if they couldn't find me when I was eleven they won't show up now.

What do I do now anyway? It's Saturday, so no school. There's no Cross to piss off or dog to distract me. I just tried music and it hasn't really been nice to me so far. Homework's done, and if I sit here and think about Lavi anymore I'll go mad.

I move to my window, navigating around the mess on the floor I really need to pick up, and slide up the glass. Cool, not cold air floats in. It's enough to bother me in short sleeves, but a jacket should be perfect. Ah, I love this kind of weather. It doesn't look strange for me to me covering my arm. Too bad I'll probably die of heat stroke in June if I have to go outside.

I grab a jacket and head out towards the front door, making sure to get my keys and put them in my pocket. I refuse to get locked out and ask Lavi for help breaking into my own house…again.

He still won't let me live it down.

I make sure to hear the dull click of the lock before walking away, cutting through the dead grass of the lawn. Hey, water's expensive. The grass can suffer for my well-being.

Hm...where should I go? Maybe I can go gamble. The money for the trip isn't going to fall from the sky, and everyone else is working today. God, I feel useless. Sure, I've been putting aside as much extra as I can after paying debts and food expenses, but I can't use my disguise too much or I'll become infamous and people won't play me. It feels like I'm contributing the least, and I hate it!

Still, that would require turning around and walking the whole way back to get my stuff. I don't want to turn around. Sigh. Onwards…I guess.

+...+

I end up in the only music store in town searching for reeds for my now nameless clarinet. Poor no-name.

A small bell chimes as I walk in, a few high notes before it falls silent. I take a big gulp of air as the door closes, breathing in the scent of the store. Who doesn't love the smell of CDs, polish, and instruments? Yes, instruments have smells. If you've never noticed, then you obviously have never spent two hours practicing in the band room before smelling fresh air.

I look towards the instrument part of the store, not noticing there's a worker till they talk to me.

"Che. What the hell you do want?" greets the tart voice. Creepy, he sounds just like-

"Language, Kanda."

My eyes widen. No way! There's no way it's Kanda. Who in the right mind would hire him for a job that involved helping people? Who hires a guy who carries around a sword? Besides, I doubt he'd actually get a job for the band-

Oh my god it's Kanda…in a bright blue vest and black slacks...without his sword. Pfft! Ha! I need to get a picture of this! Can't let him see! I cover my mouth with my hand to keep him from seeing my smile, but I'm not quite fast enough.

"What's so funny, Moyashi?" he growls. His eyes narrow, and I notice other workers move away from him. How sad is it I'm so used to that look now? "At least I'm going to be able to pay for gas. You can walk your sorry ass the whole way there."

I roll my eyes, scanning the musical supplies on the far wall. "I've made more gambling yesterday than you do in a week." There are the reeds!

Kanda scoffs, crossing his arms over his white shirt. I still can't believe he has to wear a uniform. When I take a picture of this, I have to give it to Lenalee. I bet she hasn't seen yet since Kanda's so against us knowing where he works. Ha…I could hold this over his head for the rest of the two months until we leave for Philadelphia. Hello free dinners!

"My job doesn't evolve tricking men like yours does." Wow that sounds...wrong. _Really_ wrong. Apparently he thinks so too. "Che, What are you really doing there, bean?" I want to punch that smirk off his face so bad. Asshole…

I catch sight of another worker with the tag 'manager' that's in hearing range and smile in victory. Revenge is sweet.

"It's too complicated for your little brain to handle," I coo sweetly, flicking my eyes towards the manager. Kanda's eyes follow mine before snapping back to me, mouth ticking into a mute snarl. "Maybe when you get two brain cells I can show you. We both know the likelihood of that is equivalent to the probability of you getting laid while you have that hair."

Kanda looks ready to burst as he holds back his comment. If this was a cartoon, he'd have the classic vain bulging from his head and steam from his eats. Hey, maybe his head would even burst into confetti.

"Kanda?" He turns to the manager, forcing his expression to smooth out, but the annoyance is clear in his clenched jaw. "Get back to work. You can talk on your own time." He turns to me, almost looking down his nose. "You buying something?" I nod. "Then go."

I stifle the urge to salute him and go over to the supplies, looking at some of the shinny new clarinets as I pass them. Mine hasn't been that clean in years. Sigh. The reeds are ordered by size, instrument, and brand. Way to be tenacious. I grab four of the cheapest three-sized reeds, not really caring about brand.

Well I'm done, and it took all of ten minutes. What do I do now? Pay for them, then what? I glance over at the CDs. I haven't bought any new music in awhile…and there are songbooks next to them…

It's just my luck Kanda's restocking the shelves. "Stop following me, Moyashi," he breaths under his breath so his boss won't hear. I never really noticed, but he's an enthusiastic as the rest of us, huh? None of us forced him to get a job, yet here he is, trying to hold his temper just to get a paycheck.

"Is looking at music I crime?" I ask, picking up a cool-looking album.

Kanda snorts at my choice. "Sure it's flashy, but they suck." He plops the box containing all the CDs down and grabs a pile. "The lyrics are repetitive, the melody is mediocre at best, and the drummer as no beat."

I blink, setting the album back down. "Wow, you know your stuff," I remark. "I didn't really think you knew."

You know, I always figured Kanda was in the band because Lavi had something so huge over him, a secret life-shatteringly big that Kanda had to play the drums in ZoNE. I mean, I've never seen him really enjoy himself at practice. You know, just let go and pound the drums like his life depended on it But then he does show up everyday, and, now that I think about it, a lot of really good recommendations that improve our sound come from him. The drum beat is always on, never lagging and just loud enough to be heard but not overpowering.

"Just because I'm not writing music like you guys doesn't mean I'm clueless." He puts one of the CDs in his hand on front of the one I just put down, completely blocking it from view. Then he adds two more. "The morons here gave me this job because some idiot was trying to convince another idiot to buy some prissy band. I told him he had horrible taste in music and proved he knew nothing."

And that, boys and girls, this is the probably the only time Kanda's bastardness got him in good with people.

"Well then." I flutter my lashes at him, clasping my hands in front of me. "What do you recommend, oh music guru?"

Kanda's lip curls in disgust. He looks around before hissing, "Asshole. Stop acting like an idiot." He shoves some CD in my hand. "Now get out."

"Ha!"

I jump at the sudden cry of victory, nearly dropping the CD in my hands, but Kanda remains apathetic and unresponsive. He doesn't even glance over to see what it is. How does he do it? "I got the TV working!" some random worker announces victoriously. "Cable should be on in a few- there!"

The sound of the usual reporter for the news echoes around the store. "- then put the cat in the freezer." The hell? "In other news, Neah Walker's trial looms ever closer, scheduled now for late December in Hermon, New York. The date may be pushed back further. Both sides of the case continue to look for his nephew-"

Don't tense up! Relax! There are people here! I can't throw up!

"-who is wanted for questioning and a witness testimony."

They don't know where you are, and the only way you're going back is if you go yourself. You're fine! Nothing's wrong.

"Layers hope he'll make a court appearance."

I think I'm going to be sick.

"That's your uncle, huh?" Kanda asks nonchalantly, sorting a few more CDs. You'd think he just asked me for a candy bar or something by that tone instead! Seriously, can he show an emotion that isn't anger or apathy? He just asked if I was related to a convicted murderer!

I force a laugh that should fool him. It sounds real enough to fool most people. "Um…no. Just because we have the same last name doesn't mean we're related." I roll my eyes. "Stupid."

Kanda glares at me, placing a few more CDs in front of others to block them. "No use lying, and don't think I can't tell a real laugh from a fake one either, dumbass," he scoffs. "A baby could tell that was forced."

"Did you ever think maybe I'm tired of people asking if I'm related to a killer?" I demand, redirecting my anger into the question. Am I loosing my touch? Kanda can tell now, and we barely talk to the other outside of insults!

"I know you are, and you can't deny it." Kanda reaches into the box to grab more CDs, but it's empty. He gives it a disgusted look like it's the box's fault it isn't bottomless and walks away towards the back room.

He's not getting away that easy. I follow after him. "And how, pray tell, do you know?" I press. "Isn't it just suspicion?" On the off chance someone told him, I have to know who.

"Tiedoll," he spits out like the name causes him pain, "told me."

I wait for him to elaborate, but he just disappears in the employees' only back room. I stand rooted to the spot, waiting for him. This isn't some normal conversation. This could cause so much damage if it gets out! Reporters would be crowding my house. People will start treating me different, like I'm going to go crazy and start killing them even though I'm not blood related to Neah. And the court room...all those people...

_How long does it take to grab a fucking box!_

As soon as he's back, what feels like hours later, I ground out, "How does Tiedoll know?"

Kanda looks at me in disgust. "You're still here? Don't you have a life or something?" I cross my arms and glare at him, staring him start in the eyes. Now that I look, I'm almost as tall as him. Ha! Take that girly man! I am a bean sprout no more!

"Tiedoll worked with that idiot red-head at your house." He's tone turns furious when he talks about Cross. I snicker, remembering how the first time Cross saw Kanda he was drunk. The poor bastard mistook him for a girl in his drunk state and ended up with a black eye.

And that was one of the few times I liked Kanda for a moment of my life.

Kanda snickers and looks at me, smugness clear on his face. "He flinched when he saw that Walker guy on the TV. Marie," wow, not a hint of disgust or negative emotion, "asked him about it while I was in the room. I know everything." He stops and looks right in my eyes, smirking. "_Everything,_" he stresses. "So how much have you stolen since you got here?"

Rage. It's the only thing present in my body. I can feel myself go numb with it, feel it completely blank out my mind racing a mile a minute. It numbs me so much all I can do it stare at Kanda while I process the overwhelming feeling.

How dare he? What does he know about me? What Tiedoll heard from Cross who heard it from Neah? He knows nothing! Nothing! I haven't stolen since I was six! I'm not some petty thief who can't keep his hands to himself! I hated stealing! Hated it! How _dare_ he even infer I'd do it for my own gain now!

I blink, a sudden pain in my left hand. When did Kanda get on the ground, and why is he cradling his cheek with a dazed expression?

…Dear god I hit him. I _punched _him.

It was nice living while it lasted.

"Go pay for your crap and wait outside," Kanda grits out. Wait, why isn't he hitting me back? He spats to the side, blood tinting his spit. Blood…

I run passed him to the counter and throw my items on it, trying not to hyperventilate. Neah and blood in the same hour? At this rate I'll be on the floor, screaming about murder. It's been years since I've had a 'memory attack,' but it doesn't mean I've forgotten. And what's wrong with Kanda? Why didn't he punch back? How long am I supposed to wait for him outside?

"Have a nice day," the cashier says happily, handing me my change and a bag with my things in them. When did they check me out? Calm...Calm down.

I slip on my mask while I cower inside. I smile and take the bag, heading outside. "Thanks. You too." Hope it's better than how mine's going.

+...+

I do wait for Kanda. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel bad about punching him. Sure, he was provoking me with the taboo topic, but it's not like he knew I'd snap. Kanda isn't a sadist and obviously didn't expect me to react like that if his expression is anything to go by. You know, I probably over-reacted too. It's been forever since I did those kinds of things, and it wasn't like I did them to be mean! Kanda would've done it too in my position. Plus, I wasn't the only one who did it. I learned from others.

I can still remember those kids! There was-

I jump when the door to the store bangs against the wall to reveal a murderous Kanda. With his uniform on and partly swollen check, the effect is really ridiculous, but I don't dare laugh. The bell above the door is now jammed in an upwards position from the force he used, only giving one soft, late ring in warning.

"Come with me." Kanda's tone is tense with threat. He doesn't glance back as he stalks down the sidewalk, probably expecting me to follow. I stay where I am, swaying towards the other direction. You know, maybe I can wait until he calms down and meet him at practice. "Now! I _will_ chase you down and drag you back by that old man hair!"

Can't argue with that, now can I?

Kanda waits for me to walk over to him, eyes watching for any sign I'll run. I offer a weak smile that gets a glare in return. I let it drop and return the favor. Screw you too.

I have to almost stride to stay with Kanda despite our legs being almost the same length now. I've never seen someone speedwalk so fast or effortlessly. He leads me to an alleyway big enough to hide a body and stops. I knew he was going to kill me! He'll strangle me with his hair and leave me back here! Least now I don't have to deal with Lavi and Neah.

Kanda raises an eyebrow at me in warning and goes in first. I step in after him, noticing him turn on his heel to spin around and face me. His fist blurs as it heads for my face.

Ow! God _shit_ that hurt! Man! Maybe I should've dodged! I let him hit me- an eye for an eye after all- but damn! My jaws going to be swelled for awhile! I stagger to my feet, swaying as I try to find my footing. Thank goodness there's a wall next to me I can lean on. I run my tongue over my teeth to check for damage, not finding any chippings or loose teeth. Good. Seems I'm not bleeding either. I work my jaw up and down. It hurts, but it's okay.

…He is not snickering at me! _He is not_! Oh, he better sleep with one eye open!

Kanda pushes passed me, knocking his shoulders with mine like a jerk. "You're not the only person in the world with a crappy childhood," he whispers before continuing back down the way we came.

"What do you mean?" I yell after him. The ass doesn't answer. "Hey!" I dash after him, only to see him stop in front of the music store and glare back at me.

"If you have a problem, wait till practice where that rabbit will keep you alive. Don't bring it into my work." I stop, shocked. Damn, either he really likes this job, or ZoNE means more to him than I've ever thought. "And don't tell them were I work, or I'll beat you with a rope."

I look away, not really sure what to say. "It doesn't bother me, you know," I lie, trying to save face. "What you said before."

"Doesn't bother you?" Kanda demands incredulously. "Then why the hell did you look like I'd just danced on your dead grandma? You'd think you were in agony just thinking about it."

"Agony…" I echo stupidly. What's he talking about?

Kanda shakes his head disgustedly, not even looking at me. "I swear, the idiots I surround myself with. And here I thought I'd left all the morons behind me." His voice is low, barely more than a grumble. I don't think he thinks I can hear him.

Kanda opens the door and disappears back inside without another word to me, the still-stuck bell not making a sound. I stare at the place Kanda had been for a few seconds before turning around and heading to Subway. I mean, what else do I do after getting punched in the face? Ice it? Ha! No, I'm going to go talk to Lenalee.

+...+

"Welcome to- hey, Allen! Oh my god! What happened to- you're not going to tell me, are you?"

I grin and walk over to the deserted counter, shaking my head. There's only two other people in here, but they're at the Dairy Queen half of the store. I breath in deeply as I walk, my stomach howling at the smells of fresh bread and meats in the air mixing with the slight smell of chocolate from DQ.

Lenalee rolls her eyes with a chuckle. "You look like you're eating the air or something!"

"I'm sorry, but it smells so good!" I pull out a fifty, already tasting the bread. "Fire up the oven and get ready, Lenalee. This is going to take awhile."

My friend sighs and pulls on her clear disposable gloves, already grabbing a fresh foot-long sub. "Try not to clean us out. We just restocked yesterday, and other people do like to eat here."

"No promises." I clear my throat loudly before rattling off nine different sandwiches, Lenalee impressively keeping up with all of them. She smirks at the other workers who are gaping at me without even stopping her hands.

I pay for my food and sit down at a window seat, grabbing one that smells of meatballs and digging in. Mmm! I love this place. It's just a bonus Lenalee gives me a friend discount.

Lena sits across from me two subs later with her own food, eating half in the time it takes me to finish one. She studies my probably bruised jaw with curiosity. I make sure to keep looking out the window, my leg jiggling in my anxiety against my will. It's coming. I know it is. Just wait…

"What happened to your face?" she asks, not quite as interested as she should be. Wait a little more…"When are you going to confront Lavi?" There it is! "You guys really need to talk-"

"No, we don't," I interrupt curtly. "No offense, but I have bigger things to worry about. Love life," I point over my shoulder, "takes a back seat." It's back there with get a monkey and burn all the liquor stores: a nice notion that I just don't really have time for or the amount of effort needed to pull off for it to not land me in jail.

Lenalee looks at me like I just lost a screw. "You were having a mini panic attack over whether you liked Lavi or not before! Now that you know, you're going to_ put it lower on your priority list_?" I nod. "What is wrong with you people!"

Smirking, I mutter, "Maybe common sense isn't that common. Ow!" I rub where she slapped me, frowning. "Did you really have to do that?" She even stretched across the table to do it! Violence!

"Allen, this could end two ways."

"Just two?" I ask skeptically. Come on! There's not way there's only two options!

Lena ignores me. "You'll either wait too long, Lavi will find a…girlfriend, and you'll be miserable, or-" I open my mouth, but she gives me a pointed look to shut my mouth and let her finish. "_Or_ it'll pile up and come out in the ugliest ways."

"Gross, Lenalee! Ew! Aw, nasty!"

"Allen! Focus!" she yells, giving me the same look Kanda had earlier when I thought he was going to kill me. I shut up. "You need to tell him!"

I cross my arms and lean back, retorting sarcastically, "_Right_. I'll tell my best friend, who is straight, that I like him. What could possibly go wrong? You know, besides him never wanting to talk to me again and our friendship crumbling into a pile of rumble barely a shadow of its former glory."

Lenalee cocks an eyebrow. "Very poetic." She crumbles up the paper that had wrapped her sandwich and lobs it at the trash behind me. "You're obviously a tortured soul." I try to catch it, but miss by a mile, the ball hitting me in the head. "Who can't catch worth crap."

I stick my tongue out at her.

She bites her lip nervously, twisting a pigtail around her finger. "Are you sure about the contest, Allen? I know you were okay during the talent show, but I think we should go to the open mic night at Continue to see if you'll be okay."

I try not to sigh at her concerned tone. She's right, I probably should see how I am. We haven't performed as a band since the show, and Lavi and I haven't done another 'show' in the mall either. I really don't want to though.

A customer comes in, pausing to look at my hair before going to the empty counter.

Lenalee stands up and looks down at me. "I think we will," she decides, a note of finality in her voice. "It's tomorrow, so that should give us time to run through our songs and get ready. Text everyone and tell them."

"Great," I mumble, but Lenalee's already gone. I look at my last sub, suddenly not very hungry.

* * *

><p>My phone buzzes in my pocket, making me jump a foot in the air. I'm in one of the more deserted parts of the library alone. It's so creepy back here! I half expect <em>It<em> to come out and eat me or something. There could be mutant spiders back here for all I know!

I pull out my phone, frowning when I see it's from Allen. What does he want? He usually doesn't text me.

_We r going 2 Continue tomorrow for the mic night thing (yay)._

I smirk as I type in a response.

_U__ sound excited._

_I'm bursting with excitement __-_____-_

I laugh and slide my phone back in my pocket, finishing up. My shift ends in two minutes, and I'm sure they'll let me go now. Besides, Kanda offered me a ride home. If I'm late, he'll leave me.

I dash out of the creepy section and up to the front desk, giving the head my name tag and saying goodbye to the head librarian before going outside. Sure enough, Yu's there.

"Hey Yu!" He whips his head around at my call, growling. His cheek is black and blue and slightly swelled. "The hell happened to you?" I ask, trying to hold back a snicker. The last person to land a blow on him was me a year ago, and I thought we were going to kill each other once that fight started. Whoever did that must have been really skilled or suicidal.

"I don't want to talk about it!" Yu snaps, shoving passed me. He kicks over a potted beansprout on the side of the road, spitting at it. Oh, I see. I' m going to have to congratulate Allen after our show.

* * *

><p>We.<p>

Are.

_Royally_.

_Screwed_.

_I knew it_! I _knew_ they should've got someone else! I can't do this! I'm dragging them down, and I can't help it! I thought I was getting better- honest, I did!- but I actually regressed from how I was! I didn't mean to! It just happened.

It was amazing at first. The multicolored lights flashing over the stage, illuminating the instruments we placed on stage beforehand in a mysterious way. The loud music that was pulsing through the floor as we waited, traveling comfortably through my feet and up my legs. The joking conversation we had before we were supposed to go on, the songs we hadn't even played yet echoing in my head. I was actually looking forward to making music with everyone. It wasn't till we started out that I remembered the crowd, all the eyes watching my every move.

It's the trail. I _know_ it's the trail's fault. It's got me all worked up again, made it worse so I can't even play. Once I was out there…

The keys… oh my god. The keys had just blurred together in my vision till I couldn't tell white from black anymore. My hands- no, my whole body went numb with fear. I couldn't even blink. The only reason I even made it to my instrument was because it was only a few steps from backstage. Not that it mattered I got out there. I'd fainted like a little girl.

"I'm so sorry," I moan, collapsing back on the couch at HQ and putting my face in my hands. I can't face them! Not after that. I can just picture the loathing, the anger, the hate. "I knew it! You guys should've got someone without stage fright bad enough for it to be a condition!"

I feel someone grab the hair on top of my head and lightly tug. When I don't move, they tug harder. The third time rips a few hairs out. I look up, glaring up at the indifferent Lavi and concerned Lenalee.

"Allen, this goes beyond stage fright. There was no reason for you to get worse unless there's something in your life causing you stress." Lavi shrugs, looking uncomfortable and guilty. "There's also the possibility that whatever caused your stage fright in the first place is back. A person…an event…" Why does he look so sorry? "I don't know! You tell me!"

Oh, I know. Problem is I'm not telling.

"He almost threw up in a music store before once he saw blood after this broadcast," Kanda contributes, his first words since my little 'episode.' He glares at me, but I can see something else tinting his rage.

…Dear god. Is that concern? The apocalypse! It's here!

"Really?" Lavi asks. He gets this look in his eye like he just figured out how to solve a rubix cube. His mouth starts moving but no sound comes out; he stares straight ahead. And he thinks I'm the one with the problem.

"He gets like that." I almost laugh at Lenalee's brisk dismissal of Lavi's abnormality. She makes eye contact with me, purple eyes wide with honesty. "You know we don't blame you, right? Lavi has a point, and I think you have an idea what this really is." She crouches down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You're not alone, you know? We can help."

I feel a tinge in me at her words. Warmth spreads through me. I look- really look- at the people around me. They care about me and want to help. They don't care about my arm or hair or scar. Everyone here are my friends, and I'm not alone anymore. I don't have to be lonely anymore. Maybe I can let them in.

I look down at my feet to hid the blush creeping up my face but smile. "Thank you," I mutter, my voice cracking a bit on the end.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder…" Lavi mutters, making us all look at him. "It would make sense. Whatever was on that broadcast must be linked to something that happened you, Allen." If only he knew. "People with PTSD usually have intense feelings of distress when reminded of the trauma. You obviously haven't been sleeping as well lately, so I'm guessing nightmares."

Damn. He's spot on.

"You have slight feelings of mistrust towards people you don't know well…There was that one time your leg hurt for no apparent reason, but that might not be a symptom if it hasn't happened more than once." Lavi looks up at me. "Most kids who have PTSD get new phobias that seem to have nothing to do with the source of trauma."

His eye boars into mine, challenging me to disagree. He'll know if I lie. Damn him. I look away, nodding. "It's a possibility," I say miserably.

Lavi shrugs. "We're just going to have to try to help you in time for the contest, and I know just what to do. Don't worry. We can do this."

We all sit in silence, all of us exchanging glances before looking away to somewhere else. A few times we try to start up a conversation, but the heavy atmosphere just won't go away.

Finally, none of us can take it. We get up and start for the cars, but I hang back for a second and signal for Lenalee to do the same.

I wait until I'm sure Lavi's out of ear shot before asking, "Does he know what he's doing? I really don't want him to make things worse." It's all I need for my crush to try and get more intimate with me now. At this rate, I'm going to explode.

"Lavi's one of the smartest people I know, Allen. Just trust him," Lena assures me.

We go out the door to find him yelling angrily at some rocks that 'tripped' him.

I am so screwed.

+…+

"Hey, Allen." I hum in acknowledgment, staring at the blurring houses. It's strange now to be in the car with Lavi alone. I'm much more aware of what he's doing and how close I am to him during the drive. I've taken up residence against the door for the last few months. "Is…Neah Walker related to you somehow?"

Fuck, he _is _smart.

There's a beat of silence before I start my denials, but that beat is all Lavi needs to know. How is it so aggravating yet so nice that he can tell at the same time?

"Is he the reason for all this?" Lavi asks. I play with a loose thread on my gloves. Where did that stain come from? "What happened to you?" I wonder how much new gloves will cost. "Allen, tell me what's on your mind?"

"I need new gloves."

Lavi takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long hiss. "Allen, do you know the best way to get rid of PTSD? Talking about your trauma!" He runs his hand through his hair, clenching the red strains in his hand. It looks like he's really going to tear his hair out. "The very least you'll have to do is go see a therapist to even have a slim chance of a slim chance to be okay during the contest or at least talk to someone."

My hands clench into my jeans. He talks like I'm the one at fault! It's called trauma for a reason! I've talked to no one about it ever! I don't want to, I'm not going to, and Lavi can kiss my ass.

I snort. "Like you can say that. How about you tell me what was on yours during Valentine's Day? Feeling a little experimental? I want to slam my head against the wall. What the hell am I thinking, bringing up our kiss like that? But no, I keep talking. " Or, better yet, let's talk about your trauma. How's the eye? What happened again? Oh yeah! I don't know!"

To say Lavi flinches is an understatement. He recoils at my words like I just threw a poisonous snake at him. "That's not fair, Allen. The cases are completely different-"

"Like hell they are!" I snap. "I might as well be a kettle and you a pot!"

Lavi pauses, regarding me with a dissatisfied frown. "Why are you the kettle? Maybe I want to be the kettle."

All the rage hat was building up just flies out of me until I'm left with the monotone question of "Why?"

"Because a kettle has a better handle." Lavi drums the top of the steering wheel. "Ba-bap-chh!"

How the hell was that a joke? "That's the worst punchline I've ever heard." Seriously, that deserves to be drowned. "And a horrible reason to want to be a kettle." The atmosphere is much less tense, but it's still in the air around us. The elephant in the car if you will. I can feel it start to grow again.

"Look," I start, immediately getting Lavi's attention. It's kind of disconcerting. "I'll give you bits and pieces of what happened when I say." I run a hand through my hair, heaving a sigh. "If I wait more than two months, you have right to the whole story. At the end of it…" I pause, waiting for him to look over and meet my eyes again before finishing. "You show me your eye. Deal?"

"Deal."

Let's hope this works.

**"Accidentally in Love" by The Counting Crows, "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis & the News, "Romeo And Juliet" by S.O.A.P, "I Won't Say I'm in Love" by Susan Egan, "Blasphemy" by Cinema Bizarre, "Loverboy" by You Me At Six, and the theme song from Total Drama Island.  
><strong>

**I'm going to do my best to keep the US legal system as it should be in later chapters, but there will probably be some things changed to fit better in the story. **

**_PLEASE REMEMBER SELF-DIAGNOSIS IS BAD._ ****_Please go see a doctor instead of listening to a friend. _****I'm not saying Lavi's wrong...but I'm not saying he's right. All the facts on PTSD are true, but there are more specifics to it than listed.  
><strong>

**Yeah, it's been a month. Sorry! The good news is I finally know where this story will end...but the bad is I go back to school tomorrow. T.T  
><strong>

**Criticism cures monoexosuecleousis. Don't look it up. Just trust me.  
><strong>


	15. If You Can't Hang

****The medical facts have been slightly switched around to fit better. **I've heard Neah has red hair from a few, so I'm compromising.******

**Disclaimer: Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.**

**If You Can't Hang**

We should've all known the silence was too good to last. It was so close though! There were only forty-five minutes left when he started. Now, only a single song later, we're all ready to throw him out the window onto the highway. Of course the large space in the van is echoing his voice and doesn't help at all.

We're in a child snatching van. It had been completely white when Lavi first showed it to us, the way too bright kind of white parents tell you to sstay away from and TV makes fun of. He said he bought it because it was cheap, but I guarantee it was so he could paint it with the ZoNE logo and other crazy colors to make it even _more _conspicuous. And we're currently traveling across Pennsylvania in it, but that's not the issue.

No, it's his incessant singing!

"_Cuz if I were gay  
>I would give you my soul!<em>"

Oh, of _course_ it has to be _this_ song now. It's so cruelly ironic I want to rip his balls off and throw them out the window. No, Allen. Just keep staring out the window. Don't look at him. Look, a bird. It's a pretty bird.

"_And if I were gay  
>I would give you my hole."<em>

Oh dear god.

"…_being._"

"Sing something else!" I finally snap, rounding on him for just a second. I ignore the raised eyebrow and look back outside, talking without looking at him. "If you're gonna sing, pick something less annoying!" I should've stayed home. The car ride back is going to be even worse I bet.

There's silence. I can feel Lavi's eye on me, but I don't move or attempt to explain. Why should I? He still hasn't said anything about the kiss, and now he's going to sing that? Plus, it was plain annoying.

"_It's~ a small world a~fter all~!"_ he sings in an obnoxiously high voice that even dolphins cringe in pain at.

We all groan. Lenalee throws her empty pop can at him, the metal ringing as it hits his hollow head and bounces off.

"_Ha-ha, hee-hee, ho-ho-ho! Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! The amazing chocolatier!" _he sings in an even higher voice I didn't even know was physically possible for a guy to hit naturally. Hmm...Is that a new crack in the window?

"_Dude looks like a la~d- _Kanda! Keep your eyes on the road!" What the hell! Who turns around to attack someone while driving?

"Kanda!" Lenalee screeches, grabbing him and trying to pry him off Lavi while keeping a hand on the wheel.

We just swerved off the road! I don't want to die! Oh shit! "Kanda! Dear god! Grab the stirring wheel and drive, you crazy ass!"

I jump in to help Lenalee, and we finallly manage to get him off without crashing. Lavi shuts up long enough for Kanda to calm down and get us back on the road, people shooting us the bird and honking their horns for the next mile or so. We're all breathing hard, Lenalee's knuckles white from her gripping the wheel so hard. I can feel my heart tearing the muscle in my chest as it tries to escape. Kanda is panting in rage. Lavi…he's just sitting there like it never happened.

Slowly we all get back to normal. God, that was one of the mist terrifying things ever. As long as Lavi doesn't sing anymore, Kanda should be-

"_Duck Tails! Wo~o!"_

I start banging my head off the window. It's less painful than the singing. Lenalee groans in pain, clutching her head. Kanda slams his hand on the horn of the car, the single note ringing out for a few seconds on the highway. One kid in the car next to us raises an eyebrow at me. I shake my head at him, face palming. He laughs and gives a supportive thumbs up before his car pulls ahead of us.

"Please?" Lena asks. "At least sing something good."

You know what? I really don't want to win if I'm going to be stuck in a car with this guy for who knows how many hours if we get to the next stage.

"I feel a sing-a-long~ coming on~!" Lavi yells, stopping mid-song before bursting out, "_Let's get down to business…to defeat…the Huns!_" He fails around, striking a ridiculous pose each pause. "_Did they send me daughters…" _he has the gall to point at Kanda, "_when I asked…for sons~!"_

Kanda starts back around, one hand raised to punch Lavi in the face.

…Dear god, I'm going to die on this trip…

+…+

I groan and collapse on the hotel bed, uncaring if there's some hideous disease on it from the previous occupants. I hear Lenalee slam the door to her room and Kanda head to the extra room we had to book for him. He doesn't want to sleep in the same room as any of us for some reason.

The mattress jerks up when Lavi flops next to me, laughing into the febreze-scented sheets. "Only we would get lost for two hours trying to find a hotel and have to wait for an extra hour as they cleaned our rooms."

"I know," I agree, "and only you would sing straight through most of it." The blankets scratch my cheeks as I slide my face to look over at Lavi, frowning at the bits of trash already scattered around the room thanks to my friend. "You'd think for all we're paying for this they'd be ready."

We had planned on staying a few extra days to look around, but the cheapest hotel we could find ended up being too much once we added up all our expenses, especially since we got three separate rooms. Tomorrow is the first part of competition, and the day after that is for the second. Unless we get done early tomorrow or don't make it to day two, it's strictly business. If this goes overtime into another day, we'll be sleeping in the van...together with all our instruments and a rabid Kanda.

"I know," Lavi says, getting this kind of shrewd look in his eye. "I hate it when hotels make promises that they don't keep. Like when they say they'll do something, like tell you all about it's founding, but chicken out when it's time to pay up so you're left hanging."

Wow, those hotels sound suspiciously like me. What are the odds?

"Allen," he says softly. Lavi starts sliding towards me on the bed, getting way too close for comfort. "Are you going to tell me, or…"

I sit up quickly and stare at the pale wall above the bed frame, focusing on a particularly big crack they attempted to hide with a picture of the sea. Lavi looks at me and sits up too, a bit deflated.

No. Don't read into it. Focus on the task at hand. Therapy. I need to heal or whatever. Just start talking. After all, I refused to go to a therapist and promised to tell Lavi the story. I can do this...maybe. Where do I even start? Ugh! This would be so much easier if I could just tell someone who was there, like Neah or something!

...Hey, not a bad idea.

I can picture him in the room with us, relaxing back on the bed with an all-knowing look. The somewhat cocky smirk, the messy but somehow styled hair, the strange outfits that usually involved vests, and the annoying little tone in his voice when he would tease me. Neah I can be completely open with, even if he irks me to no end.

I know where to start.

"I don't remember my parents or much of anything before I was about seven, but I know there was a big group of kids on the streets that took care of me- well, all the younger kids- in an old building were we all lived. We took shifts getting the food, the older going more frequently than the younger. Unluckily for me- or I guess lucky now that I think about it- the first time I had to do it was during winter.

"Our leader of sorts, Cosmo, had a rule that weren't allowed to come back empty handed, but the day was just a complete bust for me. I couldn't get anything. I was hungry and cold, so after sitting on the sidewalk for a few hours knowing the others had a fire and some food from yesterday, I was getting desperate."

Lavi is completely locked onto me now and looking as normal as you can while your friend spills their guts. Oddly, it's not uncomfortable at all. In fact, the image of Neah fades a bit, like I don't really need him to talk to Lavi. It's actually kind of nice to just tell anyone really. I haven't talked about Mana or Neah in so long, and I kinda like looking back.

+…+

I think my stomach is eating itself! What is wrong with these people today? It's close to that weird holiday -what was it again? Christ-something? I don't really care- where people are supposed to be all good and stuff, so they usually take pity on kids like me and give us food or a dollar or _something_. Why aren't they handing out food like they usually do?

At least it's not too boring on the street. With a lot more strange people out today because of that Christ holiday, making up stories about people becomes more interesting. Like the old lady that just passed is an ex-agent, or the man that spat at me was an alien. Maybe that couple that just passed are really trailing the old lady and are assassins.

I watch a small girl with a pink dress, ponytail, and a purse with stupid sparkling stickers holding her mother's hand. Maybe her 'mother' is a kidnapper. I watch as she sticks the hand not holding her mom's into her purse and dig for something as she walks by me. A bomb? How cool would that be?

The girl cries out. Small plastic bags of snacks fall from it out in front of me.

…_Food!_

With all the energy I got, I jump for the food. I scoop up whatever I can grab and run, ignoring the shout from the little girl as I go. I turn a corner then run in a straight path that should take me to where everyone else is. I should be able to just go back since I won't be chased for a few bags of food. _They_ can obviously buy more. It's just snacks anyway. Now the group has dinner and they have dinner. Win win.

What _did_ I grab anyway?

Looking down in my hands, I see strange orange fish smiling at me with weird scribbles above it- stupid words- but there's something else in my hands. I stop running and move the food to my red hand to see what it is.

It's so pretty! A golden chain is in my hand, the shinning color made even brighter because of my dirty hand. A gold ring is on the chain, and a giant pearl is in the center with other smaller pearls around it. A pattern in the shape of waves covers the rest. Softly, I use a black fingernail to trace the bumpy waves. It's so…wow. We can get a lot of food for selling this.

Smiling, I stuff the fish in my coat pocket and the ring in my jean pocket for safe keeping. Now all I have to do is get back to the group and have some dinner.

I look over to see the walk signal is on. I stumble a little as I move from the sidewalk to the street when I start to run. There are bunches of stories about kids not making it to the other side and then getting hit, so everybody runs across. Although I doubt it'll even happen-

Oh my god, a car!

I scream and stumble back, falling to the street. Why was there a car?! The light should've been longer! No, the light's still on. I look around, but all the car driver's look just as stunned as me. Maybe...someone was trying to hit me? No. No way. I'm just...why would they hit me? They were probably in a rush. Looking down the way they went, I can't see them. See? It was a mistake.

I run the rest of the way across the street anyway, not because I'm scared but to get across before the light changes.

Looking back once I'm safely on the sidewalk, I can see one of the fish snacks fell out of my pocket. I start to go get it, but the light is flashing. I can only stand and watch as the cars crush my food. Thankfully the other is still in my pocket. The ring! Patting my pants pocket, I can feel its shape. Good.

"Kid!" My left arm- my monster arm- is grabbed roughly, almost jerking me off my feet. "Are you okay? Mana almost hit you with the car!" He looks at my dirty clothes. "Where're your parents?" I don't answer- why should I?- and twist my wrist in a way that will get me out of grip. If it doesn't get me free from the force, my skin rubbing against his should make him drop my hand real quick.

To my surprise, he grips my scaly red skin tighter as he calls 'Mana' over. He even looks at it and everything without letting go! No one at the group will even glance at it! He's crazy. He has to be. _No one_ holds my hand for more than a few seconds!

"What's wrong, Neah?" calls someone.

"Come here! I found- would you stop?" he snaps at me. Well then.

I stop struggling and actually look at my captor, Neah I guess. He's not really old, probably a little younger than Cosmo. Maybe that's why he's so stupid? His hair is short, messy, and black with red highlights. Yellow eyes are looking over my head, probably for this 'Mana' person. His skin is worse than mine, and I'm almost brown with dirt. He looks like he rolled in cement. I didn't know people could be gray! Oddly enough, he has on a nice white button up, a vest that's usually worn with a suit, and old jeans.

'_Bark!"_

What the heck was that? A squeak toy?

"Tim!" comes Neah's happy laugh. A midget dog dashes by my feet to him, it's entire butt wiggling with its tail. "Where's Mana? Did he send you ahead or did you escape, you little mutt?" he asks fondly while rubbing the dog's head with his free hand.

Now that I look at it, it's only puppy full of energy. It keeps yipping really loudly and nipping his fingers, but Neah just laughs. I wonder if it'll really bite me if I pet it? He looks so happy...

Now! I jerk my arm back as hard as I can to get away from Neah...but his grip stays on. He raises an eyebrow at me, challenging me to try again. If that's the way he wants it. I run forward, intending to kick him in the shin, but he locks his arm in place to keep me far enough away that I can't reach. I keep running at him, but Neah won't let go.

When I stop, I'm panting hard and even angrier. This stupid piece of crap! Why can't he let me go?

"Is that boy okay?" I glance over at the voice to see two women watching us carefully. Next to them are a few others giving us weird looks. Some people slow down to get a better look at us.

That's it!

Suppressing my smirk, I easily call tears to my eyes. I put everything I have into it and force crocodile tears to roll down my face just like I was taught. I even noisily snort into my jacket for a good measure. I make sure I sound as miserable as possible. "Why won't you let me go?" I whine as loud as I can.

Already I can hear the people start to mutter uncomfortably, and I know Neah can too because he gets this panicked look on his face. "Hey-"

"What has my brother said _this_ time?" I look over to this really old, polite guy. He has a sharp nose- seriously! It's a point!- and the same weird gold eyes as Neah. He's not gray though. There's this strange smile on his face, not fake but like it's permanently stuck there. He's also in giant, puffy clown pants. The heck?

Mana moves over and puts his hand on my red shoulder, his grip loose. Neah lets me go but stands right behind me so I can't run. The little puppy watches me carefully too. "Come on, brother. Let's go home," the clown guy says, leading me down the sidewalk to a parked car I guess is his car. He doesn't move from the red part of my skin. What is wrong with these people?

Why is he opening the car door for me? Wait? What? Does this guy have a screw loose? He's kidding, right? There's no way he actually wants me to get in.

I stare at him, but he doesn't laugh. He just keeps smiling that strange smile. What does he want me to do? Get in? I look down the sidewalk, but no one looks at him like he's suspicious. A few people even friendly wave at him, not even giving me a weird look. It's not like I've heard of anyone trying to kidnap kids either. What's up with this guy? Why does he want me to get in?

"Come on," Mana laughs lightly. "We need to go, Allen."

Who?

The strange guy ushers me inside, almost pushing but not quite. There's room so that I could easily run away, but I really want to know where in the world he's gonna take me. Will he try to drop me off at a foster home like a few others? Free dinner like some other kids have talked about? I really want to know.

So I let myself be let in. He waits till I'm completely in before- get this- shutting the door behind him to leave me _completely alone_ in his car. This is just what I need! There has to be valuables in here somewhere! I can take them back with me after everything, and Cosmo won't make me work for a while! I quickly jump up, heading for the front. I just have to look around-

The passenger door opens, revealing a somewhat disgruntled Neah. He spots me half way to the front and cocks his eyebrow in challenge. I slowly sit back in my seat, smiling angelically all the way at the loser. He mirrors my expression as he drops his puppy in the back seat with me. "Here you g_o_."

I sneer in thanks. At least the puppy just curls up and goes to sleep.

Neah smirks and reclines back in his seat, the lock sounding for the door. "I wouldn't have that attitude if I were you. Maybe we're some kind of killers, huh? Ever think of that kid?" He turns to me, a cruel light in his eyes that make them glow like the ring still in my pocket. "I love blood," he offers, licking his lips.

Get me out of here! I want to live!

"It's locked," Neah so nicely reminds me as I almost rip the door handle off in my attempt to get out. "You're stuck here until Mana decides what to do with you."

I kick the door in disgust and throw myself back against the seats. I'm not angry. Nope. I'm just waiting until I can run. "Why don't you just put me back?"

"Because Mana says you're Allen." He sighs heavily. "Now shut up, play along, and maybe I'll feed you for a few days."

Why isn't this guy making sense? "What do you mean-"

The car door opens, and my whole body freezes. "What did you say to him, Neah? He looks ready to crap himself!" Mana shakes his head at the other as he climbs in, the clown pants poofing out ridiculously when he sits down. "You need to stop scaring kids."

"Kids needed to stop being scared." Neah points out as Mana starts the car. I'm still in it by the way. Neah glances back at me like I'm some troublesome dead deer in the middle of the road. I glare at him. The doors are locked! It's not like I can get out!

We stay locked in a glaring match until Neah rubs the bridge of his nose and looks away. Ha! I win. "What are we going to do with him? Take him to a home? Drop him off on the side of the road?"

"Who?" Mana looks at him, blinking slowly in confusion before looking back at me. He stares at me like he's never seen me before in his life. How did he forget? He was just talking about me a minute ago!

"Let's keep him," clown guy suggests, turning back to the road and completely ignoring Neah and my matching expressions of shock. "It seems he has nowhere else to go if he's climbing in the car uninvited. What's the harm?"

I climbed in? _He_ put me in here! I work my jaw up and down, trying to decide exactly what to say to this crazy person. "I'm not a dog," I choke out. "You can't just pick me off of the street and keep me. Besides, maybe I don't want to say with you."

"He has a point,' Neah agrees. He looks ready to smack Mana, his hand twitching on his leg. It's actually kind of funny to watch. "This is a kid, Mana. A human being…I think."

"Hey!"

"Can't really tell under all that dirt. But," he ignores my glare, "there are laws about this. I notice Neah talks like he's reading this from somewhere. Has he done this before. "We need a birth certificate."

I roll my eyes- like they can find one- and accidentally meet the kind gaze of Mana. "What's your name?" he asks, completely ignoring Neah's protests of good points. I look away and don't answer. "Don't have one?" Nope. Not answering. "Well then! We can call you Allen!"

The hell is wrong with this guy? He can _not_ just name me! Not that Red is much of a name, but still! I have some…what was the word Cosmo used?… dignity left!

…That dumb dog just peed itself and it's running onto my leg.

"It's Red," I protest, shifting away from the pee. "You're dog just peed on the seat." It smells! Gross!

Neah groans at the dog. Mana nods like he knew all along and was just waiting for me to say something. "Aw well. Put your seatbelt on, Allen."

"It's Red!"

"No, the seatbelt is black." Neah smirks at me in the mirror.

God, I hate them. I'm running away as soon as I get the chance.

"So, we'll eat dinner as soon as we get home." Mana glances over at the pouting adult in the other seat. "Is that okay with you?"

You know, maybe I'll stay for a bit.

+…+

I let myself be lead up through the lobby and to the _stairs _instead of the elevator. Yeah, I have to walk up old, dark stairs where there's no one around! Neah suggested it and follows behind Mana so I can't run if I do get free. Does he not want me to get away? I thought he didn't want me here.

Their apartment door has 666 on it! That's a bad number! The others told me so!

Oh, no. It's a fourteen. False alarm!

It takes a fair amount of key jiggling- actually, more like key abuse- for Neah get the lock to open. Five bucks says this place is run down. The lobby wasn't that impressive anyway, and I doubt kidnappers keep a clean place.

…It's spotless!

Mana leads me through the small family room that has a singe couch and TV to the kitchen. I can see three other doorways in the hall, and Neah slinks off to one of them after giving me a warning look like I'm gonna steal something. You _brought_ me here! Moron! So what if I bring back a few things to remember them by...like food.

"What do you like to eat, Allen?" Mana asks. The clanking of pots and pans fill the room, the sound hurting my ears.

I sigh, not even bothering to correct him anymore. He called me that the whole way here! Besides, it's not like I'll see him again once he finally comes to his senses and kicks me out. Why not let him have his fun if I get food out of it? "I don't care."

The clown smiles at me, the honest warmth in it strange. "Dango it is."

The heck is dango?

It's not long before the whole kitchen starts to smell of sweet, sweet _food. _I have no idea what he's making, but my stomach growls. Drool sits in my throat. I don't realize I'm watching him work until he looks up to offer me another smile. I quickly look away to see Neah coming in smirking with a know-it-all look. I stick my tongue out at him and look at the wall.

The plate clacks loudly as Mana sets it on the table in front of me a short time later, the smoke and smell going into my face. The chairs scrap when my kidnappers sit down as well, but I don't look. I guarantee there's poison in mine. I don't care how warm it feels, or good it smells, or hungry I am…

okay, I'm hungry.

I'm not even done chewing the last amazing bite when more is set down in front of me, and _another _plate after that. Maybe that car did hit me and I'm in heaven. It sure feels like it! I hope the supply of this dango stuff never ends!

I guess I am alive, because Mana proudly says he's completely out after my fourth plate. I frown at the hopeless, empty plate. Good-bye sweet food! I'll miss you.

Ah! A gun shot!

…No, Mana's just clapping his hands. False alarm…for now.

"So," he announces happily, picking up my, his, and Neah's plates, "you'll be taking the extra room. It's dull now, but we can paint it." He puts them in the sink, beaming at me as he continues talking. "There's paint in the closet in the hall, and you can pick your favorite color, okay Allen?"

What is wrong with this guy! "I'm not-ow!" I glare at Neah, rubbing my arm where he basically punched me. "Why are you-"

"Come on, Allen," Neah says cheerily, grabbing my left arm- why are they completely unfazed!- in a grab strong enough to break the bone. What is his problem? I thought I wasn't supposed to be here. Make up your mind people! "I'll show you to your room."

I can feel panic hit me like a punch as Neah starts leading me out of the kitchen. I try to pull away, only to have him squeeze tighter. There's no way I can break away and run! What are my options? Only sneaking away the next time they leave me alone, but they won't be that stupid. Why did I come again? I should've run when I could've.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, looking back at me with real guilt when I hiss in pain. "I just need you to play along for a few days until he starts to forget about you and pick up another 'Allen.'" Another Allen? What's he talking about? "For now," he opens one of the four doors in the hall, showing me an empty room except for a bed and small dresser, "just relax. I won't talk to you if you don't talk to me. Just stay in the apartment and play along until I tell you to leave. Got it?"

"No." I say stubbornly, stomping my foot. "What do I get out of this? How do I know you won't do anything bad to me?"

Neah shakes his head. "You don't know, but you do get free food," he answers before heading into his room. "Isn't that better than going outside? You know…it's Christmas after all." Oh, _that_'s the holiday. "You can go back in a week or so. Stay here and be quiet. That's it." The door shuts softly behind him.

That's it? Just stay here and get free food for however long that clown guy thinks I'm Allen? Why? Does he usually do this? It seems like it. I stare at the door, raising my hand to knock on it before letting it drop and going to 'my' room.

Food for a week…I can do this.

+…+

After two months, it's easy to tell Mana isn't quite right in the head. After all, he's letting some kid off the street live in his house. Not that he remembers where I'm from, but, putting at aside, there's just something plain…off about him. I tried asking Neah if he was mental or something, but he said I'd find out if I stuck around. Like I'd do that…

Okay! I admit it! I don't want to leave! Free food, a comfortable bed, free food…did I say free food? And Neah's started to teach me to read! I know what the squiggles- er, letters are now. I can sing and write the whole alphabet and spell my name! I mean, I can spell Allen.

Because I'm Red, not Allen.

But today, I know there's _definitely_ something wrong with Mana. He came out of his room only to stop and do a double-take when he saw me in my usual spot on the couch watching the new Saturday morning episode of my favorite show.

"Hello," he said politely. "Are you lost?"

Yeah, because apparently it's possible to get lost in someone else's home. No matter how much I told him I was Allen or whatever, he just kept asking if I was lost and where my parents were. I tried to say I was Red too, but that made him even more confused. Neah had come in and lead him away, casting me a considering look.

Then it hit me, and not even my favorite show could make things better.

I know what's going on. Mana forgot me, just like Neah said. I'm free to leave. I'm _supposed _to leave.

…But I don't _want_ to! I'm scared now! Is Neah gonna kick me out or can I stay here? He might call the cops if I stay, but it's the middle of winter now and the group's probably heard I was 'taken in.' No one will want me in their group after I was 'taken in.' But I don't want to leave! I want to stay here! Neah said he'd teach me to play that piano thing that makes all the cool songs…

Dear god I'm going to cry! No! I don't cry! It'll be fine...

Neah taps my shoulder. I quickly scrub my face and look up at him through my hair. "What?" I ask, hating myself when my voice cracks.

I hate that look he's giving me. Pity is one thing I don't need. "Stay a few more days," he says, glancing in the direction of Mana's room. "If he remembers a few days later and you're not here…" Neah trails off, smiling pleadingly at me. "I need you to stay here."

"But he forgot-"

"For now." He sighs and wipes his face with his hand. "Just do what you usually do!" he snaps, sitting down next to me. "Got it?"

I nod, moving away from him. I've never seen him this angry since the first day I met him, but he sounds really tired too. And I do get to stay. Does that mean he cares? Does he want me to stay?

I hope so, because I do.

+…+

"Just as he said, Mana remembered me a few days later. I never had to leave."

"Aw!" Lavi coos, ruffling my hair. "Wittle Awen was lonwey~!" I swat his hand away, trying to frown, but I can't help by smile. I try to dodge as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer in a hug. "Trin' to be all tough when he really just wants to be wuved~!"

I weakly trash around, laughing despite my annoyance. "Shut up! Do you want to hear the rest or not?"

Lavi keeps his grip in place, locking it if anything. "I can't believe you couldn't read until you were, like, eight or something." He flicks my temple. "Just like Yu! You guys are kinda alike, especially when you were little." I raise my eyebrow, seriously doubting that. "Except for the smartass part, because you were a _really_ smart-alack kid from the way you talk. Worse than now. Pretty rude too."

"I know I was." I grin cheekily. Neah always called me a smartass. "There was a time after everything-"

"Spoilers!"

"-I was almost a mirror of Mana, all polite and gentlemanly like he was. It wasn't until I started playing music I kind of opened up again. Lena was the only one that I was somewhat normal with before." I shrug, thinking back and ignoring Lavi's pretending to cover his ears. I know he's listening. "Even if I'm not acting like Mana a lotanymore, I'm still not as bad as I was back then. I guess I'm just kind of sarcastic now."

"Kind of?" Lavi questions skeptically.

"Aren't all teenagers at least a little sarcastic? Besides, you can be just as bad as me," I point out to the hypocrite.

Lavi waves his free hand dismissively, keeping his other around me in a kind of hug. "Details, details. Continue."

I consider him for a moment and the space between us he makes no move of altering. It's just kind of there…the kind of there that begs to be filled or widened. It's just too small and too big at the same time. That OCD space that makes you want to tear your hair out.

Hmm…choices, choices.

It takes a minute, but I lean into Lavi. No! Not like that! I turn so my back is against his side, leaving him awkwardly strangling me with his arm so he _has_ to move.

Sighing heavily, Lavi lies down, his face resting near my feet. I smirk at him as I mirror his position, pushing my feet closer as I lay the opposite way next to him. I make sure to keep my face a safe distance from his feet. He moves closer so we're touching at the hip, though, as I continue.

"The only thing that never sat right with me the whole time was Mana's unstable mind. I knew he was a clown and eccentric, but it passed levels that were acceptable. I learned there had been three Allen's before me, each one 'smart enough' -according to Neah - to leave while him and Mana were sleeping after the first few days. The whole Mana thing freaked them out.

"I remember searching for the possible mental illness he could have, but nothing added up. When I asked Neah, he always said the same thing: 'He has a faulty gene.' Obviously I had no idea what that meant, but then I didn't really care. Neah was normal, or as normal as Neah can be, and I had a home. I was happy…you know?" Lavi nods to the ceiling. "They had made me feel like part of the family in a few months, especially when they brought me over their brother's house and I got to play with Tyki and Road."

Lavi makes a face at me, puckering his lips exaggeratedly to make a point of his distaste. "That guy?"

I roll my eyes at him, pushing his face away with my foot. "They're cool if you actually, you know, _get to know them_." Lavi wrinkles his nose, but stays quiet, nodding at me to continue.

"Before any of us knew it, I was Allen Walker. Neah was teaching me how to read and play the small piano in the office, Mana was enrolling me in school despite my protests, and Tim was always hanging around. It was home.

"We continued peacefully for about two years, nothing of real value happening that's worth talking about. Usual family things. I can't never really figure out exactly when things started shifting, but I noticed it around the same time I first heard of Cross." I shift, getting a little closer to Lavi. I hate this part.

+…+

I frown, staring at the dully-lit screen of Neah's cell phone. "Neah? Who's P. Rick?" All the other names on his contacts have just the first name. Maybe be meant to type in Rick and accidentally added a _P_. I've never heard of Prick, but he probably had a friend Rick.

He frowns at me, eyebrows drawn together in confusion before shooting straight up into his bangs. "You mean Prick?" I guess that's it, so I nod. "That's my best friend. He owes me money." Neah goes back to cleaning out the movies, suddenly stopping to look up at me again. "Never call anyone that."

"Why?"

"It's one of those bad words."

"You mean like shit, hell, damn, and f-"

"Allen!" Neah scolds, a smile leaking onto his face despite himself. "Manners! We don't want another call from your teachers!"

I grin at him innocently. "You're the one who says it all the time." Besides, the kid was _really_ being a bastard! He was so stupid that stupid didn't describe him! Just because he thought I killed someone because he accidentally saw my arm doesn't mean he should go telling everyone! At least the teachers were able to cover it up.

"Well, don't do it," Neah says lamely, going back to the 'organizing the movies.' He does this at the star of every month, but he never finishes. In fact, it gets worse. I don't even know why he does it.

I keep playing with his phone, going back to the menu again to start my search over. I was trying to find Tetris, but no! This thing decides I want to see Neah's contacts. Then his web browser. Now his IM. At least I finally-

Who's playing the piano? I glance at Neah, but he's still there. In fact he's giving me the same look. If it's not us...but Mana doesn't know how to play anything besides a really bad _Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star_. This is way too advanced for me, let alone him. Even Neah would have trouble with all the complex melodies criss-crossing, Not that he would ever play something this…creepy.

I can feel goose bumps on my skin. Who would play something like this! It's like the music you'd expect to hear after being locked in a room without any lights, waiting for a monster to jump out and eat you.

"Hey, Neah…" Why does he look so panicked? "Is that Mana?"

Slowly and quietly, Neah stands up. He grabs my hand and roughly pulls me from the couch, but I stay quiet. I can feel his fingers shaking. I try to see his face, but he's looking away as he leads me to my room. What's wrong? Is something happening? Why is he so panicked by a song?

Neah gently pushes me into my room and kneels down to my level, looking me straight in the eye. My gut sinks. He only does this when he's really serious and wants me to listen. What's going on!

"Stay…music stops," Neah whispers, half his words lost in the sound as the piano gets louder. What abound the music? I lean closer, signaling him to talk again. He leans closer. "Stay here until the music stops. Don't come out no matter what. Mana's gene is acting up."

Whoa! Whatever he's pressing into my hand is freezing. I look down to his metal MP3, headphones and all, in my hand. He motions for me to put them in, but I don't. I want answers! This has never happened before when Mana's gene 'acted up.' "Mana-"

Neah grabs the headphones puts the buds in forcefully, turning the volume up until I can hear nothing but the song. I go to rip them out, but the _look _on Neah's face. If I didn't know better…I'd say he was about to hit me. He's never looked like that before! He's always just been smiling casually or indifferent. It's scary!

"Please, Allen," he mouths, closing the door behind him as he leaves. I quickly grab the handle, but- crap! He locked it first!

…Why is the lock on the outside anyway? The locks are all on the inside at school and other places. Why would they put the lock on the outside?

What are they hiding?

+…+

"Go to see ya!"

What the heck is up with this guy? His hair is long and red like a fire, and a mask covers half his face. For some stupid reason, he has glasses in front of his one visible eye…that's glaring at me over Neah's shoulder. I do my best not to shrink under his gaze, but he's so tall! Taller than Neah and probably a few years older. How do they know each other, and why is he getting a hug?

"Allen," Neah says, breaking away from the hug and slinging an arm around his shoulders. The smile on his face is such a nice change after the worried look the last month. "This is my best friend, C-"

"Oh!" I yell, remembering. "This is Prick, right? The guy who owes you money!" Yeah! Score one for me for remembering Neah's friends! I wasn't even sure he had any friends actually…He barely leaves the house since he graduated college.

Neah basically slaps himself across the mouth as he holds back laughter for some reason, and Prick wordlessly works his mouth up and down, which is understandable. I'd be surprised too if some kid knew my name, or maybe he's surprised Neah talked about him.

"N-no! Al-" Neah tries to talk, but he keeps breaking into laughter. I don't see what's so funny or why his friend looks so mad.

"Prick, huh?" He scowls down at me. "Fuckin' kids," Prick mutters, glaring at Neah _and_ me for some reason.

I glare right back. "Don't say fucking, Prick. That's a bad word."

Prick steps forward, and I can immediately feel the air chill. It's the same feeling I got when the older kids of my group would intimidate me so I didn't take more food. Even though I knew they wouldn't hurt me, they scared the crap out of me.

I can't help but step back like a loser when he starts forward. "You know what-!"

Neah grabs Prick's shoulder, stopping his advance. Neah manages to keep his face straight for three minutes to interject, "Allen, his name is Cross. He paid me back last month, and he's here to talk to Mana."

"Oh, about the problem _no one will tell me about_!" I know they've been acting strange since then, but Neah keeps giving the same 'faulty gene' response. What's this Cross guy gonna do? Will he explain everything to me?

"Hate being in the dark, huh?" Pr- Cross says. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it with a gold lighter that has a cross on it, staring Neah down. He gives him a disapproving look but Cross simply blows the smoke in his face. Wow, Neah's not even getting mad! They _are_ friends! He does _have _them! They _do_ exist!

...He has more friends than me at this point…

Cross walks passed me, and he gives me this strange look. I can't really tell what it is, but it ticks me off. It's like I'm some stray dog or something.I don't care if he is Neah's friend. I don't like him.

"What's going on?" I ask Neah for what feels like the hundredth time. "What's really wrong with Mana?" I'm way past worried now, almost scared. What could be so bad that Neah's keeping things from me?

And- surprise!- he doesn't answer. He kneels down in front of me to look me in the eyes like he does when I'm supposed to listen, but now it just feels like he's mocking me. It's like I'm not adult enough to know what's going on, and I know I'm not a kid any more! It'd be so easy to kick him in the nuts. In fact…

No. Let it go.

"Listen," Neah rests his hand on my head, "you remember the creepy music, right?" I nod. Who can forget it? "Never, ever, ever, ever…ever, never, ever, never- did I say ever?"

"Neah!" I whine, smiling despite my annoyance. "Come on!"

He holds his hands up in surrender, grinning at me before ruffling up my hair. I grab his hand and push it away, frowning at him. "I'm too old for that now!" Hey, what's with that smirk on his face?

Neah's smirk falls, and he becomes serious. "Whatever you do, if you hear that music, run to your room." I open my mouth to argue, but he gives me a stern look. "No matter what, don't go check it out. Don't call out. If I'm not hear, use the emergency cell phone I hid in your floor boards."

I blink. "When did you do that?" This is my first time hearing that.

Neah shrugs, looking mischievous. "You'll never know. Just remember. No checking in the office-slash-Mana's-room. Got it?" He grips my shoulders, making sure I'm looking him right in the eye. "Never go in there. Got it? Never."

I roll my eyes and step back so he can't reach me, letting his arms fall. "I got it! Geez! I'm not four!" He needs to stop treating me like a baby! I can handle myself. I'm basically ten!

"You don't act like it," Cross observes, reappearing. "Whining like some idiot. Maybe he'd tell you if you weren't so needy." Where did he come from?! He looks over my head (loser) at Neah, shaking his head. "I still can't believe you kept him like some stray animal."

Neah glares at his friend, crossing his arms in a huff and standing up. "You can't talk. You're the one who lets all those bit-" his eyes flicker to me, "_girls_ you find only stay for a night. At least I offer free hospitality and, you know, a nice place to stay? One that doesn't smell like tobacco." He looks pointedly at the cigarrette.

"Touché." Cross grabs the cigarette out of his mouth and tosses it into the kitchen. From my position, I can see it sail through the air and land into the small trash can near the sink. Whoa…I wish I could do that! I always miss by a mile. "There's no way to fix this."

"Fix what?" I ask. Should I really be surprised when I'm ignored?

"I upped his dose, but keep an eye on him like usual. It'll take awhile for him to adjust to such a large increase." Cross stares right at me, not even blinking as he says, "Get far away if he gets like that. Far. Don't disturb him." He steps forward, pausing next to Neah and patting his shoulder. "Be careful," he says to his friend, and he leaves.

The smell of smoke from Prick sticks to the furniture for a week.

+…+

The music is back. It plows though my thoughts, completely cutting homework out of my mind. It's creepier now, and _louder._ Oh man is it loud! I'm not even next to the office, but it feels like it's in the room with me. Even shoving my face into my pillow can't block it out!

What do I do? Neah's not here, and he took his MP3! I can't find the cell phone under the floor boards or block it out! I want it to stop! It's been on repeat for the last hour, just the same creepy song over and over. It's driving me crazy!

Should I leave the apartment…but I have to pass the office to get to the door. What if that disturbs him? I should just stay here and wait till Neah comes home. He'll be back soon. It'll be fine. Just focus on English homework.

I can do this.

I'm fine.

…I'm o~kay.

…Yeah…

Dear god I'm ready to piss myself! It just gets creepier and creepier! It feels like something's watching me…what if…No! I'm fine! It's just…music…. I slam my hands over my easy, but _it won't stop_! Why can't it be quiet! I yell for Mana to stop, but nothing happens! Someone, make it stop!

No, _I_ can make it be quiet! It's just Mana after all. Faulty gene? Maybe they're just screwing with me. Yeah, the warnings are just to freak me out or maybe they're just overreacting. I'm ten! They won't scare me like I'm some little girl. There's no way Mana's really that scary. It's Mana! He'd never hurt me or anyone. I'm sure it's fine.

So yeah! I _am_ walking out of my room right _now_! And I'm going to the office right _now_! And that piano music doesn't scare me, and I'm sick of them keeping secrets! I'm gonna find out _right now_ what's wrong with Mana!

+…+

"And?" Lavi prompts when I fall silent. I hold my hands above my head, looking at my gloves in the light. Fibers stick out of them, and my pale skin is starting to peek out of holes in the right glove. I still need new ones.

Lavi sits up so he can look down at me with his anxious expression. "_And_?" he draws out, voice almost hysterical. It's the same voice he gets when watching the finale of a show, begging for the end to make sense.

Too bad I don't have a punch line.

"That's all I remember. I woke up in the hospital with my scar and hair all weird and was told Cross was my temporary guardian and Mana was dead. After Neah was put in jail, I spent the next few years as his money slave, traveling with him where ever. Then we moved here."

* * *

><p>You have got to be kidding me.<p>

That's it? No giant reveal? No shocking, trauma-inducing moment to pin-point? What kind of shit is this? If this were a book, I'd want my money back. _No_! I'd go outside, curse it, then burn it for a good measure! But it's not a book. I can't be angry at Allen for not being able to finish it. At least, not logically. Emotionally I'm ready to whack him upside the head, but, like the good person I am, I contain myself pretty well.

I get up, switching positions so I'm sitting cross-legged next to Allen and leaning over him a bit. I point right in his face, resisting the urge to thwack him on the head. I can almost see him considering me, gauging my reaction.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I snap it closed, considering my words, but they fly away again as soon as I try to voice them. This honesty stuff it hard, but then what can you say to a story like that?

Finally, I choke out, "You remember nothing at all about what happened? Nothing?" He nods cautiously, and I force a shit-eating grin. "Then why the fuck didn't _you go to a specialist for therapy!?"_

"Cross."

That is _such_…actually, that makes sense. From what I've gathered, Allen traveled around as a kid. Is it really a good think to stack multiple different therapists on top of one another? I don't even know if they stayed in one place long enough for that to be an option. But then, Cross should kinda know better.

"Oh," I offer blandly. The bed sinks under my weight as I let myself fall to the side, lying next to Allen. He glances at me from the corner of his eye before sitting up, but he doesn't move away. That's a good sign.

"So nothing passed opening the office door?" Allen shakes his head, resting his check on his drawn-up knee. "Must've been a big shock." No duh. Now let's say something intelligent. "What's the earliest thing you remember?"

This is it. The moment. Allen gets this pained look on his face I don't think he's even aware he's making, and I can see the muscles working in his throat. There's just this tone of guilt dyeing the way he holds himself that's very unsettling. It's even worse than the almost religious way he talked about his time with Neah and Mana.

"It's just a really quick image of Mana…dead and Neah unconscious. All of us were covered in blood…I was drenched and crouched in the corner…and a bloody piano wire was around my toes."

His eyes take on a glazed look, and Allen starts to just ramble to himself. I wonder if he remembers I'm even in the room?

"I did it. I had to of, right? It's not like Neah was in any shape to wrap the wire around my toes then pass out across the room. I don't even know when he came home. What if I attacked him too? I mean…I love them, but what if I have a 'faulty gene' too?

"I just…it makes no sense!" Allen yells, throwing his hands in the air. He looks at me, waiting for something, but I mean…I wasn't expecting him to look over! What am I supposed to say?!

"Neah would never kill Mana!" he starts again, complexly ignoring me again in favor of himself. "He was more like a father to both of us than a brother. Mana had taken in Neah and helped him through college, studying with him and forcing him to work. They were…we all were as close as can be. No matter how much I said that, they didn't believe me! Neah was the killer? I'm far more likely…

"Even if I didn't physically attack them, I didn't listen! It was my fault no matter which way you look at it!"

Now look. I've seen as many teen rantings as the next guy- even Kanda has some problems- but it's never been anything this heavy or this close to the borderline self-loathing. It's actually kind of scary to watch they way he talks now, almost like he doesn't believe he's on the same plane of existence as Mana or Neah.

And that's the problem. He blames himself. Allen probably hasn't said anything for years by the way he's talking now. The fear of being accused again of murdering Mana must be front and center. But how does that lead to having severe stage fright?

"You think you'd be scared of music instead of public speaking," I muss out loud, looking right at his face. Allen kind of jumps, his eyes snapping to mine.

"Actually…" He considers himself for a moment. "I used to go into a panic attack the first few months I heard a piano-" I whistle loudly, "-but I _really_ wanted to play." I know the feeling. "It took almost a year for me to get through a full song, and I was a stuttering mess at the end."

Allen laughs happily, smiling at me. "I can still remember Cross exasperated expression when I'd gotten up, only to fall from my legs trembling so hard. He'd called me an idiot." My friend sighs and shrugs, looking at his feet. "I just kept doing it, you know? It was like building up immunity: the more doses you get, the more impervious you are. I even took up clarinet to try and make it go faster."

…Is he a masochist or something? I know after my eye, art took awhile for me to get used to again. I quit a few times, but I wasn't like Allen apparently was. It wasn't bad enough to cause physical pain!

"Yeah…probably not the best plan now that I think about it." He rubs the back of his head sheepishly. "It's just that Neah took all that time to teach me, so it felt rude to just stop." _Rude_?! Are you kidding me? That's his defense? "Plus Mana loved to hear me play."

Okay, this guy ready has some issues. He risked panic attacks just to please some dead guy and not be rude to his uncle. That's not healthy.

"It was after the trail that I got so scared in front of crowds," Allen explains. "It was all those people staring at me, asking the same questions over and over that I just couldn't answer. Neah was trying to be supportive, but we weren't allowed to talk to each other or make any suspicious moves. I knew the prosecution was attempting to blame me and it…it was just awful. Honestly, it was almost as bad as waking up to see Mana dead. After I just hated being up in front of people." He looks at me determined. "I can do this though."

It just becomes silent after he stops. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Let's drop out of the contest so I can take you to a shrink? Allen's made quite clear he's not a fan of therapists. He's trying to face his fear for us too. He's committed to this. Pushing aside my selfish want to stay, is it right to just drop everything and force him to stop?

…

"Are…" Allen's voice trails off. I look over at him to see my friend considering his gloves. He's been doing that a lot lately when he's not sure about how I'll react. "Are…well…what's under your eye patch look like?"

* * *

><p>Lavi's face twists into this half-grimace, half-grin that just looks painful. I almost take back what I said and let the matter rest, but I know this will probably be my last chance for a while. Both of us are stressed about the contest tomorrow and are just seeking some kind of comfort. My blurting out the past has made an understanding between us that definitely won't be entirely there tomorrow. I need to get all the answers now, or I'll be back to square one trying to see his eyepatch.<p>

My friend's fingers fumble as he tries to undo the knot, but I don't offer to help. Slowly the knot is taken out, but it takes Lavi a few seconds to bring himself to lower his patch away from his eye…or lack there of.

Oh my…there's no eye under his eye patch at all! There's not even a socket…it's just smooth skin. The color is pale with a slight tint of sickly yellow from all the years without sun, a stark contrast to the more tan tone of the rest of Lavi. It's stretched taunt over the space, sinking in slightly where his socket should be. Around where the pale starts to fuse with the tan are a few scars that look like slits. From stitches? The whole thing looks like an effect from a sci-fi moive.

Honestly, the sight does turn my stomach a little at first. It's nothing overwhelming, but it's just sitting there in my gut, right next to my guilt and the fries from lunch. I'm probably the biggest hypocrite in history right now.

"What do you know about Fuchs' Dystrophy?" Lavi asks. He's not looking at me, playing with the sting of his eye patch like I do with my gloves.

"Huh?" I mutter, my response late. I just- I can't focus! No matter how much I want to, I can't stop staring! There's no socket at all, just smooth skin. That's…there's no way that's medically possible, or at least legal! What the hell did this Fuchs guy do!

He chuckles nervously, looking to the right of my head instead of at me. He's no longer meeting my eyes. "That's what I thought. The condition, Fuchs' Dystrophy, is nothing bad. The cells around the cornea start to die, so you get pain, blurred vision, and more not so nice things, but I have expectations.'" Lavi makes vicious quotations in the air, the action looking more like he's gouging out someone's eyes. "So I had get the corneal transplantation to get my vision back to normal, because god forbid I won't be able to go into the CIA like L-Dad."

"'Into the CIA?'" I echo. Cross was employed there until he had to take care of me, but I knew it was just the excuse he used to get out. He said he hated that place. Repeatedly. On a daily basis for over three years. "You want to-"

"My Dad wants me to," Lavi corrects harshly. Oh, _that_ prick. "You know, art isn't a good field to go into. Like being gay, it's not respectable." I don't think I've ever heard him sound so bitter. "Anyway, I went to go get the transplant, and, long story short, the doctor who did it was a bit…intoxicated. He messed up…big time." Lavi forces a laugh as he rudely gestures to the wall. "He tried to 'fix it,' and next thing I knew I was missing an eye socket and an eye."

I winced. I'd been in the hospital over a month after the incident and always hated those needles. They reminded me of when Road had almost pocked my eye out when we were younger. To have those tools over your eyes, and in the hands of a drunk doctor…

"So now I can't get as high in the CIA as him. The stupid doctor just messed it all up." Odd. Lavi sounds like he wants to be were his dad is. Didn't he just say he doesn't?

"Do you want to go into the CIA?" I ask curiously. Lavi's never really talked about what he wants to do, but I don't think he wants to completely rely on music. A few college pamphlets have started appearing in his room, but they lean towards art more so than anything. Isn't that as bad as music though?

Lavi takes a moment to think, still not looking straight at me even when he answers. "Not really. It's not like I chose it, you know? But he's my dad, and I don't want to disappoint him or my mom. If I'd shown some interest in it before probably I wouldn't be so opposed to it, but he just pushed it on me like I _have _to do it. I _have_ to fit into his plan, and that just rubs me the wrong way." He grins at me. "I guess I just don't like doing what other people tell me."

Could've fooled me.

"I have another thing to tell you." Lavi says weakly, putting his eye patch back on. I notice he looks me in the eye again when he talks. "So…any other secrets you wanna throw out in the open? Air you're laundry before I finish?"

I shrug, quickly trying to think of something to lighten the mood. "I guess it's time I come out of the closet and tell you." I keep my face completely passive. "Lavi…I'm bi."

"Cool," he says mildly, "because I'm gay."

…Huh?

"I've been gay since I was fourteen. The whole reason I live with Gramps is so he can 'fix' me and make me straight so I won't be a disappointment when he forces me into the CIA."

…I did not see that coming…

"Um…" Somehow I feel even sicker than when I saw Lavi's eye… and way more pissed off. "And you didn't tell me when we first meet…why?" I almost cross my arms, but keep them at my sides. Calm.

"Because inside the closet is really comfortable?" I feel my eye twitch. "Because I don't want to be shipped somewhere else and loose everything here?"

So he's…but then…Chomesuke…that kiss…it wasn't an experiment. He's been gay this whole time…and I just wasted all that time freaking out about liking a straight guy when I could've been doing something productive like worrying more about Neah! All that time...and he- that piece of crap! We- I could've been doing something!

Well_ fuck _my life.

"Hey Lavi?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm gonna kill you."

"…I think I'll sleep with Lenalee tonight."

I nod, jumping off the bed. I grab Lavi and drag him up with me, ready to fling him at the wall. "That might be the best plan of action." Don't punch him. Don't hug him. Don't do anything. You're mad. Grr. He lied. You are not happy he's gay and you have a chance. Nope. Just escort him to the door and figure it all out tomorrow.

"You know," Lavi starts, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly in the doorway. "That wasn't the reaction I thought I'd get…" He leans in a bit, enough that it'd be unnoticeable to most. I smirk at him and cross my arms, leaning in a bit as well. It's weird, how I can tell what he's thinking.

"Yeah, well, life's a bitch…just like my best friend."

He swallows and begins retreating sadly out into the drab hallway, but I stop him. He's not getting out of this. Quickly I give him a peck on the mouth, using my left hand to easily push him back a step. "Good night." And then I close the door in his stunned face and get ready for bed, happily humming 'Can You Keep A Secret.'

"Allen!" He bangs on the door. "Hey, you can't just do that! What's going on now? Allen!"

Yep, revenge is sweet. Let him wonder for awhile.

**Songs are "If I were Gay" by Stephen Lynch, "It's a Small World" by Robert Sherman, "Wonka's Welcome Song" by Danny Elfman, "Dude (Looks like a Lady)" by Aerosmith, "Duck Tales Theme Song" by Mark Mueller, "Internet is for Porn" by Avenue Q, and "I'll Make a Man Out of You" by Matthew Wilder and David Zippel.  
><strong>

**It's been a year since I started this...geez...and I can still remember the only reason I put them in PA was so they could have some crazy trip to Philadelphia...Now look were we are...  
><strong>

**Yeah, took awhile for this chapter and I'm still not completely sure with it. I hate to say it, but it's probably going to be like that for awhile thanks to school. Namely thanks to Science and Creative Writing (oh, the irony). I'm sorry and will work on this when I can, but seeing as I get a grade in Creative Writing... ^_^'**

**Thanks for your reviews, and please give some more. Maybe sprinkle them with some criticism too? Criticism is part of a balanced lifestyle, and the doctors say I have a lack of it...**


	16. Video Killed the Radio Star

**Disclaimer: Why did the scarecrow get an award?**  
><strong>Because he was outstanding in his field! *ba-bum tis*<strong>

**EDIT IN JULY 2013  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lavi?" Allen chrips. He smiles stickily at me and leans forward in his seat just enough that I can feel him hovering over my skin. "Do you mind passing the butter?"<p>

I do my best to match his smile, but I'm almost positive I can't stifle the tick of agitation completely as I grab the butter sitting _two goddamn inches away_. "Of course! Anything for _you_, Allen." My god, I can actually feel artificial sweetener in my tone on my tongue. Does not mix well with orange juice.

"Thanks Lavi! You're _such _a good _friend_." Allen's face is schooled into the very definition of meaningful as he takes the butter from me, hands lingering on mine for a moment. He's laying his voice on thick enough to drown a small child. "Do you know how much I care about you?" He grins at me. "Because you are such a good _friend_. Best_ friend_ I ever had. I'm so glad I call you a _friend_." He looks at Yu and Lenalee. "He's my _friend_."

Yu holds back a snicker as he eats his dry Cheerios. Lenalee keeps covering her mouth in a sad attempt to hide her grin. They're enjoying this way too much.

Allen sets aside the butter and smears his toast with chunky hotel jelly the jerk. It's almost surprising when he doesn't try to do the whole over-the-top tongue seduction thing like licking the jelly off and moaning while he eats_, _but then that wouldn't be the worst thing he's done this morning.

Yeah, I know this is his vengeance. Not telling him about being gay in stuff wasn't the smartest move. Got that. But I mean geez! It's been two hours.  
>I wanted to actually have a conversation about this!<p>

I _do_ want to be in a relationship with him— at least try one out or something!— but I mean...does _he_ want one? Is dating gonna work? Does he think it'll work?

Look, we're fucked up people, but I think we both dirty thoughts like each other. And we're friends. That's a big plus and minus there. On one hand, we know enough about each other we could ease into something deeper with limited awkwardness. On the other, we could completely mess up and fall on our faces while breaking everything we know and love.

...Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but Allen is really important to me. I want to be able to talk to him. I want to keep joking with him. I want to listen to him play piano even if I'm not necessarily the one writing the songs. I just...want Allen in an emotional way. Physically too (a boy has his needs, and Allen is one handsome devil), but emotional comes first.

I just need to find a private moment to ask him out after he forgives me.

"Hey, _friend_?" Allen runs his hand down my arm. "Could you do me a _big favor_?" he smirks.

I try not to bang my head off the table.

+...+

Maybe it's because I never physically had a band in front of me to compare our music to, but it feels painfully obvious to me we're outclassed from the moment we arrive at the Center.

Everyone is grouped together against the building's wall, one of those portable metal fences closing them off. They already stretch across the front wall, though people with instruments are given as much space as possible in the cramped line. Some are sleeping on the ground, noticeably ruffled. Some look like they haven't sleep in years. Most are making music, whether it's a patched-together run of "Yankee Doodle" or other just belting out whatever songs come to mind.

When I say belting, I mean _belting_. I'm pretty sure people on the other side of the building can hear them. Some pedestrians stop and listen, occasionally throwing coins. One group in the front seem to be taking requests, the singer holding out his hat over the fence for coins. It's such a chaotic mix of sweat and music and excitement and exhaustion and... _hope_. God, the hope in the air actually makes me choke it's so thick.

This show isn't even famous yet. Imagine the numbers it'll get to in a few years!

Some TV worker guy (I think he's an intern. Why else would he have such a crappy job?) redirects us to the back of the building, where there are even _more_ people than we just saw.

Of course we get sized up the instant we come around the corner. We're competition. Every single eye that turns towards us is taking in our outfits, our instruments, how we walk, how we breath, the blisters and calluses on our fingers from hard work. It sends the most disgusting shiver up my spine to be analyzed this acutely. Is this how it always feels to Allen?

...Oh no...

I look over and manage to react just in time to keep his keyboard from plummeting out of his shaking hands. A grunt escapes me and I overbalance; keyboards are much heavier than I give them credit for. Allen manages to react and catch the neck of my guitar with one hand as it swings off my back, unsteadily keeping the other side of his piano up with his other.

We must be the picture of grace.

The people in line snicker as the helper and Lenalee quickly jump to help us (Yu takes his sweet time laughing before helping. Asshole only has to carry his drumsticks in his pocket). Allen's face turns a shade of red so deep his scar nearly disappears. He doesn't look at any of us as we get straightened out.

We insert ourselves towards the back of the line, the helper nodding in farewell. After a few tense minutes, Yu and Lena start talking about some assignment for school they have to make up, but their weak attempt at a casual conversation keeps getting destroyed by the way they restlessly look around, almost like they're waiting for an ambush. Allen doesn't even attempt to hide his discomfort, taking deep, steadying breaths next to me.

I glue myself to Allen's side and pull out every corny joke and horrible pick-up line I know, plastering a smile on my face. If he's too nervous, he'll mess up, and then we'd be screwed and he'll feel guilty about it for months and I need to keep both of us calm or else _I'll _mess up too and we need to be good because all these other people are amazing and maybe we do suck but I'm gonna try to be calm _god dammit_—

"Lavi," Allen sighs, shifting uncomfortably, "stop that stupid smile. Just…" He closes his eyes and leans into me, grabbing my hand and squeezing. It's drenched in sweat (ew), and I can feel his arm twitching in anxiety. I squeeze back anyway. "Stand here and be nervous with me."

So we all stand here and be nervous with Allen while some bands farther down the line play their hearts out.

_Hey now, you're a rock star  
>Get the show on~ Get paid~<em>

+...+

"TV is a bitch."

Allen hums in agreement with Yu.

The situation is worse than I thought.

After mountains of paper work, multiple flashes of different forms of ID, and hours of waiting outside and inside in giant messes of people, it's going to be our turn to audition soon. We aren't holding out much hope.

You see, I started thinking this contest is a bit— how do I say this?— bullshity when we were told once we got inside they have instruments ready for us. About half the people who signed up dragged their precious, memory-filled instruments however many miles only to be told they'd be using these mass-produced, impersonal pieces of shit.

And you know what? No one who's went in with their own instruments have made it.

They're also trying to split up bands. Yeah, you heard me. They're taking vocalists and pianists and bassist and guitarists and _mixing them_! _And some people are actually letting it happen_! And you know what? It's all really good looking people going into these makeshift groups.

I admit that I shouldn't be that surprised. This _is_ basically one of those singing competitions... except, you know, with bands. Of course looks play a part in any music deal— I'm not stupid— but it just never really sunk in until I got here and saw it with my own eyes. I mean, why should we bother? Yeah, I'm pretty good looking, but the group on a whole? We're a walking nightmare.

Think about it.

On drums we have a Japanese teen with anger management problems who could be either a man or a woman. Have we mentioned he carries around a sword he named Mugen or that he basically hates everyone? He's one slash away from jail!

On bass? A pretty Chinese chick with long pony tails and a brother with a sister-complex...and we didn't exactly tell said brother exactly where and what we're doing. If she gets famous, you can bet he'd make a robot body guard that'd do more harm than good. She can also potentially kill someone with her kick.

Our British pianist has naturally white hair. And a red scar with a pentagram on his face. And a disfigured red hand. And an uncle in jail. And PSTD. And is bi. And I may or may not become his boyfriend when we get back home, but whatever.

Then there's beautiful me with my eye patch…

Anyway, everyone else has noticed by now how selectively people are being judged, especially Allen. He keeps playing with his white hair, trying to pull his bangs down to cover his scar when he's not scowling at the pale color.

I push his hand away. He's going to make himself sick. "Would you stop glaring at your hair? You look fine. You're _beautiful_, darlin'," I drawl, grinning.

It works about as well as it can in this situation. Allen offers a weak smile, but his hand automatically reaches up to smooth his bangs down over his eyes and scar.

"So…" Lenalee stands up from her chair, her hands holding her bass protectively against her chest. "We need to decide if we're bringing in instruments or not." Her voice is even, but I can see the stress in her posture as she keeps her tone light. "We need to remember theirs may not be tuned exactly right, and I doubt we'll have time to—"

"Lenalee, it doesn't matter. Let's just play and go." Yu, to his credit, doesn't snap. He looks on edge, It seems he can only manage basic English and looks like he's physically in pain, but he does hold back to avoid insulting Lenalee.

"What do you mean? You're giving up?" Lena's hands tighten on the neck of her bass, pulling the strings taunt as she nods her head curtly towards the remaining bands. Only a few nervous groups are ahead of us now. "After hours of waiting and hundreds of dollars, you want to just _leave_?"

I feel Allen shift in his chair next to me, but he stays silent.

"No," Yu says through gritted teeth. I can feel my jaw ache just from watching. "I'm just saying there's no chance."

"He has a point," I offer reasonably before Lenalee can explode. "I'm not saying we leave, but let's be realistic and acknowledge we basically have no real shot for this TV show. We don't fit the mold."

Allen leans forward and picks up his keyboard, looking me right in the eyes. I'm not sure whether he's going to punch me in the face or what. "If you think we're going down, then we're going down with a damn bang," he growls. "I'm about ready to piss myself for this audition, so I swear to god if you guys down try because you think we won't make it—"

I motion for him to calm down, holding my hands up. "I get it, okay? You're putting yourself through hell for this chance." Seriously, this guy must love music to death. "We can't change reality TV, Allen." I pat his head, liking the feel of his hair on my palm. "Okay?"

Allen gets this slasher-smile on his face, the same smile he gets when playing poker. It's so innocent you know it's demonic. "Then let's prove them wrong," he says, leaning into my hand.

* * *

><p>I am here to make music, not puke all over the stage, but my stomach seems to have a different agenda.<p>

As soon as we walk in, instruments in tow, the producers all exchange looks. The actual judges that will appear on the program left an hour ago, staying for good three hours starting from noon. I wonder if they would've had the same reaction. We might've had a better chance if they were here instead of...whoever these people are.

They hand us each a clipboard of questions. What's your name? How old are you? Any arrests? The usual. It's like the other forms we've had to fill out except with a few added questions about the band. Name? Genre? Why are you here? How long have you been a band?

The produces go over our answers as they wait for us to set-up, chattering about aimless things, and I try to ignore the urge to eavesdrop occupying myself with checking and double-checking my keyboard to make sure all the wires are right. All I need is to screw that up.

It goes deathly silent as soon as we get into place, all of them eying us critically.

"Uh, hi," Lavi starts intelligently. "We're ZoNE, and we plan on being contestants on your show."

Ugh, there goes my stomach.

Sweat prickles at my armpits, and I shift uncomfortably. My throat loses all moisture, making swallowing painful. Thank god I'm not the one singing. I look down at my keys, clenching my hands as I feel my body slightly sway. Their eyes are all drawn towards my hair and scar— I can _feel_ them on me, lingering.

I have the impulse to speak up and tell them it's not a tattoo, I don't dye my hair. This is natural. It's not my fault.

"Go on."

I jump, my head jerking up. Everyone's looking at me, Lavi with a slightly more amused expression than the impatient judges. Oh, right. I start this.

My face flushes as I play the first few notes, keeping my eyes down. How can I be so stupid? I messed up before we even started!

No! Focus on the notes. I just need to relax.

We had settled on playing "Mona Lisa" beforehand, so of course each of us simultaneously hate and love the song at the same time. After months of of practice and weeks of sore fingers, we know it. Oh _god_ do we know it. The song's been the background track of my nightmares for days, but I'm pretty sure the only reason I can relax the slightest bit is because I can play this blindfolded. I have to force myself to concentrate and not just follow muscle memory— that's when mistakes are made— but it also means every damn millisecond needs my full attention. I can't spare any thought for the uncomfortable wetness under my arms or the tide wave in my stomach.

I can do this. Come on, I can do this. Calm down, ignore the uncomfortable stares. Chorus is coming, and we sound—

"You can stop."

…

What?

Lavi's voice falters away with his guitar, his final note going sharp. Kanda looks generally stumped, not even anger registering on his face as he stops too. Lena and I follow. My stomach takes a dive, the eggs from this morning ready to make a reappearance.

"Do you guys have anything more…," The guy waves his blistered hand in the air, searching for a word, "…pop oriented? Worse case something leaning more towards solid rock?"

Lavi looks too stupefied to answer, and I'd probably puke if I opened my mouth, so Lenalee responds weakly, "We have more of an alternative rock sound. It's on the paper." She nods at the table. "We weren't aware this is limited to a certain type of band," she adds defensively.

"Look," a guy with a hat says. Right away I don't like him. His voice sounds too happy for authenticity. "You don't match the sound we want for this TV show. If ratings do good, come back next year with improved sound. Maybe something not as…emo."

Lavi bristles. "'Emo?'" he echoes. "You think that song was emo? Really?" I see his hand tighten on his guitar. "And how did you describe other bands before us? Cookie-cutter? Gay?"

"Lavi," Lenalee warns under her breath. She looks much more composed than I feel, a quiet surrender clear on her face.

Is that what I should do? Stop him and walk out? I glance back at Kanda, who looks like he's going to be sick. Or maybe he's just thinking really hard.

"Emo..." I mutter. " Could you explain more, please?" I can't feel my tongue in my dry mouth, and a strange prickling sensation as starts on my skin. My tone sounds robotic, but I can feel rage starting to bubble in my gut.

"Kids, calm down." Hat guy keeps an over-sized smile in place, but there's a tint of plastic there. "You're sound is not the only problem. You're not completely together, the instruments aren't all completely tuned, and we have turned down better today alone." He looks directly at Lavi, and I swear I can see a distorted reflection of my friend in the gleam of hat guy's impossibly wide teeth. "The problem is You're not nearly as good as you think you are."

Kanda blinks and looks up, accidentally meeting my eyes. I can see the anger stewing in his eyes.

"Don't get offended. Emo is a real genre—"

"You didn't mean it like that, and you know it!" I snap.

All eyes turn on me. Oh dear god, they burn! The ground starts to sway, but I can stand. I can't look at them, but I can stand. "I know we're not the worst today. Just tell us what we did right. What are we good at?" We can't be _completely_ hopeless.

Hat guy is the one that answers after a moment. No one else says a word. "Your piano playing's decent, and the drummer has a good rhythm. I'd find some better songs, kids." Papers shift. "You have a few minutes to unhook your instruments. Let's get this show on the road."

"How can you sit here with a straight face and completely write off Lavi's songs?" I ask dully. "How can you, pompous moron you are, say Kanda and me are the only ones doing a good job? Lenalee plays great bass! Lavi's voice is amazing! Who are you to tell us we stink?" I can't tell if I'm trembling from fear or anger. "Have you ever even played an instrument? Can you even read sheet music? Or are you just one of the people who thinks playing music is like riding a bike? Well, you've got another thing coming, because—"

Lavi slams his hand over my mouth, beaming at the judges. Hat guy looks remotely impressed. "We'll be going!" He drags me towards the door, his guitar jabbing into my spine. I start struggling, only to have him nearly choke me with his arm as he drags me. "Thanks for having us!" he offers before finally managing to get me out the door.

As I'm lead (read dragged) out back into the lobby, it starts to sink in. Really sink in that I just told of the judges.

_I just told of the judges._

… I can't believe I just did that. I can't _believe_ I just did that. Oh my god, I just told off TV produces. I feel sick oh god what did I do my keyboard's back there and they're gonna kill me I should've held my tongue I shouldn't have said that what if—

"Allen? Allen, calm down."

I blink, and Lavi's fuzzy face comes into focus.

He steers me over to a seat and forces me down, taking a moment to removing his guitar and set it down safely. "Breath, okay? Just breath." He pushes my head down, giving me a good view of my shoes. "In…out…in…out…in—"

"I'm not giving birth, Lavi!" I squirm, feeling my back start to cramp up.

"I should hope not," he says mildly, but I'm allowed to sit up straight. Lavi keeps his hands on my shoulders; I don't shrug him off. The world keeps sliding in and out of focus, and I don't want to end up face down on the floor.

"That could've gone better."

I roll my eyes, the world stabilizing the longer I look at Lavi. "Do you think Lenalee and Kanda are close behind? I just want to go home."

Two security guards run passed us. Kanda's voice echoes in the distance, followed by a loud crash and muffled swearing.

+…+

"Guess we aren't coming back next year," Lenalee says flatly, a smile playing on her lips.

"Seriously!" Lavi squeaks, doubled over in his seat. His laugh rings hollowly through the van. "I never…thought…I'd see the day…_Oh my god, Allen! _That was just-! And _Yu_!_"_ He shakes his head wiping tears from his eyes as he catches his breath. "I never thought we'd ever come across some both you _and_ Yu hate! What did they _say _when you threatened to stick a sword up their asses?"

Kanda allows himself a small, satisfied smirk. It's the first emotion I've seen out of him since we left.

Once Lavi stops, everything goes uncomfortably silent. Kanda turns on the radio, only to have Lenalee glumly turn it off. Lavi takes out his iPod and stares out the window, not turning it on.

No one? Okay, then. I guess I'll talk.

"Do you guys think we're really no good?" I ask quietly, somewhat hoping none of them will hear me.

Lenalee glances back at me. "I don't know." At least she's honest.

"Why does it matter?" Kanda growls, jerking the wheel a little too hard left to turn. "You know the idiot's going to keep at it. Just shut your mouth."

Lavi doesn't look at us.

"Hey…" I can't believe I'm doing this. "I heard some guys… talking about a battle of the bands in New York."

Lenalee glances back at me and offers a weak smile with a twinge of pity. She shrugs like it's a maybe, but it's too half-hearted to be authentic. Kanda and Lavi don't react at all.

Well…this is depressing.

+…+

Unloading the truck is a quiet, painful process. No one laughs. No one cracks a smile. None of us stay at HQ once we're done. Lavi barely talks the whole way home. It's like the Twilight Zone, and it's frankly pissing me off.

I get it, okay? That guy basically took our dreams and broke them over his knee while laughing maniacally and twirling a handlebar mustache. He told Lavi in the bluntest way possible he can't write songs. He separated our band by singling Kanda and me out. He told us ZoNE is no good, and that really, really hurts. We've asked ourselves if we're any good a thousand times, but to have it said out loud is a slap in the face.

But at this point I don't care. I like playing, so I'm gonna play. Of course, after literally fighting through my fear of a piano, I'll be damned if some ass makes me stop because I feel bad.

"Lavi—"

"Please be quiet."

I frown. "Lavi—"

"Allen." His voice cracks.

I shut up. My jaw starts to ache from clenching it so hard, but I keep quiet.

* * *

><p>"Hell" has suddenly become synonymous with "school."<p>

ZoNE trying out for the contest was big around here, but I never really noticed _how_ big. Everyone knew about it apparently, and everyone thought we'd get far. They're expecting good news, record deals, the whole massive mess that comes with being a "rock star." It's like a punch in the face when the first person comes up to me asking innocently when we'd be on TV with a big smile.

You can imagine the rest of the week is like one endless boxing match.

Lenalee looks horrible by Friday's lunchtime, dead on her feet. Allen's stayed home all week after nearly throwing up on Monday. Yu, on the other hand, looks unfazed. He's a damn stone.

Yu was the first one to be in the band, but has he's ever really been on board with the whole thing? I came up with it. I wrote songs. I dragged him out of bed to practice on the weekends. Shouldn't he care a little?

"The hell's up with you?" I mutter into my lunch. "I know you're a cold, unfeeling teenager, but would you at least share in the misery? You look like you don't give a shit." Bastard. Wish I could do that. "Seriously, care a little."

He gives a dismissive snort into his soba.

And just like that, the already battered last nerve I'd been leaning on snaps.

_Of all the assholes_! How can he sit there, so fucking calm, after we were told we have no talent! Everything we worked for gone in three minutes, and he doesn't care! Everything _w_e worked for even longer was just dismissed by some big shot. We were dismissed like ants.

And just like that, my lunch finds itself connecting with his stupid face. His fist offers a rebuttal by connecting with my check and making a few of my teeth loose. Momentarily blinded (mother_fucker_ that _hurt_), I manage return the favor to that _god damn bastard _with a kick in the shin!

Yu snarls as he yanks me out of my chair, looming over me with the usual glare, but he seems to have forgotten I've built up immunity to it over the last few years and am free to…you know…punch him in the face (_ha ha)_!

I quickly back up towards a less crowded space to avoid being tripped by the chairs, retaliating while I wait for Yu to come at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see other kids start to get up and try to get a safe distance to watch the fight, a ripple of chatter sweeping over the cafeteria as people realize what's about to happen; Yu better hurry if he wants to get a good hit in before a teacher shows.

Lenalee grabs Yu, trying to hold him back, but he shrugs her off and lunges at me. I side-step to the right, drawing my arms up in a loose boxer stance. I aim another punch at his stomach, but he grabs me, sidestepping behind me to twist my arm into the small of my back (god damn it _ow_!). A hiss escapes me as my wrist cracks. It doesn't feel broken, but—_ah! Dammit_! — I think the bone's popped out of its socket.

Yu tries to force me down to the ground, forcing all of his weight forward onto me. I jerk my head back to head butt the bastard. There's a satisfying grunt of pain, and his hold loosens enough for me to shake my arm out of his grip. Definitely dislocated. I kick at his legs— if I can just get him off balance!— and miss, but he stumbles as he dodges, giving me an opening! My other hand might not hurt as much, but I don't really care. I just need to make contact—

"Break it up!"

The god damn teacher manages to grab my arm before I can swing and pulls, trying to yank me off Yu. "Let me go!" I snarl, pushing away from him, loosing focus on my opponent for one crucial second.

_Shit! _I recoil as Yu's finally able to land another hit, this one on my check. I lunge blindly back at him, ignoring the teacher, and we fall to the ground, kneeing and punching and kicking and I can't see anything with his damn elbow in my face and teachers grabbing at my shoulders—

+…+

In the end, it takes three other teachers and Lenalee to stop us and drag us down to the principal's office.

We sit in stony silence, honest hate in _both_ our glares for the first time in years. There's a nice smug heat in my gut when I see the bruises swelling on his face that's able to dull the pain of my own. The poor kid in one of the chairs between us hastily moves out of the way, leaving us to our rage. They almost sigh in relief when they're called in to the office, leaving us alone.

"You're an idiot."

I scowl. "You're an asshole."

"I'm not done. Listen." I raise an eyebrow. This should be good. "You're acting like the world just ended. Did you think it'd be that easy? We could just walk in then walk out with a record deal? Stop moping."

"I'm not—"

"Yeah, you are. Haven't gone to see your little boyfriend lately, huh? Jealous they said he's better than you?" He snorts. "I have no idea why. Honestly, I don't think you want to make a career out of this anyway. You're just pretending."

I'm on my feet now. "What—"

He stares me down, his face impassive. "There are other ways to get signed. Why not send a CD in? Why do you have to be signed onto a major record company?" He looks away from me, disgust on his face. "Do you really care? You seem pretty reluctant to actually _do_ anything besides have fun. All you do is talk big and leave Lenalee to actually get us 'hired.' Just drop it."

We're called in before I can snap his neck.

**Song used is "All Star" by Smash Mouth.**

**All right. I think what I'm going to do is start posting much shorter chapters. This way it'll stay updated and possibly finish someday.  
><strong>

**I definitely want criticism still please.**


	17. And I'm Home

"If you're looking for pity, you won't find it here."

"That hurts, Allen, almost as much as my face."

Lavi yelps as I slap the bandage on his check, patting it for a good measure just to watch him flinch. Kanda might've gotten to punch some sense into him first, but I can still get a few of my own hits in (I particularly enjoyed pouring peroxide on his knee).

Plus he decided to break in through my window instead of knocking on the door like a normal human being.

I finish cleaning up the bigger bruises before moving onto some of the small cuts dotted around his check and forehead. It's cramped in my small bathroom, even with Lavi sitting on the sink to maximize space, but I manage to get the Band-Aids out of the cheap medicine cabinet next to the sink.

"Why do you have Dora the Explorer Band-Aids?" Lavi asks, and I can hear rather than see his eyebrows rising.

Smirking, I stick a bright pink one depicting Isa the Iguana on his nose. "Think about it, Lavi. Who in this household is most likely to get scratched up in a bar fight? Me or Cross? Now, who do you think is less likely to get in a fight if his only means of first aid are Dora the Explorer Band-Aids?

"And _who_," I continue, covering a scratch on his forehead with Benny the Bull, "was stupid enough to get in a fight with _Yu Kanda, _suspended from school, and then come crawling to the guy with Dora Band-Aids during his _Pokemon_ marathon in the middle of the day?" I pat the Swiper the Fox Band-Aid onto his check. "You have no right to complain."

Tim barks in agreement from his post at the door. Such a good dog.

Lavi shifts uncomfortably on the sink's counter, glancing at my face before looking suspiciously at Tim and back again. I try to ignore it and focus on finding the most embarrassing Band-Aids I can, but it's hard to pretend I don't know what he wants to ask. I haven't been to school all week. I haven't called, haven't texted, haven't even waved out the window to assure him I'm alive.

But that's just it. I should be torn up. I should be sobbing bitterly into my pillow while Linkin Park plays melodramatically in the background. I should at least be upset enough not to feel as good as I do a handful of days after my dreams were crushed, but I feel _good_. Happy even.

Everything I play sounds so much better. For the first time in a long time, I'm completely relaxed at my keyboard. Maybe I just needed to finally have the pressure off, but I realize now that my playing before was just so robotic and boring that of _course_ we got nowhere! Not with playing like that! But with the pressure off, with the _fun_ back in it, I can play. I can _improve_.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm a decent pianist when left to myself. I can get better, I want to get better, and I'm going to prove to that ass producer that ZoNE can do something.

But that's just it: _I'm _raring to go. _I'm_ staying home from school to figure out how to improve songs. _I'm_ ready to possibly try again.

_They_ are moping. _They've_ give up. And I can't stand to be around it right now. I don't want to be that douche bag who got complimented and flaunts it around his friends. I don't want to feel good because my friends were put down. So I figured I'd avoid them for awhile until they calmed down. It's not like we're actually doing anything the last couple weeks of school.

But I swore if Lavi was still moping after a week…let's just say it might be a good thing Kanda got to him first.

"You're good," I declare, sticking the last Band-Aid on him. Lavi jumps off the counter as soon as I give the clear, keeping out of arm's reach and giving Tim a wide girth on his way into my house. I start putting the first aid stuff back in its place, straining my ears to see if he's going back out the window, but I hear the fridge instead. Several moments later, the obnoxious squeak of my mattress lets me know he's not only staying, but eating on my bed. Delightful.

I finish cleaning and grab some food myself. I was going to make something, but who knows what Lavi's doing in my room unsupervised.

…Apparently he's snooping through my sheet music.

He's humming the melody of one of the untitled songs I've come up with, switching to some of my awkwardly placed lyrics when they pop up. The tone's flat, and he keeps messing up the rhythm at the same place, but stupid happiness flutters unchecked in my gut. I have to fight down the smile threatening to split my face, but I can't hold back a tiny grin.

Plus my song sounds _good_ in his voice. I forgot about this one. Definitely should finish it.

Lavi stops abruptly, turning over the page a frowning when he sees it's blank. He beginnings to look through the other songs, but I think that's enough for today. I don't know what he'll find in that pile, and some of the things I've written I really need to go burn in the backyard. For all I know, he has a whole pile of angsty teenage lyrics.

I clear my throat, smirking when he jumps like the guilty snoop he is. Lavi offers a sheepish smile but doesn't stop thumbing through my music. "Lavi…"

"Okay, okay!" He sets the pile on my piano chair and steps back, holding his hands up and retreating to by bed. The bag of potato chips he stole from my kitchen nearly topples over onto my freshly washed bedspread. He's _so_ lucky he managed to catch that in time.

Silence on the verge of awkwardness grows between us, only the occasional crunch of chips denting the quiet. I stay standing near the doorway and nibble on my granola bar. Should I go sit next to him on my bed and make the mess worse with my crumbly food or stay here and avoid the awkwardness that'll pop up with two of us on my bed? Alone.

I plop down next to the edge of my bed on the floor. Close enough.

"So…there a reason you're here and not at your house?"

"I felt lonely and needed to be loved." Lavi stretches out on my bed, placing the chip bag on his chest. "The school called Gramps. He's down in wherever preparing for that trial, but I wouldn't put it passed him to drive back home if he's angry enough. That or call the house until I either pick up.

"…Hey, Allen? …Neah's trail date's coming, Allen. What're you gonna do?"

I make a face at the ceiling. It'd been so peaceful, too. "Go to Disney World."

"Ha ha," Lavi intones. "Come on, Allen. You're running out of time."

"I still have nearly half a year, Lavi. Get off my back."

The bed groans as Lavi rolls over, sitting up to look at me on the floor. I raise my eyebrow. "You have no idea how our legal system works, do you?"

"Neither do most high school kids my age," I point out.

Lavi sighs, running a hand over his eye. "You do know trials take months to prepare, right?" He ticks off the ways on each finger. "Witnesses need to talk to lawyers, both sides need to find evidence, follow any new 'leads' that are called in, follow up on old testimonies…this can take years. Gramps has spent more than two years on a good number of cases. What? You think you can just run in all dramatic during the trail and tell your story to a weepy-eyed jury?"

"I didn't plan on showing up at all," I mutter.

"You don't want to, I don't know…talk to your uncle?" He shifts onto his back, probably staring at the ceiling. "Of course, at this point it'll be impossible unless you go through the lawyers first. Even then the conversation will be recorded, but they _are_ still looking for you. Maybe you can make a deal or something? Keep it out of court."

I lay my cheek against my bed, staring at the side of Lavi's head. "Are you trying to convince me or not?" I chuckle. Honestly, his impartial attitude is just what I need. It makes me feel much more laid back about everything, like I'm not the one involved or it's not really happening. A detached look is better than realistic panic anyway.

"Not sure." He looks at me, indifferent. "Cross hasn't checked in? No calls? No letters? No texts?"

"No debts." I grab a piece of his stray red hair, lightly yanking on it.

Lavi stares at me with that expectant look, clearly waiting for me to drop his hair. I ignore him. "It's not really that odd. He's left me alone for a much longer time in a much more dangerous place."

"I don't know. You hear about that angry Japanese teen in town that carries around a sword?" He nods, lightly swatting my hand away. "Pretty dangerous. Heard he beat up a hot, defenseless sophomore."

I chuckle. Oh, you poor naïve child. "Three words: elephants, shovels, and Africa."

"But are you going to talk to Neah?"

"Are you going to talk to your dad?" Guilt bursts in my stomach as soon as the words leave my mouth, only intensifying at the hurt silence that follows. "Look, Lavi," I say. The frustration won't leave my voice. "I'm okay, all right? I'm not a hundred percent—" not that I ever was— "but I'm in the high eighty's. Compared to the low twenty's I was hovering in after Mana died…"

I sigh. Let his hair drop out of my fingers.

Most people would've described me as suicidal, but that doesn't feel completely accurate. Every time the thought entered my mind I knew I'd never actually do it. Keep walking forward after all.

"It's scary, looking back at how _awful_ I felt. I just can't watch my uncle get convicted, and I definitely can't get involved. I mean, what if they name me as a suspect again? I could be tried as an adult, go to jail for the rest of my life, and I don't even know if I deserve it. Just hearing about it on the news makes me want to throw up. How am I supposed to sit in court?"

Lavi slides off my bed and onto next to me. His arm goes around my shoulders easily, not at all put off by the reminder I'm a possible killer. It's him who leans into me, and I have to try really hard not to ruin the moment when his crazy hair smacks into my face as he rests his head on my shoulder.

"Then don't, Allen. Stay here and ignore everything. You want to separate yourself from your past, go ahead. I get that." He kisses the side of my neck. "As soon as I can get away from here, I'm gone. Off to college or wherever, I don't care, but I'm gonna travel." Lavi looks up at me, the mischievous glint I expect to be in his eyes nowhere to be seen. "You can come with me, if you want. Right now."

It's tempting. Way more tempting than I want to admit. If it were just me and Lavi, I'd be up and ready to go right now. But there's Lenalee and Kanda and Johnny too. And Tim.

I offer him a smile. "That's a bit forward. We haven't even had our first date yet. I'm pretty sure eloping is the tenth date."

Lavi raises an eyebrow. "Oh? You insinuating what I think you're insinuating?"

"Pick you up at eight on Saturday?"

"Sure, but we are eloping later, right?"

I shrug, look out the window. "Maybe."

* * *

><p><strong>Update! Whoo~ It's only been a year.<strong>

**I'm gonna try and make this short n sweet. We'll see how that goes.**


End file.
